Fun The Salina Journal Friday, January 17,1986 Page 17 Start paying... or stop talking The Far Side Crossword By Eugene Sbeffer A-son who spoke only four words a year to me once dated a girl who was a 9-cents-for-the-first-minute phone call away. In one month he ran up a $33 phone bill. Compared to today's kids who dial pay phone services, he sounded like Calvin Coolidge. A father in Pennsylvania discovered a phone bill for $40 run up by his 5-year-old son. Another mother's phone bill was 11 pages long with calls totaling $56.50 by her teen-ager. Who are these kids calling and why? When the father of the 5-year-old called the number that occurred 62 times on his bill he got a "Ho, ho, ho, this is Santa Claus. Today I'm in Africa." He then went on to describe the holiday customs and told him tomorrow he would be in Poland. With the mother of the teen-ager, the calls were made to teen gab lines, plus a couple of New Jersey and New York numbers where a female whispered suggestive sexual promises into his ear. If his fingers had done any more walking through the Yellow Pages, he wouldn't have been able to hold a pencil. Tank McNamara Ertna Bombeck LOS ANGELES TIMES There's a whole line of packaged goodies for children just a toll charge away. They can dial recorded jokes, sports information, horror stories, and for $1.85 your child can listen to a fairy story. But the most popular are the gab lines where two to eight children hook up to a conference call where they are urged not to give their real names or personal information about themselves. They just sit around and listen to small talk or hear music someone plays. So who is the villain in this electronic nightmare? Is it the phone company that extends instant credit to a generation of unemployed kids for a product which they say fills a need? Is it the working parents who have spawned a generation of latchkey kids who are told to be self-reliant and make decisions, but only if it doesn't cost anything? Is it the kids themselves who are taking advantage of a situation and defying adults, much like playing with matches or smoking a forbidden cigarette when no one is around? A lot of parents are using the pay phone service to teach a valuable lesson. Everyone pays in this life. There are no gifts for which someone has not paid. How important is it to hear Santa describe holiday customs in Africa? What's it worth to hear heavy breathing from some stranger in New Jersey whom they will never see? You are responsible for your own debts. So start paying ... or stop talking. I wouldn't be surprised if children eventually rewrote AT&T's slogan, "The more they pay ... the worse they sound." Do you need another employee? Hundreds of readers are looking through the classified ads every day. Phone 823-6363 and an ad-taker will help you. "So what's this? I asked for a hammer! A hammer! This is a crescent wrench!... Well, maybe it's a hammer.... Damn these stone fools." ACROSS 1 Grant's foe 4 "Begone!" 8 Eye 12 Charged atom 13 Yarn 14 Helix 15 Sofa's neighbor 17 Army vehicle 18 Half of zwei 19 Chess victories 20 Flavorless 22 Soviet city 24 Spacious 25 Lined up 29 Comb user 30 Genealogist's diagrams 31 Teaching org. 32 Touchdown locales 34 Norse god 35 Lamb tenders 36 Dull sound 49 Mimic 37 Sleeps in 50 Colored 51 Opal, e.g. DOWN 1 Deceit 2 Long time 3 Made beloved 4 Kiosk 5 Airport autos 6 The works 7 Links aid 8 Paper size 9 Billy, for one 10 Queue 11 Fraternal group the great outdoors 40 Actor Mischa 41 Zion National Park locale 42 Line segment feature 46 Gaunt 47 Third Reich follower 48 New: prefix Avg. solution time: 23 min. Ans. to yesterday's puzzle 16 Minuscule 19 Big Apple team 20 Newborn one 21 Mortgage 22 Pad places 23 March time 25 Sea eagle 26 Lasting 27 Dresden denial 28 Like a wine cellar 30 Pulls 33 Breeze 34 Butter substitute 36 Amorous archer 37 Fidel's isle 38 On 39 Leonine feature 40 Chopping tool 42 Football player 43 Thumbs down 44 Born 45 Feline fellow The Family Circus ALL-£>TAf? G PRO "SCOOTS 1(0 For Better or for Worse 1-17 CRYPTOQUIP LGG IA CUJGKDIV'C AVRMWFC KVIJFGP USRKKMF I CRKTfiKE- l UJrWTaBe.peiE.~To HRVE OTHER PEOPLE. LIMING- vurm This theater has six channels. -i-. INMV/i SHORTS" CRFYZ.V. RW AIV SRC KLVDP. Yesterday's Cryptoquip: THE DERMATOLOGIST'S LATEST DIAGNOSIS: A RASH STATEMENT. Today's Cryptoquip clue: K equals P The Cryptoquip is a simple substitution cipher in which each letter used stands for another. If you think that X equals 0, it will equal 0 throughout the puzzle. Single letters, short words, and words using an apostrophe can give you clues to locating vowels. Solution is accomplished by trial and error. The Lockhorns Hagar the Horrible r YOLJIZ& \e •//•/£ "A6(0£ FROM THE PRICE-WHAT PO YOU THINK WE HAVE HERE THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE.GARFIELP I SUGGEST WE PRAW STRAWS TO SEE WHO GETS IT A FINE P06 YOU ARE! I'LL BET YOU PON'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME.' HINT5!INEEP\ MORE MINTS/ MY INITIALS ARE C.B., ANP MY FIRST NAME 15 THE SAME AS THE FAMOUS ACTOR,CHAPLIN MY LAST NAME RHYMES WITH '«OU)N' Hi and Lois Wizard of Id FOR } Wtfo is , BILL'S, BILLS, BILLS/ Beetle Bailey Rex Morgan M.D. HAVE you TOLD THi9i MAN YOU'RE PATIKIO THAT VOU HAD BEEN " OWCE-? NO—HE NEVER ASKEO t THE 5UBTECT NEVER CAAAE UP.' I DO KNOW, HOWEVER, THAT HIS WIPE DIEP REE YEARS THANKS FOR LISTENING TO MV BORING LIFE STORY, FLORENCE.' I'D BETTER GET HOME.' I'VE WORK TO DO t KAY SAID SHE'D BE HOME—BUT THERE'S NO ANSWER '. Blondie THERE'S SO MUCH I WANT TO OO THIS WEEKEND.' LET'S SET UP AND AT 'EM .' VOU COULDN'T J[ THAT Jl WAIT TO SET <(f WAS UP BEFORE J( BEFORE Born Loser ' WHAT'CHA F (jE^M AFEAIP TO glpg IT^ v ^~~***..
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