The Guardian from London, Greater London, England • 51

r2eGMqrareMondayOctoberl91998 19 Weekend TV Desmond Christy No one loves me. Give me a TV show witty, clever, amusing but ruin it all with the wrong shoes (deck shoes). But the other gels like deck shoes. I'm confused hang on to deck shoes or throw them away? Mariella has dilemmas of her own: "Shall I go to Rome this weekend or shall I just go out on Friday night and get completely smashed?" Or here's the big-one find a husband and have babies? Amanda would like to have a baby in the same way as Madonna but Janine points out that Madonna has a lot of'money. But can you be sure you will still be fertile when you reach 40? Doesn't matter if you aren't, Janine says.

"If you can't, you go to Vietnam and buy a baby." Or Tibet, perhaps. Mariella and Co think of them week "or the PA said, which I thought a tad rude. Next tape. The Fanny Craddock (Channel 4). A sad story but one you've probably heard before.

Mention programme in canteen. "Fanny Who?" says a pretty woman from marketing. Invite her round for blue mashed potatoes la Fanny but she said she had a very urgent press release to write and rushed off. Hadn't even finished her lunch. Somebody went round to Fanny's home and opened a cupboard.

It was full of cornflakes and sardines. "Oh," said Fanny, "that's what we live on, darling." Lunch in canteen (see above). One tape from Bridget Jones Night arrives: Singletons, in which Mariella Frost-rup (forget lunch, I have her for the evening!) discusses "the pains and pleasures of the single life" with Mor-wenna Banks (actresswriter), Clare Gorham (broadcaster), Amanda Little (personal trainer), and Janine di Giovanni (foreign correspondent and Vogue writer). A man can learn a lot from such women. Seems (according to Clare) that a man cm be handsome, think spends week with basketball and net.

Moment Of Truth arrives. Man fails miserably in front of millions. Go on, Cilia, give him the prize anyway. But Cilia doesn't. Wouldn't want Cilia as my auntie.

Next tape. Incomplete copy of Correspondent (BBC2). Good reports, though, from Yemen (by Rageh Omaar) and Tibet (Sue Lloyd-Roberts). In the Yemen tribesmen have to kidnap foreigners to get the attention of the government. Omaar finds himselfinterrogated for 10 days by Yemen authorities.

Might be a long time before another BBC crew gets back into Yemen. In Tibet a woman describes the enforced abortions carried out by the Chinese. Toilets swimming in blood. Foetuses lying around for dogs to eat. "You see the dogs getting fatter and fatter," she says.

Reflect on Britain's ethical foreign policy. Doesn't take long. Tea trolley arrives. Tea and a Bounty (rather a lot of calories, but I'll skip lunch)- Fag break. Hangover cure.

Call from Mariella Frostrup's PA doesn't want to meet for lunch next Jones Night on BBC2. But a whole pile of other stuff. Telephone call from Alan Bennett fan about what I could do when I give up TV reviewing. Dying for a fag. Not allowed at desk.

Fag by lift. Gaze out over roofs of Clerkenwell. Wonder about loft apartments. Must do lottery. Or try and get on Cilia Black's The Moment Of Truth (ITV).

"Your task, chuck, is to write like Kenneth Tynan. You have one week." Go to video room not big enough to swing a cat to watch The Moment Of Truth. Cilia introduces man and family to a very tall basketball player who demonstrates how to shoot ball through hoop from a distance of 15ft. Man with family must already have enough on his hands, you Friday October 17 13 stone, alcohol units 0 (I'm cracking this drink thing), cigarettes 19 (hut I'm trying ultra-litcs, so that can't, be too had), calories (lost calculator on Tube but trousers fee! even tighter than usual). Headache from watching all television.

Got to work iJ Hand found more letters from Alan Bennett fans (copies to the editor). Man on Isle of Wight explains why I should give up TV reviewing or at least ask Nancy for correspondence course. Headache gets worse. Take a slug of "hangover cure" in desk. Polo mints cover the smell.

New temp brings video tapes for weekend. Can't get tapes of Bridget selves as "the new teenagers" and their conversation reminds me of teenagers. What about women who don't have nice jobs in the media? They aren't interesting, are they, darling? Must suggest a show to BBC2 five men on settees boasting about what a good life they have. Home. A drink.

Not much in the cupboard. Cornflakes and sardines. 8.0 Post Cyntaf 840 Jonsi 940 Jonsi A Nia 10.0 Nia Roberts HO Hywel Gwynfryn 12J20 Ponty 1240 Stondin Sulwyn 120 Wythnos Gwilym Owen 2.0 Kevin A Nia 340 Geraint Lloyd 54 Post Prynhawn 8.0 Dene Chi Senedd 640 Diwrnod L'w Gofio 7.0 Hywel Gwynfryn 8.8 Bit 10.0 Owain Gwilym 12.0 Radio 5 Live 130 Adnoddau Cerdd 2.0 Radio 5 Live World Sendee 848 Mb; 6.0 World Today 7.0 News 7.15 Codebreakers 740 Omnibus 8.0 News 8.18 Off The Shelf 848 Vintage Chart Show 8.8 News In German 8.15 A Question Of Science 10.0 News; Business 10.18 Record News 1040 Westway 1040 Sport HO Newsdesk 1140 Omnibus 12.0 Newsdesk 1240 Jazzamatazz 10 News In German 115 Britain Today 130 Seven Days 2.0 Newshour 3.0 Outlook 340 Chill Out 4.0 News; Sport 4.15 Westway 440 News In German 5.0 Europe Today 540 Business 045 Britain Today 6.0 News 6.15 Insight 640 News In German 645 Sport 7.0 Newsdesk 740 Brain Of Britain 8.0 Outlook 840 Multitrack Hit List 8.8 Newshour 10.0 News; Business 10.10 Britain Today 1040 The Ageing Future HO Newsdesk 1140 Insight H46 Sport 124 Outlook 1240 Multitrack Hit List 10 Newsdesk 140 Westway 145 Britain Today 24 Newsdesk 240 Seven Days 245 The Passage Of Time 34 Newsday 340 On Screen 44 News; Business 4.10 Sport 440 World Today Variations (SW 6.195, 9.410): 840am-74 The Works 8.0-8.15 News 1.0-1.18pm News: Business 4.30-6.0 Pop The Question 640-648 Seven Days 440am Insight Off The Shelf 840 Outlook Take Five Mandolin. By Louis de Bernieres. (R) (115) ltd Appeal.

(R) 1102 Driving To Distraction. Comedy by David Chandler. A drunk thinks Miro's emergency service is a mini-cab. With Nigel Cooke. (33) tf.30 (FM) Songs From The Lab.

(R) (33) 1130 (LW) Today In Parliament 12.0 News 1240 The Late Book: Underworld. By Don DeLillo. (610) 1248 Shipping 10 World Service Radio 5 Live 893, 808 kHz 6.0 Breakfast 8.0 Nicky Campbell 12.0 The Midday News 10 Ruscoe And Co 4.0 Drive 7.0 News Extra 740 Bursting The Bubble 8.0 Trevor Brooking's Monday Match 10.0 Late Night Live 10 Up All Night 5.0 Morning Reports ClaaateFM 100-102 Ufa 6.0 Nick Bailey ao Henry Kelly 12.0 Requests 24 Concerto. Vaughan Williams: Tuba Concerto. 3.0 Jamie Crick 6.30 Newsnight 7.0 Smooth Classics At Seven 9.0 Evening Concert.

Dvorak: Overture: Hussite. Suk: Pohadka. Smetana: Vltava. Dvorak: Symphony No 9 in minor (From the New World). 118 Mann At Night 2.0 Concerto 3.0 Mark Griffiths Radio Walea 882 Ufa 840 Good Morning Wales 844 Roy Noble 10 .35 Elimination HO Livetime 10 Meet For Lunch 130 The Radio Wales Chronicle 2.0 Chris Needs 4.0 Four Star 8.0 Good Evening Wales 640 Game On 7.0 Adam Walton 8.0 Kevin Hughes 1O.0 News; Catchphrase 1040 Steve Dewitt's Late Show 12.0 World Service Radio Cymm See Listening Brief.

HO News; Hands On. Terry Hands took on the role of artistic director to Theatr Clwyd in the Welsh countryside, a theatre threatened with financial ruin and imminent closure. What prompted him to take on such a task? 1140 King Street Junior. Jim Eldndge's comedy-drama stars Karl Howman as Mr Sims, and James Grout as Mr Beeston, the head teacher. (46) 12.0 (FM) News 12.0 (LW) News Headlines; Shipping 12.04 You And Yours 1.0 The World At One 1.30 Round Britain Quiz 2.0 News; The Archers.

(R) 2.15 News: Afternoon Play: Curious. If True. Stories of mystery by Elizabeth Gaskell. Mr Higgins appears every inch the gentleman. But his strange manners suggest a less ordinary source for his comfortable lifestyle.

With Elizabeth Spriggs. (15) 3.0 Money Box Live: 0171-580 4444 340 Bunty Is 40. Kate Saunders considers the role of the comic Bunty. 340 The Chain Gang. Simple Job, by Simon Brett.

(14) 4.0 News; The Food Programme. (R) 40 Turning World 5.0 PM M4 (LW) Shipping 0.0 Six O'clock News 6.30 The Motion Show 7.0 News; The Archers 7.16 Front Row 740 Letters From A Lost Generation. See Listening Brief. (R) 8.0 News; Inside Track. See Listening Brief.

(55) 830 In Business. Peter Day looks at how the use of focus groups is helping companies plan for the future. 8.8 News; Nature: The Badger Cull. The Government is leading a cull of badgers to preventing the transmission of bovine tuberculosis to cattle. But with TB in cattle on the rise, this may not be the answer.

0.30 Start The Week. (R) 10.0 The World Tonight 1045 Book At Bedtime: Captain Corelli's Saturday at the Royal Festival Hall, London. Catherine Dubosc. Juanita Lascarro and Nicole Tibbels (sopranos), Cynthia Clarey and Annie Vavnlle (mezzos), Jean-Paul Fouchecourt (tenor), Rene Schirrer and Neal Davis (baritones), Finchley Children's Music Group, BBC Singers, BBC SOAndrew Davis. Ravel: Alborada del Gracioso.

Takemitsu: Marginalia; Wind Horse. Ravel: La Valse; L'Enfant et les Sortileges. 8.20 Postscript. Hermione Lee talks to novelist Julian Barnes about themes he has pursued through his books, including the most recent England, England. 9.48 Paganini.

Vanazioni di Bravura. Peter-Lukas Graf (flute), Ursula Holliger (harp). 10.0 Voices, lain Burnside presents a collection of songs which take music as their subject. Composers range from Purcell to Duke Ellington via Schubert, Rachmaninov and Britten. 10.45 Mixing It.

Writer and muscian James Young tells Mark Russell and Robert Sandall about his recent trip to Russia. 1L30 Jazz Notes. Alyn Shipton surveys some of the unique Duke Ellington sidemen. 12.0 Composer Of The Week: Haydn. (R) 10 Through The Night.

Bach: Partita No 3 in minor. Beethoven: Six Bagatelles, Op 126. Albeniz: Suite Espanola No 1, Op 47. 2.15 Brahms: Marienlieder. 240 Ravel: Violin Sonata in G.

3.0 Schools 540 Bach: Violin Concerto in A minor. Radio 4 MHz; 188 kHz 040 News 045 Shipping 840 Inshore Forecast 645 Prayer For The Day 5.47 Farming Today 8.0 Today 8.0 Start The Week. Jeremy Paxman's guests include film director Ken Loach. 845 (FM) Serial: Even The Stars Look Lonesome. By Maya Angelou.

(15) 945 (LW) Daily Service 10.0 News; Woman's Hour. Including 1040 Letters From A Lost Generation. listening Brief Mark Bostridge, Vera Brittain's biographer, has compiled 15 programmes from the writer's letters to the four most important men in her life. Her brother, her fiance, and two close friends all killed in the first world war were central figures in the autobiography she published in 1933. But most of the Letters From A Lost Generation (Radio 4, 1040am and 7.40pm) have never previously been made public.

One of the saddest jobs in local government is the search for relatives of people who have died alone and in poverty. If none are located, as Sara Parker discovers in Inside Track (Radio 4, 8.0pm), the body must be consigned to a pauper's communal grave. Harold Jackaon Radiol 87.8-9g.SWfa 640 Zoe Ball 0.0 Simon Mayo 12.0 Jo Whiley 2.0 Mark Radcliffe 44 Chris Moyles 645 Newsbeat CO Dave Pearco 8.0 Lamacq Live 12.0 The Breezeblock 2.0 Clive Warren 4.0 Scott Mills HadIo2 88-81 MHz 64 Alex Lester TJO Sarah Kennedy 8 JO Ken Bruce 12.0 Jimmy Young 2-0 Ed Stewart 545 Johnnie Walker 7.0 Humphrey Lyttelton 84 Big Band Special Live 840 Up A Lazy River With George Molly 840 The Rock 'N' Roll Years 10 JO Richard Allinson 12,0 Katrina Leskanich 34) Mo Dutta Radios 9O.2-02.4 MHz 6.0 On Air 8.0 Masterworks. Works by Hoist, Brahms, Chopin and Purcell. 10.30 Artist Of The Week: Julian Bream.

The classical guitarist tells Joan Bakewell about theearlypartofhislife. Tarrega: Recuerdos de la Alhambra. Dowland: Fantasie. Morley: Joyne Hands. Sor: Introduction and Variations on a Theme by Mozart, Op 9.

H. 0 Sound Stories. Richard Baker charts Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov's naval career through which he became involved with fellow composers Balakirev, Musorgsky, Cui and Borodin. Rimsky-Korsakov: Scheherazade (excerpt). Glinka: Overture: Ruslan and Ludmilla.

Balakirev: Mazurka No 2. Rimsky-Korsakov: Sadko. 12.0 Composer Of The Week: Schnrttke. String Quartet No Film music: Sport, Sport, Sport; Violin Concerto No 2. I.

0 The Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. Live from the Wigmore Hall, London. Swedish-born pianist Peter Jablonski performs music by Liszt and Chopin. 2.0 The BBC Orchestras. BBC Scottish SOAlexander Titov, Anne Queffelec (piano).

Haydn: Symphony No 92 in (Oxford). Beethoven: Piano Concerto No 4 in G. Tchaikovsky: Symphony No 1 in minor (Winter Daydreams). 4.0 Opera In Action. Rgth Mackenzie, general director of Scottish Opera, introduces a selection of operatic highlights on the subject of love.

Including music by Mozart and Puccini. 448 Music Machine. Francis Travis tells Verity Sharp about Switzerland's musical history. 0.0 In Tune. In the week of theopaning of Peter Hall's new production of Amadeus, Sean Raff erty talks to actors who have played composers and muscians.

Music includes works by Rachmaninov and Haydn. 7.30 Performance On 3. A third concert from the Spirit Garden festfval, given on TV regional variations HO Geography Junction 01 1146884 UM The Mix 01 1232635VM Here's One I Made Earlier 01 (R) 75124noon Right To Reply 01 479963VLM Travelog Treks 01 3149451HM Sesame Street (R) 15364 10 Planed Plant 10149664 '116 Ding Dong 01 4684085? 'ISO Nigel Slater's Real Food 01 14635 2J0 Biographies: The Real Fanny Cradock 01 42093 OJO Gardens Of The Caribbean 01 24510M Collectors' Lot 01 S0544 Fifteen-To-One 01 513 AM Ricki Lake 01 797BJ0 Planed Plant 284451 BM Ffell 770897IBM Countdown 01 277BJ0 Newyddion 6 01 984819 OM Heno 01 4795131 JO Pobol Cwm 01 457635 7M Meca 01 669109BM Slon A Sian 01 3180 840 Newyddion 01 9987 OJO Taro Naw 01 9109 OM Sgorlo 01 1764074 IBM Driven 01 643068 HOB Rory Bremner Who Else? 708513 UM NYPD Blue 01 43997l12Mma-1M Don't Get High On Your Own Supply 01 6674198 AO Ysgolion: Lost Animals 5846594 AM-84 Olf Limits 01 1431539 4763198 VK World Football (R) 5384117 2.10-240 Club Vision Rewind (S) (R) 7650204 '340 World In Action 01 (S) (R) 52708339AM An Invitation To Remember 94793223AM Nightscreen 477247B.0-540 Coronation Street 01 (R) 64662 Yorkshire As London except 10pm Home And Away 01 (S) 35571548 The Jerry Springer Show 01 (S) 6814548 2.05 Coronation Street 01 (R) 5853513 Shortland Street (S) 4727890 BM Calendar 01 107364 Tonight 01 600 440am-540 Jobfinder (S) 4336643 S4C 74am The Big Breakfast 609870JO-1130 Ysgolion: The English Programme 01 6924797 OXi Schools At Work 01 169093 840 Teithiau Odysews 10905480M GNVQ 01 1088703 104 Stage Two Science 01 713743210M Off Limits 01 7054155 1040 Place And People (T) 436953 1040 Slop, Look, Usten 01 534366 HIV Walea: As West except lOpm-140 Stepping The World (S) 65432 2A043M The Pulse PI (S) 4727890 5.10440 Get Gardening! 01 (S) 788127? '645-7 Wales Tonight t) 718529 Meridian As London except 10pm Shortland Street (S) 35571548 125 Home And Away 01 (S) 35589567 1M Blue Heelers 7393118 Quids In (R) 4727890 '64 Meridian Tonight 01 Coastal Ways 01 5001240am Football Extra 4763198 '140 World Football (R) 538417 2JtO-ZM Club Vision Rewind (S) (R) 7650204 3M World In Action ffl (S) (R) 52708339AM An Invitation To Remember (R) 94793223AM Nightscreen 4772417BMM Freescreen 01 S4S62 Weatcounay As London except lOpnvUO High Road 65432 Dig It With Den (S) 4727890 6.08-8.18 Birthday People (S) 653987BJ0-7J0 Westcountry Uve 01 (S) 29513 1240am Football Extra ShortJand St (S) 78812770J) Home And Away (1) (S) (R) 513345 648-74 Anglia News 01 718529 H4O.12.10am Champions' League Special (S) 641616VLA0 Football Extra 4763198AM World Football (R) 5384117 2.10-240 Club vision Rewind (S) (R) 7650204 340 World In Action 01 (S) (R) 52708339 445 An Invitation To Remember 94793223AM Nightscreen 477247B.0-040 Coronation Street (I) (R) 64662 Cantial As London except 10pm-140 Echo Point (S) High Road (I) (S) 4727890 8.10440 Shortland Street (S) 788127? '84 Home And Away 01 (S) (R) 513345 BM-1 JO Central News 01 718529 4.00am Central Jobfinder '98 01 3737930 840440 Asian Eye 2935169 Channol As Meridian except 3.16pm-340 Puffin's Plafice 8340722 6.0 Channel Report 01 977529 6.10-640 Channel Sports Special: The Jersey Rally 892884 ttranada As London except 14pm Home And Away 01 (S) 35571548 125 The Jerry Springer Show 01 (S) 6814548 2.08 Coronation Street 0 (R) 5853513 Shortland Street (S) 4727890 1 Granada Tonight 01 7224161 HTVWaot As London except 10pm BLT (S) 65432 140 Home And Away 01 (S) 16093 24 The Jerry Springer Show 01 (s) 8236819 BLT (S) 4727890 5.10440 Run With The Ball (S) (R) 78812770a Home And Away 01 (S) (R) 513345 048-74 The West Tonight 01 50012.10am Short Story Cinema (R) 5207827MM Football Extra 4763198 tAO World Football (R) 5384H72M-2M Club'Vision Rewind (S) (R) 7650204 340 World In Action 01 (S) (R) 52708339 AM An Invitation To Remember 94793223 AM Nightscreen 47724117BJOSM Coronation Street 01 (R) 64662 BBC1 N. Inland: 1045pm This Way Up! 604819 MM nut Kufh (Bruce A Evans, 1992) (S) 244093 1240am Chicago Hope 01 (S) 1208488 XM Weird Science (I) (S) 9222001UOJ0 BBC News 24 7230858 Scotland: 1245pm Botannan Araid Uilleim (S) (R) 6570432 UM Na Luchagan Fhlacla (S) (R) 50068600 1ZM-12M An T-Ollamh Seileassdar (S) (R) 70689703 BBC2 ft Inland: 84pm-840 The Pet Set 2334 Scotland: Around Scotland Scotland During The Second World War (S) 7593258 740-84 Sportscene Rugby Special 258 annlla As London except 10pm Split Second (S) 35571548 '125 Home And Away 01 (S) 35589567 VS6 Blue Heolers 6485190 Judge Judy (S) (R) 2B76258BMHIM.