The Daily Utah Chronicle from Salt Lake City, Utah • 7

I DaiI-- 1 la" CliroiiirUs May 21, 1970 7 A HE PEOPLE: Homosexuals and the Self The following are views and a woman who are a What man they say reflects their oivn perspective of themselves and of homosexuals in relation to society. BY SHEILA M. WOLF I i had my 'coming out' period in my late teens or early twenties But all my life I hadthe feeling I was different from other girls, through a period of time when I felt like the only one in the i'orld. Yet even when 1 was yunS (I'm over 25 now) I had feelings "tout girls that boys should have. In high school, I knew about myself but never thought about it.

To me it was natural, so the feeling of difference grew witli me. There was no problem adjusting to my homosexuality others who have hadtraumatic experiences when they've suddenly jscovered what they were. Some even attempting unsuccessful marri- ages. "But I never talked about it with anyone for fear of encountering potential hostility. In most relationships with my friendsI can generally auge their reactions; but I'm not always so sure.

People can be vCry liberal about Vietnam and the black problem, and still be vehemently opposed to homosexuality. "Straights who find out may remain your friend and seem not ,0 be affected by their knowledge of you, yet there are always subtle ranges. They may not look you in the eye anymore or may change ite subject when it moves toward your personal life. "So, I don't mind being anonymous, or disparities may be cast upon me via my homosexuality which is really only one small part oi me. Some homosexuals have more to lose than others.

Some are victims of the system forced to play certain roles to make it. "Sometimes I feel like a phony, but my being homosexual is really nobody's business. It is personal to me and I would liketo keep it personal. I would not like to hurt people who know me but who do not know about my homosexuality. "My relationships involve a wide range of people.

I don't believe in narrowing my relationships assome gay people do. The world becomes lonely when one is forced to seek out only other homosexuals, occasionally date guys and go with people who have things in common such as politics or philosophy. "But when I went to California to get away and to go to school il didn't go when I got there because I wasn't ready for it some people aren't), I met a minority of people who did not have homos- exuality as their whole life. The fellows go to the parks constantly looking for tricks. And there are the looking for one-nig- stands.

It's stronger than anything else they do. when1 tdiffiCUlt t0 go back t0 ay point in time and recall 1 flrst expressed homosexual tendencies ag? fiVe or six 1 that I liked girls, but it took me until 20 to apply a word to it. a Wrd t0 dcscribe didn't friShton me because I always knew what I liked. In fact, it never occurred to me there was a word. And, of course, there really isn't.

'Homosexuality-i- a generalization to describe something some way tI1" bak 1 find 1 like the male fi'm more than'Brand A. is hard to say why it happens. I think men are more liberated and women more suppressed and unself-fulfille- Women in general are not usually socially allowed to be complete persons, this isn necessarily true of lesbians. "In the context of a rural life, it might have fulfilled some social need for women not to be recognized as separate entities but life has evolved to a broader spectrum of social interchange. People are no longer confined to roles the frontier atmosphere imposed upon them.

"But John Wayne is still the characteristic sterotype of the masculine role, while Betty Boop represents the absurd stereotype of the bosomy, dumb chick. "The only difference between a manwoman relationship and a manman relationship is the lack of procreation in the latter. And even the manwoman relationship is not significant for that. "Some argue that homosexuality is invalid because there is no procreation. This is absurd.

The sexual relationship of heterosexuals is not expressly for the purpose of procreation but for the expression of love or of giving enjoyment to both partners. This is also possible with homosexuals, although the mechanics are different but that has no meaning except that they are different. "But I think that both hetero- and homosexuality have implicit limitations. The heterosexual should know the other side and vice versa. Everybody has to choose atsome point.

Yet it is a mistake not to attempt to experience all there is to experience. i "The Hindus' gods are bisexual. As an ideal for society, I think that is a better idealthan either hetero- or homosexuality. Anything that is limited works to a disadvantage. And genetically, we have it in us to participate in both relationships.

"On male chauvinism, I think male homosexuals are subjected to it, too, through the stereotyped male role. It fits in with the concept of 'making it with Male chauvinism has a fixed concept of what you are, treating you as an object. A man is suppose to want a woman and to abhor wanting a man. In either case it is sick. "And my definitionof 'healthy' is somethingbeing what it is and i not being different.

"The homosexual subculture is sick. The bars are controlled by the Mafia. People are thrown together without mucli in common, such as the transvestite, which is a very different thing, "With homosexual relationships, orientation has the most to do with the subcultural reference of no acceptable social setting. In a person-to-perso- situation, aggression in themale istied to ego. Ego comes from the evolutionary line of men's thinking in filling the dominant role.

"In homosexuality, there is a distinction between love as expressed through platonic affectionand love as expressed through genital sex. People don't accept the latter, in general, and frequently homosexual love-lif- is based on a momentary physical attraction people meeting in bars and confined to the stereotyped role, i "It requirespatience to work into atrue love relationship. Sexual needs are sometimes frustrated in this approach. "I go and I return I would I were the pilot of thedarkness andthe dream." from "The Hole in the Zero" "Some don't try to hide it, even knowing the hostility. You can see it just by the effeminate men and masculine women.

Some fellows can't help their effeminacy, which may only be a hormonal imbalance. With others it is emotionally and psychologically oriented. "A lot suffer because of the way they look. The girls have big muscles, walk funny, and yet might never have had a homosexual act tat even know about the gay life. "I don't care for the gay bars or The people I met in California like myself were met through pure accident.

I like to tace and relax from the drudgery of study and do go to bars once in awhile. "With me, homosexuality is only one feeling, one emotion, among Mny that I have. I've read articles about the 'lonely and know it ts, but am not personally touched by it. "I don't have many friends and enjoybeing alone. My being without companionship now is I'm an honor student and rant to go on for my doctorate, so schooling is important to me.

If I ad to- choose between itand my homosexuality, there would be no choice. I would put homosexuality out of my life. But I've never been Put to the test. "I seldom venture into close relationships. I have only one friend doesn't live in Salt Lake; it is really more of an alliance.

"My first relationship with a girl occurred while I was in high shool, but it wasn't sexual. It was intimate without being sexual. I've some relationships with straightgirls who were attracted to me without explanation. None ended up badly, mellowing more into friend-i- of some sort. "It is usually me who endsthe relationships.

I want to be free and 101 resPnsible for someone else's feelings. It is such an exasperating Jtay to live because it must be hidden. People of the same sex can great emotion towards one another, yet they're not allowed to it in public. It leads some homosexuals to a bad end. "I have a feeling the suicide rate among homosexuals is high just rom Personal knowledge.

In the last five years, ten acquaintances committed suicide. "There are just too many grand values set up in this society. The Isare complicated; technology is complicated. Everyone is special- 1 don't know how our society can come to grips with something Personal as homosexuality. The sexual act is the most appalling ople and the most difficult to accept.

1 an only child, raised as a Mormon by liberally-minde- people. Pafents don't know about me. My mother had an inkling about one time. I've never seen such terror and hysteria, but I con- her it was all a mistake. She was going through the 'change at that time, drank a lot.

But it's better these days. Iu're limited by the sphere of people you can communicate with, irii kind of wman I look for must be sensitive and intelligent. 'iod f0nCe has alwavs boen the nrimary factor. Somebody who looks v. eye, but it takes more than that.

Someone you can relate than a bed partner The same is true with the fellows I've (Continued on Page 11) 'Men? echoed the flower, one never knows where to find them. The wind blows them away. They have no roots, and that makes their life very from "The Little Prince" i "But the attitude of going into a bar you shouldn't expect more i than you get. And I don't like the idea of picking someone up and going to bed and saying "Well and he can't respond either. "In any relationship, emotion and intellect are not complete even i between men and men or women and women unless thereis physical involvement.

But there are other adequate ways of communicating, like the eye-trip- But when you need to touch, you need to touch, "My folks know about me, butit is an area not discussed too deeply. My mother relates to it in terms of understanding that Jesus and John or David and Jonathan had a close relationship. She doesn't relate to it in sexual terms but in terms of psychological intimacy, "After high school, I got in with the wrong group and tried the sub-- culture. I had numerous short-ter- relationships, but on many different levels few with intellectual and sexual gratification combined. "I have truly loved only two people, extending the relationships over an eight-yea- period.

But one can't abstractly seek love, perhaps bodies, but not love, "I prefer a partner who is dissimilar to myself, one with different interests. I need somone I can talk with, but who has a diversity I do not have. I need someone more physically oriented than myself, someone who likes swimming or horsebackriding, because in order to be flexible I need to take life out of its intellectual context. And I tend to be more intellectually oriented. "But I need a complementer rather than a competitor.

"About the games in the homosexual world of Salt Lake: they are vicious Taking the male ego into consideration andthe fact of every- body knowing everybody else, rejection is amplified. Even before knowing somebody in Salt Lake, people get a distorted view of them through the gossip in the homosexual world. Subsequently, people get here because relationships tend to be hurt more in the subculture quick. (Continued on Page II; Continued from page 6 lift its ban on homosexual bars. Protestations by other Itomo-phil- groups have resulted in several state court rulings that dancing, touching and kissing in public are not necessarily disorderly.

In cities whore the homosexual population i large, candidatesfor public office have begun to actively solicit their votes. Although there is no organized "gay power" Movement in Sail Lake City, increasing interest is being expressed by youthful homosexuals. "I don't exactly enjoy being looked at by society as a leper," remarks a young patient in a Salt Lake psychiatric ward. "The way tilings stand now, if the U.S. had a caste system, homos would bo lower than any other group and I can't accept that any a recently "mar- ried'' hair stylist asserts.

The Daughters of Bilitis, a large, national lesbian organization, has indicated a desire to establish a Salt Lake chapter and several Salt Lake women have been corresponding with national officers. Tlie group's purposes, as enumerated in its monthly publication The Ladder, include: education of the public, encouragement of responsible research, promo- tionof equitable changes in penal codes, and education of the lesbian toward The problems of the female homosexual, or lesbian, are far less serious than 'those of her male counterpart. Most laws do not pertain to the female and policemen have exhibitedlittle of the hostility toward females that 'they have toward males. Lesbianism is more subtle and less disruptive socially; most lesbians establish stable, long-ter- relationships with another woman sn there is lilllo of the frenzied, anguished cruising and prostitution that often characterize the male homosexual's world. Because lesbianism traditionally has been Jess visible, them have been fewer stereotypes, fewer cultural jokes, and consequently fewer prejudices constructed around it.

Utah's sodomy law does not make homosexual acts between women illegal. However, the Salt Lake Police Department maintains a 'confidential file' of known lesbians, "for our own inforomalion," according to Sgt. Yospe. There are lesbian "social clubs" in Salt Lake which have dances anddinner parties, Sgt. Yospe adds.

Lesbian organizations, while active in the general Gay Power movement, are alsoardent women's liberationisls, adopting the "I dreamed I was liberated from my Maidenform mentality" approach. Salt Lake Cily definitely has a problem," according to Sgt. Yospe. "Any place that has a large park or public restroom has the problem," he comments. "And ours is by all these hippies coming in." Last summer, restrooms in Liberty and Pioneer Parks became si) "infested" with homosexuals, the Salt LakePolice Department requested help from University campus police in patrolling (he areas.

Police records show, however, that only 17 incidents were reported last year. There have been three to date this year. Several local bars cater to a primarily homosexualclientele. In one dimly-li- downtown lounge, cruising and intrasexual dancing are openly visible. A downslairs club near the Capilol theater features a female impersonator show.

"These pick-u- liarsand halh-- odiii seductions are not (lie only kind of homosexual experience fhey eonslilute whal I consider (lie sick clement," a Salt Lake hmm sexual explains. "People never hear about homosexuals who love yes, love and have meaningful, stable relationships." continued on page 10.