The Orlando Sentinel from Orlando, Florida • Page 35

MSI The Orlando Sentinel 'ft'ZlflBi History of Jewish gangsters Magazines, E-5 FRIDAY, June 11, 1993 4 When? Smart books for computer dummies Patrick J. McGovern, chairman of the International Data Group, a big publisher of computer books and magazines, which in November 1991 took a chance on a title that dared to call its readers dummies. Eighteen months later, DOS for Dummies has sold 1.3 million copies, a pace usually associated with big-name authors or provocative subjects, and no slowdown all the Dummies books are selling well. More than a publishing phenomenon, DOS for Dummies is a sign of the times. Price wars have created a mass market for personal computers, yet they remain maddening machines, difficult to use and humbling to encounter and that's the empathic insight behind the success of DOS for Dummies, an irreverent primer for the perplexed.

A personal computer, it seems, can make just about anyone feel like an idiot. And as the machines get faster, lighter 1 How-to books rack up big numbers by bringing technology down to the lowest common denominators. By Steve Lohr NEW YORK TIMES DOS for Dummies, a how-to guide for using the software that runs most personal computers, seems to violate a time-honored tenet of business: Never insult the customer. Several publishers rejected the book, and once it was published, leading bookstore chains initially declined to stock it. The first printing was a cautious 7,500 copies, and expectations were modest.

"I had doubts about it myself," recalled I Ret of i52S-H and cheaper, computers are increasingly moving beyond the office into the home and onto the road, where men and women must face them alone. What is shaping up is in sight. DOS for Dummies retails for $16.95, as does Windows for Dummies, PCs for Dummies, WordPerfect for Dummies, Excel for Dummies, 1-2-3 for Dummies and MACs for Dummies. Two other books from International Data Group, UNIX for Dummies and OS2 for Dummies, retail for $19.95. Bookstores in Central Florida report that is one of humanity most vexing confrontations with technology since a cave man first singed his hands on fire.

Please see COMPUTERS, E-5 'DOS for Dummies' has sold 1 .3 million copies. v. Abashed toy nncool parents 5 s-r jr met f. there's a good reason for that. "In adolescence, kids become very self-aware; they're rjeginning to decide who they are in the world," says Denton Kurtz, a Winter Park licensed school psychologist "They're checking out everybody else and concerned about everybody else checking them out.

So if anybody closely associated with them says something, does something or is sometimes even in close proximity, they're concerned about how that will make them look to their peers." It doesn't hurt sometimes for parents to take a look at themselves through their kids' eyes, he adds. Please see KIDS, E-4 i fl it Kathleen Parker MEN WOMEN Wives' careers a part of spouses' self-esteem There's an old saying that one should be careful what one asks for lest one gets it Women got it They wanted jobs, careers and the workplace rewards so long monopolized by men. Predictions are that by the year 2000, women will make up more than half of the work force. Meanwhile, men have changed their criteria for the women they choose as mates. Once upon a time, they wanted an attractive, intelligent but compliant woman who understood that man is king and woman is his "helpmate." Sounds archaic but it's true.

Just a generation ago, women worked because they had to and men brought home the bacon. Now women work both because they have to and because they want to. As often as not, they bring home the bacon, only now it's fat-free and probably tofu. And men don't necessarily want a "helpmate" anymore. They want a woman who not only is attractive and intelligent, but who contributes community stature as well as financial stability to the marriage.

Men want status wives. This isn't the same as a trophy wife. Status wives have good jobs, are well-respected and earn man-size salaries. Trophies are of the decor variety. They look good, but they don't necessarily need the other accouterments inasmuch as they typically marry older, rich men.

Those wives don't "work." They do philanthropy, which is a good job if you can get it Men may not consciously marry status wives. Many may have status wives as a result of growth within the marriage. Many dual career families evolve into status couples without a preliminary blueprint But once men have a status wife, they want no other. I know two over-40 women who recently quit their high-power jobs to stay home for varying reasons. One wanted to care for her newborn baby.

The other wanted to reduce stress in her life in hopes of becoming pregnant Both women made their decision after painful deliberations. It wasn't easy after years of fighting to gain a toehold in a man's world to admit the need to nest Here's the hitch. Their husbands are having serious image problems. The men, it seems, are suffering from their own perception of having lost half of their identity. It's not so much the money as the sense of self they derived from being married to successful career women.

These men, both of whom are surprised by their own feelings, discovered that their wives' careers and accomplishments accorded them an enhanced sense of self-esteem. Neither had ever imagined himself with a stay-at-home wife. And yet, here they were coming home each day to The Little Woman instead of The Career Girl. The men don't like it, which makes the women a little ticked. After all, it's the women who have to become impregnated, to give birth, to nurse, to construct the home (as opposed to the house), to arrange for child care, nutrition, play time and the hundreds of other components that make up life-with-baby.

Not only that, but working outside the home was always an option, wasn't it? Maybe it was once but not anymore. Men have bought the myth even if women haven't The myth is that women can have it all the career, the baby and the man. Women have discovered the flaws in this equation since they're the ones trying to live it The men are scratching their heads and saying, "Hey, wait a minute. What's this about needing to stay home. What about your career?" The two couples are working through this new configuration in their relationship.

All four individuals say they've been caught by surprise. The women couldn't have known what they would need as 40-year-olds trying to have families. The men, who evolved to adapt to circumstances, never seriously considered what effect a family would have on their modern marriage. Curious to know whether men in general feel similarly about the women in their lives, I asked a few. All the men are 40 or older, all married to accomplished women.

"You better believe it," was the unanimous response. Without exception, they felt strongly that their successful marriages were due in part to their wives' professional status. "I had a stay-at-home wife the first time," one said. "I knew if I ever remarried, I'd have to have a wife with a career." Just one more kink to iron out before you say, "I do." Teen-agers are the most easily embarrassed people on Earth, and parents often cause their chagrin. By Loraine O'Connell OF THE SENTINEL STAFF It happened last summer, but Melinda Weaver hasn't forgotten one detail of The Most Embarrassing Day of Her Life.

The setting: Cocoa Beach. The cast: Her parents, decked out for a day of fun in the sun. "My mom was wearing a bathrobe," says Weaver, who just graduated from Winter Park High School. "And she was carrying this big umbrella and had this picnic basket and all these cushions." At least Mom's bathrobe didn't clash with anything. "My stepdad had on this striped bathing suit pink and turquoise.

And he had on this baseball uniform shirt, which was red and white. And he wore this big straw hat and black and white flip-flops," says Weaver, 18. As if that weren't bad enough, "he carried this big cooler on his shoulder. And he had this heavy-duty garbage bag and it was full of inflatable cushions and blankets and was just bulking everywhere." Thus outfitted, her parents with the cringing Weaver in tow trudged the seemingly endless blocks from car to beach. "I could not believe it," she recalls.

"I was on the beach with my parents, and it looked like something from National Lampoon's Vacation. It was soooo embarrassing." Weaver made her feelings perfectly clear to her parents. "She rolled her eyes for three hours," recalls a laughing Trish Harris, Weaver's good-natured mom. As any parent can tell you, adolescents are the most easily embarrassed human beings on the planet. As any psychologist can tell you, TOM BURTONSENTINEL j- ft Keep from embarrassing touchy teens Tips for parents from school psychologist Denton Kurtz: Don't tell "cute stories" about your teen.

"It's a very wounding thing to do, especially during adolescence. Those aren't cute stories to them, those are real embarrassing. It's best to build them up, say good things about them." Don't ask your teen-ager to perform in front of others. "If you have a request of your child where they have to perform in any way or you wish them to put themselves out, ask in private. If they say no, don't force them and don't shame them.

Just understand and respect where they are at the time." Don't take your teen's rejection personally. "It's not about you, it's about the child. If you can take that perspective, you can have a sense of humor about it." Melinda Weaver (above, with her forgiving mother Trish Harris) says her parents were responsible for her most embarrassing moment. Randa Marder shares a laugh with daughter Talia and son Josh, who cringe when their mom is affectionate with them in public or worse puts on kooky animal schnozzes just for a laugh. More men buy into cross-shopping experience By Pamela Warrick LOS ANGELES TIMES women's departments at times other than Christmas Eve or the day before Mother's Day," says one Los Angeles retailer, echoing the impressions of many in the clothing business.

Lewis, who is divorced, and "defi Cross-shopping men buying clothes for their women, women buying clothes for their men is probably as old as loincloths and coconuts. But thanks to the sexual revolution, the feminist movement or, perhaps, just New bridal shop targets plus-size women. New earring designed to increase energy level, reduce stress. New watch features original Superman and phone booth. Lewis and other men who enjoy buying women's clothes say the experience evokes a certain illicit thrill in being, as more than one man put it, "behind enemy lines." Much of the appeal of cross-shopping, says Lewis, is that it "falls somewhere between outright taboo and simple convention But according to behavior experts, sometimes there is a more sinister dimension: Control.

"There is no question that in the worst possible light, husbands buying for wives, wives buying for husbands, is a way of exerting some power over them," says David Stewart, a psychologist and marketing professor at the University of Michael Lewis likes nothing better than to spend some time buying dresses for the women in his life. Satiny ball gowns. Little black sheaths. Big skirts with crinolines bouncing underneath. Lewis loves them all, and in a recent confessional for The New Republic, the Washington essayist reports gleefully that he is not the only man who adores shopping for women.

"Some men still grow a little uneasy when you tell them that you like to buy dresses," says Lewis. "But others relax and say, You, too! I thought I was the only nitely heterosexual," says he leaps at any opportunity to slip into a women's clothing department. There, "I feel the same sense of wonder as when the dessert tray emerges at a four-star restaurant. The sheer range of human wants!" better marketing men seem to be joining the ranks of cross-shoppers in record numbers. While research shows that women still do most of the fashion shopping, men are gaining.

"Increasingly, we're seeing rjen in the Please see SHOP, E-.