The Hutchinson News from Hutchinson, Kansas on October 3, 1971 · Page 12
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The Hutchinson News from Hutchinson, Kansas · Page 12

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Hutchinson, Kansas
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Sunday, October 3, 1971
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Page 12
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No Contact From Puberty to the Altar 'Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own- Part I By ERMA BOMBECK AND BIL KEANE Excerpted from the book 'JUST WAIT TILL YOU HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN!' Copyright (c) 1971 by Erma Bombeck and Bil Keane. Published by Doubleday & Company, Inc. Acute Withdrawal In my mind, I always dreamt of the day I would have teenagers. Young boys would pinch me in the swimming pool and exclaim, "Gee, ma'am, I'm sorry. I thought you were your sensuous daughter, Dale." The entire family would gather around the piano and sing songs from the King Family album. And on Friday, we'd have a family council meeting to decide what flavor of ice cream their father, Ozzie, would bring home from the ice­ cream parlor. It never worked out that way. Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married. If we spoke to them in public, they threatened to self-destruct within three minutes. And only once a young boy grinned at me, then apologized quickly with, "Gee, sir, I'm sorry, I .thought you were Eric Sevareid." Heaven knows, we tried to make contact. One day when I knew our son Hal was in his bedroom, I pounded on the door and demanded, "Open up! I know you are in there staring at your navel." The door opened a crack and I charged into my son's bedroom shouting, "Look, Hal, I'm your mother. We love you. So does your father, we care about you. We haven't seen you in months. All we get is a glimpse of the back of your head as you slam the door, and a blurred profile as the car bill Harrison exhibit Bill Harrison, noted Wichita artist, whizzed over this week and left 20 or 30 beautiful Kansas watercolors. Sad to say, we can have them only one week until October 8. Hurry on up to see them. morton galleries one flight up WHITESIDE BUILDING main at second Calendar Deadline In order for the notice of a meeting to appear in the Sunday Social Calendar, it must be reported to our office by noon on the Thursday preceding publication. whizzes by. We're supposed to be communicating. How do you think I feel when the TV set flashes on the message, 'IT'S ELEVEN O'CLOCK. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?* I can't even remember who they are." "I'm not Hal," said the kid, peeling a banana. "I'm Henry. Hal isn't home from school yet." Shouted Through Keyhole Another time I thought I saw Hal race for the bathroom and bolt the door. "I know this isn't the place to talk," I shouted through the keyhole, "but I thought you should know we're moving next week. I'm sliding the new address under the door and certainly hope you can join us. I wouldn't have brought it up, but I thought you'd become anxious if you came home and the refrigerator and the hot water were gone." A note came slowly under the door. It read, "I'll surely miss you. Yours very truly, Hartley." Finally, my husband and I figured out the only way to see Hal was to watch him play football. As we shivered in the stands, our eyes eagerly searched the satin-covered backsides on the bench. Then, a pair of familiar shoulders turned and headed toward the showers. "Hey, Hal," said his father, grabbing his arm. "Son of a gun. Remember me? I'm Father." "Father who?" asked the boy. "You're looking great, Hal. I remember the last time I saw you. You were wearing that little suit with the duck on the pocket. Your mother tells me you're going to be joining us when we move." "You have me confused, sir," said the boy. "I'm not Hal, I'm Harry." "Aren't you the guy I saw poking around our refrigerator the other night? And didn't you go with us on our vacation last year?" "No, sir, that was Harold. Incidentally, could you give me a lift to your house? I'm spending the night with Hal." Raced Up the Aisle We thought we saw Hal a few times after that. Once when we were attending a movie and they announced that a car bearing our license number had left its parking lights on, a rather thin boy raced up the aisle, but we were never sure. Another time at a Father-Son banquet, someone noticed a resemblance between my husband and a boy who hung on the phone all night mumbling, "Aw c'mon, Wilma," but that was also indefinite. One day in the mail I received a package of graduation pictures and a bill for $76. It was worth it. "Look dear," I said to my husband, "it's Hal." Our eyes misted as we looked at the clear-skinned boy with the angular jaw and the sideburns that grew down to his jugular vein. It made spotting him at graduation a snap. "Son of a gun," said his father, punching him on the arm, "if you aren't a chip off the old block, Henry." "Hartley," I corrected. "Harry," said a mother at my elbow. "Harold," interjected another voice. "I'm Hal," said the boy graduate, straightening his shoulders and grimacing. "Hal who?" we all asked in unison. Next: How to Build a Teen-Ager — If You Want To SCRATCH and DENT FLOOR 307 N. Washington Hutchinson, Kansas SAVE 30-40-50-70% WALL TO WALL CLEARANCE WHOLESALE! BELOW WHOLESALE! EVERYTHING-WITHOUT EXCEPTION Store-Wide--We Could List Only A Few Items! SAMPLE SALE Twin or Full Size Mattress and Box Spring Quilted Smooth Top for Both Pieces Test the Comfort $89.95 6Pc. PORCH SET Love Seat 2—Chairs 3—Snack Tables Redwood & Chrome 1/2 Price 44 95 While They Last $79.95 Swivel Base Rocker 100% Nylon Fabrics All Colon Compare Our Prices BARGAINS VALUE CLOSEOUT 6 .95 Large corduroy floor pillows, all colors 5 .88 8.95 Hassocks, all colors 7-88 12.95 Vinyl floor pillows, asst. colors 9.95 17 .95 Spin-A-Way metal smokers 12 .88 24.95 Chain Lamps 12.45 29.95 Cocktail & end tables. Maple or walnut 19.95 39.95 Glass door Record Cabinet 29.95 79.95 6" Sliding door Bookcase credenza .. 39.95 79.95 Spanish Cellarette Bar 39.95 79.95 Maple Lounge Chair, print fabric ... 49.88 89.95 Vinyl Recliners, 3 position 59.95 89.95 Colonial Swivel Rockers, Nylon fabric 69.95 89.95 3 Dr. Student Desk, Maple or walnut 69.95 149.95 Padded Porch Glider 89.95 159.95 Queen size Box Spring & Mattress sets 119.95 159.95 Maple Sofa, Colonial Print 119.95 159.95 Studio Couch, Green or Gold, choice .. 119.95 169.95 5 Pc. Dinette Set, Deluxe Chairs 129.95 189.95 22 x 46 Desk, Maple, Walnut, Pecan .. 139.95 199.80 4 Pc. Bedroom Suite, Maple or Walnut 149.95 219.95 Quilted Print, Colonial Love Seat ... 159 .95 249.95 Green ant. Velvet Lounge Chair .... 169.95 219.95 5 Pc. Wrought Iron Dinette Set 179.95 349.95 78" Colonial Soft Print 199 .95 419.80 Italian Cherry Bedroom Suit 275.00 424.95 Traditional Sofa Sleeper, Matelasse covers, 2 colors 299.95 485.80 Ant. White French Prov. Bedroom Suit 345 .00 573.00 75" Blue & White Tuxedo Sofa 373 .00 754.60 8 Pc. Dining Room Suite, Modern Glass china top, walnut 475 .00 606.00 5 Pc. Dinette Set, Gold Velvet Swivel Chair 499-W 1,032.00 4'x8' Solid Slate Top Pool Table .. 500.00 898.95 Spanish Dining Room Suite Glass Enclosed top, 9 pieces 599.95 $79.95 48" Mediterranean Wall Divider or Stereo Cabinet 195 $ 49' Wall to Wall Closeout $69.95 Drop Leaf Table Two Chairs Complete 3 Pieces $ 49' 5 Our Loss Your Gain RECLINERS $89.95 Elastic Back Naughyde Three Colors $FA95 Low Discount Prices Open "The Big Warehouse Southwest of the Royal Inn Motel" FREE HARMON'S FURNITURE 9a . m X9 P .m. DELIVERY 307 No Wasn i n gt on » Hutchinson This Sunday 1 P.M. to 6 P.M. •I'll b« IB WJ TOO*.' Serialization of Bombeck Book Erma Bombeck, whose delightful diary of a harried housewife appears in The Hutchinson News, has just slipped between the covers of a book, titled "Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!" Starting today, the book, appropriately illustrated by cartoonist Bil Keane, will appear in the women's section. Seeing Erma double will be twice the fun as she takes you laughingly through such teenage afflictions as "Acute Withdrawal," "Prom Fat" and "Money Deficiency." Why do children disappear into their rooms at the age of thirteen, rarely to be seen again? Why do girls only discover they've misplaced their waistlines, just before the big prom? Erma admits she doesn't have the answers, but she's got some pretty hilarious case histories in her six-article series. Mrs. Bombeck writes from experience. She has three teen-age children of her own. While other women cope, Erma turns her kids' nerve-shattering eccentricities into pure distilled humor. Meanwhile, her husband William, an educator, takes a broader academic view of the younger set. Erma Bombeck was a newspaperwoman in Dayton before she met and married Bill. When the headaches of child-rearing increased to barely bearable proportions, she turned to the typewriter as her personal security blanket. The reams of fun that began to pour out won immediate acceptance, first in a local weekly, then in the Daytona Journal Herald and finally across the country in a syndicated column. Success hasn't changed Erma. She talks as she writes, warmly, wittily, with supreme honesty. It has changed her location, however, from Dayton to Arizona, where she reports it has just cooled off for fall, from 110 degrees to ninety. Betrothals Revealed Debi Martin Larry Burkhart Dighton residents, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Martin, announce the engagement of their daughter, Debi, to Larry Burkhart, son of Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Burkhart, Cimarron. Miss Martin was graduated from Dighton High School. Her fiance was graduated from St. Mary of the Plains College, Dodge City, and is a school teacher in Beloit. Marlene Stinemetz BUI Miller Mr. and Mrs. Elmer Stinemetz, Hanston, announce the engagement of their daughter, Marlene, to Bill Miller, Big Lake, Tex. Miss Stinemetz attended Howard Payne College, Brownwood, Tex. Her fiance is a business major at the College. Page 12 The Hutchinson News Sunday, October 3, Ml Margaret Pound Michael Hilbert Announcing the engagement of Margaret Pound to Michael Hilbert, are her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ralph Pound, St. John. Mr. Hilbert is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Frank Hilbert, New Rockford, N. D. The wedding will be Oct. 23. Special Purchase! Compare the value of this dress anywhere with $20.00. Orion Acrylic bonded with nylon that's absolutely guaranteed machine washable and dryable. Choose navy or green, sizes 14V& to 24V&. 15 For mail orders please Include sales tax plus charges for postage and handling ... a total of $16.48. we don't want your business unless we can give you . . New Fashioned Shoe Comfort Stepettes In Beautiful Red Patent y $25.00 FOOT FITTERS Stepettes give her what shefreaByf fashionable shoe designed by comfort stySstsj for over 35 years. Stepettes — with contoured; insole, "Knit-fit" lining and the unique snug*fltj contoured heel — S fashionable shades. 20-B East 1st JOHN FOSTER, Mgr. Phone MO 2-2471 it's a hosiery happening run, don't walk to our annual Cling-alon panty hose sale ... the figure shop ultra-sheer panty hose Sears Best . . . exclusive Cling-alon nylon panty hose. The panty hose that do beautiful things for your legs . . . thanks to the cling. Petite, Average, Tall. Variety of shades. Extra large, reg. $2.99 . . . NOW 2.47. Cling-alon hosiery ... the fit to be tried guaranteed not-to-run panty hose A practical addition to the Cling-alon family. Versatile-weight mesh panty hose that will not run ... even if you poke a hole in them! Petite, Average, Tall. In assorted shades. Extra Large, reg. $3.49 . . . NOW 2.97. CHARGE IT on Sears Revolving Charge sale regular $2.49 97 pair 1 sale regular $2.99 47 pair 2 SHOP AT SEARS AND SAVE Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your Money Back Sears SIAIS,IOEBUCKAND Hurry Sale Ends Saturday Dial 662-2311

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