The Guardian from London, Greater London, England • 106

In next week's news Our readers' reads. The misprints and cuttings you sent us Invitation to Apply for a Grant for Drug and Alcohol Misuse Training Perfect for the shadow cabinet From a Scottish Executive advertisement in the Scotsman, Sept 29 RECEPTIONISTCOPY TYPIST GENERAL CLERICAL PERSON to act as maternity cover for expanding staff. Ageing doll: Sir Cliff is 60 this week Sir George for speaker! From the Times, Sept 23 Because they are pregnant, presumably. From the Ilford Recorder, Sept 21 Acquiring Credit Point Outside the Department Students ere permitted to lejce up to 40 pints outsldo the stihjeet(s) of their Single (Joint) Honours programmes during the course of the 34 years of the degree. That's fewer than five pints a term, grumble Bristol University students.

From the Department of Historical Studies' handbook Keep ahead by noting next week's stories before they happen Saturday: The British Olympic team does a lap of honour on the London Eye The Cornish UFO Research Group conference takes off in Truro Sir Cliff Richard turns 60 Sunday: UN deadline for the withdrawal of Rwandan and Ugandan troops from the Democratic Republic of Congo Monday: The BBC Nine O'Clock News becomes the Ten O'clock News UN World Food Day The Argentinian foreign minister's first visit to the Falklands Tuesday: The annual British Crime Survey comes out The third US presidential debate takes place Wednesday: Russia begins the operation to retrieve bodies from the Kursk submarine The Para-lympic Games start in Sydney The Frankfurt book fair begins Thursday: Louis Farrakhan's Nation of Islam goes on a "Million Family March" to Washington Carol Vorderman presents the Pantene Pro-V hair awards Friday: Jacques Chirac goes to China and the Monopoly world championships begin in Toronto. Supplied by Future Events News Service. For a full diary contact www.fens.com Teachers threaten to strike over holidays FULL TANK OF DIESEL Will throw In a Vauxhall Astra 1.7D, four-door, lady owner, electric windows, central rocking, alarm, sunroof, power steering, radiocassette, very good condition 3,600 A lady owner and electric windows From the Herts-Essex Observer, Sept 21 Small and imperfectly formed, the tiny type is the obvious place to go for fox hunters, would-be bodyguards, and Darwin enthusiasts From the Dorset Evening Echo, Sept 30 Nice man with beard needs Xmas helpers: as a party plan consultant, youH receive training, an excellent commission, exciting incentives and have lots of fun. From the Shooting Times, Sept Join farmers' fox control shoots in mid Wales. Last chance! May he banned! (Nine hundred and ninety-eight foxes shot last season.) Interesting programme and options.

Lamping, crow and pigeon, woodcock, duck, pheasant. Walked up. Interesting sporting. Clay layout. Exceptionally comfortable farm From NME, Sept 30 Greek Gods or Titans of contemporary noise? It's not how you look but how you sound.

Well, yes, it is on our Monday audition nights. The best get rebooked, money, fame and later a record company to pay for a stylist. From Soldier, Oct Bodyguards: have you ever considered a career as a professional bodyguard or do you just require further information? Are you nervous or suspicious about who to contact or who to train with? We understand your concerns, and we are confident that the expert advice and guidance contained in our free report will provide you with invaluable assistance in successfully entering this profession. In short, if you want to be a bodyguard, this is the way to start! From the New Yorker, Oct 9 Galapagos: learn about The Origins of Species from our gifted naturalist as you explore Darwin's islands in comfort aboard small, deluxe yachts. Swim with penguins and sea lions, savour equatorial sunsets, and really get away! Free brochure and video.

From Time Out, October 4-11 Between life and death past life regressionist Dolores Cannon examines what happens when death occurs, outlining the realms the soul can go after leaving the body prior to the next incarnation. Seems an odd time to choose. From the Western Mail, Oct 2 Send cuttings, together with source and date, to the Editor, 5th floor, 75 Farringdon Road, London EC1M 3JY. Senders of all those used will be able to choose 15 worth of books from the Guardian CultureShop. Please state your age if you are under 18.

Thanks to Susan Janes, Essex; Rupert Sherwood, East Lothian; Keith Boardman, Lancashire; CM Davis, Hertfordshire; A Boore, Cardiff; Baxter, Hertfordshire From Piers Morgan, editor of the Mirror, October 6 The main reason William Hague is considered to be such a "prat" by everybody is because he bears such a disturbingly striking resemblance to the editor of the Sun. From John Kemp, October 7 What are these editors on? Boys, act your age, not your shoe size. offensive column Apparently Mr Hague's lack of hair is why "voters will not vote for If Mr Hague was disabled, would he have referred to him as a "disabled How do you think such offensive remarks go down with the parents of the thousands of children who suffer from alopecia? Or for that matter with people who are going through chemotherapy and other treatments that result in loss of hair. John O'Farrell's brother told him that writing about William Hague would be easy: "Just put bald-headed prat" O'Farrell related this advice in a Guardian comment piece, and it prompted a heady debate on the letters page From David Yelland, editor of the Sun, October 5 On behalf of all baldies, I take issue with O'Farrell's The Editor magazine, the Guardian, 75 Farringdon Road, London EC1M 3JY. Email: the.edltorguardian.co.uk; fax: 020 7713 4722, phone 020 7239 9907.

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