News-Journal from Mansfield, Ohio • 24

Friday, September 28, 2007 :8 2007 for trifled' al 111 Ilan better have a goou reason for not marrying II I I 1 can decide whether he wants another day to hang out with his friends, not e-mailing me over his family vacation as he said he would and only calling me after I called him. I am debating whether it's really worth spending this last semester with him. A part of me wants to just hang out with friends and be single. Should I let this relationship go? SENIOR IN STRESS Seeing how hard you've tried to make him think and act and schedule himself as The Classic Boyfriend how hard, and how fruitlessly has part of me just wanting to hang out and be single again. Please, let it go, for all our sakes.

Part of you wants to hang out and be single, which is fine, but part of him has wanted that all along. (A big part of him. Badly.) And it's about time one of you stood up to admit that. I'm sure he likes you. I'm sure you like him.

But for whatever it is you expect from a committed relationship, he's not ready. Go, enjoy your friends. Stop pushing boulders uphill. Write to Carolyn Hax care of The Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, DC 20071 or e-mail: tellmewashpost.com.

wants an-with his me over he said he 13 me alter her it's renis last seirt of me with Should! SE)u've tried I act and he Classic and how of me just nd be sin' all our nts to hang ch is fine, anted that if him. time one nit that. )u. I'm sure whatever it ready. Go, op pushing tax care of Style Plus, shin gton, rn it OK? Easy answer, no, rudeness never is.

But that means we're assuming the brush-offs we're talking about are always rude. It's also possible that you (and the roughly 5,475 guys who've approached the average babe by the time she's 28) were merely deflected, with courtesy, but also with such finality that the net effect is that you feel like roadkill. And roadkill never feels bad for the car. Remember, too, that attracting a lot of attention means at least some scary attention. Polite is ideal, but sometimes effective is best.

DEAR CAROLYN: I'm a senior in college dating a junior. We've had some rocky times throughout, including two short breakups. Since our second breakup, things have gotten much much better because my boyfriend realized how badly he'd treated me and has made a lot of effort. The problem is, I can't forget the bad times and I'm now really sensitive to anything that I sense is the slightest bit uncaring. For example, his spending somewhat more time with his friends than with me, leaving me hanging about when he's leaving for winter break so he it nen ab, po rh de als ne ro le illi le lit( fec tor W( tin brl brl mt bo' he th( set set in sot fri nu les I ilitrAltdc behilithilIii.tlétd.itco'fift-iiiónitlii.ib efttretic for tiomfir logic brit nil mon 7 low Hal" about a man who likes only young and attractive women until he is hypnotized to appreciate a woman's inner beauty.

He then falls in love with a 300-pound woman. If pre-hypnosis Hal is shallow, then so are most men. Homosexual men, too, are drawn to young and healthy (i.e., attractive) sex partners, which is why homosexual men tend to be better groomed than the average heterosexual male. But remember, Miller and Kanazawa use words like "realistic," sensible" and "logic," not "shallow," to describe this common human behavior. If men did not prefer young and healthy women, the human race may not have survived.

Next Polygamy 1 who likes ctive pnotized to inner in love with 11 is shallow, 1. Homosexwn to young active) sex hy homoe better erage hetiller and like not this com- If men did I healthy ace may not said. "And the size of the pupil is easiest to determine in blue eyes." In other words, if a woman has blue eyes it may be easier for a man to tell if she is as interested in him as he is in her. All these physical characteristics can be faked to some extent, and women have been doing so for a long time. Hair can be dyed, wigs can be worn, breasts can be lifted in bras or given implants, girdles and diets can narrow a waist, and contact lenses can alter eye color.

Men may or may not be fooled by these tricks, but either way they usually like the results. Men rarely think about why they find these physical characteristics attractive. They just know they do. Yet it is politically incorrect to admit it, however obvious it may be to all. A few years ago there was a movie called "Shal sai ea! ey ha a in I ist ter do' cm bri git cal ler lot wa sill MI ch jtu.

to Mf th( trnapesOnncogannett.com 521-7212 BC LIFESTYLE EAR CAROLYN: I am a 35-year-old woman in a 17 committed relationship of several years. My boyfriend, 38, is still "not ready" to get married, and I know the situation is unlikely to change anytime soon. I feel like I need to decide between staying with him, or leaving for the e' possibility of children with 1 A someone else. If not for my age, I would be happy to stay and see what happens, as I love him and CAROLYN our life togeth- HAX et But my age TELL ME is my age, and I am afraid of ABOUT IT waiting until it's too late, only to realize that I wish I'd had kids. How do I possibly make this decision? WASHINGTON Same way you make all the others with your facts, your brain, your heart, your instincts, and, if you're honest with yourself, your hands in the air as you go, "Wheeeeeel" off the ledge of whatever.

Maybe look at it this way. This boyfriend "of several First in a series The Psychology Today Web site had a fascinating article called "Ten Politically Incorrect 'Blahs About Human Nature," by Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa. 2 I The piece is 1 adapted from their book "Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters." Human be- TERRY havior, espe- MAPES daily as it re- NEWS lates to the re- JOURNAL lationship be- tween the sexes, has long interested me, and I have already touched on some of these BY BRUCE HORMUZ USA TODAY Students at 30 colleges can check out something besides books at their school libraries this fall: Starbucks. A growing number of the nation's 3,700 academic libraries eager to lure students from wired coffee shops off campus are following bookstores and public libraries in opening their doors to Starbucics and other coffee shops.

Five years ago, there wasn't a college library with a Starbucks. Now, they stretch from California State University, Long Beach to University of South Florida, Pampa. Starbucks has 102 campus units, mostly in student centers, says spokesman Brandon Borman. "We don't have a specific target for colleges." USF reports an average 147,512 additional patrons a year have used the library since Starbucks opened in it four years ago. "It's become a campus meeting point," says Jeff Mack, the head of USF campus business services.

At the Cal State Long Beach Starbucks, "Every seat is usually taken," says Roman Kochan, library dean. Spillage and book damage have actually declined since students no longer are hiding food and drinks in their packs, he says. While most students, faculty and staff embrace permitting coffee shops inside the library, some schools have nixed Starbucks in favor of local chains. BY MARY BETH MARREN USA TODAY A year has passed since a commission appointed by Education Secretary Margaret Spellings called on colleges to provide clearer, comparable information to families. Since then, higher-education groups of all shapes and sizes have been developing their responses some in hopes of fending off congressional or federal intervention.

On Wednesday, for instance, the non-profit National Association of Independent Colleges and Universities is to launch a website on which students can compare 600 of its 1,000 member schools using a standard format. Other groups plan to roll out similar efforts this fall. lbday, the Education Department itself weighs in with a revamped version of its 7-year-old site featuring information such as academic majors, tuition and average financial aid for nearly 7,000 schools. College Navigator's site (collegenavigatonettgov), provides no new information, such as net price or student performance; such additions would require legislative or federal approval. Nor are data on part-time or transfer students available.

The site also does not include the level of detail offered by some commercial sites. "U.S. News World Report," for example, lists the number of full-time faculty and average class size. The College Board allows users to include interests, such as drama, cheerleading or jazz clubs. But Spellings says the new, more user-friendly site will better serve key audiences, including low-income students, their parents and families in which the kids would be the first to plan for college.

"We're on a journey here, and the fact that we've started is a huge step forward," she said. The site draws primarily from information that years" knows you, knows your age, knows your circumstances. lie knows, in other words, that sacrificing your fertility might be a direct consequence of waiting for him to make up his mind about you. I don't mean to imply that all men have a duty either to marry or leave the women they're dating within 30 days of the women's 35th birthdays. If a man needs time, then he needs time.

But his reason had better be good the definition of "good" in this case being that both of you agree it's of greater import than your ability to bear children. That definition comes from what I believe is one of the main rewards of a healthy long-term commitment: knowing someone has your back. That's what good mates do for each other, at least. And since you seem to have singled this guy out as a good spouse for you, it's a natural question: Is he watching your back here as attentively, at least, as he's watching his own, without prompting? It's not only a lot easier to answer than "Stay or go," but I'm guessing it's also the answer to both. CAROLYN: I am a friendly guy and routinely strike up con "politically incorrect truths" in past columns.

I have more to say after reading the Miller and Kanazawa article, and as it can't be done in one column, I will spread it out over several. Let's start at the top of their list: 1. Men like blonde bomb. shells (and women want to look like them) People love to blame Hollywood and the media for a good many things, including the appeal of young blonde women, and there's always a tendency to think such things are just a product of modern times and American culture. Miller and Kanazawa point to evidence that even in 15th and 16th century Italy, some women dyed their hair blonde.

"Women's desire to look like Barbie young with small waist, large breasts, long blond SometEng else to check out at library: Starbucits reed to pick a college? Vieb sites can help NEWS JOURNAL versations with random strangers. But God forbid I approach an "attractive" woman I get the rudest responses! It's really quite startling. Can you provide some insights on why this is so? I approach everyone in the same easygoing manner. Is it because they Is it a hair and blue eyes is a direct, realistic and sensible response to the desire of men to mate with women who look like her. There is evolutionary logic behind each of these features," said Miller and Kanazawa.

The logic is that sex, in a nutshell, is about making babies. Human traits that result in more babies are the traits most likely to be passed on to subsequent generations. One such trait is the male preference for young, healthy women simply because young and healthy women have more babies than older or sickly women. How could Joe Caveman tell if a woman was young and healthy? The same way a modern man does by looking her over. If a woman looks good to a man, chances are she is a good prospect for child bearing even if babies may be the Several years ago, Louisiana State University talked with Starbucks about locating in the library.

"A few people felt this was commercialization of academic space," says Jennifer Cargill, dean of libraries at LSE Instead, a local chain, Community Coffee, went in, and objections disappeared. Some question whether Starbucks belongs inside the icon of academia. "The library ought to be the one place that reflects the university's mission and purpose and should be protected from commercial influences," says Robert Weissman, managing director at Commercial Alert, a consumer group. But Borrman says Starbucks college units are run by licensees who open in locations that the schools select. "The coffeehouse has been part of academic culture for generations," he says.

Some libraries are funded based on how many people use them, says Chris Muller, director of the Center for Multi-Unit Restaurant Management at University of Central Florida. "Soon, every college librarian in the country will aslc 'Why don't we have a About one in four college libraries have some food component at least an open pot of coffee or vendor cart, says Julie Todaro, president of the Association of College Research Libraries. "We want the library to remain the center of campus," Todaro says. She says lots of the hundreds more coffee shops on tap will be Star-bucks, "because Starbucks is a business model that works." institutions must report to the National Center for Education Statistics as a condition of receiving federal aid. Institutions include two- and four-year public and private non-profit schools and for-profit institutions; credentials range from certificates to bachelor's degrees or higher.

Like the original site (called College Opportunity Online Locator), College Navigator enables users to search for colleges based on location and program of study. But the new site requires fewer steps "to produce the same results and allows users to factor more criteria into their initial searches, including tuition and SAT or ACT scores. Users can build and save a list of favorites, tweak criteria and view side-by-side comparisons of up to four institutions. In a nod to adult and working students, users can search for schools that offer distance learning, weekend and evening courses, and credit for life experience. The site design, based on feedback from II focus groups, remains a work in progress.

Improvements are ongoing, and plans call for a Spanish-language version and campus crime statistics. Spellings says it's too soon to consider measures of student performance, something the commission recommended as a way for colleges to be more accountable. Though a number of relatively new national tools are available, "the state of the art is in its infancy," she says. That's fine with Doug Bennett, president of Earlham College in Richmond, Ind. He, like many of his peers, says he would resist federal oversight on student learning measures.

Though he sees no "real harm" in improving an Education Department website, there's more to be done on a related problem: He's spending today with another education group that is looking to minimize the influence of "U.S. News" rankings. "This is the beginning of a very important, long conversation," he says. tl-koOSINei PooP, WAIT ANb SLEEP OVER aREATEST RELATIoNMIP OF ALL TIME. AND 11- HAKES ENE TO ME.

defense mechanism against unwanted advances? I find it more humorous than anything else as well as an excellent "don't date me" filter but it still has me puzzled. D.C. of course it's a defense mechanism, you know that. The real question here is, does that make last thing on the man's mind at the time. Blonde hair? Blonde hair tends to darken with age, so blonde hair indicates youth.

Long hair? That suggests health. The longer and shinier a woman's hair, the longer she has probably enjoyed good health. Large breasts? Large breasts tend to sag after a few years, so firm large breasts are another good indicator of youth. Small breasts don't sag as much, so determining a woman's age becomes more difficult. A slender waist? Women with a low waist-to-hip ratio tend to be healthier and more fertile.

A narrow waist can also indicate youth, as well as the likelihood that the woman is not already pregnant. Blue eyes? "Pupil dilation is an honest indicator of interest and attraction," Miller and Kanazawa Steve BC LIFESTYLE NEWS JOURNAL EAR CAROLYN: I am a years" knows you knows your li 35-year-old woman in a age, knows your circumstances. committed relationship lie knows, in other words, that --N of several years. My sacrificing your fertility might --f( boyfriend, 38, is still "not ready" be a direct consequence of wait- to get married, and I lutow the ing for him to make up his mind situation is unlikely to change about you. anytime soon.

I feel like I need I don't mean to imply that all 3,, to decide be men have a duty either to tween staying marry or leave the women with him or 7 they're dating within 30 days leaving for the of the women's 35th birthdays. t''', 4.te' IA )1'i '1' II possibility of 't If a man needs time, then he I i children with i needs time. 1. i-d, 1 ,7. someone else.

But his reason had better Iff'1- ''inii, 1 .,1 If not for my be good the definition of age, I would be "good" in this case being that 1r: happy to stay both of you agree it' of 17- and see what 4 greater import than your abili- happens, as I ty to bear children. love him and CAROLYN That definition comes from our life togeth- HAX what I believe is one of the et But my age TELL ME main rewards of a healthy is my age, and long-term commitment: know- I am afraid of ABOUT IT ing someone has your back. i'M ti-koOlNei PooP, VOMIT ANb 8LEEP waiting until That's what good mates do for it's too late, each other, at least. DEPRNATioll OVER TAE. aREATEST RELATIoNMIP only to realize that I wish I'd had And since you seem to have OF ALL TIME.

AND 11- HAKES ENE TO ME. kids. How do I possibly make singled this guy out as a good this decision? WASHINGTON spouse for you, it's a natural Same way you make all the question: Is he watching your versations with random defense mechanism aganst an-others with your facts, your back here as attentively, at strangers. But God forbid I ap- wanted advances? I find it more brain, your heart, your instincts, least, as he's watching his own, proach an "attractive" woman humorous than anything else and, if you're honest with your- without prompting? It's not only I get the rudest responses! It's as well as an excellent "don't self, your hands in the air as you a lot easier to answer than "Stay really quite startling. Can you date me" filter -but it still has go, "Wheeeeeel" off the ledge of or go," but I'm guessing it's also provide some insights on why me puzzled.

D.C. whatever. the answer to both. this is so? I approach everyone Of course it's a defense mech- Maybe look at it this way. CAROLYN: I am a friendly in the same easygoing manner.

anism, you know that. The real This boyfriend "of several guy and routinely strike up con- Is it because they Is it a question here is, does that make First in a series "politically incorrect truths" in hair and blue eyes is a direct, last thing on the man's mind at he Psychology Today past columns. realistic and sensible response the time. Web site had a fascinat- I have more to say after read- to the desire of men to mate Blonde hair? Blonde hair ing article called "Ten ing the Miller and Kanazawa ar- with women who look like her. tends to darken with age, so Politically Incorrect tide, and as it can't be done in There is evolutionary logic be- blonde hair indicates youth.

Ihths About Human Nature," one column, I will spread it out hind each of these features," Long hair? That suggests by Alan S. over several. Let's start at the said Miller and Kanazawa. health. The longer and shinier a Miller and top of their list: The logic is that sex, in a nut- woman's hair, the longer she has Satoshi 1.

Men like blonde bomb- shell, is about making babies probably enjoyed good health. Kanazawa. 1 shells (and women want to look Human traits that result in more Large breasts? Large breasts The piece is like them) babies are the traits most likely tend to sag after a few years, so adapted from 1- v'''' .1 People love to blame Holly- to be passed on to subsequent firm large breasts are another their book wood and the media for a good generations. One such trait is good indicator of youth. Small "Why Beauti- 0 many things, including the ap- the male preference for young, breasts don't sag as much, so de- ful People i peal of young blonde women, healthy women simply be- termining a woman's age be- Have More and there's always a tendency to cause young and healthy women comes more difficult Daughters." think such things are just a have more babies than older or A slender waist? Women with Human be- TERRY product of modern times and sickly women.

a low waist-to-hip ratio tend to havior, espe- MAPES American culture. How could Joe Caveman tell be healthier and more fertile. A cially as it re- NEWS Miller and Kanazawa point to if a woman was young and narrow waist can also indicate lates to the re-evidence that even in 15th and healthy? The same way a mod- youth, as well as the likelihood lationship be- JOURNAL 16th century Italy, some women ern man does by looking her that the woman is not already tween the dyed their hair blonde. over. If a woman looks good to pregnant.

sexes, has long "Women's desire to look like a man, chances are she is a Blue eyes? "Pupil dilation is an interested me, and I have al- Barbie young with small good prospect for child bearing honest indicator of interest and ready touched on some of these waist, large breasts, long blond even if babies may be the attraction," Miller and Kanazawa Something else to check out at library: Starbucits i Ala BY BRUCE HORMUZ Several years ago, Louisiana State University USA TODAY talked with Starbucks about locating in the library. "A few people felt this was commercialization of Students at 30 colleges can check out some- academic space," says Jennifer Cargill, dean of li- I thing besides books at their school libraries this braries at LSE Instead, a local chain, Community 1 Steve fall: Starbucks. Coffee, went in, and objections disappeared. A growing number of the nation's 3,700 academ- Some question whether Starbucks belongs in- ic libraries eager to lure students from wired side the icon of academia coffee shops off campus are following book- "The library ought to be the one place that restores and public libraries in opening their doors to fleets the university's mission and purpose and Starbucks and other coffee shops. should be protected from commercial influences," Five years ago, there wasn't a college library says Robert Weissman, managing director at Com- with a Starbucks.

Now, they stretch from Califor- mercial Alert, a consumer group. nia State University, Long Beach to University of But Borrman says Starbucks college units are 1 South Florida, Tampa. Starbucks has 102 campus run by licensees who open in locations that the units, mostly in student centers, says spokesman schools select. "The coffeehouse has been part of Brandon Borrman. "We don't have a specific tar- academic culture for generations," he says.

get for colleges." Some libraries are funded based on how many USF reports an average 147,512 additional pa- people use them, says Chris Muller, director of the trons a year have used the library since Starbucks Center for Multi-Unit Restaurant Management at opened in it four years ago. University of Central Florida. "Soon, every college "It's become a campus meeting point," says Jeff librarian in the country will aslc 'Why don't we Mack, the head of USF campus business services. have a At the Cal State Long Beach Starbucks, "Every About one in four college libraries have some seat is usually taken," says Roman Kochan, library food component at least an open pot of coffee or dean. Spillage and book damage have actually de- vendor cart, says Julie Todaro, president of the As- dined since students no longer are hiding food and sociation of College Research Libraries.

drinks in their packs, he says. "We want the library to remain the center of While most students, faculty and staff em- campus," Todaro says. She says lots of the hunbrace permitting coffee shops inside the library, dreds more coffee shops on tap will be Star- some schools have nixed Starbucks in favor of bucks, "because Starbucks is a business model local chains that works." reed to pick a college? Ilevi Web sites can help BY MARY BETH MARREN institutions must report to the National Center for USA TODAY Education Statistics as a condition of receiving federal aid. Institutions include two- and four-year A year has passed since a commission appointed public and private non-profit schools and for-profit by Education Secretary Margaret Spellings called institutions; credentials range from certificates to on colleges to provide clearer, comparable infor- bachelor's degrees or higher. mation to families.

Like the original site (called College Opportuni- Since then, higher-education groups of all ty Online Locator), College Navigator enables shapes and sizes have been developing their re- users to search for colleges based on location and sponses some in hopes of fending off congres- program of study. But the new site requires fewer sional or federal intervention. steps "to produce the same results and allows On Wednesday, for instance, the non-profit Na- users to factor more criteria into their initial tional Association of Independent Colleges and searches, including tuition and SAT or ACT scores. I Universities is to launch a website on which stu- Users can build and save a list of favorites, dents can compare 600 of its 1,000 member schools tweak criteria and view side-by-side comparisons using a standard format. Other groups plan to roll of up to four institutions.

In a nod to adult and out similar efforts this fall. working students, users can search for schools lbday, the Education Department itself weighs in that offer distance learning, weekend and evening with a revamped version of its 7-year-old site featur- courses, and credit for life experience. ing information such as academic majors, tuition The site design, based on feedback from 11 and average financial aid for nearly 7,000 schools. focus groups, remains a work in progress. Im- College Navigator's site (collegenavigatorelgov), provements are ongoing, and plans call for a Span-provides no new information, such as net price or ish-language version and campus crime statistics.

student performance; such additions would re- Spellings says it's too soon to consider measures quire legislative or federal approval. Nor are data of student performance, something the commis-on part-time or transfer students available. sion recommended as a way for colleges to be The site also does not include the level of detail more accountable. Though a number of relatively offered by some commercial sites. "U.S.

News new national tools are available, "the state of the World Report," for example, lists the number of art is in its infancy," she says. full-time faculty and average class size. The Col- That's fine with Doug Bennett, president of lege Board allows users to include interests, such Earlham College in Richmond, Ind. He, like many as drama, cheerleading or jazz clubs. of his peers, says he would resist federal oversight i But Spellings says the new, more user-friendly on student learning measures.

Though he sees no site will better serve key audiences, including low- "real harm" in improving an Education Depart. income students, their parents and families in which ment website, there's more to be done on a related the kids would be the first to plan for college. problem: He's spending today with another educa- "We're on a journey here, and the fact that we've tion group that is looking to minimize the influence started is a huge step forward," she said. of "U.S. News" rankings.

"This is the beginning of The site draws primarily from information that a very important, long conversation," he says. I. 1 1 aba.dec.d,416,, 1 1 1 Steve Marriage Seminar with Annie Chapman Marriage Seminar with I Annie Chapman i OCTOZER 57, 2007 at the First Alliance Church 291 W. Cook Mansfield, Ohio 41 9-756-291 1 OCTOUR at the irstAlliane Church 291 W. Cook Rc Mansfield Ohil 419-756-2911 1 1 1 I 116 4 11 Session 1: Friday, October 5, pm Marriage is a Modular Using analogies drawn from a particularly unique style of home building, this session addresses the importance of the individual's contribution to a healthy marriage.

Sessions 2, 3 and 4: Saturday, October 6, 9:00 am noon Session 2: God's Way This session addresses the Biblical keys to finding true intimacy. Session 3: A Weatherproof Marriage The whys and haws of making the marriage structure strong enough to withstand the storms of life. Session 4: Curb Appeal Giving our children the kind of home they'd like to someday live in. Sunday at 10:40 am The Chapmans will conclude the seminar in our morning worship service. The seminar is free but space is limited! Please call the church office if you plan to attend.

Following the Marriage Seminar, Or. Steve Burggraf will conduct a two-part series entitled "Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage" on Sunday, October 14 and October 21 from 6:00 8:00 pm. No reservations necessary. Childcare Childcare will be available for newborns thru 5th grade. Please call the church office by Friday, Sept.

28th to make reservations. Session 1: hi( Using analogies drawr building, this session contribution to a health' Sessions 2, 3 and Session 2: Connect Biblical keys to finding tr Session 3: A Weathe the marriage structure strc Session 4: Curb AI they'd like to someday li' The Chapmans will COMIL The seminar is free but you plan to attend. Following the Marriage part series entitled "Diva 14 and October 21 iron Cnildatne will be avail the church office b' 4..4 4,4..