Palladium-Item from Richmond, Indiana • Page 9

ham-Stem Richmond, Tuesday, Dec.7, 1982 dir--lL section Z3 I he dh molain TOSH Horma's -V" people 7fyv By Norma Carnes Rx for listeners: don't let grumblers make you feel guilty By Dale Parry People Staff Writer Ignoring the person who persistently complains may work if the complainer is a kid. The behavior of a chronic complainer often is established early in childhood, according to Hagerstown psychologist Chris Milar, a staff member at the Muncie Psychiatric Clinic. "Initially, it will increase the complaining, but then it'll decrease. "Ignore it when it happens and then pay attention to the slightest litle positive thing," Milar says. "Show them that they'll get attention for the positive." While it may work for children, Milar says, the cold shoulder treatment or confrontation could be a totally Hifforoit Earlham College associate professor of psychology uum wuenine savs me prouspr mn win pn sp- where.

"Presumably, if the behavior is not reinforced, it will dissipate. Unfortunately, the person will find someone else (to complain to)." Weening says that openly confronting the complainer may lead to a "vicious cycle" of complaining about a complainer, who then has a new grievance to add to his list of gripes. And, in some cases, confrontation may even drive a misunderstood com- 1 plainer to more desperate attempts to garner atten- Experts can't agree on why the guy gripes By Dale Parry People Staff Writer It's too hot for them. Or it's too cold. There's been too much rain to suit their tastes.

Or there's not been enough. Their salaries are too low, their jobs too hard. Their cars won't start, their marriages are floundering and they have enough nagging backaches to neutralize a boxcar of Doan's Pills. These are the Andy Rooneys of this world, and the Roseann Roseannadannas; with them, "it's always somethin'." There's just no pleasing some people. Every office, every factory, every club, every college dormitory has one somebody who spends most of his time moping around, kicking at the ground and keeping a running oral index of the world's woes.

Sometimes you just want to belt him. A COMPLAINER, by definition, makes no secret of his existence. So he's not hard to diagnose. Eut psychologists have a tough time agreeing on the chronic complainer's motivation and just what to do about him. Roger Hutchinson, professor of counseling psychology at Ball State University believes the complainer often is dealing with undirected, unvented frustration and anger.

"A lot of the time," he says, "they can't get at the person they're angry with. Maybe they haven't even gotten that person identified." Earlham College associate professor of psychology David Weening says a certain amount of grousing may be legitimate, but habitual complainers could be shrugging responsibility for their self-induced problems. "It takes courage to own up to your unhappiness and state of welfare. It's more comfortable to place the blame for them on someone else." UCLA assistant professor of psychology Gerald Goodman calls the process of continuous carping "flooded disclosure." According to Goodman, author of a book on conversation soon to be published by E.P. Dutton, people disclose facts and opinions in conversation all the time.

Usually, the disclosure is edited and censored before spoken. But, sometimes, the editing process is bypassed and the speaker unloads a mouthful of details. The disclosure may be one of happiness, such as when a father babbles out an hour-long list of particulars on his newborn child. Or, it may be a disclosure of distress, a babbling of bad news. EVERYBODY FLOODS somebody sometime.

Usually, Goodman says, we confide in a close friend or a professional counselor. But it is the persistent negative flooder, the person who engages in what Goodman calls "promiscuous flooding," that we label a chronic complainer. "There is someplace thathe is not being understood by intimates," Goodman says. "Maybe he doesn't have a friend." "The effect of a chronic complainer is relative to your comfort with your own status," says Earlham's Weening. "Part of the problem in dealing with it is people's basic desire to help each other.

We often tend to take responsibility for other people's happiness. As a result we are likely to fall victim." "If I'm the listener," says Goodman, "and. got me trapped in that situation, I might feel de-humanized. Like I'm being used without an agreement." 4 Fnn celebrates If you were in the vicinity of Indiana University East Monday and heard the greeting, "Happy Independence Day," you weren' imagining things. It wasn't the Fourth of July, you say.

But it was Finish Independence Day. The Republic of Finland (Suomi) celebrated its 65th independence anniversary Monday and so did Deane Jakola, director of admissions at IU East, who offered this explanation: "Being a Finnish-American, it was kind of a personal celebration for me. I'm proud of my heritage, so I decided to celebrate." His open invitation via the university's newsletter invited the faculty and staff for refreshments in the staff lounge "in honor of the country known for (Jean) Sibelius, the sauna and sisu (intestinal Those who showed up were welcomed with a few blue and white Finnish flags, one of which appeared on a large cake bearing the message: "Finland (Suomi), 1917-1982." Local interest on display The Black History display in the Richmond High School library features a couple of things which are of special interest to Richmondites. Pam Lleberenz, librarian, says there is a large photograph of the Rev. James M.

Townsend after whom Townsend Community Center, 855 N. 12th is named. Also, there's a photograph of the American Legion Drill Team taken about 1955, she said. The 8-x-13-foot traveling exhibit is titled "This Far By Faith: Black Hoosier Heritage," and will be on exhibit from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.

through Friday. It is presented by the Indiana Committee for the Humanities, the Indiana Historical Society Library and the Muncie Public Library. It is open to the public. Another change in order? Now that Bud King, owner, has had Elizabeth Parker's Restaurant, 1616 E. Main redecorated and remodeled, he has dropped the old name and selected a new one.

But he has a worry. The new decor of "Taste of the Town" features an island bar visible from just about any seat in the house. And King, who is fond of his casual attire, worries that being in full view of the customers means he may be forced to wear a tie. She's a TV celebrity Cheryl Purtee, a junior majoring in pre-law at Purdue University, is a celebrity atleastto her family. When her parents, Earl and Sue Purtee, were watching the Purdue basketball game at their 517 S.

21st home last week, their 11-year-old daughter, Mary Alice, yelled: "There's Cheryl!" Sure enough, there was their daughter playing trumpet in the Purdue Basketball Band. "We knew she had tried out for the spot," Purtee said, "but didn't know she had made it until we saw her," He said half of the 400-member marching band was given the opportunity to try out for the 50-mem-ber band which plays at all Purdue home basketball games. "We had a telephone call in to her at 11 30 that night after the game," Purtee added. Potpourri Scott Parrish, 1207 Sylvan Nook Drive, will be the featured saxophonist Wednesday at a concert at Berklee College, Boston, Mass. Parrish is a freshman majoring in professional music at Berklee.

The concert will showcase contemporary jazz works for big band, with selections from the repertoires of May-nard Ferguson, Stan Kenton, Buddy Rich and Woody Herman. tion or aid. UCLA associate professor of psychology Gerald Goodman says a chronic complainer who is not heeded may turn in frustration to violence. PSYCHOLOGISTS AGREE that the first step in re- solving a problem with habitual grumblers is to sort out the gripes which are the listener's responsibility. Typically, they say, those complaints are few.

Most chronic complainers' beefs aren't with the people who are lassoed into hearing them. So, the psychologists say, the listener must avoid feeling guilty for the complainer's unhappiness. "Just as you can't be responsible for someone else's happiness," says Weening, "you can't let them be responsible for yours." The listener should acknoledge the complaint, he says. "That's different from responding and accept (life ing responsibility." Acknowledgement might be as simpleasthestatement: "Thatmustbedistressing." Ball State University professor of counseling psychology Roger Hutchinson says the listener may aid the complainer by helping isolate his true grievances. "If they could identify and work on a small part of the problem, they could get it worked out," he says.

EMPATHY, TOO, is important. "Tune into their world and. be able to hear them, to see how the world looks through their eyes," Hutchinson says. Hutchinson advocates the use of messages when explaining to complainers that they're getting on listeners' nerves. "For example, 'I really get upset when you talk like "Explain how it makes you feel to be complained at," says Weening.

"Say. .1 really like you, but I get sad and depressed when we spend so much time talking about how bad things Productive complaining with messages, Weening says, also sets an example for the chronic complainer to follow. UCLA's Goodman maintains that the key to eliminating chronic complainers is conversation education. "There must be some shift in the way one views how we talk to each other. (We must) start paying at The solution to problems wrought by a persistent, unavoidable moaner lies in curing the complainer.

But the psychologists agree that the prescription depends on several variables and that, in any case, complaining to a professional complainer is no simple formula. Says Weening: "He's been doing it a lot longer than you have." Buyers are going bananas over licensed toys this year tention to the way we talk and not just the content. GOODMAN HAS collaborated with other interpersonal relations experts to develop a series of tape recorded instructions and exercises in conversational speech. The package, called the Sasha Tapes, teaches six basic communications skills including the proper use of "disclosure," which Goodman says is the root to complainers' habits. Also approached are techniques of listening responses, reflection, questioning, advisement and attention-getting.

The tapes and 10 exercise manuals are geared for ages 15 and up, Goodman says. The program is set up for six 212-hour sessions. Cost of the package is $69. It is available from the UCLA Extension, Dept. of Human Development, PO Box 24902, Los Angles, Calif.

90024. jMh Club Shopping Center the biggest in town and we're open everyday. Pbllssdizim- litem He says that although popularity has been falling off, the Gloria Vanderbilt wrap outsold its more traditional Currier Ives Christmas wrap by 3-1 after its debut. Smurf gift wrap is outselling everyday wrap "by a wide margin," he says. A GOOD EXAMPLE of the lucrative effects of licensed products on a company is LJN Toys of New York, whose stellar growth can be attributed almost entirely to successful licensed toys.

LJN, whose E.T. dolls "toddle and bobble" and whose Brooke Shields dolls are in stiff competition for sales with Mattel's longtime favorite Barbie, has managed to increase sales of $5 million nine years ago to estimated 1982 sales of $70 million. "The reason for licensing has been that, in America, everybody wants the same thing. It's a kind of follow the leader, whether it's an alligator shirt, a Smurf or an E.T. toy," says Jack Friedman, LJN president.

Products based on already popular characters are the safest bet for manufacturers and retailers because the products are preceded by consumer awareness. That means cheaper advertising bills. In the case of the E.T. toys, says LJN's Friedman, "We don't even need TV advertising this year." On the other side of the licensing game are the companies that rent the rights to manufacturers for use of the characters. Right now, the most sought-after are Wallace Berrie which is the exclusive North American licensee for Smurfs, and MCA, which is licensing E.T.

American Greetings Corp. owns the rights to the still-popular Strawberry Shortcake cartoon character and its orchard of friends. FORYOUS By Lorraine Clchowski Gannett News Service The latest "Toys 'R' Us" sales flyer tells the story at a glance: There is a talking E.T. and a walking E.T. and an E.T.

game. Smurfs sit atop a telephone and pop out of a musical box and spin on a top. Picture a Strawberry Shortcake tricycle, Mickey Mouse alarm clock, a stuffed Snoopy, Dukes of Hazzard cars, Brooke Shields makeup center and an Annie doll. Defying the recession, sales of licensed products are booming. Business this year in coloring books, dolls, bed sheets, T-shirts and other products fashioned after, designed by or featuring a television or movie character or other popular name is expected to reach $18.4 billion at the retail level, nearly three times the 1978 volume of $6.5 billion.

The licensed-product market, in fact, could reach $75 billion by 1990, according to Arnold R. Bolka, executive director of the Licensing Industry Association and publisher of the The Licensing Letter, a monthly trade publication. "Although licensing has been around for 40 or 50 years, since Walt Disney, it wasn't such a big deal," says Marshall P. Katz, president of Papercraft which recently overhauled its marketing strategy to use more licensed products in its lines of gift wrapping paper, Christmas ornaments, decorative tape and towels. "The real advent of licensing started when the entertainment companies discovered that licensing income was a big additional source of revenue at relatively little cost to them and no risk," he says.

"That started in 1977 with Star Wars." The Star Wars gang Luke Skywalker, Darth Va-der, R2D2 and tons of Star Wars spacecraft has lost some of its popularity with the surge of new characters on the market. But the line is expected to pick up again with the next sequel, tentatively due in late 1984 or early 1985. UNTIL LAST YEAR, only the textile subsidiary of Papercraft used trademark licenses on its kitchen and bathroom towels. Then, for Christmas 1981, Papercraft made a deal with designer Gloria Vanderbilt for wrapping paper and followed up last July with an announcement that it would begin featuring E.T. on its products.

Papercraft also has licenses to use the European Smurf gnomes and Barnum Bailey circus characters. Licensed products can mean big money to the manufacturers lucky enough to pick up a hot character and to the companies that rent names. Katz declined to say how much Pittsburgh-based Papercraft, with profits last year of $14 million on sales of $184 million, was expecting to make from its licensed products. But he says licensed products likely will account for 10 percent of the corporate sales division this year, up from 5 percent in 1981. HOLIDAY PARTIES Clay Township Homemakers GREENS FORK Flora Clark hosted a recent meeting of the Clay Township Extension Homemakers.

Lessons called "Cash for Trash" and "Coupons and Rebates" were given by Jeanette Pentecost. Members made miniature baskets under the direction of Martha Favre. Martha Clark was a guest. The club will meet at 12:30 p.m. Thursday at Bob's Restaurant in Hagerstown for lunch, then go to the home of Gladys Schell for a gift exchange.

Weetomp Chapter, DAC Thirteen members and one guest of the Weetomp Chapter, Daughters of the American Colonists, met last week at the home of the regent, Mrs. Ralph Bush. Assistant hostesses were Mrs. Russell Brower and Mrs. Lyle Bell.

The cookies for the Christmas tea were made by Ralph Bush, who was showing the results of his cooking hobby. Mrs. Lester Haley read the national defense message. Helen Bush Hendricks played organ music. Delta Delta Delta Esther Thistlethwalte, Peg Shields, Virginia Schussler and Kelly Andrews hosted a Christmas luncheon and white elephant gift exchange for the alumnae of Delta Delta Delta Sorority last weekend at Forest Hills Country Club.

Fourteen members and one guest, Kay Thistlethwalte, attended. The group received thank-you letters for gifts to the Sleighbell Fund for cancer research at Riley Children's Hosptial and to the collegiate chapter of Tri Delta at Butler University, Indianapolis. AARP The Richmond Chapter of the American Association of Retired Persons met for its annual carry-in luncheon Monday at St. Paul's Lutheran Church. The Rev.

Christoph Armiger gave the invocation. A musical program was presented by the Richmond High School Madrigal Singers and choir directed by Ed Eby. Juanita Hunt supervised food preparations and other arrangement, and Edith McGriff handled table decorations. The next meeting will be at 1:30 p.m. Monday, Jan.

3, in the church. I Liquidation Sale Alt floor modeli and clow-out will bo cacriflced. Waterbed Liquidators 3400 E. Main Santa Suits "Miss Santa" Suits Tables Chairs Portable Dars Classes Cf)r Jhrtplarefefjop N. 10th and Streets Unfinished Authentic Oak Reproductions Punch Cowls Coffeemakers Projectors RENTAL (J CENTER 3230 E.

MAIhTRICHMOND, IN. 835-RENT 0a 218 West Mam Street Centerville. Indiana 47330 Phone (317) 85? 2664 John Kathryn Brown Home: (317)966 0441 Open Wed. Through Sun. 12 5 p.m..