THURSDAY, DECEMBRR 14, 1980 Things You Hear with a Tin Ear; A Hearing Aid Is Like a Monocle BLYTHEVTLI.E, (AHK.) COURIER NEWS B.' DAVID G. BAHEUTHEm , , AP Newifeatvrta writer Wearing a hearing aid Is something like wearing a monocle. It gets you a lot of attention— •specially (rom the unall fry. smaller they^ come, the qutck- ey notice the gadget In your e«r and the harder they stare. It's bad sometimes — lor the youngster, that Is. ; I know iron} experience. Not that I'm a youngster. Not by SO >^ars. But by having worn "that thing" In my left ear for some 15 years, I've unintentionally caused many a kid to get rough treatment from his mother. I'll be waiting for an elevator. Tin door will open and a little fellow about to get out will stop short. His blue eyes open as wide as .Eddie cantor's ever did. His Jaw drops in frank amazement. His mother, behind him, gives him i push. — He stumbles pnst we without taking his eyes off "that thing." Staggering backward and still looking, he trips and sits down. Yanking him to Ills feet, Ills mother gives him' a smart cuff on the stern. A Sure Danger Sisn -On a bus or in a restaurant it-U common for a little one to start whispering urgently to a parent. while staling bug-eyed at me. I know what Is being whispered with- using any lip-reading. And I to see it start, because • I know the parental rough stuff .that Is lo follow. One .imc while I was diisting my jalopy at the curb, two pre-kintier- gartenors spied me. They 'dropped their toys and went into a huddle. Soon one apparently delegated aa spokesman, came forward and asked: "Are you a doctor?" When I told him I was not— that the doctor's office was across the street — he challenged me: "Well' then, what are you wear- Ing that thing in your ear for?" 1 patiently explained that'l was deaf and IhU contrivance was like a telephone. ~"Doe» it go?" he asked. And they don't have to b« old. enough U talk to notice a hearing aid. One tiny girl merely put a linger in her ear, tipped her head to one side, squinted and gave". me, a quizzical grimace. I nooded my head affirmatively and she smiled satisfied. .''..' Otditera Curiouv TIM> The curiosity seems to carry over into second childhood, too. A doddering. old gent, offering profu/j apologies, asked me if I were deaf In only on* ear. After I told him no, both ears, he wanted to know why I didn't 'wear on« In both ears! • A; nice ::thing about itt IK the 'way pretty girls notice it. Before I w.ore- one of these instruments, they iiever-jg*ve*me:» second look. When a pretty'j'irl on the itreel all the looking. Iffii at me. They look, Now they then look , • way from modest habit, and then look right back. again to make sure of what they saw. '. The thing almost got m« pinched. though. ' Because of th« parking problem, laxlcabs were permitted to Jrtand in front of fireplugs. The theory was that It was safe as long • • the driver was at the wheel. Bo I thought I'd try It^very foolishly, of courw, because I was waiting for my wife, who ^promised as usual that sh*. would be "right (lor«••••. Nalfoiral Commit!.., r»c., «„ CHRISTMAS POSTER—This is the colorful Christm.a poster painted for the Army and the Air Force by artist Howard Chandler Christy. The original artwork was done in 1942 and waj loaned to the services for (heir use at this time. The poster is being displayed by recruiting stations lire country over. out." I fell asleep waiting, and was awakened by-a cop who walked up from the traffic side. "What's the matter. Burldy?" he asked. "Been drinking?" Mumbling "no," ^started to get out of the car to prove it and explain. •'That's all right, that's all right. he said. "I out if that Stay, where you are," just wanted to find thing in your ear worked." He didn't see (he fire plug on the other side of the car. Some Work, Some Don't One of the uses of an ear phone (some people want us to call them audicales) is to hear with. If you get one to fit your deficiency properly, it works wonderfully. Otherwise It can be a screeching device of the devil. Before I ever wore one, no one would speak up. Now when some people see it, they start hollering. even though I can hear whispers. I Was hard of hearing for so many years that I had forgotten" 1 what mus lc sounded like. First tin violins faded from an orchestra and then, as theiyears rolled by. the entire melody vanished. The first hearing aids I wore fitted so poorly that music was only another noise to turn off. I finaliv got a new device that was perfect for my case. . It was Christmas tlm«. and my wife wanted me to take her to church.'We went to a carol service on Christmas eve. 1 hadn't heard those songs since I was a kid, and frankly I cried like a klrt. ' But it had been fun wearing that distortion device, too. horse was clomping the sidewalk. first weird I thought a along behind m e I turned around and it wasVyoung' woman. 1 hadn't heard a woman's, heels for so long. Before the electronics wizards started putting tiny radio tubes in these Instruments, they worked on the old fashioned carbon tele- Phone principle. They distorted various pitches far beyond normal. A tinkling little, rattle in an automobile WHS a trial for your nerves. After having paid a service station to get rid of a very annoying rattle in my car, r drove around the block and still heard it. Returning Immediately; I spoke to the boss In choice old Army terms. He. put his mechanic right back to K'ork on the car. The mechanic, shaking his head, muttered something to his boss. The boss laughed H nd then told me: "He wants to know what you wear that thing In your ear for. He says you can hear'things th>t <3iv& -the one STRAIGHT BOUKBON •fio m -The Bourbon Capital "fiiaf Kenfuckians 'fliemselyes ivfe) mosf ofien... Every Ounce 9 Man's Whisky! AT emisTMAS TIME —or «ny time you give Bourbon—you c»n givt «rtr« piMaure without p«ying extra if you give EWly Tim«. For. among th« many straight Bour. jus of Kentucky—where they have the hett to chooie from— Early Times is the most popui r bra " d ° f *" ! ' te STRAIGHT SouJ*> n imT'iwn onmutT to, lomsmir, KT. • THIS WHISHT is ^ run OLD British Get 33 ftr Cent Cut LONDON, Dec. 14. (/Pj _ The government announced yesterday fi cut of 33!4 lier cent in Hrltnln's alrcnoy-fiiin meal ration, Negotiations to obtain further ment shipments from Argentina collapsed, rood Minister Maurice Webb told the Hon.* of Commoni the cut becomes effective on Dec. 31. Britons now receive on« shlllini PAGE NINETEEN 'Me.'* an 6 d S'per^ <f,ve »"» >" >*-cents) worth of coined beef a week. 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