• , • . ^. • * OS SSCONS TEQVGBT, * [ON SECOmt THOUGHT... A'Letter ¥nm u "Lady." An unknown gent, who lacked the . -courage to sign his name to his grier- ' ance, has written the following protest to the head ot this department: .. " 'RatUlng good' made use ot In a : paper of the pretensions and dignity ; of the Capital; in a notice, commendatory of a theatrical company, ought to : Indicate 'excellent' taste as It Is an elegant expression sometimes bean! la country school house debating dubs.'' As has already been intimated, we - have no suspicion as to the identity • ot the unknown gent, but we'll ven- i ture the assertion that he Is, first of ', all, a "perfect lady." We'll guarantee that he can mak« the lovllest of fudge, do the grandest embroidery and that he just loves his home. And we'd ; lay a little at odds that he never kiss_ ed his wife until after be became engaged to her. As to the core of his ; grievance, these few remarks are submitted. Dignity is the dullest thing • in the world and pretense the most • stupid. There never was an uninteresting and stupid newspaper that - wasn't both dignified and pretentions ; and the most dignified publications printed in this country today are the ' Congressional Record, Litell's Living . Age and the Annual Report of the Bu; reau of Ethnology. The unknown gent taas doubtless noticed how the reading public dotes on this literary trio. There was once a newspaper in . Topeka which devoted considerable of ; Its space to criticism of the English used by this writer. The particular newspaper in question was very dig- ulfled and correct and always said, "Gracious me" when it meant "damn." . it Is dead now and the date of Its funeral has been forgotten. But it Is worthy ot note that after the ol>se- ' quies had been conducted there was- L nt money enough on hand to itay the undertaker. "Rattling good" is good, clean, understandible colloqual English. The writer pleads guilty to Using It whenever he feels the occasion demands it. But there is at least this to say in his defense. He never yet found the English language so mea- gre and inadequate as to permit the word, "elegant" to creep into his stuff. jAppettte forj who V0w^.i*tan it anr othiw w*y wfll'find ontj that Kaiuns aty U'not THEcodUhaiMi ' far • IMI'IUW HcMblhan aBve and he cib ihcm nw. He cib than al wttM in. 4 ^06011 and grows fat He NM a -inaiiirftJ IhMt I Thcol from (he codTs >Mr nalia Scott's Imutsion A natural power to Agtd tmd to produce llcih if in cwy yoowftdi Thb power meant new vi jor toi new flcih for (iioic who foUtr from' wwiinj dbeaic*... ' The Czar talked a long time to Mr. Taft. bat It takes a long time to say Good Moraing." in tola language. As we nnderstand It, Swarttamore College haa declined the propoelUoa to trade lU football team for a mUlton dollars. An article on "How to Warm Cold Feet," la being extensively printed, bat most women will continue to use the backs of their husbands. "All a man has to do to get his name in the papers in ^Is town," said Hod Berner the other night, "is to pay little attention to the Wlllougbby girls. The WJlloughby girls will do the rest" Bryan says the democratic donkey Is a useful beast. Opinions differ as to that, but it has on two occasions shown that It can carry an awful load. ter thinking and thinking, has come to the conclusion that it wjll be unlawful to hold bull fights at;the great World's Fair given in St. LOuis some years ago. We notice that while the women seem to be shooting more accurately, they still have the same old trouble in driving a nail. This department seldom brags, but we claim that a Topeka woman has the ugliest hat In the world. The older a man is and the less he has to do the more likely he is to read the President's message in fulL The Thaw trial has been postponed until January. We don't know how you feel about it, but we can wait The "Incubator baby" case has been postponed. But there are a number of other puEKles to which you can devote your attention. We gather from bis picture that Uncle Joe" Cannon Is a rugged and mountainous country entirely surrounded by whiskers. There Is at least this to say erf the Brooklyn man who died thirteen days after his wedding; his sufTerlngs were soon ended. We don't know wlio has the monet but the best informatian is that It Isn't the Jamestown exposition. "I'll do this much," said Hod Berner to Annabelle WUoughby yesterday. ^^^^en we are married I'll furnish the old trunk for you to do your heatless cooking with." Bryan says four years in the \Miite House are enough for any man. It doubtless se^ms so to one who has never been permitted to "light" there for more than five minutes at a time. We have noticed that the barber seldom calls your attention to the fact that your teeth need fixing, and that the dentist almost never notices that you ought to liave your hair cut. We have noticed that it Is only the old fashioned women who has a wen. If a woman Is up-to-date Is It a tumor. The women have tried and fried, but they have never been able to improve on the oid fashioned "stir" cake your grandmother used to bake. The statistics show that of the eighty-six things on every girl's dressing table- sixty-three of them are for the akin and nineteen for the hair. We have noticed that when a girl who is going to marry has over |100,000 In her own name, it is announced that she is "betrothed." When she has less tnan that she is only "engaged. We don't know how you feel about It, but we are getting pretty tired of hearing about "Thomas H. Gore, the blind Senator," etc. ..... L Important DMlNlonfu The National Trotting Association has just announced a decision that will be read with breathless Interest. It Is to the effect that hoa Billon was not doped when she trotted at Mei phis In the fall of 1904. : The Supremo Court of Missouri, af- It is our experience that singing is the safest exercise. Not one person in a thousand can tell whether you can or can not. A woman regrets a lot of things, but now that the fashions in dentistry have changed, probably the thing that causes her the deepest sorrow is the fact that she had her teeth filled with gold. Industrial note: The local hammer brigade is temporarily out of material but the plant has not been shut down and it is believed that It will be run uing again by Monday of next week. We have noticed that the drunk us ually sings first and cries afterward. ^STiat has become of the old fashioned man who wanted to be "connected with a brewery?" Another rugretable thing about the Bank of Commerce failure Is that It Is a little too far away to use on local creditors. I And then. If they do hold the con vention In Ki.nsas City, a lot of people Wc are cerlaiiJy excelling ourselves and everybody else in we present quality of Ar« buckles* Ariosa 0 )ffee. ] No such quaJity of co^ee can be sold out of a bag, or tinj or under >any name by: anybody iii tUs town, for anjrthing near the same price. That's 7a strong^slalement^ but 'you^can take our word for it, and we .are tte largest dealers in coffee in die worid. AnoAer dung -tlie ^ coating on f ARIOS5A CpFFEE does liot ii|iprove its appearance but preserves die flavor bnd aronuu r Reniembeiy tfaAt not sold to look a' We have never been able to decide whether a weddipg or a funeral brings out the greatest number of poor and disreputable looking relatives. Our objection to the turkey gobbler is not so much- that he is not particularly good to eat. but that he wears whiskers. There are four republicans on the Caleb Powers Jury, and a republican Is nearly always smart enough to know what Is expected of him . Japan will also hold a world's fair. The Japs don't seem to care how much they owe. Ethel Roosevelt was the real attraction at the Army-Navy foot bail game. When you get down to cases you find that nothing amounts to much unless there is a woman in It. Whales are reported very plentiful. This will be especially pleasing news to the Kansas farmers who have not yet laid in their winter's supply of whales. Be thankful also that you are not the proof reader. He has to read the president's message. There is also a controversy as to who is the best first baseman in the country. And the funny thing al>out it is that it Is more important than a lot of the other controversies. Unfortunately for Dr. Home, one of the victims of his grandstand play upset-all of the calculations by dying. Oklahoma Mets Dickering With former Tola Player. An effort is being made by the own erg of the Oklahoma City baseball franchise in the Western Associntton to secure Jimmie Prick, who cavortpd about third bas« for the Oasligbters, 88 manager for the coming season Friqk Is now with the Toronto team of the Eastern league. Last season bo played short stop most of the time where he made a great record. Frick has played with the OUabona City team and Is very popolar there. Ife Is said to draw $500 per month front i the Toronto team which Indicates that the Oklahoma City Uam wl'l have some difllculty In securing htm Tho Ihe earth with Jack Frost shakes. Not a man will have tho aches. If every night a dose he takes Of llollister's Rocky Mountain Tea. Biirrell's Drug Store. MADE GOOD STOCK SALES. ComrJies with ail the lequirements of tfie rUk »4 Pure Food Law. Couoraniee 204t fi3ed at Washmgtofl. ;ASSUOKUD ssot.^-. sinr J. K. Xahaffey, of Erie, Is Dealer In Poland China Hog*. Joe K. Mahaffey, of Erie, Kas., who is the guest Of Attorney 6. R. Gard of this city, says that he recently sold a bunch of sixty-six hogs for |68.50 per head and twenty-two which averaged |91 per head. He also sold one hog for 1500 and another for $400. • Mr. Mahaffey Is dealing In the Poland -China breed of hogs. The hogs which he sold were especially fine ones. HISTAKEX Df PLACE. People Crowded PotteeS Coart Today to See Crevlston. The court room of Justice ot the Peace C. S. Potter was filled this mom ing at nine o'clock with men' and boys who came to hear W. H. Creyiston, the man who confessed to tb^ killing of Will Stewart, enter Us pleajof ^lil- ty. The large crowd was disappointed jwhen Justice Potter announced thai ^e had no knowledge that the hearing Iwas to be held in bis court Get your Banltol BOW , as this Is yoar leet chance to get |2.70 worth lor II. i)e«l ekwea Deoember 31st. We hare jn§t receiyed from an Eaii§it- ei*ii jobber, a - large §hipment of Embroidered Handkerchiefs that were made to sell at 25e and 35c« bought the lot at a big sacrifice in and will put them on sale at We 12ic Sale Begins at 8:30 Tuesday Morning Buy Your ; Xmas Hand'ciiiefs Now THE LANDS OF PROMISE! And of fulfillment, where climate is also an as.sot, arc along the Santa Fe, and easy to re.ich. There are irrigated farms, sections where dry farming is practiced, and places where rainfall Is depended ui>on. In some lucalhies all these methods nmy be fo'lowed. Read about the various sections. Then visit thoni. Honioseeker.s' ExcurHlun tickets arc void somi-nionthly to TcxaK, Veens Valloy and Certain |>orilons of Colorado and Arizona, limit twenty-one or thirty days, deiiendent on destination. Their use will save you something. The Pecos aVIley, The San Joaontn Valley, New lezko and Arlsona, Tex- SR, Celende. .ILL FREE I W. K. RAl-STON. Agl. lola, Kans. C.VN HATE GOOD ROAD .S. CBBISTMA8 PBESERTS Nothings better than a magazine for J. E. HENDEBSON, Pbene 98. 414 H. Baekeye. friend. For yonr magaslnes see Retrtsler Want Ads. Pay Because in Allen Connty Nearly Ererylwdy Reads the Register. LivingfttoD £» Co Centmemn Md BalMcn. AH ktndt of work a speeralty t 8ontk SyMMnp P>one lUI 8EEWG IS BELIETn«& We have the best Felt Mattresses on the market right here in our store for your Inspection. A Mattress that is sold under a guarantee backed by the Stern and Poster Felt Mattress Co. A Mattress that we can sell to you at a less price than you can buy from any advertising company. Call at our store and we will gladly show you. I.. SUEPEB * 80H. Au As.<(L<i(ant Postma.s(er General Be- ports on Popular Highway Attitude. Washingfon, Dec. 9.—The necessity !for good roads to enable the establishment and malntuinance of rural free delivery routes is emphasized by the ret>ort of the Fourth Assistant Postmaster General In his annual report. He sa.vs in part: "While material improvement in the condlliun ot roads on which rural de- I livery Is established has resulted \ throUKh cn-o |ieratlon by tho department with the bureau of public roads. Department of'^Agriculture, and state highway oniccs,-and through direct communication with local road supervisors and comissloners, very much yet remains to be done toward bringing these highways to such a state of Improvement us to insure the most satisfastory and efficient rural delivery. "The riimculty which the department has experienced in securing the improvement of highways on which rural delivery Is established lies in the aiutthy of patrons. In the absence of highway laws and of highway com- Tiiisslon In some of the states, and in lack of concerted action and'intelli gent and proper methods In other states where highway laws exist. "It (3 not difficult, in those communities that desire it, to secure an ipmroved condition of roads, through demonstrations and instructions in road building and the use of the road drag, which can be readily oBtalned from state highway commissions, and In those states having no highw^ commissions demonstrated and Instructions in road building^ may 1»B obtained uimn api>lication to the De- liartment of Agriculture, bureau of public roads. There seems to be a mistaken idea that the rural delivery service re- ()uire.s ideal roads and that they must be macadamized or 'graveled. This is not the case, but it Is required that they shall be kept reasonably smooth, free from washouts and ruts, and properly drained and graded so. that they may be traveled by carriers with celerity and safety. While It is de- .slrable,. with a view to their permanency, that roads be macadamized or graveled. It has been practically denj- onstrated that earth roads can be greatly Improved by tne systematic and intelligent nse of tbo road drag, and by roiling and proper drainage. Trjr • Want Ad. In tke Befister. As I have deeUed to ran my Ore< eery and .Meat Market on strictly eash liaslH from Ibis date. I herein list a few nrtlcleif, as follows I Granulated-Sugar, 10 tba. for ,.%\M P. H. and W. 8. Flour, per sack. PoUtoes, per bu 7»e^^ 4 Cans Kelley's Creans Cori^ ..... »o ^ 3^Ib 8tanda:fd Tomatoes, per can. Ide ; Corn^Meal, per sack .- 1S« j Cranberriesv iier quart lOe' Cabbage, per lb. IHe. Fancy Apples, pock 4do Peaches and Pears, can 1254 to Ste Sweet Potatoes, peck •••J'?* .22-lb. Hox bf Crackers 11.44 I Gallon P*eled Peaches S0e Country Butter 29e Creamery Butter Me Fresh Country Eggs SSo Pure Homemade L^rd, lb ISKe Skinned Hams, per lb ISMe Jm Hm Sohutie eroemrymm PHONE 292, Nitilbl Water One biudrod pounds ot Crys-. tal leo'win nako U gaHons o( distilled vator •nitabls tor taaOtr: Try tt IdaloildUStififeC* FRANC RIOOLe. Mgr. Ida fksms& Penmanship, Arltbmetieb' Eloentloiw Bocltkieepinl. EngHsh; Pineal Culture, ate aiortband. Lettar Writing.
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