The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on October 27, 1996 · Page 57
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 57

Salina, Kansas
Issue Date:
Sunday, October 27, 1996
Page 57
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RE A D ER RES PON S E parents don't trust me •••' A panel of experts answers that and other pleas from families struggling with the issue of trust H < i I OW CLOSE AN EVE should parents keep on their teens? When does the monitoring become too much? USA WEEKEND'S Aug. 30-Sept. 1 story on how parents keep tabs prompted mail from more than 900 readers. Three of the nation's leading voices on family issues respond: psychologist Mary Pipher, author of Rev/vfng Ophelia; Justice Alan Page of the Minnesota Supreme Court, who gives lectures to teens; and syndicated teen issues columnists Beth and Peg Winship. Q: I'm 17.1 don't drink, do drugs, have sex or break laws. Still, my parents don't trust me. This makes me bitter. We'd get along if we could find a medium between an open- house policy and a jail cell. Jamie Huntsman, Kokomo, Ind. Mary Pipher: Jamie, I congratulate you on your good choices. I suspect your parents trust you and are proud of you. If you're not sure, ask them to write you a letter telling you what they respect most about you. I suspect they also want a middle ground between an open house and a jail cell. Keep loving each other as you struggle to find that place. Beth and Peg Winship: Finding the right medium doesn't come automatically. Parents need to learn how to give feedback when things aren't going right. Tell your parents what they do that makes you feel untrusted. Point out the times you do enjoy them and feel trusted. This may encourage them to be more supportive of your growing independence. Q: I have a 14-year-old daughter. At age 13, she became a different person. We started to fight almost daily. She started to lie. After I looked through her stuff when she wasn't home and found things she had stolen, I told her I didn't trust her and she would have to regain that trust We finally agreed she would live with my sister during the school year to give both of us a break, I hope that I've made the right Choice. Don Schauble, Boise, Idaho Justice Alan Page: When issues such as this become an ongoing problem, parents need to seek help outside the family. Indicating that trust is lost and will have to be regained isn't enough. The conduct won't change simply because a parent is aware of it. Pipher; I agree completely that parents have a right to know where their children are, whom they're with and what they're doing. Good parents monitor their kids' friends, money and school performance. As long as your sister carefully supervises your daughter, the decision may have been a good one. While your daughter is away, work on rebuilding a good relationship with her. Write, call and visit her often. Try to have some fun together. Rules and surveil- Continued on next page 1UKS iCHtfff FOR USA WEEKEND Psychologist and author Mary Pipher of Lincoln, Neb., urges families of teens to share a weekly family activity She says this balances time spent dealing with issues Hke trust and rotes. Mother-daughter columnists Betb and Peg WinsWp (of Lincoln, Mass., and Eagle Bridge, N.Y., respectively} tefl parents to listen to teens uncritically andghwfMdbach. Justice Alan Page of St. Paul, Minn., warns pitfalls of snooping In teens' room*, saying If s better to confront teens direct^ from the House o Star of Hq|>e Jeweled Cross •'^/r. "" f*f**. * V,, -• .>•• . vv *v\ t- <•• *\ •'. Adorned \\iih diamond-bright Swarovski crysuds, showcased in a crystal-clear dome. Mic I louse of I ratclli (.oppini, Morc-ncc Italy, master jewelers since the Renaissance, creates their first fine art immature mimic to the Savior. The r nj Unfit- jfii'flt'/J ( ran. A delicately .sculptured jeweled cross, haiui decorated \\ IK genuine Sv\.uo\ski crystals and ema.sed hcncaih a radiant collector'!! e Pined .11 |us( S T S, ilns hand numhered limited Idilion will dine i-i'fi aliei |nsi 'J S tasting days. f.\i/uj!i'<'/y from I he li.inklm Mini isf .11 I uui C i uai .in leed It you wish to reltHii aiu I r.mlJin Mini purchase, in.iv do ID \siiliiii 50 davs of vom reieipl of that for lepl.ucmcm, USA WEEKEND • Oct. 2S-27, IW6 9 A limited Edition Fine Art Sculpture. Individually Hand-Numbered and Hand-Painted. The House of Fratelli Coppini Please mail by November 30,1996. c /o The Franklin Mint, Franklin Center, PA 19091-0001 Please enter my order for Star of Hope created by The House of Fratelli Coppini. tndivtdiutUy 1 need SEND NO MONEY NOW. I will be billed $55.* when my sculpture is numbered by band, ready to be sent. Limit: one sculpture per collector. 'Ilia my lUKula HK a SlGNATl'RE- ALL CAOCnS AM SUBJECT TO ACCtPTANCt ADl)RE.S.S_ -AFT.t . CITY/STATE- TEIEPHONH f (_ 19624-30002-001 Issued in a Worldwide Limited Edition

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