The Guardian from London, Greater London, England • 43

CONTENTS Tom Bussmann ZEITGEIST 5. HOME MOVIES This week, a Policy Studies Institute survey revealed that Britons now spend four times as much on cable and satellite subscriptions and video rentals as they do on actually going to the cinema. Depressing news for movie purists. Future film-makers who wish to bring the genuine cinema experience to the home video audience could take advantage of Nicam stereo by adding an continuous inane chatter track coming from slightly behind your head to the left, with the regular crunching of popcorn from the right. COVER STORY Photomontage of the Timex picket line by Jac Depczyk.

6-9 1. HOME SICK Richard Gere has paid 3 million for a "Georgian-style mansion set in an acre of rolling hills with a huge swimming pool" in the Bel Air district of Los Angeles. Sounds idyllic, and never mind that you can't roll that many hills in a space 69 yards square. But what's this? "The last owners paid 2 million for it, and as much again gutting the home and refitting it." So why were they so keen to move, taking a 1 million loss? Can the place be haunted? Is there an open sewer nearby? Aha. A clue: "Among their new neighbours will be Liz Taylor, Ronald and Nancy Reagan and Barry Manilow." 6.

MY KINGDOM FOR A HORSE-LAUGH Stirring suggestion from A.N. Wilson's The Rise and Fall of the House of Windsor: why not give the crown to Richard Alexander Walter George, Duke of Gloucester? Should be a hoot. Last time a Gloucester had the job, it was the vertebraically-chal-lenged Richard B3. All hail Richard IV! Wills, Harry, welcome to the Tower! MURDER ON WARP 4 When the killing stopped: concluding Nick Davies's unique insight into Bev Allitt's life story. 20-28 2.

SMILING THROUGH Officials have warned the Commons Health Committee that "the fact that more old people are keeping their own teeth would add considerably to the health budget, as their teeth come up for expensive, restorative repair." Perhaps Michael Portillo and the rest of the Cabinet would like to set an example by having their own teeth promptly removed and replaced by a serviceable set of NHS dentures. Come to think of it, why not make total tooth extraction mandatory as soon as they appear? Should save a fortune, and no more teething troubles. Just imagine their cheery grins 7. DOUBLE FAULT Let's hope Steffi Graf isn't too put off by recent events. Can't do your game much good a) playing with a rear-view mirror on your racquet, and b) knowing the world has decided that Serbs can get away with murder.

8. NO ROOM AT THE TOP Forty years ago, with Everest conquered for the first time, Hillary and Tenzing Nor-gay made a pact that "they would always say they reached the summit together." This week, Sir Edmund told the Royal Geographical Society that "it was a team effort and, for me, we were both there together." Indeed, as he had earlier observed, "that Tenzing did not set foot first is immaterial." Hardly worth the mention. 3. PAMPERED EXISTENCE Yes, indeed, the taxpayers do now face the 45,000 cost over the next 16 years of Jean Gibbins's sextuplets. Crikey, the woman will be rolling in it, clearing a cool 134.50 a week.

More than enough for the mites to live a life of luxury, even if they do have to share a Pamper every now and then. Of course, if the press hadn't gone after them with the customary full moral authority, the kids would have been in line for the usual sponsorship, and wouldn't have cost the taxpayer a penny. UP THE JUNCTION Travel special: Richard Boston risks a diplomatic incident in Zimbabwe. 33-36 9. WHERE THERE'S MUCK Sega's computer game Night Trap has been given "a mild 15 rating" by the British Board of Film Classification, and valuable publicity by Terry Dicks, MP for Hayes and Harlington, who' condemned the game as filth.

Family and Youth Concern did their bit to boost sales with the recommendation: "Do not buy this game for your children. It is evil." Actually, the word they are looking for is the highest term of praise in a teenager's vocabulary. Meanwhile, the film Groundhog Day (PG) continues to pack in the kiddies, despite the fact that much of the action takes place at somewhere called Gobbler's Knob. FIVE HUNDRED SMILES 4. TALLY-HO Unlikely that the Gibbins sextuplets will finish up at Millfield.

Which is a shame, really, because they've just added riding to the A-level syllabus, quite a boon for those pupils who can only count with their feet. Millfield "helped to pioneer polo as a sport within independent schools 25 years ago" odd, that, can't remember playing them and is currently spending 250,000 "expanding its equestrian centre." Money well spent, and only five times more than the Gibbins family will have to live on for the next 16 years. The Mighty Mouse: John Samuel celebrates the Fiat Cinquecento. 43 PLUS 12 Paul Foot's Diary. 1 6 Valerie Sinason on silent children.

31 Menu of the Month. -look Camilla! the -no de Cadenets, le Bona or Royals? -now 47-50 Property 46 Puzzles 14 Reflections 54 The Questionnaire 33-41 Travel 51 Urban Myths 29-32 Food Drink 44-45 Gardening 16 Home Front 12 Letters 42-43 Motoring 41 Personal 51 Bad Housekeeping 46 Bridge 46 Chess 12 Diary 47 Do It Yourself 54 Final Say Mr William Smith IN THE February 27 issue of Guardian Weekend we published an article entitled "Blind Injustice?" by Alan Combes. The article dealt with the conviction of Yvonne Sleightholme for the murder of Jayne Smith at Broats Farm, Salton, in Yorkshire. It has been suggested to us that the article may have been understood to infer that Mr William Smith, the victim's hus band, was responsible for his wife's murder. That allegation was made at Miss Sleightholme's trial, and was rejected by the jury.

The Guardian and Alan Combes wish to state that we entirely accept the outcome of the murder trial, and Mr Smith's complete innocence of any part in his wife's murder. It was not our intention to make any contrary suggestion in the article, and we regret any distress which the article has caused Mr Smith. THE GUARDIAN WEEKEND 3 MAY 29 1993.