The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on January 24, 1986 · Page 19
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 19

Salina, Kansas
Issue Date:
Friday, January 24, 1986
Page 19
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Fun The Salina Journal Friday, January 24,1986 Page 21 We Americans invented gridlock The Far Side I read an amusing little story the other day about the parking problem in Moscow. The situation was de- stribed as "catastrophic." It went on to say, "A garage is a dream which is unlikely to come true and even a fenced lot takes at least two years and the signatures of 15 department heads to get. Drivers fight back by writing letters of complaint, slashing tires, scratching swear words on the car and stealing parts." There are 32 cars for every 1,000 Soviet citizens. Russians may have invented frustration, but, comrades, Americans invented gridlock! We're the best there is at it. For every 1,000 Americans, there are 530 cars of some kind on the road. We even amaze ourselves at how good we are at compounding the traffic problem. It has taken years to perfect. Let's say we are going to the airport. We get into the family car and drive it to a lot five miles from the airport where we park it and get into a bus that takes us to the terminal. At our destination, we take another bus Tank McNamara Erma Bombeck LOS ANGELES TIMES that takes us to the car rental lot where we rent a car which we cruise around in looking for a parking place. We return it to the lot after our stay, take a bus to the airport and, upon arriving home, take another bus to our car and drive it home where we park it on the lawn because our garage is filled with fertilizer and leaf sweeper and the kids' cars are parked in the driveway and on the street. Apartment builuers have the "Musical Car" mentality. They build 235 apartment units and give each tenant a spot with a number on it. Hopefully, each tenant lives a monk's existence, is an illegal alien with no friends, no deliveries and no visitors, or has a caller who is willing to risk having his face punched out for taking someone else's "spot." They don't call Americans genius for nothing. Given all this traffic, we also fight back in our own way. Shopping centers that cover three football fields are built every 100 miles or so. To insure a parking place, we park our car on the building site before the structure is built. Don't even think of moving it. Work in a busy downtown area? Every morning, we stop at a different intersection near our office, raise the hood of the car and leave it. Police think we've gone for help. Motor heating up from circling the .block looking for a place to park? Pull into a drive-in bank and inquire about their interest rates while the motor cools down. The story said there were no plans by Russian officials to build any new lots or garages. If the Americans were there, we'd park in Sibera and walk back. Crossword By Eugene Sbeffer Send your news tip to The Salina Journal; up to $45 in cash weekly. "Look. Why don't you just give yourself up quietly? ... Otherwise, this thing could turn into a frenzy—and nobody wants that." The Family Circus ACROSS 1 "Fat farm" 4 Sailor 7 Steal 12 "2001" computer 13 Previously 14 "City of Light" 15 Mimic 16 Mead and Mitchell 18 French lake 19 Noted violinist 20 Fraternal group 22 Greek H 23 Computer input 27 Resembling: suffix 29 Page edge 31 African antelope 34 Partygoer 35 Actress Kidder 37"— voyage!" 38 Exploits 39 Canoe accessory 41 New Zealander 45 Muggy 47 Patriotic org. 48 Bread spread 52 Broke fast 53 Occurrence 54 Word with Deal or Delhi 55 Farm layer 56 Picture puzzle 57 CIA's predecessor 58 Mine output DOWN 1 Slate- to-be 2 Of the Vatican 3 Smart guy 4 Lapidary's concerns 5 Speechified 6 French topper 7 Bridge 8 Card game 9 Wrath 10 "The — and the Pendulum" 11 Double curve 17 Mass unit 21 Airs 23 Plastered: colloq. 24 Epoch 25 "— folly to be wise" 26 Formicary dweller 28 Altar words 30 Past 31 Aussie bird 32 — Vegas 33 "Diamonds Forever" 36 Trip 37 Salty mixtures 40 Acid type 42 Potato state 43 Moisten 44 Actress Dunne 45 Milliner's goods 46 Moistures 48 Mal-de- 49 — Maria 50 Yank's 1-24 foe » ^ . , ,51 Wilde- Ans. to yesterday's puzzle beest Avg. solution time: 22 min. P0(OTCOM6TOT|4€ OIVMEE'S litOK UJG. S+V3ULP Pl& WHAT MY OLOfOeP'S- CALL For Better or for Worse HE'STRRCKlNGDOST HEUKESTOBE yoUR FflTHER, K. WOULD DRDWBNTTO INSPECT OUR IMSULRTiONi 1-24 CRYPTOQUIP VKEMCYCE, KVLKGN, ABN KTT LJG KBNBIY KAAHJYNICYNG U YEAH! HE'S STILL SLEEPING!" JY K THHGC TCKS SHTMCE. Yesterday's Crvptoquip: DURING HIS DEBUT IN SPRING TRAINING, BEGINNING PITCHER SOON CAUGHT ON. Today's Cryptoquip clue: B equals U » 1986 King Fealures Syndicate, Inc. THiSTSJUSTAROUTfNe CHeCK.SiR.... CRACKING DOWN OK P9C^Le UTTLe TAQS ON THeiR MATTReSSeS \ The Lockhorns Hagar the Horrible *R2bM TIME TO TIME/ I WHATPOE& " I HOPE HE'S A GOOD LI6TENER ." BUT, IT WAS UNPER THE LEGAL SIZE LIMIT, SO HE THREW THE KIP BACK IN 1957. A CAT IN OREGON 5AVE.I7 A FROWNING CHILP "GARFIELD'S WHAT I WORRY ABOUT ARE THOSE 'KILLER P-MINUSE5"/ MANY PEOPLE ARE UIORRIEP ABOUT THE "KILLER BEES" THIS IS MY REPORT ON THE "KILLER BEES Hi and Lois Wizard of id WELL FLY60UTH LISTEN ,rVE THREE PAYS OfF? 60T AN I PEA RANcY CoUNTRT i CLUB ' * Rex Morgan M.D. Beetle Bailey WHY PONT VOLJ SET OUT AMP PUSH1 IT SOUNDS LIKE THE DAD We USEP TO KNOW/ HALLELUJAH / THAT MEANS VAND HE'LL ROUBLE, HAKKY.M INSIST HE'LL FIND HALF / THAT THEY A DOZEN THINGS WRONG/ AS A MATTER OF PACT, HE HAS.' HE'S WALKING AROUND THE PLANT 3LJST LIKE OLP TIMES/ AND HE TOOK HIS NOTEBOOK WITH/ IVE TR1EP ROCKIH6 IT BACK I DOMT 6UPPOSE MY FATHER'S COME BACK, HAS HE, MRS. WALSH"? AHP FORTH, BUT ITS MO USE... 11 COME VESTER PAV— Born Loser WHAT 5 FOR ' DINNER, HONEY?; POT ROAST THAT'S OUST LIKE I'LL HAVE THE POT ROAST...No WAIT; LET ME USE YOUR PHONE A CLOSE )f COULD'VE BEEN A MAJOR CALAMITY '-—^-•-^

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