The Guardian from London, Greater London, England • 9

9 THE MANCHESTER GUARDIAN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1936 Saturday Competition LINES FOR A A FEBRUARY SCENE IN WESTMORLAND fA first prize of two guineas and second prize of one guinea were offered for an inscription, in not more than 50 words, intended for a public telep Vione-box. Who was assumed to be composing and erecting the inscription in question was a point left purposely vague in setting the subject. In real life, and ahead outside the flippant columns of the ej Perhaps you have no need to worry about the future. You know maybe that when you have to give up work there will be a pension for you which will enable you to live in comfort for the rest of your days. On the other hand, you may be one of the many for whom there will be no pension.

To provide an income for the time when you give up work you will have to save regularly. But saving is not easy. How many men intended to put by for their old age and in the end have had to rely upon their children or relatives to keep them Saturday Competition, as we know, the only person lawfully allowed to inscribe anything in or on a telephone-box is the Postmaster General. Anybody else would be defacing Crown property and bringing himself within the appropriate pains and penalties provided for such a misdemeanour. But it was so much more easy and profitable to imagine members of the public doing the inscribing than anybody else official notices tending usually to a regrettable matter-of-factness and absence of the higher imagination that some latitude had to be allowed.

And, after all, whatever the law, there is no denying that things are written on telephone-boxes chiefly, perhaps, all the numbers that innumerable users have hoped to Ret, did get, or failed to get. The average example of Sir Giles Gilbert Scott's mass-reproduced masterpiece already begins to look like a hermit cell deserted by an Arab mathematician after a lengthy tenancy. Why, then, not one intelligible inscription among all the unintelligible ones But we scarcely think the P.M.G. would be gratified by some of the lines suggested. The old jokes about dilatory operators and impossible delays apparently still maintain their currency, notwithstanding all the efforts and achievements of latter-day new brooms at the Post Office.

A WHY NOT MAKE THE FUTURE CERTAIN A PRUDENTIAL GUARANTEED INCOME POLICY will enable you to secure at age 60 or 65 an income for life of, say, 100 200 OR 300 Should you die before reaching the age selected, a 'substantial cash sum would be available immediately for your dependants. Birkenhead writer submitted an epitaph in this antique vein To the undvmer memorv of John Smith, who courage and devotion held the line in face of overwhelming numbers (all wrong). Ordered to hang on," despite LTD. superior numbers engaged he stood fast, faint but undaunted, until his call came. Erected by Subscribers.

TO THE PRUDENTIAL ASSURANCE CO. HOLBORN BARS LONDON EC1 desire full particulars of your Guaranteed Income Policy. Date of birth Nome. (MR. OR MRS.

I Address A picture taken at Tirril, near Pooley Bridge. M.G. 12236. he is baffled by complicated machines. The "MODERN TIMES" HAS MODERN IDEAS years later, in 1839, when Sir Charles Shaw Charlie Chaplin Sings in his New Film MISCELLANY "AH hope abandon, ye who enter here was submitted by numbers of entrants as the "obvious" inscription, which, in fairness to the present telephone regime, it should be said that it certainly is not.

One Liverpool writer even perversely twisted the familiar words into Abandon hope that all who enter bear." Rather kindlier, but with a sting in the tail, was an entry from Whitby Erected by the Postmaster General thai friends mav not hp sundered from friends neither by night nor by day, that the weary may bo spared many journevmgs, and in tbo hope that users will sec the advantage of a pruate telephone. Among the admonitory or purely non-rommittal offerings may be mentioned the cheerful Talk and the world talks to vou (Bridgwater), and the cutting "TWrp may he a fool at the 'phone, hut not ticccssatily at the other end" (Chesterfield) In tins manner, among the entries Hindi choose to descant on the virtue of Wins polite to the operator probably the best was the Iin.il Communications CORRUPT Good Ttf aimers Bad -Manners INTERRUPT Good Communications, from a Wilmslow writer, though it was putting a bigger strain on the adage than it could stand. Some lines from Oxford spoke flippantly about the rural telephones took command of the Manchester force, he found the workpeople paying sixpence SCHOOL REOPENED BY PARENTS Committee's Appeal From our Correspondent Rawteketall, Tuesday. The Rautenstall Education Committee lias decided to appeal to the Board ol Education against the re-opening of St. a week per family to the watch for several sub-titles saying One week later The 7-to-l Club calling them up in the morning.

Somewhat but on the whole the "gags" rise more girl finds him a job as a waiter, but he can never get through the dancers to his table. The crowd is again too much for the individual. Charlie takes the floor by himself and wins the respect of the crowd by a song. He has forgotten the words, so he sings gibberish. It is here that Chaplin's ice ia heard, but it has no effect on our idea of the tramp, for that tramp is appearing character.

He sins character song to a. Spanish fandango and mimes the story. Were the words any known language their meaning would be made clear by the gestures, so it cannot be said that the use of gibberish has settled the problem of language depriving the tramp of his world One of the exhibits mentioned in a pre naturally out of the story. Their duration is determined by the development of that story, and so we never lose sight of the fact liminary account of the British Industries Fair Bounds as though it might have a tremendous future before it. for it is nothing that the tramp has embarked on an adven ture which will turn out all right though it less than seven golf clubs in one.

It con James's Church of England day school, has turned out bigger than he expected. sists of an adjustable head at the end of a steel shaft: the angle of the head is fixed He begins- it by running amuck in a steel Waterloot, wliichthe committee closed eitiht months atro on the grounds of London, Tuesday. To-night, fnr the fiist time sinre The Gold Rush." the shrinking figure of Charlie Chaplin will again skip itcruss the screen of the Tnoli. Time Lies, and it ma have been tlmuht that he would no longer seem the samp tramp. Rut he is.

In this him he is literalK a tramp among tramps, for "Modern Times surrounds him with unemployed, strikers, and dockule doun-and-outs. Charlie the tramp gets into difficulties, but he is no longer lonely. In previous pictures he has been buffeted by the rich and bewildered by society." Among the upper chides Charlie sjmbolised the downtrodden with Uie lrrepiessioihtv whieh the downtrodden would like to preserve. In by a thumbscrew, and that angle can be factory. The monotony of tightening bolts scandalised by this theory of police duty he put stop to the practice.

The next complication was a protest from. the employers, and so Shaw said that the police might call the workpeople for twopence a week if the masters would deduct that sum from their wages and pay it over to the police fund. The employers were, willing to agree to that arrangement, but this time it was the employees who objected because they would rather pay sixpence a family as a voluntary contribution than have twopence deducted from their wages by the masters. Eventually the difficulty was got over by the employment of professional 41 knockers-up." Although Shaw was appointed in 1839, the as they pass before him on an endless belt economy. so arranged that the complete instrument will serve as a putter or as any club from a No.

1 to a No. 6 iron. The idea suggests The parents of about 70 children is too much for him. His fingers nervously repeat the mechanical action and he tries, lefi.i-eil to comply with an ordt'i to send audiences. The real problem would seem to be not the language but the dialogue that would suit him.

The gibberish does not interfere with his gestures, and it is true one of those truly great inventions which vith disastrous results to the factory, to them to another Church of England take the breath away by their simplicity and school at XeAchuieh They formed ti tighten everything remotely resembling a bolt. He is taken off to a. nervous home. efficacy. The possessor of that tool will that there is something strange about seeing a film in which people speak without being committee and, after a short strike and a senos of public meetings, reopened the have a complete set of iron clubs on one and when he comes out he picks up a red heard.

It is. therefore, significant that school on voluntary lines with a staff of shaft; give him two, or at the outside three, wooden-headed clubs, and his outfit would Modern Times he is the individual lost tully qualified teachers. The school lias since been run with tin be absolutely complete. Chaplin has broken silence. It is also noticeable that sets, lighting, and photography are in accord with modern in a crowd, but it is his own crowd, and so dispute over the legality of incorporation followed, and it was not until 1842 that tho borough police force as a whole was transferred to the corporation.

there is les of that pathos which mau of help of subscriptions and the profits from social efforts, and the. parents' committee his admirers base found excessive his ideas. As to Chaplm, he eeems in this film to be enjoying himself. There are has now issued a statutory notice of its intention to reopen the eehool as a later pictures. This is not the only respect in which Modern Tunes differs from its sequences which will become fam us.

The Achievement of the scientific mind, I shower benevolence upon mankind. Here, when Meccano little Tommy tires. He loosens Knobs and disarranges wires. Here Mis Perkins shelters from the ram; Augustus hids good-mght to Mary Jane, And omv (a story true, however tall) The Vicar spent twopence and made ft calll Original inscriptions not being insisted on, some rciders routed in Shakespeare and elsewhere one in St. Albans submitted three lines from "Hamlet" as an interesting reference to the telephone habit in Come.

Gertrude, we'll call up our wisest friends Anil lei them know both what we mean rmblic elemental school Appeals must Keeping the Peace Moreover, it might possibly be an advantage in another way to have all your irons on one shaft; once the player had got the balance and feel of one item in the set, presumably his mind and muscles would be equally acquainted with all the rest. Under the old arrangement a man might easily be off his mashie while playing well with what used to be called a mid-iron, but if nlnlosonhv is evident. It is clear that flag whith a road-repairing lorry has dropped. At that moment a strikers' procession conies round a corner. Charlie finds himself at the head of it and is immediately arrested.

He inadvertently quells a riot and is therefore released. But modern times are so difficult that lie longs to be safely back in prison. He accordingly pretends that it is he and not an orphan girl who has stolen a loaf. They are both arresled, but they are flung out of the prison van as it swerves to avoid a passing car. This time Charlie wishes to share freedom with the girl, but eiery time he obtains work there is either a strike, or immediate predecessors.

(JinpJm tor the be lodyed within three months of the A correspondent who visited Whipsnade Chaplin's answer to modern times is that posting of this notice. first tune did not miprmise a scei ano the individual does not conform he is taken he went alonL: He prepared a complete script, and tinman this film litis his usual awav in a van to prison or to hospital. But a day or two ago sends details of an odd scene which he saw there. In one of the large paddocks were various kinds of bird3 and beasts, amongst others two game-cocks apparent 1 casual construction it is not so nalpablv, as was Cilv Lights." a series of Cockermouth Town Council, which has acquired a theatre, yesterday engaged a professional repertory company to play what makes "Modern Times" up to date is not its message but its name. The "gags are some of Chaplin's best, and they are er formed with inimitable gesture.

E. H. "gags" linked by a stor. Chaplin still tor a month deals with time his own w.ij (there are whieh were obviously spoiling for a fight. Every time, however, that they began their preliminary sparring two emalliBh geese (of a kind not known by name to the observer) dashed up to them with flapping wings and beat the combatants apart.

This was the two were actually the same club (but altered by the turning of a screw) there might be much less risk of finding the one harder to use than the other. An Unacceptable Device? At the same time it would be a most revolutionary idea to have all your eggs in one basket and all your irons on one shaft. Some players carry round (or rather hire to do And what's untimely done," while, from Manchester, came an appropriate line from Richard the Second Where words are scarce, they are seldom spent vain." From that we can take the considerable jump to an entry from Southampton They have their say and go their way and A FROZEN RIVER IN SCOTLAND caddies to carry round for them) a tremendous assortment of tools; they might feel that they had lost caste and were humbled to tho dust if they were invited to make one club serve as seven. Caddies repeated four or five times, until finally the cocks, like Tweedledum and Tweedledee, quite forgot their quarrel." What seems especially curious about these happenings is that it showe birds of on species taking an interest in the internal squabbles of another species a matter in which one would imagine them to have no concern. Yet, to a human onlooker, these two public-spirited geese clearly seemed to be keeping the peace from pure altruism.

Is the goose, in truth, promoter or peace? And can it be from obeer-vation of this that certain of our preBB lords hae formed the converse, but erroneous, opmion that every peacemaker is a gooe I mhrht rejoice at having a lighter load to carry because even their most ambitious employers had not 6 quite so many irons in the fire. On the other hand, there might be a bad slump in the caddying trade because some players would do without caddy altogether surely a man whose entirely adequate outfit consisted of one wooden club and the combination iron would be able to shoulder the white man's burden for himself But manufacturers who make golf clubs, and eolf professionals who both make and Short of the Hundred The Fulham clergyman who has been protesting against the unsuitability of epitaphs the local cemetery has probably a good case, but it is doubtful whether any English churchyard can show anything so remarkable as a monumental inscription to an American coloniser of the old school: sell them, would doubtless see nothing but red ruin and the break-up of the royal and undent came in Buch an unthinkable device as seven clubs in one. They pre To Lem S. Frame, who, during his life, sumably would approach the whole idea with the very liveliest hope that the Hulea shot 89 Indiana whom the Lord delivered pav ntv modest tee. Banker and beggar, good and bad, they're all the same to me.

And I could make vour blood run cold the awful things I've heard! Though always in a score of tongues, SHE has the final word. Alas despite the material available, the just, the inevitable, the exactly-light inscription was not to find. Nobody really produced anything that seemed to merit a first prize. The prize money is accordingly split into three, and one guinea will be sent to each of the following: Miss D. N.

DALGLISH, 1, Crescent Grove, London, S.W. 4. Someone is waiting, So please don't prolong That endless discussion Until there's a throng. Someone's depending On your being quick. For the house is s-buraing.

Or baby is sick. Do you enjoy waiting For news, bad or goodt Then please think of others As a gentleman should. MAURICE MULLETT, 55, Stockwell Park Road, London, S.W. 9. Oh, canny Scot, retain your pence.

Gang wanly, the risk's immense. Think of the shock across the Border Should Button be out of order. E. F. WATLINC, 10, Elmoro Road, Sheffield 10.

Chatterbox. into his hands, and who was looking forward to making up his hundred before the end of the year when he fell asleep in Jesus at his house at Hawk's Ferry, March 27, 1843." The Star-Carter of Golf Committee at St. Andrews would outlaw the 7-to-l club under the ruling which refuses to sanction "any substantial departure from the traditional and accepted form and make of golf clubs." That would seem to be the biggest risk that the new-invention runs. Benefit of Clergy A general intelligence problem of an apparently less exacting type than some is going the rounds at the moment. It runs as follows, and those to whom it is offered are asked to comment on it A couple who were anxious to get married interviewed a clergyman and inquired how soon he could Time: A cold and frosty morning.

Husband (panting from garage into house) Where's my bag got to go by train I can't get the blinking star to eartl" (Exit, still panting.) arrange the matter for them. He told them that according to the law a certain time must elapse before the ceremony could be performed, and consequently Monday three weeks would be the first available date. Let me see," he continued, on that day I shall have a funeral at 11 a.m., and at one o'clock I have to attend a meeting of CRUELTY TO ANIMALS E.S.P.C.A. records for December show that 2,186 allegations of cruelty were investigated, one offender was sent to prison, 127 offenders were fined, and in the case of six persons who were acquitted the society's costs were remitted, showing that its action was reasonable. Eighty-four persons guilty of minor acts of cruelty were cautioned in writing, and 1,263 persons guilty of minor acts of cruelty cautioned by inspectors.

Among the convictions were thirty-nino for working horses in an unfit stale; eight for beating, kicking, or starving dogs; four for neglecting cats; one for starving pigeons; and one for causing a fox to be worried by hounds. the parochial council. Will twelve clock mt vou!" And so the matter was arranged. There does not seem to be much point in the problem, and the questioner is usually told so. Then he mildly asks, How doe3 the clergyman know that he will have a BOY'S ATTEMPT TO SAVE SISTER Dress Catches Fire Mabel Maeer 13.

of Sheffield Road funeral at am. three weeks hence! police as Knockers-Up Last week's photograph of the new police Barnsley, whos dress caught fire in the kitchen of her home yesterday, and At a meeting of the Cheater Hunt headquarters under construction in Jackson's n4i her brother, who t-; in oTHnmneli the flune8 with hifl mittee Major A. 8. Casey, of Elvsaton, Derby, was nominated as Master of Chester Hounds in succession to Mr. W.

XL Midwood, who hae resigned. Row may revive name eurjoua memories, a century ago, for instance, one of the important functions of the Manchester police was that of assing as knookera-up," Some hands, are both in the Barnsley Beckett TTrwmit.ftl Ruff finer from bums. Their The River Garry, in Perthshire, which has been frozen into blocks of ice. mother, who rolled the girl in had. ber tine-erc burned..