Fact or Fancy Mark Wedding Anniversaries Braces Represent Foregone Luxuries •Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!' — Part II By ERMA BOMBECK and BIL KEANE Excerped from the book 'JUST WAIT TILL YOU HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN!' Copyright (c) 1971 by Erma Bombeck and Bil Keane. Published by Doubleday & Company, Inc. How to Build a Teen-Ager — If You Want To Sometimes I wake my son up in the middle of the night and ask him to smile. Those braces that twinkle in the darkness represent my fur coat, my trip to Monaco, my second car, my college education, my insurance policy (for my old age next week), the operation on my sinus passages. It seems like only $2,000 ago that we sat in the dentist's office and discussed my son's teeth. "Have you looked in your son's mouth lately?" he asked. "Actually, no." "He has a bite problem," he said. "I find that hard to believe " "Do you base this on something scientific?" "I base it on the fact that I go to the grocery every three hours to keep him fed." "He has one tooth erupting in the roof of his mouth and. if you will note, Ms molars do not meet." "You're trying to tell me my son is a werewolf?" "I am simply trying to tell yon if the teeth are not corrected he may suffer some permanent damage to the formation of his teeth." "What would happen if we ignored it?" "He could try to develop his personality and buy his way to the prom but..." "I understand. What do you want me to do?" "I want you to schedule the boy with an orthodontist. He'll take X rays, give him fluoride treatments and set up a long-range plan for his teeth." My husband reacted with his usual parental concern. "How much is all this going to cost?" he asked. "A couple of thousand dollars." "Why couldn't he have had something cheap like bad breath?" he snapped. "Ask your side of the family," I retorted. "They're the ones with all the crooked teeth. If your grandfather hadn't been so tight with a buck he could have improved on the genes and your son might have straight teeth today.*' "It's no use blaming people," he said. "What's done Is done. We'll go the orthodontist route." Orthodontist Route Steady The orthodontist route, if not a rocky one, was a steady one. At least once every three weeks found me sitting in the waiting room reading the "Bleeding Gums Journal." After every visit I would have the same conversation with my son. "When are you going to open your mouth?'' "Never." "You can't go on day after day clenching your lips together. How are we going to know if your tonsils are bad? And if they are, how are we ever going to get them out? Through your nostrils? You're being ridiculous, you know. Thousands of teen-agers wear braces." "Name me two." "Personally, I think they're rather sexy." "I look like a computer." "You do not look like a computer. Did I ever tell you what my grandmother told me when I had to wear a bag of garlic around my neck during freshman orientation?" "Yes." "Oh, well, anyway one day you'll forget yourself and open your mouth and laugh right out loud and some beautiful girl will say, 'Oh, are those $2,000 worth of braces in your mouth? I hardly noticed them at all.' Are you sure I told you the story my grandmother told me when I had to wear a bag of garlic around my neck during freshman orientation?" "Yes." This went on nearly two years. Then one afternoon my son and I were standing at the bus stop when I noticed a pert, little brunette ogling him. She smiled shyly at first, showing a dimple in the corner of her mouth. Then she smiled broadly. Suddenly, all the resentment in me began to build. I thought of all the sacrifices for those lousy braces. The new slipcovers ... the permanents ... the colored TV set . . . . the support stockings and something in me snapped. I went over to the girl and whispered. "Believe me, darling, my boy is not for you. I know you think that now, seeing that row of straight, white teeth that become straighter by the hour. But just believe me when I say that someday you'll meet some nice boy with a bite problem who will make you a wonderful husband." Later, my son said to me, "Mom, what did you say to " that girl at the bus stop? She didn't even wait for the bus." "I didn't bring you this far to have you run off with two front teeth that overlap!" Wt rode home in silence. Nexti Theories I Have Blown. The silver wedding anniversary of Mr. and Mrs. Elmer L. Gaeddert of Buhler will be observed with a reception from 2:30 to 5 p.m. Sunday in Fellowship Hall of the Hoffnungsau Mennonite Church. Hosts for the event w i 11 be their children, Letha and Palmer of the home, and Mr. and Mrs. Lyle Gaeddert, Westviile, Ind. Mr. and Mrs. Gaeddert request no gifts. MR. AND MRS. John Santee of the Landmark Hotel, former residents of Pretty Prairie, observed their golden wedding anniversary Friday. The Santees were hosts at dinner Friday for residents of the Hotel, and Sunday their dinner guests were Messrs. and Mmes. Kenneth Bentson, Harry Kautzer, Pretty Prairie, and Mr. Santee's brothers and families, Messrs. and Mmes. Lee Santee and Richard Santee of Wichita. ALBINA Barta of Ellsworth and Wilbur Knackstedt, Little River, were married in McPherson. Following a wedding trip to the Ozarks, Mr. and Mrs. Knackstedt will be at home near Little River, where the bridegroom is a farmer-stockman. OFFICERS of the Russell Town and Country EHU were installed at a meeting, with Mrs. Carl Dumler as hostess. Mrs. Ralph Sellens was a guest. The new president of the unit is Mrs. Robert B, Snyder; Mmes. Helen Bangert, vice- president; August Ehrlich, sec retary-treasurer; and Gerald Machin, public relations chair man. The lesson on "How to Select Fabric for a Garment" was given by Mrs. Harold Anschutz. Plans were discussed f o r a display table for the Oct. 11 craft day. Members of the unit voted to contribute to Smurthwaite House. STAFFORD Music Club members were guests for a meeting in the home of Mrs. Duane Brown. Mrs. Clayton Crabtree was a guest. Gary Blauer gave the program, speaking on an original composition, "The Hours Rise Up," with words by E. E. Cummins. Mrs. Richard Darnell spoke on the composer, Jasquin. New members of the club are Some Sloppy Broads Can't Read DEAR ANN LANDERS: I am a young married woman (under 30), no square and certainly not a prude. I'm writing about something that has been bugging me for a long time. I realize you can't do anything about it but I must get this off my chest. What's with these slobs who think it's sexy and "with it" to go without a bra. I can't tell you how many times, while walking on the street with a casual friend, or my dad, or my husband, and I see, coming toward us, a cow-like female, her breasts flopping around. It is embarrassing and disgusting. A person doesn't know where to look or what to say. And this is only part of it. I work three days a week in a dress shop. You wouldn't believe the women who come in here to try on expensive dresses with no bras, and sometimes no underwear. I refuse to wait on these pigs and my boss has backed me up. Please publish this letter so it can be tacked up in every fitting room in the country. Then, instead of having to say something, the salesperson need only point to your column on the wall. Much obliged.—Hollywood. DEAR MUCH: Here's the column and I hope it helps. But prepare yourself for a shock. Some of those sloppy broads can't read. DEAR ANN LANDERS: A personal family problem: Can you shed a little light on an already overheated argument? My young cousin was expecting her first baby in a few months. The family got together and furnished her nursery, complete with organdy curtains. A great deal of thought and imagination went into that project, aside from the money. A few days ago Lila gave birth to a premature baby. He lived only a few hours. Lila is heartsick and, in my opinion, not thinking clearly. She instructed me to phone her sister-in-law and ask her to send her husband with the semi and take everything out of the nursery. The relatives are very upset. They say they did not buy this furniture for Lila's sister-in-law. I believe they have a point. What's the best solution to this knotty problem? — Hedda In Erie DEAR HEDDA: I agree with you that the young woman is not thinking clearly. In my opinion the best solution would be to put the furniture in storage. She is young, I gather from your letter, and hopefully she will yet have a baby of her own. DEAR ANN LADERS: I am in love with the man I plan to marry in a few months. He is in love with his ex-girlfriend. If you think I am crazy, let me assure you I am not. Fred and I have discussed this in detail and I know the facts. He agrees that I have them straight. His reasoning is simple. He says I would make a much better wife for him than his former sweetheart. He states quite openly that she is more beautiful, more sexually appealing and more exciting, but he says I am better edu- man; Sharon Frazier, Meade, secretary; Betty Shultz, Dodge City, treasurer; and Lorene Mepheter, Meade, auditor. A program on their trip to the IC convention in Salt Lake City, Utah, was given by Molly Marie Antenen and Mrs. Mary Daniels of Ness City. The door prize was received by Mrs. Pat Hulse. State officers present were Ethel Mae Moody, Dodge City, historian, and Mrs. Daniels, state aduitor. MRS. DARWIN Rundle installed officers of the Garden City 21'ers EHU at a meeting in the Flamingo Inn Restaurant. The new officers are Mmes. Robert Crossland. president; Harold Partin, vice-president; Alan Bayer, secretary; Dan LeBlanc, treasurer; Alex Dechant, public relations; and Fred Tatman, social chairman. "Truth About Pressing" was the lesson given by Mrs. LeBlanc. Mrs. Bayer received a birthday gift; anniversary gifts were received by Mmes. Dechant, Don Stoddard and Crossland NEWTON Soroptimist Club members were guests at dinner in the home of Marjorie Slaymaker, director of the club. Co-hostesses were officers of the club, Mmes. Lee Grimsley, president; V. A. Myers, vice- president; John Davis, secre- .„ , , ,. . . | tary; and Richard Legge, treas- cated, will be a better hostess, | „„/„' a better helpmate and a better Mmes. Orlin Heyen, Robert Vasey, Richard Dame and Carl Marks. THE McPHERSON VFW Hall was the setting for the first fall meeting of t h e Woman's Club of McPherson County. Mrs. Sargent presided. Mrs. Rene Shelton of Wichita gave the program, "Fun With Astrology." Presiding at the serving table were Mmes. W. E. Quinn and Paul Cheatham. GREAT BEND Etudion Federated Club members m e t in the home of Mrs. Dick B. Evans Mrs. Larry Drescher gave devotions. A program on Kansas gardens was given by Mrs. Robert Weaver, Barton County Extension home economist, THE WESTERN Power Host ess Room in Dodge City was the setting for a salad supper and meeting of Zone 10 chapters of Epsilon Sigma Alpha, with members of the Jetmore Delta Phi chapter as hostesses. Officers of Zone 10 are Judy Ary, Jetmore, chairman; Beverly Larson, Dodge City, co-chair- Hutchinson News Monday, Oct. 4. 1971 Page 6 mother for his children. He also says I will undoubtedly be a more faithful wife to him. I have told him several times that I think we should break up and that he should marry her. He says, "No ... my mind is made up." I love him very much and everything is fine—until we run into his ex someplace and then I see that look in his eyes— and in hsrs, too. What do you think, Ann? Should I marry him? — The Large Q. DEAR Q.: Not unless you are willing to live a lifetime knowing you are second choice. In was Favorite Recipe FRENCH DRESSING 1 can condensed tomato soup 1 tbsp. salt l'/4 c. salad oil 1 tsp. ground onion S A c. vinegar % tsp. pepper 3 A c. sugar 1 tbsp. prepared mustard Vi tsp. garlic salt Combine all ingredients; mix on low speed with mixer for 10 minutes. Makes three cups; keeps well in refrigerator. Martha Tomecek Timken Sand your Ms! recipes lo Favorite Recipe, Th» Hutchlmon ttews, Hutchinson, Kin. Th» ricipei are ludgtd by Jan* Savig*, horn* ttrvlca dlrtctor of In* On Service Company. Each on* chotan far publication wins a si award. DEAR ANN LANDERS May my husband's sister married. His folks gave her a wedding that cost at least $3, 000. They also gave her the second family car which she had been driving. When Dan and I married they gave us a modest gift and their heartiest congratulations. My sister-in-law is now pregnant and my in-laws are sending them a nice check for "medical expenses." This really burns me up. Dan and I are having a hard time putting ourselves through school and his folks are not helping worth a darn. Is it fair that parents go all out for a daughter and do nothing for a son? I am very resentful and the resentment is turning to intense dislike. Your opinion is wanted.—Left Out DEAR OUT: It Is customary for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. From the sound of your letter it appears that you thought they should pay for their son's wedding, too. Sorry, bnt your wedding was your parent's responsibility. About the gifts: I suspect the reason you aren't getting much is because you came across to them the way you came across to me. Avaricious and unpleasant. /Ann Landers will be glad to help you with your problems. Send them to Ann Landers, care of The Hutchinson News, Box 3345, Chicago, III. 60454, and enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.) urer New members are Mmes. Lucile Johnson and Jack Cannon. Delegates to the District I meeting Oct. 22 and 23 in Irving, Tex., are Shirley England and Mrs. Myers; Mrs. Kitty Fegley is alternate. SEVEN area men are among those who have been pledged to the eight fraternities at Kansas State Teachers College, Emporia. They are: ALPHA KAPPA LAMBDA Jim Altenborg, Lindsborg. PHI DELTA THETA - Bob Gustafson, Newton. HI DELTA THETA - Kim Holloway, Scott City. TAU KAPPA EPSILON—Mike Hand, McPherson; Darrell Adrian, Hutchinson; Jim Hacker, Dodge City; and Phil Mid- dieton, Lyons. LINDA Borntrager, daughter of Mrs. Juanita Borntrager, 708 West 14th, and Dan Borntrager of Burrton, was married in El Dorado to Steven Wells. Mr. Wells is the son of Mrs. Carl Lowry, Paducah, Ky., and Charles Wells, 917 East 13th. The couple will be at home in Port Hueneme, Calif., where the bridegroom is serving with the U.S. Navy. WESTERN CUT . . . fake crushed suede coat and pant separates in soft brown with white stitching and fake furs trim will be modeled by Mrs. Richard Kaegi, 2705 Tyler, at the North Hospital Auxiliary member- (News Photo by Linda Shipley) ship fashion show at 7:30 p.m. today In the Hutchinson National Bank and Trust Co. The front-zipped jacket and goucho style flare pants with button front are water repellent. Calendar Deadline In order for the notice of a meeting to appear in the Sunday Social Calendar, it must be reported to our office by noon on the Thursday preceding publication. To Run Stories After Wedding In keeping with the tradition that a bride should not be seen in her wedding dress before the ceremony, The News will not publish Sunday weddings with oictures until the week following the wedding. Friday and Saturday weddings will be printed in the Sunday section on the weekend Ihey take place. Wedding stories that reach our office over five days after the ceremony will be printed without pictures. Love is... Tormenting Rectal Itch Of Hemorrhoidal Tissues Promptly Relieved Gives Prompt, Temporary Relief from Such Burning Itch and Pain in Many Cases. The burning itch and pain caused by infection and inflammation in hemorrhoidal tissues can cause much suffering. But there is an exclusive formulation that in many cases gives prompt relief for hours from this itch and pain so that the sufferer is more comfortable again. It also actually helps shrink swelling of hemorrhoidal tissues caused by inflammation and infection. Tests by doctors on hundreds of patients in New York City, Washington, D.C. and at a Midwest Medical Center reported similar successful results in many cases. This is the same medication you can buy at any drug counter under the name Preparation H*. Preparation H also lubricates to protect the inflamed surface area and it doesn't sting or smart. In fact, it has very soothing qualities which make it especially helpful during the night when itching becomes more intense. There 's no other formula like Preparation H. In ointment or suppository form.. Adv. M.P.O. will help shrink swollen hemorrhoidal tissues du. to inflammation, infection The edema, inflammation md infection of damaged hemorrhoidal tissues can cause much agony and suffering. Now from Mentholatum, here ii an exclusive doctor-tested formulation called M.P.O. (Medicated Pile Ointment). Selected medications, blended together in this multiple-ingredient formula, work to provide the fast temporary relief in many cases that to many sufferers need. 1. Helps shrink swelling of hemorrhoi dal tissues caused by edema, infection or inflammation. 2. Fast, temporary relief in many cases of itching and pain of such damaged tissues. 3. Lubricates to protect against Irrila- lion to further help reduce swelling in such tissues. 4. Permits bowel movements that are more comfortable. i. Temperature-stable base. Keeps medication in place for hoiirs of relief in many cases of pain of hemorrhoi dal tissues; not greasy, won't stain, Cet M.P.O. in Ointment or Suppotitoriti •t your drug counter. „- . . . waiting up to see he comes home safely. Cytftli* 1f7t tOS ANCtUS TlUfl What is a compact bank? It's where a compact budget can still find happiness in a savings account. COMRJ ^ BANK tkCT NG—• ) NORTH NATIONAL GATE BANK 601 East 30th 1 663-1201 / Hutchinson 1^ STJEAMATIC carped cleaning "Call Doug for a Clean Rug" Phone 463-2J31 COMMODE CHAIR DESIGNED FOR COMFORT, EASE, PRIVACY TMi venatll* Swing Arm me. : bile (hair will »•''•'«> any j commod* function required at i hem* *r In the hetelfel. P*. i titnt may oeilly slid* acreis I from btdte-ehelr the* leek ] lh* arms securely In place • one* seated. MO 2-2375 i RINMI.* fALM'MRVICgJ, «15 N. Main PRICES GOOD MON., TUES., & WED. U.S.D.A. Beef CHUCK JL Ac ROAST U UT U.SD.A. Boneless CHUCK ROAST Lb. 89 Tuckers jt% (• 40 GROUND BEEF J, "» 1 (250-275 Lkt.) SIDES 66' Lb. Processed BEEF SALES 1309 North Main Hutchinson, Kansas Jim Elliott MAPLE SYRUP By JIM ELLIOTT With fall in the air it makes one think of pancakes and maple syrup. Pancakes are a real favorite of those who have to work out of doors in sharp air of fall and winter. There is an old saying regarding the pay of the farm hand back in the early part of this century. When wages were asked the answer was "buckwheat cakes and a dollar a day". Maple syrup is a typical American product. The American Indian residing in the area known today as New England was the first to draw out the secret of the maple tree. The Indians slashed the trees, caught the "sweetwater" as they called it, and then boiled it down in iron cauldrons over an open fire. The early settlers learned of the value of the maple tree from the Indians. They were taught how to use the sap of the maple and produce syrup. The New England farmers further developed skills in tapping the trees and boiling the sap to produce syrup and other maple products. The syrup-producing maple Is known as the hard or rock maple. It is a stately tree growing from 75 to 120 feet. It has a gray bark and dark green leaves. The maple sap starts to flow in the late winter and continues for about six weeks. It takes 40 gallons of sap to produce one gallon of syrup which would be the output of four trees in the season. The maple farmer taps the trees and lets the sap flow into buckets or inserts plastic tubing to the cut in the tree and conveys tha sweet sap to the sugar house. Here it is boiled down to syrup, maple cream and to maple sugar. >'* </*' ,*r »M Next Monday this column will be conducted by Bill Elliott of The Elliott Mortuary.
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