Honolulu Star-Bulletin from Honolulu, Hawaii • 9

1 HONOLULU lite Xs! By Charles i Memminger todat TV: A Graves look at the spirits Books: King's 'insomnia' too long People: Costner, wife call it quits B-5 Saturday, October 22, 1994 Star-Bulletin Section B-2 B-3 Talk TV hit bottom and then got worse do people care about Prin cess Diana's love life?" a friend asked. "Aren't they tired of it?" The answer is: "No. PeoDle are Burt Lancaster and -Deborah Kerr raised eyebrows in this passionate scene from the 1953 movie "From Hereto Eternity, part of which was filmed in 'Idiots." Not all people are idiots, of course. You folks reading this are not idiots. I'm talking about other people.

You folks obviously have your priorities straight. You don't go running to the tabloids and -'talk-show television for your entertainment. You have the good sense to get your information from deep, reliable sources of information like, well, me, for instance. But those other guys. Those idiots.

Whoa, boy. Why are people interested in the Diana saga, or c' sovereign shenanigans in general? It's not that they are addicted to castle contretemps, it's that people have an unnatural interest in peccadillos of any persuasion. (That's a great word, peccadillos. It sounds kind of shady, like something you might ask in an all-night market in a hushed voice. "Uh, give me a bottle of booze, a carton of cigarettes and pack of peccadillos.) 1 4 't Some people just like to sit back and watch anyone else's sick and twisted life.

That's why there are so many television talk shows nowadays that do nothing but provide a steady stream human debris. These are not the tales of royal flings and who's riding whose polo pony. These are tacky accounts of trailer park intrigue, like who's sleeping with whose cousin while whose mother is seducing whose daughter's boyfriend while whose sister is dating whose girlfriend while whose father is down cashing whose welfare check to buy new truck reflectors and a huge box of black market peccadillos? And folks, these are not attractive people. These are people whose idea of hair shade are any of the primary colors. These are people who shop at "Slutz Us" to appear on national television.

These are people who need a separate chairs for their butts. Oh, am I being mean? Am I being nasty? No. Because you guys have good taste, you don't watch these shows. But I have to for your sake so I can come back and faithfully report on what's going on. It's ugly, ladies and gentlemen.

It's very ugly. Now, it wasn't always this way. When voyeur vision first appeared, the talk shows were mainly Interested in freaks. Anything that existed on the fringes of society were fair game. Geraldo once put on Siamese twins joined at the head.

For real. Milking the fringe was what it was all about. But, let's face it, there are only so many Siamese twins joined at the head. So then they got into social misfits such as brother and sister transsexual lovers. But even that well ran dry.

Now the mainstay of talk shows are just any old backwoods tense-impaired group of ugly banjo-playing nitwits willing to get on stage and yell and blow spittle at each other. (An aside here. I know it is unrealistic to expect the public schools to turn out linguistic giants. But is it too much to "ax" that schools teach people the correct way to pronounce the word "ask?" On talk shows, the guests spend their time "axing" this and "axing" that. As in, "Let me ax you a question, Maury." Or, "Lizzy Borden took and ax and gave her mother 40 whacks.

When she saw what she had done, she axed the judge for probation." It's asfc! 'J I 1 Julie Warner, Eric Thai and Donald Sutherland star in "Robert A. Heinlein's The Puppet Masters. 'Puppet Masters' an erratic but entertaining film The 1950s story about alien obsession still works today By Bob Campbell Newhouse Newi Service A its best, "Robert A. Heinlein's The Puppet 1 JrY. Masters" grips its audience as unrelentingly as its bat-like, extraterrestrial parasites attach themselves to human carriers, in order to "interface with their nervous systems." These viscous, eyeless, multi-tendriled organisms percent brain tissue," a pathologist reports) absorb the mental contents of their human captives and merge them into a single collective "hive." The aliens force their helpless hosts to entrap and enslave their neighbors.

Amusingly, the space 1 creature headquarters is the parking garage at the Des Moines (Iowa) City, The Puppet Masters jIajL Rated V2 Did somebody say AtKapiOlanl, "1950s?" Correct. Pearlridge West, Heinlein's famous story Kam Drive-ln and was originally published Enchanted Lake in 1951, and influenced theaters the decade's obsession with extraterrestrial possession and alien Infestation. Perhaps one's friends and family members had already been "taken over." The story's screen offspring included "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and "Invaders from Mars." Heinlein's own novel was unofficially and perhaps illegally filmed as "The Brain Eaters" in v- His story still works. Even without being able to feed on 1950s fixations about communism, conf ormism and the Cold WafV paranoia shows no signs of withering away. Until it loses its sneaky footing in a chaotic second half, "Robert A.

Heinlein's The Puppet Masters is nastily effective at tweaking deep-seated fears. Even when Stuart Orme's film lapses into an erratic chase-and-action thriller, it's more fun than most recent junk entertainment. And its brain-probing interplanetary "slugs," which live on the back of their hosts' necks, should slither their way into plenty of nightmares. Orme's modestly scaled film is shot in dulled, desaturated colors that create a disquieting mood. Donald Sutherland (star of the 1978 version of "Invasion of the Body sporting a sly smile, a silvery beard and a walking stick, whispers his way through the role of government honcho Andrew Nivens.

Andrew heads the top-secret "Office of Scientific Intelligence," a favorite Heinlein invention. The unflappable Andrew has to fend of an alien invasion that begins in Iowa and quickly threatens the nation. Someone cheerfully estimates that the original thousand slugs, reproducing themselves every 12 hours, can take over 250 million human hosts in two weeks. Andrew launches a military invasion of Iowa the children they're not children any only to learn that the aliens have already "compromised" his own command. His campaign is abetted by his scientist son Sam (wooden Eric Thai) and a winsome, 50s-style "exobiologist" (Julie Warner), both of whom experience intimate encounters with aliens.

The father-son conf lict has an unexpected resonance. The boy-girl stuff is less interesting, though it does account for one shivery moment when Dr. Mary (Warner) seems strangely reluctant to let Dr. Sam (Thai) slip off her blouse. Actually, the problem of spotting the aliens would be considerably simplified if everyone simply went shirtless, but the movie chooses to ignore this logical point Logic vanishes completely during the dizzying continuity jumps and conceptual inconsistencies of the thrill-a-minute second part Author Robert A Heinlein was one of the founders of modern science-fiction.

His later novels in a Strange Land," "Starship which blended right wing political views with personal mysticism, won him a following beyond the genre's then-limited readership. This new Heinlein seemed to have Ayn Rand fastened to his spinal cord. The late author's name is still potent, which partially accounts for its place of honor within the move's title. Presumably, the makers also wanted to differentiate their film from an unrelated "Puppet Master" horror series on video. In alL "Robert A Heinlein's The Puppet Masters" is an erratic but entertaining shocker.

And keep your eye on that monkey. The word is ask, people.) 1 Why do idiots watch this stuff? Well, there is no denying that there is a basic, primordial instinct to watch the wretched wriggle. There's nothing like seeing some suffering slobbery scum to make you feel better about your life. And there's the basic human inability to pass by a 'car crash without slowing down to take a look at the carnage. Of course, today's talk show fare can't be compared to a run-of-the-mill car crash.

It's more like what's left when an Amtrak club car full of "copulating one-legged circus performers crashes into the Clampett's rube-mobile. So why are people interested in Princess Diana's Jove life? Don't ax. Charles Memminger, winner of the National Society oj Newspaper Columnists humor award for 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite' Tuesdays and Saturdays in Today. You write him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O. Box 23080, Honolulu, 96802.

Burt Lancaster, in a 1988 movie photo, was the thinking man's tough guy. FYI It's the Santa-pumpkin time of year f. Don't you just hate when people start talking Christmas before Halloween is even over? better skip this item. This is reminder to people who want to enter the city's 9th Annual (, Christmas Wreath Contest to start working on their entries. tin Cash prizes will be awarded in three divisions, $200 for the Mayor's Best in the Show Entry forms are available at all city Parks it, and Recreation facilities and at satellite city halls, Entries have to be brought Honolulu Hale on Nov.

fj 30. For more information, call 522-7027. Reported by Star-Bulletin staff I- Just as Burt and Kirk's mannerisms were similar: the lockjaw speech, the angry eyes, the almost insane overall intensity. Both actors shared a quality of barely controlled psychosis with Marlon Brando, another male movie star who reigned over postwar box offices. It's a quality that says something disturb- ing about postwar America and tends to substanti- ate the idea that for many years we lived in a dangerously repressed society, where the emergence on screen of glaring sociopaths and misfits afforded audiences a sense of release.

Like Brando at his best, Burt at his best always seemed to be playing himself whether he was supposed to be Jim Thorpe or Elmer Gantry or "The Birdman of Alcatraz" or the Italian nobleman hero of "The Leopard" or the Italian nobleman hero of Bernardo Bertolucci's "1900." As a matter of fact, it was hard to shake the feeling that Burt's range as an actor was woefully limited. Like Kirk Douglas, there were a whole slew of character types you couldn't possibly imagine him bringing off. Romantic lead? Maybe, but at the same time he had to be a bitter, adulterous military man Here to or a crackbrained, hypocritical preacher In fact, Burt Lancaster's acting was a film taste I spent a good part of my adult life acquiring. There was certainly nothing ingratiating about any of SEE LANCASTER, PAGE B-4 This was an actor who could convey flesh and blood humanity through the movie screen By Roger Anderson Scrippj Howard Newi Service THE one movie I hate more than any other ever produced is "Field of Dreams," because of its smarmy invitation to sentimental self-love and yet right now I would almost be willing to sit through it again to get to that fairly short scene in the middle where an aged Burt Lancaster, who died Thursday at age 80, comes out of nowhere to remind you what screen acting is all about The Kevin Costner character has gone back through time to meet Burt's character, an old baseball figure of some kind I've blocked out the details. Suffice it to say that in the scene Burt, delivering a soliloquy about a winter morning in the days of his youth, works that legerdemain that's the specialty of great movie actors from Jimmy Cagney to Cary Grant to Jack Nicholson: giving you the illusion that you could reach out from your loge seat and touch his arm.

Years ago, the impressionist Frank Gorshin got mixed up during an appearance on The Hollywood Squares" and began to "do" his Burt Lancaster when he meant to "do" his Kirk Douglas. The impressions were, after all, similar in many ways THE FAR SIDE By Gary Larson mi Cc- ii i it Shoot the children they're not children any more." 11, Andrew Nivens Head of fop-secret agency :1 Lancaster, at left, with Kirk Douglas and above In "Elmer Gantry. was a "giant" in the movie industry, Douglas said..