Independent Star-News from Pasadena, California • Page 100

My favorite jokes by JACK DOUGLAS EDITOR'S NOTE Jack Douglas is a comedian turned comedy-writer turned comedian. Author of two best-selling humor collections, My Brother Was an Only Child and Never Trust a Naked Bus Driver, Jack of late has taken to entertaining in night clubs. He is a tall, quiet man of 52 who has written jokes for Rob Hope, Jack Benny, Bing Crosby, Jack Paar, most of the all-time comedy greats. Born Douglas Crickard in Lynbrook, N.Y., Jack is the divorced father of three children, races motor cars, is recognized by all comics as "the master of the wild joke." llere are some of his favorites. IT WAS JULY 4TH.

Mr. ami Mrs. Richardson were having breakfast. Mr. Richardson said, "Gee! It's great not to have to work today.

I'll bet President Eisenhower isn't'working today, cither. Matter of fact, I'll bet he's out a i His wife interrupted. "Now, look, Jim," she said sharply. "Don't think for a minute that you're going to shoot 36 holes of golf today while I get stuck with the kids." "Who's i i of golf?" her husband asked, biting viciously into a slice of toast. "The thought never even entered my mind Please pass the-putter." OUT IN LAS VEGAS a syndicate of financiers got together, decided to build a new hotel, the biggest, best, most lavish hotel in town.

They called in a real estate expert, ordered him to negotiate for the purchase of land and the erection of the structure. "The only thing you have to remember," they told the expert, "is not to go over 518 million. That's the limit for us." In two weeks the real estate 'expert asked for a conference. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want first?" The investors asked for the good news.

"I succeeded," said the expert, "in setting up the entire deal, land and structure, not for $18 million, but for $16 million." Theiinvestors smiled at each other. "But now," he continued, "here's the bad news. They want $500 down in cash." A A NOMINATION FOB THE This fellow stood in the middle of the Rose Bowl during the football game on New Year's Day, pointed a gun at 100,000 fans and said: "Don't nobody move--'this is a stick-up." CUSTEH'S LAST WORDS: "I can't understand it. They were friendly enough last night at the dance." THERE WAS THIS GUY. All his life he wore a mask.

Then one day he removed his mask, went in and robbed a bank, then slipped the mask back oii. They'll never catch him. MY NEW BOOK: "How to Lose a Thousand Dollars in Real Estate in your Spare Time." A MAN ACCOMPANIED BY a small boy entered a barber shop for a haircut. When the barber had finished with him, the man said, "I'm going next door for a beer while you cut the kid's hair." The barber gave the boy a haircut, then waited and waited for the man to return. After three hours he turned to the kid and said, "Where in Pete's name did your father go to?" "Oh," said the boy.

"That ain't my father. He's a man who stopped me in the street and asked if I'd like a free haircut." STAMP OUT ATHLETES FOOT. PAINLESSLY AND BLOCK ITS RETURN Stinging liquids and harsh ointments can bum tender skin, slow down healing and expose feet to reinfection. Mennen Quinsana Powder, with its medicated, germ- killing formula, stamps out athletes foot painlessly sets up a medicated powder barrier to guard against reinfection. Mennen Quinsana Powder dries the infection! Stops maddening itch! Stops painful burning! Stops ugly peeling! Quinsana Powder soothes as it htals.

Used daily, it blocks the return of athletes foot. Double FLEAS-STOPS ITCHING PULVEX FlfA-TKK-FUNGUS POWDER with mvdicofron Works last TWO WAYSI New odorless formula kills ALL lleas, ALL ticks, ALL lice even resistant varieties. New medication STOPS itching and scratch- Ing from fungus, bacteria, Insects. Soolhesand protects for 7 FULL DAYS or morel At pet depts. everywhere.

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