Stevens Point Journal from Stevens Point, Wisconsin • 4

To The Point Bill May 18, Berry 1996 editor Founded in 1873 Steuens Debbie Point Bradley Journal managing editor Time for alert strip evolution Twenty years or so ago the Department of Concrete, a.k.a. Transportation, began installing "alert strips" in roadways as the route approached a traffic hazard. These are corrugated strips to warn drivers of intersections and tight curves. The vehicle tires on striking the alert strip cause a loud rumble as if one has inadvertently taken a detour through a cement truck or something equally engrossing. As rumbles go, the sound is fairly disagreeable.

When combined with a bad tooth, birth contractions or a bad back, the vibration becomes excruciating. They're designed to wake the drowsy vehicle operator to pay attention, else the last memory of the driver be a rescue crew disentangling their remains from a telephone pole, and that God spoke to them just before the impact. What exactly was said isn't remembered, only a deep tumultuous voice. The designer of the first "alert strip" for use on a public byway was Harold V. Sanderpath of Roanoke, who in 1689 installed the same on the road connecting Outasorts with Dewlap.

This where Sanderpath maintained his toll-bridge, a fine specimen of a bridge constructed entirely of mangrove timbers that would, according to builder's estimates, last unto the year 3077 A.D. at which point they'd require another coat of creosote. The toll was a half penny for household cart and full pence for a freight wagon. Foot travelers were allowed to pass for free as long as they didn't admire the view. The problem Mr.

Harold Sanderpath faced with his enterprise was the location of the bridge at the bottom of a long hill that in the last furlong took a more urgent pitch. The result being wagons gained velocity as they approached the bridge such that the horses were running for their lives, what with the wagon now pursuing them and it loaded with iced chicken carcasses and there isn't anything an honest horse finds more disagreeable than the thought of splattered chicken parts. Such was the velocity that the wagon, driver, horses and contents missed the toll booth, missed paying the penny and were across the bridge and halfway up the next hill, happy to be yet alive; and Mr. Sanderpath was out another toll. This when Harold installed the first alert strip in the continental United States using hickory saplings in-letted cross-wise to road surface.

In addition, he moved his toll booth to the top of the hill, as a result had a nice say-so with every folk as wished to pass the time of day before getting on. The town of Plover in former times used alert strips to forewarn folks who traveled the marsh they were utilizing a single-track timber bridge that didn't relish velocity. act the timbers were pitched off leaving unsecured gaps for the next traveler that came by. What the Town Board did to thwart this result was to buy planks from the Fabish mill, the Bannock mill and the Wood Brothers mill, ordering 3 by 12-foot burr oak from each. Cliff Wood, who needed glasses, sawed the plank as four inches even, Joe Fabish cut three and three eighths exact, and the Bannock mill had a taper that stood at three and a half on one end to something else on the other.

Hitting a town bridge at anything over six knots knocked the adam's ap- Rat, tat, tat By JUSTIN ISHERWOOD The weather has everyone down. One recent day, another in a long line of damp, cold, crap, the morning mail brought a string of five Open Letters. The common theme in each: Their authors were mad at someone. When Tony Phillips of the Chicago White Sox went to the bleachers to sock a Milwaukee Brewers fan this week, a story told by Don Riley came to mind. Riley was a sports columnist for the St.

Paul Pioneer Press, the originator of the line, "rat, tat, tat." He once told of the Minnesota Gophers middle linebacker who picked a fight in a bar with a 160-pound hippie who proceeded to walk up one side of the jock and down the other. Of course the Gophers had a rotten team. What's in a name: Stan Gruszynski is running for Congress again over in the 8th District. Grusznyski hails from Marinette. Some people in Portage County realized he wasn't from here years ago when Stan ran for the state Assembly in Stevens Point.

"That's not a Portage County Polish name," one guy said. It's not a difficult name to remember, but one fellow had trouble. A regional group honored Gruszynski with a plaque a few years ago, and when it came time to announce the honor, the group's spokesman saluted the efforts of "Representative Grubowski." Stan didn't think it was funny. Names can be tough. During ceremonies marking construction of a new building a year or so ago, one speaker saluted "Representative Mirrit." When the Republican candidate for president tells a wry joke, does that make him Bob Droll? -Bill Berry Slats is annoyed By MIKE ROYKO Tribune Media Service "If you're gonna take that stool and talk, make it something cheerful," said Slats Grobnik, "because I'm feeling depressed." What is the source of your unhappiness? "I just got done with a lawyer and made out my last will and testament." Ah, yes, then I can understand your gloomy feelings.

Drafting a will reminds us of our mortality and of how fleeting a time we have in this vale of tears before we "Hey, knock it off. You think I'm so stupid that I need a will to let me know that I'm gonna croak one of these days? I get a reminder every morning when I shave and look in the Then what has upset you? "I don't like the idea that I need a will." But having an up-to-date will shows that you are a prudent man and that your assets will be passed on in an orderly way. "That's it. Assets. It bugs me that I got anything to pass on." Why? The fact that you have an estate is a testament to your hard work, thrift, self-reliance and good sense.

"No. It means I'm stupid because I'm not gonna die broke." But why would you want to do that? "Because if I'm broke, it would mean I was smart enough to have a whoopee time spending everything. That's why I think these Baby Boomers or yuppie characters or whatever they are got the right idea." What idea? The Wool Gargoyle ple three branches lower and those who weren't wearing a jock strap would need some time to readjust. Expectant women walked across; everybody else just clinched their eyes and held their breath. The town, by consequence of these assorted timbers, had bridges that because of their lonely situation might have been taken advantage of, but their design cured violators.

Hit any one of those town bridges above 15 mph and they'd alter your consciousness and change your underclothes. Catholics emerged out the far side as Evangelicals, and Methodists who were loose to begin with might end up as Apache witch doctors. Bits and pieces of cars, trucks, false teeth, shoes, socks, glass eyes, shift knobs, nuts and bolts were scattered around the bridgeheads of the marsh. Mostly, though, it was mufflers. When a farmer living nearby required a new silencer, he first checked the available stock at any of the several bridges for one as might fit.

Between Stevens Point and Madison city, DOT has installed a new form of alert strip, intended to improve tire adhesion during winter driving conditions. Unlike the traditional alert strips that rumble and talk mean, these strips meow and whine. By steering back and forth across them a kind of new age space music arises that a person who happened to know the difference between an octave and an ocelot might compose into: a meaningful pattern, assuming space music has such. An entirely obvious evolution of alert strips i is for subliminal control of vehicle speeds. A strip, for example, could'! be entirely noiseless at legal speeds but at 10 mph over emit a sound like "welfare cheat" or "Illinois, Illinois, Illinois" repeated ad infinitum.

At 20 mph over the message becomes "posthumous, posthumous, posthumous" or "cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater." Instead of cluttering up the Wisconsin landscape with worse-than-ugly billboards, advertising companies might consider installing message strips at the outside edge of the roadway, that at legal speeds play back information about motels, eateries, menu specialties. These same strips driven over at extra-marital speeds would commence counseling the driver with choice passages from the Bible and Koran, "Blessed are the Meek for they shall not be Ticketed." If done right they could probably install Dvorak's New World Symphony in one concrete alert strip, drive over another and find Indigo Girls. On still another, Fats Waller. Talk about full car stereo? When music is coming through the spare tire and the radiator, that friends is full car stereo. Out in the passing lane it's the Book of Revelations and the collected works of the Internal Revenue Service, or Joyce's "Playboy of the Western World." All of this but an extension of the lesson the township learned when it had three woodlot mills cut the same dimension and the bridges out on the -than-empty marsh didn't suffer the overturned plank.

U.S. Government President Bill Clinton 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C. 20500 U.S. Representative David Obey House of Representatives, Washington, D.C. 20515 Sen.

Herbert Kohl U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold U.S. Senate, Washington, D.C. 20510 Wisconsin Government Wisconsin State Legislative Hotline 1-800 362-9472 Gov.

Tommy Thompson: P.O. Box 7863, Madison, WI 53707 State Rep. Marlin Schneider, 72nd District State Rep. Lorraine Seratti, 36th District: P.O. Box 8953, Madison, WI 53708 State Rep.

Bill Murat, 71st District State Rep. Don Hasenohrl, 70th District: P.O. Box 8952, Madison, WI 53708 State Sen. Kevin Shibilski, 24th District State Sen. Bob Welch, 14th District State Sen.

Roger, Breske, 12th District: P.O. Box 7882, Madison, WI 53707 WHERE TO WRITE YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS Points from the Past Ten years ago tees. The majority felt the rule would infringe on personal rights. (Sunday, May 18, 1986) No paper Fifty years ago (Saturday, May 18, 1946) Twenty-five years ago The new in Douglas Stevens airliner Point with its at headquarters (Tuesday, May 18, 1971) the Municipal Airport made its first The Common Council Monday passenger trip with Stevens Point, night rejected, 7-6, a Public Protec- Wisconsin Rapids and Marshfield tion Committee recommendation businessmen as guests. The flight that smoking be at meet- was a five-hour journey over northings of the council and its commit- ern and northeastern Wisconsin.

with his assets "Well, you read about how they're getting older, but they never believed in saving. They wanted a jazzy foreign car, they bought one on time payments or got a lease. They wanted to eat fancy restaurant grub, they go out all the time to joints that charge 10 bucks for a plate of spaghetti with pretty flowers in it. They want to go skiing or to a beach in Mexico, they wave their plastic and they do it." But what about saving for that rainy day, a hard-and-fast rule of our careful, umbrella-toting generation? "Hey, when my toes curl up and petunias a are growing on top of me, who cares if it's raining?" You wouldn't want to leave your spouse destitute because you whooped it up and squandered your assets. How would she pay for your funeral? "Wouldn't be one, and I had an argument with the lawyer about that.

I wanted it in the will that when I go, she puts me in a big Hefty bag and drags it out by the curb for when they have the special pickup." But she can't do that. What if the special pickup wasn't for several days? "That's what the lawyer said. But I told him we have an extra fridge in the basement, and she could stuff me in there for a while." Your lawyer was right. Besides, it is callous of you to consider spending everything and leaving your wife penniless should you suddenly depart. "Why am I callous? How do I know she won't sell the house, cash in my savings, get one of those butt-lift jobs and go on a luxury cruise with some oily-haired gigolo?" Saturday Sampler OK, WISE GUM.

HOW DO WE MAKE UP THE LOST REVENUE FROM FUNNY Mol CUTTING THE GAS TAX? SHOULD ASK. HAZEL BUDGE TRAVEL THE AUGUSTA GARANUE 1 SEE THE IS FOR IT'S A DISEASE COMMONLY CENTERS DISEASE CONTROL FUNDS SPENDING LOOKING AFFLICTING LIBERALS. IT'S A LOT OF VIOLENCE. FEDERAL WHAT DOES CALLED GUN CONTROLITS. INTO THAT GUN WANE TO DO WITH DISEASE? WE SE THE AUGUSTA CAROMALE NOT DISCRIMINATe oN THe BASIS oF AGe, SeXUAL ORIeNTATION, RACe, GeNDeR, MARITAL STATUS, PReGNANCY SOUTH Constitution You'Re WHOA! LOSING SHAMELESS PUBLICITY OT AN A CLINTON WRONG SIR FLAG, START YOUR WINDY, 500 4 MOR POLL 5 POSITION 2 1 THe KIDS LeT's mole Need A To A Th HAVe TO THAT LA TAKe BeTTeR BETTER PART Get A BeTTeR A BeTTeR OF TOWN! JoB! o.

TEST SI Poor COM North Amenca Syndicate Well, you have the option of leaving a trust that controls how your assets are distributed. "Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, but the lawyer didn't go for my ideas because he said he didn't think they'd 1 hold up." Such as? "There are these pictures that show you like in 3-D, where you're rotating and moving and look real-life." Yes, they are called holograms. Amazingly realistic. What is your interest in them? "Like I told the lawyer, I want to get one of those holograms made of me standing up with a pistol in one hand while I'm frowning, and squinting my eyes and wagging my finger. For what purpose? "That's what the lawyer asked.

And I told him that I wanted it in the will that if my wife hooked up with a guy younger than I was and with a full head of oily hair, she wouldn't inherit nothing unless she puts that hologram at the foot of the bed and keeps it turned on all night." You can't ask for something like that. Your wife would be horrified and would go to court to have it thrown out. "Nah. I even told her about it." Was she appalled? "No, she said it gave her an idea. She wants to have a hologram made of her in case she goes first and I wind up with a younger woman." She wants her hologram to be at the foot of your bed, holding a pistol, frowning and wagging a finger? "No.

She said in hers she'd just be holding her sides and laughing.".