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The Master of Musical Mayhem AskMarUifn BY MARILYN VOS SAVANT 6t fide si ere's that wildly irreverent maestro of musical mayhem, the one-and-onfy Spike Jones, in a laugh-packed video I'm writing about the brainteaser where you asked readers to find in two weighings on a seesaw if a child named collection of the zaniest and best musi cal moments from his hit TV shows of the 1 950's, THE BEST OF SPIKE JONES. Cocktails for Two, and All Your Favorites If you've only heard Spike Jones on records or the radio, you're in for a "Spiketacular" treat You'll laugh yourself silly as Doodles Weaver announces, to the accompaniment of "The William Tell Overture" and hysterical film clips, the wackiest horse race of all time, featuring the great Feetlebaum. You simply won't believe your eyes or ears at Spike's four- handed rendition of "Holiday for Strings," as he plays the trombone while accompanying himself on the piano. And you'll be left rolling on the floor by the fast-paced lunacy of "Cocktails for Spike's biggest and most memorable hit, as "the Craziest Band in the Land" plays such unorthodox "instruments as cowbells, washboards and automobile horns, and uses such bizarre sound effects as gunshots, whistles and sneezes! A Must for Every Lover of "Musical Depreciation" It's a dizzying array of musical madness that no fan of Spike Jones win want to miss. See Spike and the City Slickers bring "musical depreciation" to new heights.

Order THE BEST OF SPIKE JONES today. Ecuadoreans native to the Galapagos Islands, Irish ascetics native to Iceland, and Americans native to the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica. (Unless you don't consider the first "setder" of the Antarctic, Adm. Richard Byrd, born in Virginia and a lifelong citizen, to be an American.) And does the fact that the Celts settled what we now call England and France in prehistoric times mean that there no longer are any Englishmen or Frenchmen at all and that the people now living in those countries should be hyphenating their identities? Do you see a pattern in this series of numbers: Sandie San Diego, Calif. The digits are in alphabetical order eight, five, four, nine, one, seven, six, three, two, zero.

Why are the world's great chess players men? Is it male chauvinism or something biological? Jack Martin, Red Bluff, Calif. I think it's psychological, not biological. Historically, women haven't put much effort into chess; and where they have, they put it into the much weaker "women's chess," which I find a repellent concept But all that may be changing. As of 1991, the youngest grandmaster ever, surpassing even Bobby Fischer, is a Hungarian teenager a girl. I don't have a question, just something to share.

I had begun writing you with the question, "I have four sons ages 9, 8, 6 and 5 all of them curious, with intense interests. What advice can you give me?" My husband read this over my shoulder and said, "That's easy! Relax and enjoy them. Give them lots of love and attention and stop Now I know why I married this guy. Monique Lloyd, Halsey, Ore. And now we all do.

Amen! If you have a question for Marilyn vos Savant, who is listed in the "Guinness Book of World Records Hall of Fame for "Highest IQ, "send it to: Ask Marilyn, PARADE, 750 Third New York, N.Y. 10017. Because of volume of maU, personal replies are not possible. Mortimer was the only one in his class of nine who weighed a little less than the others. Alas, you oversimplified it by asking, "Is Mortimer the light one?" instead of, "Which child Is the light one?" For your question, you need only one weighing.

Keep Mortimer off. Divide the remaining eight in half and put a group on each end. If they balance, Mortimer is the light one. If they don't, he isn't Carney Bissinger, Ph.D., Hershey Foods, Hershey, Pa. You're right! And here's how to find which child is die light one, in two tries: First, put three kids on each side of the seesaw.

If it doesn't balance, take the "light" three, put one on each side of die seesaw and stand the third one on the ground. If it still doesn't balance, the light one is up in the air, if it does balance, the light one is standing on the ground. If it balances the first time, take the "waiting" three and again put one on each side and the third on the ground. If it doesn't balance now, the light one is in the air; and if it does balance, the light one is standing on the ground. Is ft possible for any U.S.

citizen who is not an American Indian to avoid being hyphenated (Italian-American, for example)? Aren't we all from another country or the descendants of people from other countries? David Carney, Birmingham, Ala. We're all from other lands, all right, but so are the American Indians, who came from northern Asia. And what about the rest of the world? Unless you believe separate populations of people sprang into being in different geographical areas, they all came from somewhere else presumably the same place. But let's say you feel simply that full-blooded countrymen should be defined as the people who settled first in a locale. That makes VHS.

51 minutes. TV i Copyright 01992 SParanount Pictures, rifhto reserved. ItahlMocdfbrLove, featuring EiHyBarty Mtaka 1 The Poet and Peasant Overture Greatest Hits Medley: Tm Captain of the Space Ship Chioe Holiday for Strings Cocktails for Two -You Always Kurt the One You Love The Evolution of Music Farandoie Girl Musician Medley: It's Tough to be a Girl Musician 12 Street Rag -Sugar Blues He's Funny That Way VlSdVBlId Women WSJarn Tefl Overture, featuring Doodles Weaver Publishers Choice Video GUARANTEE If you are dissatisfied with your purchase in HOW TO ORDER To order the Spike Jones Video for only $19.95 plus $2.50 postage handling, send your name, address, zip code and check to: Publishers Choice, Box 4171, Dept. HH20-PK, Huntington Station, NY 11746 SAVE! Order two for only $38.90 plus $4.90 postage and handling. Be sure to indicate quantity desired and total amount enclosed.

CA, MI, and NY residents add appropriate sales tax. C199iNrtoraHrndlmkmlnfc orders are processed Eromptly and notif-ation will be sent in case of delay. PAGE 10 AUGUST 2, 1932 PARADE MAGAZINE.