The Sunday News and Tribune from Jefferson City, Missouri • Page 51

Spanking: Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson This Doctor There Is a Right nl a Wrong Way "Many parents also have the impression that modem psychology teaches that you should not spank However, as a psychologist, I believe it is impossible to raise children effectively--particularly aggressive, forceful boys--without spanking them." ver the years I have discovered that many parents have major misconceptions about modern psychology. Modem psychology does not believe it is good for parents to be permissive, if by permissive we mean letting a child do whatever he feels like doing. No sensible psychologist has ever advocated such a strange idea. But incredible as it may seem, I have actually known parents who let their children scribble on the walls of their home with crayons because they thought it would be psychologically harmful to stop them! What is really happening in most of these cases is that the parent is afraid of saying no to the child and tries to use modern psychology as a rationalization.

Many parents also have the impression that modern psychology teaches that you should not spank children. Some psychologists and psychiatrists have actually stated this idea in print. However, as a psychologist, I believe it is impossible to raise children effectively--particularly aggressive, forceful boys-without spanking them. This does not mean that any kind of spanking is all right for a child. I want to make it clear that there is a "right" kind of spanking and a "wrong" Jcind.

By the wrong kind I mean a cruel and sadistic beating. This fills a child with hatred, and a deep desire for revenge. This is the kind that is administered with a strap or stick or some other type of parental "weapon." Or it could also mean a humiliating slap in the face. The right kind of spanking needs no special paraphernalia. Just the hand of the parent administered a few times on the kid's bottom.

The right kind of spanking is a positive thing. It clears the air, and is vastly preferable to moralistic and guilt-inducing parental lectures. Some of you may have heard the old saying "Never strike a child in anger." Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson is a child psychologist and is psychological consultant of his own nursery school, La Primera Preschool, in Tor- ranee, Calif. I think that that is psychologically very poor advice, and I suggest the opposite: "Never strike a child except in anger." A child can understand very well when you strike him hi anger.

He knows you are mad at him and he understands why. What a child cannot understand is when he disobeys mother at 10 a.m. and she tells him, "All right, young man--your father will deal with you when he gets home!" Then when Dad arrives home he is expected to administer a spanking that will "really teach the boy a lesson." That's the kind of cold-blooded spanking a child cannot understand or forgive. What I advocate is the "pow-wow" type of spanking: your "pow" followed by his "wow!" Spank your child only when you are furious at him and feel like letting him have it right then. Too many mothers nowadays seem to be afraid to spank their children.

They talk and nag a great deal as a substitute; they try to negotiate. This is a huge mistake because it reduces their authority as parents. What you should do is tell your child once or perhaps twice what you want him to do or to stop doing. Then, if he refuses to obey your reasonable request, and you have become frustrated and angry, let him have it right then and there! After spanking, sometimes your first immediate reaction may be frustration and guilt. It may bother you that you've blown your cool.

Courage, Mother, all is not lost! You can always say to your child, in your own way: "Look, Mornmy goofed. 1 lost my temper, and I'm sorry I did." Then you can go on from there. You don't have to be "stuck" with the guilt, the frustration and the unhappy feelings. Wait until you really feel better about the situation and about your child. It might be five minutes or five hours later.

But if you feel you have blown your stack, it's important to admit it to your child. Above all. don't pretend to him that the sole reason you spanked him was for his benefit. That's as phony as a three- dollar bill, and he will know it. "I advocate 'pow-wow' spanking: your 'pow' followed by his If we were 100 percent perfect parents, we would all be so mature we would never need to spank our kids except in unusual or extreme situations (such as when a child runs out into the street).

The point is, we are not such 100 percent perfect parents. We are not able to administer discipline calmly and serenely all the time. We get fed up when our kids misbehave and we lose our cool and swat them. But that's nothing to feel guilty about. We feel better and they feel better.

The air is cleared. If you are quite honest with yourself, you will find that there are times when you will lose your temper, fly o(T the handle at your child, and yell at him or spank him-only to realize afterward that what he did should not have elicited such a violent outburst from you. You were really mad at your husband or your neighbor. Or just cranky for some unknown reason. And you took it out on your child.

What can you do in such a situation? Well, you could pretend you are a holy paragon of virtue and that your child fully deserved the scolding or spanking he got. Or you can have the courage to say something like this to your child: "Danny, Mother got mad at you and scolded you. But I can see now that you didn't do anything that was really that bad. I think I was mad at something else and I was sort of taking it out on you. So I'm sorry." Your child will feel a wonderful warm feeling toward you for admitting you are human and fallible.

This will do wonders for his self-concept -and yours! Doctor Talks About His Hearing Loss Chicago, free offer of special interest to those who hear but do not understand words has been announced by Beltone. Reprints of articles by a noted doctor will be given free to anyone requesting them. The articles discuss frankly and factually the doctor's own hearing loss and what he did to correct it. Reflecting his own personal experience, these articles also describe the special problems of the hard-of-hearing and the consequences of continued neglect. The articles are free and easy to understand, so we suggest you write for your copies now.

Again, we repeat there is no cost, and certainly no obliga- i i today to 4258, Beltone Electronics 4'JOl Victoria Chicago, III. 60646. Instant Chiller DHtor Party Maker! Gorilla Mask Be wlld7carefree, with this realistic full-size over-ttie-tiead gorilla mask! Unkempt hair, forbidding teeth. Made of finely sculptured latex rubber. Guaranteed to liven any party.

One size fits anybody! Order Gorilla Mask's) 2.98 ea. plus 65C Dost. handl. GREENLAND STUDIOS 4592-Grwnland Miami, Fla. 33059 From "How to by Fitzhugh Dodson.

Copyright 1970 by Fitzhugh Dodson. Published by permission of Nash Publishing Corporation, Los Angelas. FAMILY WEEKLY. Oclober 21, 1973 19 Help fade them with Esotericaf Makes your skin look years younger. "Weathered age spots on your hands and face tell the world you're getting old --perhaps before you really are Now.

help fade them with ESOTERICA, the medicated cream. Not a cover-up, ESOTERICA actually goes into the skin where it works in the pigment-forming cells to help make your skin lighter and younger again. which comes in a mildly fragrant greaseless base, may be used on age spots on hands, UK e. arms and neck. Why let age spots age vour appear- ane Get ESOT ERICA i a i Toner Uxlay-- Regular, Fortified and Facial Creams plus Hand Lotion.