The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on January 7, 1986 · Page 6
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 6

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Tuesday, January 7, 1986
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Page 6
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Living Today The Salina Journal Tuesday, January 7,1986 Page 6 Office conversation affects job Club calendar By The Associated Press On-the-job socializing can be fun, but it is important to learn the unwritten rules because talking too much — or not enough — with fellow workers can jeopardize success. Some offices are close-knit, stable, almost family concerns where there's considerable freedom of speech, according to an article in the January issue of Cosmopolitan, while others are shifting, competitive places where it is best to be on guard. Who you are talking to also matters — a real friend will not betray you, but beware of confiding in a casual acquaintance. "You and an office friend share so many of the same frustrations and joys," said Susan R. Pollack, a clinical psychologist and primary therapist for the Employee Assistance Program at the Arizona Bank in Phoenix. "He or she can understand your life at work without long background explanations and, instead of just sympathizing with you, can really empathize." With a casual acquaintance, the trick is to be friendly without sharing confidential information, but not to appear cagey to the point of paranoia. Here are some conversational pitfalls to beware: • When among casual acquaintances, don't volunteer opinions on such potentially explosive lifestyle issues as sex, religion and politics. A future boss may be in the group and file away in her mind a picture of you that doesn't fit the corporate image. • Don't reveal too much about your weaknesses — they can dilute your professional effectiveness. You may get over jitters about math, for instance, but the persons you confide in may not forget. • Don't be the life of the office, and go easy on the jokes until you can gauge their effect. Women jokesters are frequently perceived by their bosses as too unprofessional for promotion. • Don't tell secrets you don't want known. "It's a good rule of thumb to remember the secret you tell a ,coworker is probably going to be shared with at least one other person," said Frederick Grosse, a Phoenix psychotherapist. "That's how yesterday's top secret becomes today's office gossip. Sometimes this is just embarrassing or annoying; at other times, it can cost you a promotion or your job." Why does almost everyone at some time come out with something they could kick themselves later for saying? "Everyone wants acceptance and attention," Pollack said. "If you tell a joke and everyone laughs, you feel accepted and important. If you get a raise, there's a desire to let the fact be known so that others in the office will know how valuable you are to the operation." Sometimes it's better just to mail yourself a letter of appreciation and avoid the possibility of jealousy. If you do talk out of turn, you can recoup by dismissing the subject when it comes up again and changing the subject. • Don't develop a reputation as the office shrink. Taking on that role for the entire office usually backfires. • Don't try to turn all your coworkers into confidants. Trying to create a close friendship with someone in direct competition with you is risky. It's almost impossible for her to meet her own needs and still meet yours for unbroken confidence. • When you find the perfect office chum, let mutual trust develop slowly before divulging your deepest self. • The touchiest subject among office pals is salary. Keep money matters to yourself to avoid financial jealousy. Effort fails to rid rapist of sex drive Dear Ann Landers: I read an article in the paper about a judge, who when sentencing a convicted rapist, gave him a choice between 30 years in jail or going free but without his testicles. It was stated this was not a punitive sentence but a curative one because removal of the testicles was supposed to render him''sexless.'' I always thought sexual ideas, like all others, originated in the brain. If this is true wouldn't castration create the opposite effect? It seems to me a man who already has a history of violence would be terribly frustrated, in addition to being hostile and aggressive. Would this not make him more likely to commit a violent crime? How about it? — Constant Reader and Amateur Sexologist Dear C.R. and A.S.: My consultant in this matter is Harvey Butler, M.D. chief of urology at Meharry Medical College in Nashville. Dr. Butler said, "The brain is strongly influenced by the sexual hormones that circulate throughout Ann Landers NEWS AMERICA the body. Castration would dramatically reduce the hormonal level but it would not eliminate the sex drive completely. "A castrated man could go to his physician or obtain testosterone illegally, take it orally and raise the hormonal level in his body. The drive and erection would be present but he could not get anyone pregnant." Obviously, the judge's knowledge of physiology is sharply limited. (This statement is mine, not the doctor's.) Also let us not forget rape is an act of violence and the pleasure is rooted in the rapist's sense of power over his victim. Dear Ann Landers: Why do guys bother asking girls for their phone numbers if they don't intend to call them? • The other night I went out on the town with friends. The sweetest fellow asked me to dance. We talked, laughed and danced together for the rest of the evening. Before we parted he said he had a great time and wanted to see me again. I told nun I had fun, too. When he asked for my phone number, I gave it to him. Please tell all those flakes out there to stop getting girls' hopes up by asking for phone numbers if they don't intend to call. Fear of rejection? Nonsense! If a girl doesn't like a guy she doesn't give him her number. So, Ann, why do they do it? — Let Down in Denver Dear Denver: I believe most fellas who ask for a phone number are genuinely interested at the time and intend to call, but they procrastinate and after a while figure the women wouldn't remember them. Others have no intentions of calling but it's difficult to say goodnight without making some reference to a future meeting, so they ask for the number to spare the girls' feelings. This request is not viewed as a commitment; it's merely a polite sign-off. Smart girls don't take these things seriously. Dear Ann Landers: When the city gal asked her country cousin if milk could be blue you replied, "Udderly ridiculous!" Well, hide your head in shame (and you from Iowa yet!) All farmers know that skim milk (known as "blueJohn") has an azure cast to it.—D.InPensacola Dear D.: Looks as if everybody from Iowa knew this but me. Boy, did I get letters! Get out the wet noodle. (Write to Ann Landers in care of News America Syndicate, 1703 Kaiser Avenue, Irvine, Calif. 92714.) Checklist tells last teen home to lock door Dear Heloise: I have three teenagers who come home at different times. My problem was that the last one in never turned out all the lights and locked the door because he or she didn't know if everyone else was home. I made a checklist with their names and the day of the week. I hung it on the inside of the door with a pencil hung on a string. As each one comes in, he or she checks off on the list so the last one in knows to turn off all the lights and lock the door. — Carole Gravlee Sounds good to me. And a hug to your children for complying. — Heloise Dear Heloise: After 30 some years of being a wife and mother, I am finally getting smart. For years I was constantly buying freezer containers. We do a lot of freezing and often give packages of frozen food to our grown children or other family members. Of course very few containers are returned. Now, I line freezer containers or 1- pound coffee cans with plastic bags. I then pour in the cooled food, draw out Heloise's hints KING FEATURES the air and seal with a twist-tie. After the food has frozen, I remove the container and put the block of food in another plastic bag. I put a note inside the second bag saying what it is and the date and then seal it. This way I save my freezer containers. — N. Lickfield This is an old trick but a lot of people still don't know about it. That's why we keep printing these goodies.—Heloise Dear Heloise: When my tennis shoes get older and I have worn a hole in the toe (as I usually do), I embroider a daisy around the hole, add leaves and another flower or two. I think they look good and I like wearing them. In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now, grasshoppers with Winter Clearance Salina's Clothiers We've been waiting to tell you! You may save up to 50% on your favorite fashion's from J.P. Roth & Sons. And of course you'll receive all the niceties you have come to expect. Reductions up to 50% >gepfe fi Sons 1829 South Ohio Mon.-Sat. 9:30-5:30 • Thurs. 'til 8:00 lavender flowers and green leaves. — Louise Weir Dear Heloise: When washing my hosiery, slips, and blouses by hand, I put a couple of drops of splash cologne in the rinse water for an elegant fragrance for my nice things. Caution should be used on delicate fabrics. For them, I dilute the cologne first and then put one or two drops in the rinse water. This is something I have done for many years. I feel good and smell good too. Splash cologne can be purchased in tiny bottles sometimes. Sample bottles from cosmetic companies are good too. Thanks for your excellent column. — Gail Trick Dear Heloise: I have a secret I can't wait to share! The shopping carts that "WORK" are the ones left in the parking lot by an earlier shopper. Take one with you when you enter the store and make thousands of store employees happy at the same time. — Sarah Sully You are right, and I thank you! — Heloise Dear Heloise: My friend gets her morning paper in a clear plastic, narrow sack. It is just the tiling to hold a skein of yarn. I use these sacks by tying the end loosely so I can pull the yam out as I need it. The sack keeps the yarn clean and tangle free. I keep enough of these plastic sacks for every color. They are good for storing yarn too! — Charlotte Bailey Dear Heloise: My daughter gave me a corsage last Easter. All during church the pin was jabbing my skin. When I got home, I solved the problem. I put a mechanical pencil Today Chapter BX of PEO, 7:30 p.m. meeting, Mrs. Evelyn Cole, 115 W. Hillside. Note change of meeting place. Wednesday Group II of the Salina Organ Club, 10 a.m. meeting, McCall's Music Studio, Rt. 1. Salina Joycees, 7:30 p.m. meeting, Cavalier Club. Membership for young people 18 to 35. For more information, contact Paul McAfee, 823-1517. Newcomers Club of YWCA, 1:15 p.m. meeting, YWCA. Salina Sunrise Lions Club, 6:30 a.m. meeting, Red Coach Inn. All Lions welcome. Jolly Mixers Dance Club, 8:30 p.m. dance to "Kansas Country Band," Friendship Center, 746 Commanche. Members and guests welcome. Elks Ladies Club, 6:30 p.m. dinner, business meeting and cards, Elks Country Club. Call 823-2865 or 8232305 for reservations. Live Y-ers Club, 11:30 a.m. luncheon meeting, Elmore Center. Salina Charter Chapter of ABWA, 6:30 p.m. regular meeting, Cavalier Club. Speaker: George Carroll of Marymount College. Vocational speaker: Diarme Cairns of American Electric. VFW Auxiliary Post 1432, 11 a.m. hospital and cancer sewing, Post home. Eagles Aerie, 6:30 p.m. past presidents and wives covered dish dinner, It'll Be a Hit!!! Tommy Lasorda (manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers) will be the key speaker at The 1986 Salina Area Chamber of Commerces' Banquet Tues., Jan. 14 6:30 pm Bicentennial Center, Salina /^ /? •£~ j Tickets available now $ 1 7.50*«c' Call 827-9301 or come by Chamber's office at 115 W. Iron Eagles home. Salina Antique and Collectors' Club, 7 p.m. business meeting and show and tell, Leisure Center. Support Group, 1 p.m. meeting, First Presbyterian Church third floor. TOPS, Kan,, 645: 9 a.m. meeting, VFW Building. New members are welcome. Caring and Sharing Al-Anon Group, 8 p.m. meeting, the Episcopal Church of the Incarnation, Max and Norton. For more information, call 827-4433. Parents' Support Group, using the TOUGHLOVE philosophy, 7:30 p.m. meeting, white house behind Trade Winds Motel, 1700 N. Ninth. , Salina Flight Civil Air Patrol, 7:30 p.m. meeting, 2719 Hein Road. New members and guests welcome. Civil Air Patrol, Kansas Wing Staff (XR), 7 p.m. meeting, Christ- Episcopal Cathedral, 138 S. Eighth. (Basement of Sunday School building.) New Beginnings Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, 12:05 p.m. meeting, 205 E. South. New Beginnings Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, 8 p.m. meeting, 205 E. South. Acceptance Alcoholics Anonymous, 8 p.m. meeting, 202% E. Iron. Serenity Alcoholics Anonymous, 8 p.m. meeting, Max and Norton. Salina Community Theater Guild, 9:30 a.m. meeting, Salina Community Theatre. Co-hostesses: Mary Eliot Craig and Renee Smith. Guests are welcome. Wartime bout with fever causes no long-term effect eraser on the point. No more jabbing. —Mrs. Denyse Mahoney Dear Heloise: When it is necessary to give an infant or small child liquid medicine and you do not have a dropper handy, dip a drinking straw into the medicine and hold your finger over the other end. This will prevent the medicine from flowing out. When you put the straw into the baby's mouth, remove your finger and the medicine will flow into the baby's mouth with no muss, fuss, or frayed nerves. You can control the amount by the way you move your finger. It works every time! — Miriam Atkin Happy mom and baby! —Heloise Dear Heloise: I read an article in your column about silver tarnish. My mother-in-law taught me many years ago to put two or three sticks of chalk (the kind used on blackboards) in with the silver to prevent tarnishing. It works. I hope this will be helpful. — Evelyn Poteet A mother-in-law can be so right! The chalk really seems to help. — Heloise (Write to Heloise in care of Hints from Heloise, King Features Syndicate, 235 E. 45th Street, New York, N.Y. 10017.) Baby named A daughter, Jenna Cole, was born Dec. 27 to Terrell and Martina Hackney of Salina. Grandparents are Mr. and Mrs. Robert Hackney of Salina and Mr. and Mrs. Harold May of Mankato. A great-grandmother is Ada Hackney of Purcell, Okla. Dear Dr. Donohue: During an invasion of Owl Island in the South Pacific in 19441 contracted zoot-zoot- zamooch fever. I had a temperature of 106 and was delirious about five days. They didn't have any medicine for it then, but I think I remember somebody saying I had been bitten by a mite. I was put in a tent hospital on Biak Island, where they watched me for a month. Could this disease cause me trouble today? Is it a form of typhus? —L.F.L. I had no trouble interpreting your phonetic spelling for Tsutsugamushi fever. It's a lot better than the one my medical dictionary has. It is Japanese for "dangerous bug." Fortunately for us all, the disease has a more manageable name, "scrub typhus." It is a form of typhus, and the mite that carries the germ lives in scrub vegetation, the kind you encounter between dense forest and barren clearings. It is an illnesss of the Orient, and in Vietnam soldiers were getting it 30 years after your encounter. When the mite bites, a small sore develops, enlarging to an ulcer covered with black crust. Lymph nodes in the area enlarge and fever begins, with headache, muscle pain, and sometimes delirium. During Vietnam, antibiotics were used, but even in the days before we had those drugs most people recovered in two weeks. You can consider yourself fortunate, for before anti- Doctor Donohue NEWS AMERICA biotics three of 10 victims did succumb. I have not seen documentation of any long-term organ damage occurring from a bout with scrub typhus. I'm sticking with that name, but that doesn't mean you cannot hold on to your own colorful version. Our language can use all the color we can lend it. (Write to Dr. Paul Donohue in care of News America Syndicate, 1703 Kaiser Avenue, Irvine, Calif. 92714.) "SHELTER INSURANCE! For your Life • Health • Home Car • Farm • Business ATSHL1HC, S A MATTU Of rUISONA I PKIpt. JEAN BOSS AGENCY 2737 B«lmont Blvd. SHIUD 01 ISHIiriR CALL 823-5129 THE JEAN STATION iiiffiii Regular Priced Merchandise ENTIRE STOCK INCLUDED ALL SALES FINAL NO EXCHANGES «NO REFUNDS «NO LAYAWAYS Jrrrr., . I MID STATE MALL, SALINA E3

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