Tucson Daily Citizen from Tucson, Arizona • Page 15

DATING AND GOING STEADY When Is The Right Time For Marriage And When Not? Tills final report on teen-age boy-girl relationships is adapted from the book, "A Girl's Guide to Dating and Going Steady," published by Doubleday Co. The author is a well-known New Jersey psychotherapist and professor at New York University. By Dr. THOMAS C. McGIKNTS World Book Science Sevrice As we have seen, boy-girl relationships commonly move from double-dating to single-dating to going steady and to engagement.

The engagement stage is one in which the boy and girl have decided to investigate throoughly whether they are meant for each other and can spend their lives together in harmony and happiness. Many people consider engagement to be an announcement by the couple that their saerch is over. However; engagement is not necessarily the end of a search, but rather the beginning of one. Ideally, before an engagement is announced, you should feel that you can answer yes to two key questions: 1. Are you ready to take on the duties and responsibilities of married life? 2.

Is this boy you plan to marry truly the one with whom you have good prospects of a happy life? Unless your answers to both questions become more positive during your engagement, it seems doubtful that marriage at this time offers you the likelihood of successful living. How you will manage the differences of feeling and opinion that will crop up in your marriage is the most important factor, I believe, in determining whether you will achieve the happiness you long for. If both of you are highly skilled in handling attitudes which will often conflict with each other, you may be able to take in stride even great differences which often would seem to doom a marriage at its start. On the other hand, the inability to handle your differences in a constructive way may make a marital adjustment difficult, even if all other factors seem in its favor. It is of crucial importance, therefore, for a prospective husband and bride to recognize what their differences are and how they feel about-them, and to learn how to handle them in such a way that they do not undermine either partner.

A successful marriage is one in which husband and wife clearly understand each other's attitudes. The wife knows whether her husband is ambitious, hard-driving, anxious to succeed, or whether he prefers peace and quiet, and will be content never to rise far in the competitive world. She knows whether his attitude toward the common teachings of religion is one of intense acceptance, questioning, or outright disbelief. She knows whether he wants many children, a few children, or none at all; whether he thinks he should be the sole breadwinner in the family, or whether he favors her working, and under what circumstances. She understands his attitudes toward the handling of money in the family, toward relations with their in- laws and friends, and toward sex.

At the same time, he understands where she stands on questions like these. Both are able to tell frankly what they believe about matters which concern their everyday lives. They do not necessarily agree on all of these questions, perhaps not even on most of them, and maybe on very few. Many people mistakenly believe that their marriage will be endangered if they do not agree on the basic questions of life. Of course, as I have mentioned, married life often runs more smoothly when a husband and wife agree on the basic issues.

But what is more necessary is that they handle their inevitable disagreements in ways that do not seriously undermine their relationship. Therefore, if a husband and wife understand clearly how the other feels about such questions and respects the other's right to have those feelings, they are in a better position to live with whatever disagreements they may have. Just as many couples engage in premarital intercourse, thinking they are in love, when other factors are really involved, some couples decide that they will marry "for love" when their reasons may be different. Some girls marry not so much because they love the particular man, but because (in part, at least) they want to escape some situation they find disagreeable or disturbing. Marriages with this negative purpose (to get a a from something) are usually less likely to succeed than those in which the man or woman have strong feelings of affection and are moving even more closely together.

It stands to reason that every bride and bridegroom must expect married life to be an improvement over their lives as single persons. If one did not think married life would be better than single life, what would be the point of marrying at all? Therefore, a girl's decision to marry will usually be based on many factors perhaps a desire for emotional support from her husband (which is different from expecting him to solve her emotional problems, a desire to live a full sexual life, free from fears of pregnancy out of wedlock, perhaps also a desire to have luxuries which will be possible because her prospective husband has a good income. Generally, however, such reasons should be merely secondary ones. The first reason SSHS Dedicates New Buildings should be your affection for the particular boy. If you have this feeling, other' conditions could change he could become poor instead of rich, he could need your emotional support more than you need his, you could face markedly less comfortable living conditions in marriage than in single life and you could nevertheless love, honor, and cherish him and gain psychological and emotional satisfaction from your marriage.

Stated another way, of all your reasons for marrying the desire to spend all your days with this particular boy is your best assurance of a lasting and happy relationship. As a general rule, marriage is more satisfying than remaining single. It gives two persons the opportunity to engage in the most meaningful interpersonal relationship which human beings can have. It can provide emotional well-being and physical pleasure not to be found in any other way of living. This is not to say, however, that any girl would be happier if she were married.

This is the error some girls make when they regard marriage any marriage as a better condition than remaining single. If I seem to stress the "dark side" of marriage, it may be because young people often tend to overlook or minimize the needs of a wife and husband to make adjustments to each other and to their new conditions of living. I do not want you to think of marriage as an automatically blissful state in which never a dark cloud appears. But neither do I want you to consider it as a cheerless prospect you should face out of grim duty. It is anything but that.

We often read about the high divorce rates in modern times the probability that couples entering marriage for the first time will some day come to a legal end is about one in six. While this is a distressing figure, it also shows that five every six marriages an overwhelming majority do NOT end that way. Instead they bring unequaled joy and satisfaction. The fact is that despite the adjustments and sacrifices it demands, for most people marriage is the most fulfilling way of life. No other state can provide so much happiness for the average woman as that of wife and mother with a loving husband and children.

No wealth or achievement in this world can give such supreme joy of living as that which comes from the mutual love of a woman and man in marriage. Married love can lift you to levels of ecstasy that you have perhaps never even thought possible. Because of this, I would discourage you from settling for less. In the normal course of events, you will feel more secure whenever you successfully meet the challenges of dating and going steady and move on to new levels of understanding with boys. Have faith in your ability to manage the realities of living as they develop, and strive to improve your skill in handling problems and to resolve doubts as they arise.

For just as you progress in easy stages from doubledating to single-dating to going steady to engagement to marriage, so too you can continue to find your competence and pleasure in relating well with boys growing stronger with each passing year. By KATHY YORK Sunnyside Editor Sunnyside High School held the long-awaited Open House for the three new buildings on campus Monday evening. The Open House was originally planned for Dec. 15, but due to construction difficulties the date had to be postponed. The initial ceremony of the dedication was in the newly constructed auditorium.

Dr. Hobert Mitchell was master of ceremonies, introducing the new Sunnyside district superintendent, Dr. Ron Anderson, who also gave a speech. During the dedication there was a performance by the band and the chorus on stage. There was also a Latin dancing group which also added to the entertainment.

An art exhibit was put on display by the Fine Arts Department. Following the main ceremonies, there were guided tours of each of the three new buildings: the auto shops, the auditorium, and the gymnasium, all designed by Cain, Nelson and Wares. This 'dedication is open to the entire community. The administration feels it Is important that the members of 1, 2, 3, Lift 1, 2, 3, Members of the Spanish Club rehearse for the dance they presented to the dedication of the three new buildings on campus. Dancing partners from back to front are: Sue Echerivel and George Lopez, Gus Toledo and Angie Albilies, and Helen Saldivar and Andy Acerto.

The dancers gave their proformance in in the new Sunnyside auditorium. (Citizen Photo by Art Grasberger) TO GET ACQUAINTED the community be thanked for their support of the school bond issues, which enabled the high school to have the three-building addition. This is the second time since Sunnyside has been built that there have been new additions on campus. Donald Reese, director of the Art Department, gave a brief speech on the many and various uses of the auditorium, which will seat 12,000. The auditorium has four lecture areas, which are divided by folding expandable walls Events which are planned to be in the new auditorium in the near future are a performance by the Northern Arizona choir and a production of "Finian's Rainbow." The art gallery will be in constant use, with exhibits put on display by the Art Honor League and the beginning art classes.

The new auto shop was completed at the beginning of the year in September, and it has been in full use since then. During the Open House there were demonstrations on the uses of the equipment in the new building. When the boys move into the new gymnasium, the girls will have the old one to themselves. The old gym seated 700; the full capacity of the new gym is 3,000. There are 20 rows of bleachers in the new gym compared to the 6 rows in the old one.

Within the gym there is a wrestling room, which is the largest practice facility in the state. All of the boys gymnastics equipment is brand new. When the school was first constructed in 1957, there were nine buildings; after the dedication ceremonies, the number rose to 14, counting the buildings in the first addition. iztn WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 29, 1969 PAGE 16 Young Citizen Staff Amphitheater Mickey Jensen, editor Reporter: Merry Canyon del Oro Patt Morrison, editor ers: Tammy Murray, Robert Catalina Duncan Robertson, editor Reporter: Debbie Petranek Flowing Wells Roxanne Marrs, editor Green Fields Connie Smith, correspondent Immaculate Heart Deborah Pendley, correspondent Palo Verde Kerry Kettenbach, editor Pueblo Mike Butler, editor Rincon Babs Bowman, editor Reporter: Capoy Livingston Sahuaro Mitch Shapiro, editor Salpointe Anna Elias, editor Reporter: Elda Camacho Sunnyside Kathy York, editor Reporter: Danny Flgueroa Tucson Suzanne Sniff, editor Reporter: Jane del Villar Villa Carondelet Marion Welchert, Correspondent 'Little People' Tour SHS BY ANNA ELIAS Salpointe Editor What's it like to be a prospective freshman, namely, an eighth grader? Or can anyone who's ever been me remember that far back. Salpointe's student body became eye witnesses to the measurability (usually under 5 ft.) and carefree attitudes of some of these adolescents in question.

In the first of their TGA (To Get Acquainted) Days, Salpointe played host to the eighth grade students of Sacred Heart and SS. Peter and Paul grade schools. TGA Days were begun several years ago in order to encourage more eighth grade students to attend Salpointe. An attempt is made to show them the school facilities, explain the various clubs and extracurricular activities such as sports, yearbook, newspaper, and to give them a general idea of the high school atmosphere by inviting them to obseive classes on a regular school day. Members of the student usually one athlete, one song- leader or cheerleader and a freshman visit each invited school ahead of time.

The eighth graders are presented with a brief outline of courses, sports, social and club activities so that any questions about entering Salpointe may be answered. TGA Days are opened with speeches to the eighth graders by Salpointe's principal, Rev. Kurt Holdereid and Student Body President, Bob McQuown after which members of the Student Council take groups of the "little people" on tours of the school. If an assembly is scheduled on that day the eighth graders are given special seats in the gym and are once again welcomed by the entire student body. Refreshments are served to the TGA Day guests after the assembly and they are admitted free to the basketball game tiiat evening.

TGA Days, sponsored and organized by the Student Council, have definitely been successful in the past years and have increased the enrollment considerably. Timed In On Tucson Have you heard the T. S. Colt lately? You'll get a chance to February 1 at Villa Carondelet when the junior class sponsors "Lazy Love," their annual mixer for the Junior-Senior Prom in April. The dance will be held from 8-11 p.m.

in the auditorium and school dress is required. As part of what is hoped will be a city-wide student government exchange program, Palo Verde's Student Council visited Canyon del Oro's Senate meeting recently. The overall attitudes of the eighth graders seem to be filled with much enthusiasm and anticipation of soon entering nigh school (What they don't know!) Their eyes light up when they see someone they know especially if that person is a big football star or maybe a songleader -one of the many "famous" personages on campus. This soon becomes a great status symbol and gives them' a chance to look good in front of their friends. But of course comments are forever being whispered about these innocent little lambs, "Hey, there's Emily's little brother!" and "Boy, I wonder if I looked that young?" Classic lines are repeated several times throughout the afternoon, "But they're so small!" and "They get shorter every jear." Then you stop and think to yourself, "I probably looked this bad to someone when I came but they're so small!" Acne Treatment Results Hopeful PHILADELPHIA (UPI) A significant breakthrough has been claimed by the University of Pennsylvania Hospital in the treatment of acne, me scourge of the teen-age set.

Dr. Albert M. Kligman said dermatology studies showed vitamin A acid had proved to be substantially superior to all other topical preparation used by more than 200 adolescents in several modes of treatment. Seventy-two per cent of tho.se who applied daily a lotion containing vitamin A acid to their faces showed good to excellent results after three to four months. Kligman emphasized that the length of effectiveness was particular importance since studies showed that any preparation used to treat acne even one containing no active ingredient whatsoever will be effective for a short time.

But vitamin A acid has proved to be the first which pointed to a way of permanently controlling the disease. "It is not an acne cure," Kligman emphasized. "We are still looking for that. Vitamin A acid has proven to be very beneficial over a long period of time for most people, but it must be applied daily to be effective. Also it is an irritant, and to be effective it must cause a slight peeling and redness of the skin.

"For the first few weeks, it can make a case of acne appear to worsen as it penetrates the skin and brings hidden come- dones (blackheads) to the surface, in the process turning some of them into pimples. It detonates all the 'time bombs' at once." Kligman said there is much more to be learned about the disease before a real cure can be found. YOUNG CITIZEN Every Wednesday in the CITIZEN Stuffed? Elizabeth Montano fills a pillar with newspaper while Chris Montlary sticks flowers in to an already-finished pillar. These girls, both juniors, were only a part of the decoration committee for Immaculate Heart's Junior-Senior Prom which was held last Saturday at the Jewish Community Center (Citizen photo by Gary Gaynor). Cougars Will Try 'Optional English' By MITCH SHAPIRO Sahuaro Editor Beginning in the fall, Sahuaro will incorporate a new system of English.

Juniors and seniors will be able to substitute an optional English course to complete the English requirement for graduation. The optional courses were picked from a survey headed by Leo Croteau, head of the Sahuaro English department. The courses will be open to the below average student as well as the above-average student. To enroll in one of the optional courses, permission is needed from the department chairman as well as the current teacher. The optional courses include developmental reading and Expository Reading, Generative Rhetoric of the Paragraph and Sentence, Independent Study in Literature, Language, Logic and Poetry.

These courses will be available only during the first semester. The additional courses to be offered next year will enable the student to pick a course he is interested in, rather than having to face year after year of the same kind of thing. The program will be on an experimental basis and its further use will depend upon the students' reaction to it Girls Love Lazy Love By MARION WELCHERT Villa Correspondent From 8 to 11 p.m., T. S. Colt and the theme of "Lazy Love" will enliven the junior class dance at Villa Carondelet this Saturday.

What better way is there to spend an evening on February Daily, Villa juniors can be found putting up posters, making big pictures of wide-eyed beauties, (which Lynn Fink, class president, thinks "are really and telling everyone that their dance is "what's happening" on Saturday night. Exams and the agony or the pleasant surprises of report cards will be over, leaving everyone free to celebrate the passage of another quarter. This is the largest and easiest fund-raising activity for the juniors who agree that they will be able to enjoy themselves without much effort. This dance succeeds a car wash, a candy- apple sale, a turkey dinner, and a contest sponsored by KZAZ -all projects financing the Junior- Senior Prom. Miss Web of the week photo by Sonders-Manley If looks like "good morning" for Hi Deb Joan Dymock.

Her schedule for the day is really busy. Joan is in the 8th grade at Mages Jr. High where her favorite subject is math. school she is active in GAA and Methodist Youth Fellowship. She dances all dapces and listens to Tommy James and Ihe Shondells.

Her fa- voriJe record is "Chewy, Chewy" by the Ohio Express. Joan loves horseback riding and swimming, too. She and her parents, Mr. and Mrs. J.

R. Dymock, live at 8835 Shenandoah Place. When 'ft is time to relax Joan loves this big leg quilted pant robe. It is cotton by Ray modes. from Korby's Hi Deb Sftop Girls! -Register each week to win a free $15 Charge Account in the Hi Deb Shop at Korby'sl.