The Times Herald from Port Huron, Michigan • Page 5

PORT HURON, THE TIMES HERALD MICH. 5A Monday, February 5, 1973 PA Helps The 'Other Victim' Of Child Abuse BABY RUTH Mrs. Richard Wol- schleger was honored at a sur- prise baby shower in the home Illllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllli: BLUE WATER COLLEGE "Many people fail to realize that there are really two victims in child abuse the parent and the child. If you just take a child away from his parent, you are helping only one victim; and that help may be only temporary if the child is returned. If you help the parent, you help both victims." OF COSMETOLOGY I change overnight.

Their life style often has been the pattern of years. A change involves other members of their family besides themselves. Many times when the abused child senses his mother changing he does everything in his power to aggravate her into being her old self. The old way might have been bad for him, but it's familiar change is frightening. But if the parent is committed to the desire to change, the group usually works.

Others support him and keep him from dropping out. It just somehow seems to work." Anyone interested in -more information about the local chapter of Parents Anonymous can call 329-9677 or 329-3543 evenings or weekends; or call 329-3543 or 985- 7161 during the day. 1 871 GRATIOT PH 34-9510 MARYSVILLE TUESDAY THRU THURSDAY I 50 OFF I ALL HAIR COLORING SERVICE with this coupon Expires Feb. 15 EE J5 All services performed by senior students NO APPOINTMENT NEEDED llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllliT Port Huron chapter will have babysitting facilities available. There is no age limit for members of PA.

According to Karep, her Detroit chapter has one member aged 65 and one mother of three, aged 17. Discussion at meetings ranges from each member's experiences in the past week to possible solutions to the problems of the coming week. "We discuss our failures and successes. We talk about what we could have done in a situation and what methods have worked for others. No one tells the parents what to do to handle their children.

We just give alternatives and suggestions for them to try," Karen said. "We get to be a very closely-knit group. For some the group takes the place of the family warmth they never had. It gives them someone to turn to who will help," she added. "The first step for anyone is to realize and admit they have the problem," Shirley said.

"Some people still say they are just being strict with their child when they are really abusing him. The people PA can help are those who know something is wrong in their lives and want help to across the country until now there are fifteen groups in Michigan alone. An average group has about six to 10 members, but may take on more as it matures and the older members show improvement. Members come to every weekly session and usually remain in the group at least a year. THE MAIN purpose of the group is to help parents, grandparents, older siblings, or anyone who abuses a child learn to control themselves and learn some alternative ways to handle their problems.

"There are three types of child abusers," Shirley said. "The one which most people think of when they hear the term 'abused' is the battered child. But this isn't the most common type of abuse. There is also verbal abuse-a parent who is always screaming and yelling and cursing at the child and demeaning him. And there is emotional neglect.

The parents may care for the child's physical give him food to eat and clothes to wear, but other than that they ignore him. There is no loving relationship between parent and child, so the child is being emotionally abused." Child abuse is found in any size family, Karen said. Often in large families the parents only abuse one or two of the children perhaps tfce ones two remind them of someone something unpleasant. About 90 per cent of child abu- Frustration, anger, isolation. A feeling that you have nowhere in the world to turn for help.

A building tension with no avenue for escape-so you take it out on your child. These are some of the factors behind child abuse, according to Shirley and Karen, two members of a Detroit chapter of Parents Anonymous (PA). PA is a self-help group that gives child abusers, or would-be child abusers, a chance, for a new way of life. Shirley and Karen (PA group members go by first name only) were in Port Huron Friday to help organize a local chapter of this nationwide program. The Port Huron chapter held its first meeting Friday night with its professional sponsor, social worker Mildred Price.

The group will meet every Friday until a permanent meeting time can be established by its members. THE GROUP was started in Port Huron because, as Shirley said, "Child abuse is a universal problem. It's not limited just to the big cities or the poverty areas'. It's not limited to any particular race or economic group. It's found among people with second grade educations and with college degrees.

And it's found all over the country." Parents Anonymous began about four years ago in California under the direction of a woman known only as Jolly Kay. It has been spreading Ann Landers EACH GROUP has a qualified sponsor with group therapy experience. Most sponsors are either social workers or phychiatrists. At the first meeting, members give their first names and phone numbers to each other. Phone calling among members is-encouraged.

"When a child abuser needs help, they need it immediately," Karen "Having someone to call and talk to in a crisis situation somehow works out. It breaks the feeling of isolation and gives a person an outlet for his feelings besides taking it out on a child." The meetings are Closed meetings open only to the members and their sponsor. The group is a nonprofit organization, not connected with any agency. There are no membership dues to pay. The groups sometimes take up a donation at meetings to cover the cost of any paper work or refreshments the group buys.

AS DO most chapters, the vv ir ft SHOWER of Mrs. Ray Messing. Lunch was served after which Mrs Wolschleger opened her many gifts. 230 HURON IN DOWNTOWN PORT HURON Mon. Fri.

9-9 Thurs. Sat. 9 to 6 SALE ENDS FEB. 10 "Conversation TINY HEARTS CANDY jCH'Jlngct JCcarts CHOCOLATES SPRAY COLOGNE Woodhue Tigress (a)t DBSCOUMT Lewis PASTE a 00 Mfa Lis! 89c ea. 8Vj Too Friendly Handshake Is Painful Experience CREST TOOTH Extra-Large 5 oz.

Regular or Mint 2 for oz. Sanl-Bags IT Ys- Jw Ami 'Clinton Plus' MEDICATED CHEST RUB trt)M I if- change." Karen added, "It's normal for parents to have periods of regression when they join the group. They can't expect to Living DEBORAH A. COLESA Coeso Bower CARSONVILLE Mr. and Mrs.

Bernard Colesa announce engagement of their daughter, Deborah Ann, to Staff Sgt. Ronald E. Bower, son of Mr. and Mrs. Arthur C.

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James Marineau, Richmond. Miss Howison is attending St. Clair High School. Her fiance is a 1971 graduate of RiRchmond High School. No date has been set for the wedding.

DE-ELECTRIFYING A cream rinse helps eliminate fly away hair and electricity that causes hair to cling to sweaters in cold weather. Choose one designed for your specific hair type. medies are still in use especially those that are fun or satisfying to the cold victim. "Drink from a bottle of good whiskey," is the remedy suggested by an 18th century British physician. It is one that is not likely to become antiquated for some time to come.

KjJippity-ijo'i Wk iimimi an 81 from the job. Nobody dies from arthritis but it is a horrible crippler, can be excruciatingly painful and we need to spend a lot more money on research to find out what causes arthritis and how to arrest it or better yet, how to prevent it. Dear Ann Landers: Sooner or later everybody sees himself in your column. I got mine today. I refer to the mother whose son gave her the silent treatment because she couldn't stand the filth in his apartment and decided to clean the place up.

Unfortunately, she accidentally threw out some of his important papers. He was furious and let her know it. I used to babysit for my daughter-in-law when they went out of town or had a sitter problem. When I say she wasn't the best housekeeper in the world I am putting it gently. I soon discovered that whenever I cleaned her cupboards or closets or waxed her floors, my good intentions were interpreted as "faultfinding." Her resentment came as a shock but it opened my eyes to the fact that some people want to live in filth.

Orderly types, such as myself, 1 Flambeau 4. SO Value 1uD RIGUI.AH EXTRA HOLD 02. sers were abused themselves as children," she said. "THE MOST common personality type of a child abuser is one with very low self-esteem. They may have many personal problems which they cannot handle.

They are usually isolated from other people. Their only contact is with their children, so they take out their, frustrations on them," Shirley said. "Many people fail to realize that there are really two victims in child abuse the parent and the child. If you just take a child away from his parent, you are helping only one victim; and that help may be only temporary if the child is returned. If you help the parent, you help both victims," she added.

Parents Anonymous groups try to help the parents through group therapy The people with child abuse prob-lems get together to talk about their feelings and problems. They receive support and consolation from each other, as well as guidance from their professional sponsor. should keep their mouths shut and not try to "help." I wonder how many other mothers saw themselves in your column today. Care to comment? Myopic And Happier Dear My: Dozens of women wrote to express similar sentiments and I found it fascinating that nine out of ten women whose "help" was resented were mothers-in-law not mothers. Dear Ann Landers: Here it is February and our daughter, age 9, is still playing Cowboys and Indians with the hat and holster set we gave our 7-year-old son for Christmas.

He is playing with her doll. Do we have a problem? Please answer sson. We are Concerned In California Dear Concerned: In all probability not, but it's too early to tell. Keep your eyes open, however. You might have TWO problems.

If this pattern persists, particularly with the boy, I recommend that you have him evaluated professionally. Give it six months. What's prudish? What's O.K.? If you aren't sure, you need some help. It's available in the booklet: "Necking and Petting What Are the Limits?" Mail your request to Ann Landers in care of The Times Herald, enclosing 50 cents in coin and a long, stamped, self-addressed envelope. In France, heated glass cups placed on a victim's back and chest were supposed toclear up congestion.

"This is the cold counter-irritation method used in the treatment of varying disorders," the author explains. However, he adds, this is not advisable because there is a risk of infection when the skin' is abraded. An early American remedy advocated rinsing nasal passages with sea water. Salt solutions are still used as an antiseptic agent for sore throats, Mr. Alexander reports.

Folk cures, or homemade remedies, as they are sometimes called, developed out of a need to ease the uncomfortable feeling brought on by an ailment. Many of these re CARPET AND DRAPERY SHOP iit'tvSlunli'S Wovenwooil PHONE YU "Clinton Plus" CASTILE, EXTRA RICH, EGG CREME RINSE i Til riri Common Cold Has Had Many 'Remedies1 COTTON SWABS Dear Ann Landers: Your slip is showing. When that woman wrote to say her new made a poor impression from the moment he extended his hand and gave her a "dead-fish handshake," you went right along with her and agreed that a firm handshake means "I am genuinely glad to meet you Apparently you are one of the lucky people who knows nothing about arthritis. As one who has had it in my shoulder, elbow and fingers for ten years, I can tell you it's just plain hell when someone grabs my hand and gives me one of those genuinely glad to meet you" greetings. I usually extend my left hand but once in a while I'm not quick enough, and it's agony.

Please, Ann, print my letter, and while you are at it, tell the world that arthritis is not a disease that occurs only in people of advanced years. Many young people have it, too. I'm 36. Thank you. Iron Mountain, Michigan Dear I.M.: Of course you are right, and I'm glad you wrote.

Your letter provides me with an opportunity to tell the world something else. Arthritis costs industry about nine billion dollars a year for absenteeism and medical cars. It is second only to respiratory diseases in days lost Businesswomen's Directory Is Being Compiled FERNDALE The search is on women are looking for women for area businesswomen to be listed in the "Directory of Women in Business" (including the arts, education, science and the professions) where those who prefer to consult or do business with another woman mav find her. The first such publication to be done anywhere, it is designed as a "yellow pages" for women. Being published as a nonprofit project by public relations counsellor Peg Smith, a $5 fee covers both a listing and a copy of the Directory.

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