The Jackson Hole Guide from Jackson, Wyoming • 5

Tnesdmy, August 1985, Jackson Bole Guide, A 5 Classifieds APILG Buy a classified ad and it will run in the next paper free. Tues. deadline, FrL noon; Tburs. deadline, Tues. noon.

35 per word PROG WINFRFD BI.EVINS Nurture pet hatreds 3. 1 JJVi Vi i-'f Signal Mountain Lodge and Marina on Jackson Lake Accommodations include: Experienced Fishing Guide Service Scenic Snake River Float Trips Boat Rentals (Fishing, Ski Boat, House Boat, Canoes) Total Marina Facilities, Public Boat Ramp, Gasoline Aspens Restaurant and Lounge Gift Store Convenience Store Self Service Gasoline Station National Park Service Operated Campground the dashboard is to religion, a mockery. We have a lot of it in Wyoming. We need it for balance, because the scenery looks like heaven. A decade back Jack Nicholson played a man torn between the best and the worst of women in a movie called "Five Easy Pieces." The girls both did music-Chopin and Tammy Wynette.

Sublime alternatives. WJhen the Chopin girl turned him down, Nicholson fled for Alaska. Without a coat i Made perfect sense to me. Chicken-fried steak. Mainly I resent it because, until I was grown, I thought it was steak.

Always wondered why people bragged about eating such tough, stringy tuff. Now I know it's rich people's revenge on poor people. They fix it so poor folks can't afford steak most of the time, and when they're up to a splurge, eat the wrong cut of meat If you want to test my manners and our acquaintance, invite me to your house for steak and serve it breaded and fried. Moral authoritarians. Makes no difference to me what they're against, from booze to buggery.

They dont have a grip on the great American principle of you live your life and IH live mine still the most useful idea human beings have birthed. Nor have they yet learned that if you try to regulate everybody else, you dont have time to become human yourself. Even moral authoritarians deserve a chance to become human. KiUjoys. There are people who delight in convincing you that a book you loved is wretchedly written.

Or in putting down your favorite hike. Or in sharing your Cabernet while casually naming a better year. These activities are especially wicked, I think, when applied to children. If your kid loves "Black Beauty," for Pete's sake don't tell him tolerantly that Saul Bellow is better. Instead, share his joy in "Black Beauty." I'd share my little boy's joy in whatever pleased him.

Except country music. Ill also teach him the joy of hating. We wont be able to hate Texas together, it's true. But it's not an irretrievable loss. You see, on the way to Texas I drove through Oklahoma.

Border-to-border chicken-fried steak. Airwaves a-jangle with Loretta Lynn and the sisterhood. What I always feared and hoped Texas was. Gloriously tacky. I lost something important last month.

It was like an old book or photo kept for comfort Something to dote on during down times to lift my spirits. I lost my hatred of Texas. It makes me queasy to say it: I lost my hatred of Texas. I'm not yet prepared to give it up completely, cold turkey. Don't want to stop muttering anti-Texas slogans, like "Poor New Mexico! So far from heaven, so close to Texas!" It's a pleasant habit, like eating coffee cake, and I wont give it up without a fight 5 But the spice is gone.

I went to Texas and lost the edge. I saw some of the hill country, and it looked pretty. I went to San Antonio, and walked along the cool, quiet river walk, and ate blackened red-fish, and found the town appealing. Now when I get in a mood for a verbal stomping, IH remember the actual Texas instead of my vindictive cartoon version, and get confused. One of my favorite notions is that people need pet hatreds to feed, water, and fuss over.

These loathings need not be reasonable they can and should be arbitrary, ornery, high-handed, and full of fustian. (Let me add quickly, before someone takes all this too seriously, that these hatreds shouldn't be people, especially people distinguished by color, surname, or physical limitation.) After youVe acquired a pet hatred, do everything possible to nurture it My pet hatreds are these: Germany. To me Germany is as appealing as prison. Every German sign starts with the word FORBIDDEN in block capital letters. Every policeman is a Nazi.

Even the daily stock quotations are anti-Semitic. I love to repeat the popular anti-German jokes: What's the difference between Germany and Austria? In Germany they say, "Things are serious but not hopeless." In Austria they say, "things are hopeless but not serious." Or this one: Heaven is a place where the policemen are English, the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian, the administrators are Swiss, and the auto mechanics are German. Hell is a place where the cooks are English, the auto mechanics are French, the administrators are Italian, the lovers are Swiss, and the policemen are German. Country music. To me, listening to country music is like listening to my hillbilly aunts whine at each other.

It sounds like an nasal, twangy sob. It is to music what plastic Jesus on (307) 5431831 OH (307) 735470 Lightweight aluminum deck 4.0 HP Blade brake clutch (engine keeps running when blade stops) Retail $399.95 Dealer Cost $319.96 (3 only) (Price does not Include bag) Side catcher available Ii2E T2TE 2mJ A lSOOC.Slf Get Klelnreslhieril! fMfefcSRft. Jackson Hole Power Products (At Jackson Hole cycle) 1180 S. Highway 89 733-4682 7337831 for Eeservatiom 3 blocks north of the Square on Cache.