The Independent from Hawarden, Iowa on April 20, 1893 · Page 3
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The Independent from Hawarden, Iowa · Page 3

Hawarden, Iowa
Issue Date:
Thursday, April 20, 1893
Page 3
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Page 3 article text (OCR)

wmjyv* SiVVN- 1 /'..-,- "V J Th.yiDofi't Marry- Mis* Lftftoyer-^-Yom" are a. woman Mr. Slinapurse—That is a mistake. J merely cannot afford to marry. Misd Leftover—Cannot you support a wife? .Mr. Slimpurse— Oh, yes, I could support n, wife easy enough, b'nb I haven'f income enough to support the two o* three other womeri she would need to' SLICK PARIS THIEVES. Valus of Collection*. Little Boy— Papa, I wish you would •are all the postage stamps that come on your letters. Papa— What for? I'm making a collection of them. Huinphl What eartnly use will a collection of canceled statnps be? I — I don't know, but I guess it'll ba of about aa much use as the collection •>{ cracked teapots mamma is making. - *•<-* - ^__ Sollc.itude. Employer (Idndly)— You are becoming Yery round shouldered, Mr. FaitkJ ful. Bookkeeper (with hopes of a vacation) — "Yes, I 'lar that-1'am. Employer (solicitously)— Hadn't you better stop riding 1 a bicycle? Too Grait a Sacrifice. First Little Girl— I heard you was Workin* in a candy store. Second Little Girl— I stopped. Why? I found I was losin' my appetite for candy. < • » -- — Where to Begin, Mrs. Trotabout — I shall bo off tho greater part of the day, as I have joined the Society for the Suppression of "Needless and Ncry&RackTng Noises. Mr. T. — Good idea, my dear. Take the baby along with you. CRIMINALS,'LIKE ALL FRENCHMEN, ARE THOROUGHLY ARTISTIC. An Buterprlalpg Burglar Who Furnished Paper* with Correct ana Exclusive Accounts of Hit Crltnpg. Tho French arc nothing- if not artistic. That is an acknowledged fact, and this holds good when applied to tha French thieves, especially those infesting- Paris. Of course the chevalier de Industrie is ever an artist in his peculiar sphere, but even the members of the class of this fraternity commonly called "sneaks" ply their calling- with euch was, but I —In 1893 the United States produced "$505,000,000 worth of silver and $3_0,UOO 000 of gold. Full of Peril Are those disorders which,beginning with := *n_apparfintl y__U'i vial _inactivi ty ; o I tho kidneys or bladder, terminates in Brig-ht's disease, diabetes and cystitis. Tho first two no^only interrupt the functions of t]ie_rena!_ortran9, but destroy their struc-J consumption does that of the lungs, llos- tetter'a Stomach Bitters is an excellent diuretic, promoting 1 the antivlty of theso organs without over exciting them, thus averting- the deadly maladies in which m °"'-inaction is so prone to- culminate. The removal from the blood of impurities which tho kidneys should, but do not when in active, secrete, is another bene- neient effect o£ this incomparable medicated stimulant and depuront. The BH- tera I*, in all cases, too, a. fine restorative of vigor and aid to digestion, remedies malarial disease. <md banishes liver complaint and constipation. -»-•-». —The first hoop-skirt was worn bv n New York lady in 1740. She was arrcbtetf »y tho pollco. .«-»-»- X.«dle«, n«o Dr. LaRuc'i "Periodical" Pills, from r«Jl«, Fraaoo, Eeubllshod In Kurope, 1839: United -Utei, 1897. Curei all suppre.Blone, Irrcgulnrlttoj »nd monthly der»n s am«uti., hnrmlc.i, rcll.blo. TUey positively mu«t not bo ukeu during pragntncr M»ny -°i the 111. to which 1-dloi are subj-et »ro t|£ dlrsct rc.nln or Irregular menstruation. Continued montnljr iuppre««loQ« ratult lu Wood poisoning and «ulo. ooniumpUon. (2 » pockuffo or 3 for 15, per mall la pl»1a ncaiad envelope, ou rcoolpt of price. Tho I,» Fine < HeraiMl Co.. proprietors. Too genuine pll! so <\ by Scdgwlolc A crtdjr, Sioux City. I»? w_ole.»le and retail Agouti. TllK THA.MP 8C1ItatK. amazing ingenuity that one is almost tempted-to envy theh-rascnllycxploits.- The Russian Ambassador g-ave a magnificent ball during the "holidays in Paris, and, of course, it was attended by all swelldom. Among the participants of the festivities \vas Count U., a -™Jf? °*wealth anil expensive tustoa, especially in the mutter of dress." Toward the end of the ball the Count called his valet and signified his desire to return to his apartments. The valet ITa&tened to tlie cloalc-room^In which •vvus the customary crush, and brought the Count his fur cloak,an ultra sunerb somewhat disappointed when,on reaching his 'club, he found the pocketbooU undisturbed. Taking it out he opened it to sho\r his cleverness to' some friends, when to his utter amaf.ainenl he saw that the slip-of paper bad vanished und another heen substltuteii on which -was written ''What a s)j rogue you are!" This is a true story, as the man still has the slip of paper." It is simple enough, perhaps, to get a pocketbopk from u woman. But to filch a wide-awuko man's wallet and watch in broad daylight, especially when protected by a closely buttoned overcoat, ia no. altogether different matter. Fancy yourself quietly sauntering along the boulevard when sorna careless individual apparently unintentionally runs into you. Your first movement is naturally to turn around and see who the stupid clown might bo and it i.s an-nven-thing arcs somewhat "hot," which feeling is rather increased when instead of ao apology offered for tho rudeness thta offender makes an uncomplimentary remark. This is the golden opportunity taken advantage of by a confederate who slips up—a swift mofc, coat is unbuttoned, the contents of your pockets change owners, and wh'en'you recover you--equilibrium and temper Fitted for the Pott, Hotol Proprietor—Yes, I wunt a clerk at once. What do you know about botolkeeping? i Applicant—Know? See here! Unless you've got four or live years to spare for a little chnt, ask mo .what I don't know. It'll take less time. What do I know about hotolkecping? Wo\l, I should smile. 1 know it all—more than all. I could run forty hotels, and play ten games of chess blindfold. Why, tnmi. 1 -used- to be a commercial traveler." -—Tho firat agricultural exhibition in tho United States was in 1810, at Georgetown, GOULD BE filled with the testimony of women who have been made w.(fl} and. strong- by l)r. Piercc's F'avorlto Prescription. It's ti medicine that's made especially to build up women's ^ strength and to cure *'s ...ailments — an invigorating, re- .itorattve tonic, _soothing_ cordial, and bracing nervine; purely vegetable,"nonalcoholic, and perfectly harmless. For »U the functional derangements, painful disorders, mid 'chronic weaknesses that aflllct womankind,'the "Favorite Prescription" is '-the only guaranteed remedy. It must have hecn the medicine for most women, or it couldn't be sold on any Buch terms. . Isn't it likely to be the medicine for 3/ou f Sold by druggists everywhere. Unlike the Dutch Process No AEtaKes — Ott— Other Cliemicais are used In the preparation of W. BAKER & C(VS rnkfiistGocoa toKich it abtoltticly puro and. aolitble, 1 It hag morothan three tlinet (the strength at Cocoa juixcd I with Starch, Arrowroot or - ->a 'Sufjar, and ia far more economical, catting less than one cent, a, cup. It la delicious, nourishing, and KABII.-Z DIGESTED. , _ _8old W. BAKER &CO.,Dorcli£38ter, MUST HAVE AOEN'TS AT ONOH Bnmplo Bnflhlock ( Pat. IBfli) FItEEhy mail fur -, T _—; TV—; . 2o Stump. Iiniacnce. unrlyulled. only Rood one ever Invented. Hcii'w r "' rD J, lRlci1 - • 1 2ft'lny. Wrliu quick. «fc CO., Boi 02, ly.llu. P«. O. nr- St. I'ttuJ. Month,and Expensss! TO AGENTS TO SELL CKJAItS TO IJKAI.E.-.S CO., SAMPLES FREEI ORDER YOUR STOCK —AN'D— ROLLER CORES —rnoM— SIOUX CITY, PRINTING COMPANY SD6 Piorco Slrcot, :' ; SIOUX CITY, IOWA g-arment made of raro black sablo. What was the Count's dismay when ho discovered that the enflc of one of the sleeves hud been cut off? Search was useless, as it was clearly the work of Botiie bbldsheak-'tliibf. The Count took the matter philosophically, anil told his valet to take.the cloak to a furrier and have the damag-e repaired. The furrier had not been able to match the fur, when a lackey, dressed in Count tt's livery, appeared with the lost cuff, ,sayin£ tb.'U- tbc police h?.<} cnpturecl the thief,aud that hii would wait while tho cloak was repaired, because the Count expected to use it m the afternoon. Thia wna done, and the man carried off the cloak. Judge of the furrier's consternation when about noon the Count's valet came to inquire if the eloiik vyh-j ready to take Jiome. Then it was found that-the ing-onions -thief .had made use of the Ktolon cuff to tfut pos- TilK K.vTIUiU t'llANfMHR TUICli. your watyh and puckolbDokare "butto memory." Tliiiril i n f - 'i police force, one lu-ars but little of slufj-g-inj, stabbing, and siindbujfffiny. To be sure, the French 'thug- would not have the '.slightest compunction, perhaps, of indulging- in tlii.s pastime wcro lie not HO closely wuU-hed by the lynx- eyed guardians of the public peace. —But as a rule • thesiv nifjlit-iira^"birdsr of prey travel in pairs. They are peu- erally u pretty shrewd lot und scent u victim from sifar. A time-honored, tl ^}igli_neve_nhjjless_Kiu:ce.ssfLil trick, is for one of the pan^lTnrppriTaelr~"air" AViv- suspccting- man and ask him some kitul of question. \Vhi]e thus off his puard a confederate stealthily creeps up from behind, trips him up or pinions his arms, ivliiie No. 1 confiscates what valuables there are in his pockets. These French rascals are extremely thoroug-h and swift in their work, and » person who is held up generally loses his cuff buttons, studs, or scarf pin in addition to his watch and .pocketbook. Still another method used by the raoro daring- of their c)ns.s. and.which of latt; has been used with alarming frequency, is the- one called "Father Franco'ia trick. " One of the footpads is armed with a very narrow stout piece of cloth, the homeward bound pedestrian is plodding along, the robber sneaks up aud throws this sort of snare around his victim's neck, at the same time jerking lus head violently backward. Of course the man thus assaulted is unable to see the faces of either robber and cannot cry out on account of tha strangling cjoth around his windpipe. The thief behind pulls the string, th? other does th'> rest. Making tho Beat of It. Mrs. Da Fashion—My dtuighter 1ms fainting spells, and our doctor is unable to stop thorn, so I have como to en 8'»8^e your services. Professor Shassai (dancing muster) — v at you vish off me, .tnadam'.'- Mrs. De Fashion—I thought you might perhaps teach her to faint more gracefully. She'd Leaked. Mr. Suburb—I. think I'd better go <nit and see if thorn aro any eggs in tho coop. Mrs, S.—No use; none there. I looked. Looked in the coop? No, I looked in the paper, and it says eggs are 40 cents n dozen.. •A record of uiihitci-rupted euros for nearly half a century has convinced sensible people, that Ur. Bull's Cough Syrup ss the best in tho niiu-kot. Why try now tliirig-s, when you know tlnit "you have what you nc.-d. It is infallible. —Tho motto "E Phn-ibim Urnim" wis taken from tho titlo jui^o of tho Gontlc- inan's Muguzlno, al the time of -the re.vo- Hition, huviugr a largo circulation iu tho colonies. For Btrciiffthcuinff and olcurJag tho vdioo nso "lu-oM-n'n Hroiichlul Jroolicu."—! liavo commc»<lca them to fruitul.s wlio wore publio speakers, an a .tijoy. h« v « provedx-xtrctucly so.rviceuble." —«J!V. Il£.\l(y WAUU JBlCECIIliK. i ^7 lh . cro Ul '° on ""»' coasts nnd rivers a.OJl lijThthousos and bcucon'., .0 lltrlU- shipsr-'^o fof siR-nnls, l.yoo river-H"-|it» aiut uourly D.OOJ buoys. . BEECILAJI'S Pn.i.s.cnjov -tho.ilnrR-nst se) of any propriftory incillcitio iifl-thu world. only in St. llelcns, —A silver United States dollar is one inch and u hiilf In Uiamuti-r; a half dollar ouo.iuch;-_a-quai--tar.__thi-ee-qujittcrs_of LIU Souvenir Coins, Those beautiful silver coins provided by special act of congress to ji-onimenioriito thc~grciit CoUinibiiiii iiririiversary exposition limy bo had at tho regular price of JL by sending postal noto for that sum to Tim DAILY TKIHU.NK, Sioux City, la. —There, wero in 1800 108,930 Sunday schools, with 1,151,IWO teachers und 8,o40,- 181 scholars. *-«-« FITS—All'FJU /itopppd /reo brDR. KI.IN'H'B ORB AT NEHVK HE8TOKEK. No Kit* nftcr flr«t day'j mo. Marvtloun cures. Tro»tto» Bnd 12.00 trial bottlo tree to Fit caist. Bundle Dlt. KLINE, S3! Arcli St., . hllndtflpbln. Pa. j—«-»-*. —The Indian corn crop of 1802 wai 1,623,404.000 bushels; " 619,4UO,000. Annett». [F. M. McPotrlo In Sinus. City Tribune.] .Lot ua'strangle our woes in the wine, Annette, ^ llp y aro clo fiTff>ne your spirit and mine, my'pot;. Let them g-asp out their breath In tho goblet of death While we float to the islands divine, Annette— To the islands that swim" la the haze, Annette, Of our dreamful, our passionate days, my pot, With the purple of hills Aud the flushlnc- of rills,. And their frugrttut and forest-girt ways, Annette. And, oh 1 for th ft nmglcal hours, Annette-, _ _?** *^* e lotus breathed b^lm from Its ' TlbweriTrnypoT, " And the wind hi'the pnlm Sang-ft slum tx?rouH"psfvliu, As wo drifted 'ueatU uuu-tliyst towers, Annette. Then away for our Islands ajrahi. Annette I They rise with the chalice w«> drain my pet, And along- tho white saniU Of their mystical strands Wait tho spirits of hopes thnt arc slain, Annette. "\Ve are drjfliny, = ' you say, "to tho trrave," AnnottoJ What is life b»t the froth of the wave, mv pet? When tho trees overhead Wrap their roots round the dead We may drain the deep draught that wo eruve, Annette. A Court of Apponis. Motlusr—Johnny! Johnny Vibbs, if you don'teomo in this instant, I'll tell your futhor. Johnny—Tf you do, I'll toll the servant inrl sill th' tliin K 'rt you snid ubouL iier, and tiieu slie'll lenvu. 'Augusl &S& '' I have been afflicted • ness and constipation for__^ and first one and then another ^ nration was suggested to me ««w« tried, but to no purpose.. A fxie&tfi recornmended August Flower «5jf> words cannot describe the ac 1 ——''^ tion in which I hold it. Ithas me u ne;v lease of life, which was a burden. Its good and wonderful meritsshoul,^^ known to - everyone suffering dyspepsia and biliousness*" ' BARKER, Printer, Humboldt, Kas ; . LANE S MEDIGIHI II. »«nl lour ndilrcu fur « fttt umiiln. fj novel Ife* qottf/i fA.h ilAT '•• .-'-''- «- ^ «uy. Aj«imi oiiA-roit if. If jva eutMl . N.T. PROIViPT., GOOD WORK. Mr. Wlllct F. Cook, Cannlohnrle, N. Y., writes: " Awoke oftft ........Ins; with excruciating pains in'my shoulder. Tried vnrloui reliefs (or sudden pnlns without effect; went to my office : tho pain became insuflcrable; went home lit n o'clock nnd used BT 1 wouiti die. four hours. Ltrrut RAPIDS, Vfis. suchIntense ueuralgicpaiua Jn_ik(t_facc, flhfi_thauElit ihi and head with ST. JACOBS OIL, and it cured tier ia" CAHL SCHEIBE, ' tho whcut crop, Hood's Cures THE P.OCKI>iG-CIIAIR acssion of tho whole g-arment. The niceties of social distinction It the thicve's fraternity are rigorously observed in Paris. And,strange thoug-h it:n:iy seem,these distinctions enabled the detectives to capture criminals whom under ordinary conditions .would have gone free. In tho poorer districts-and about the banks of the Seine one is not apt t?) find any leading- lights among- the light-fingered gentry. The thugs and pickpockets infesting these parts are considered "plugs" by their more skilled brethren. It does not require much deftness or strategy to rob a Sleeping- or drunken man.or to pick a pocke.tin a struggling-crowd,and these "snides," as they also ;ire called, content themselves to relieve the drunken workmen and stragglers of •what few francs they may have left after a day's spree. This cjlass ia looked upon with infinite scorn by those choosing the fashionable! boulevards or restaurants for their field of operation. Clumsiness in execution and lack of tact are 'here out of question. It is by their un ostentatious appearance, their marvelous lightness of touch, that tho stars among the pickpocket profession secure their ends. "Ah!" exclaimed a Parisian, who had had his pocket picked with amazing- rcg-uhirily, "but they nro men of genius." It turned out that this gentleman had time and again been robbed by some skjjlfiil pickpoo]/<;t. Finally he decided to gel even witliTFio thief. One day he did )&>t put a cent in his purse, only a slip of paper on which ho wrote, "thia timo you get left." lie made up his mind to watch and if possible catch the thief, but'was TRIOK OF TllK I.ITTI.1-: CHAIH. In the line of burglars Paris can also boast of n varied assortment. A man culled very recently upon one'of tha editors of a, suburban newspaper and reported a burglary that had taken place the night before, giving an accurate account of the affair in all its details. He was given the customary fee paid for such information, and as tho paper had a "scoop" which proved cor- •ectin nll~det!il)8 he WHS eneonrUg,:irto jail again. A few days after he again appeared tind gave a wonderfully correct account of another burglary.adding ,hat he hud bis information from "thft best source. " He w:ia paid and left.but the police, seeing these more, than ordinary correct reports, became suspicious and investigated the raattcc, when it was found that the enterprising would-be reporter and the burglar were the same person! But if the thieves are skilled nnd numerous they are kept tolerably well in hand by the police force, 'which ranks with the best in the world, Wlicri one considers that some 70,000 persons were arrested in Paris last year and that most of these nrrests-vverc credited to the criminal police one cuii easily understand that tho life of a Parisian "cgp" is not a sinecure. Qutok Retort of rjirson McKermpy. Congressman McKenney, who ran ai the democratic nominee for governoi of New Hampshire, rarely gets tha worst of it in repartee. Mr. MeKcnno.? was a, parson before ho became a congressman, and can deliver a sermon 01 make a speech with equal case. With him originated one of the classic stories of pulpit wit. During a canvass Mr. MeKenney was interrupted in • the midst of a public prayer by a man j who persisted in shouting "Louder!" | McKennuy could not ignore the .call, | BO he merely looked at the iiitcr- j rupter and coolly said: "['wasn't (id' dressing- yon, sir; I was addressing tha Almighty. "—Kate Field's Washington. Mon Couldn't I^o It. "You may talk all you like about women being the weaker sex," said Mrs. Snipps, "but the women of tins country did something- last year t'.mt men could never do." "And that was ?» inquired Mr. Snipps. "Lost 50,000,000 lmirpin.1 and wore tho wings of 3.000,000 birda on thetr bats."—N. Y. Tribune. Mr, Elmore T. Shclt Of Akron, Iml. Cancer on the Face Entirely Removed by Throe Bottles of Hood's / " I wish to make Uiis statement for tho bonofll of people that may bo suffering with that dreaded disease, cancer. Voi five years I havo liad t»io comingonmy faco. I tried having Itburaed •ni and several other remedies, Dut oil of no avail unUM-was induced to try-Hood's Siirsapv rllla. While taking the Hrst bottlo I could aco «n?i^i d clm " 8 ?, and tho tlllra bottle almost or entirely removed tno cancer. I can't eav too iDUoh for Hood'* Barsftparlllo. For years I had to be careful about my diet but now I can eat f^XM'LlS, ? nd <?l?ost ; It.all right, .leep well at ''The above tostlmoolal Is wholly un_»llc« lied. 1 sold Mr. BUelt Hood's Sarsaparilla and can Touch for tho truthfulness of Jib stat*S,n n » T H w U « " old soldl , e , r and tt re'Pcctetl oltt. «on. J. S. QAHWOOD, Druggist, Akron, Ind. HOOD'S PILLS are purely vegotablo.ona do not purge, palii or LTlpo. Sold by all CATARRH v v W /A/ GH1LDREN For over two years my little girl's life was made miserable by a case of Catarrh. The discharge from the nose was large constant and very offensive. Her cydi became inflamed, the IWs swollen and very painful. After trying various remedies, I gave her fJJ Jj The first bottle seemed to KKS3I aggravate the disease, but the symptoms soon abated, anu in a short time she was cured DR. L..B. RJTCHEY, Mackey, Ind. Ot.r book on m™,, .im| Skfn Diseases mulled free. SWH-T SI-KCII'IO Co., Atlanta, (ia. WORTH READING. Mr. STERLING, KY., Feb. 13, 1889. F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, O. Gentlemen ;—1 desire to make a brief statement for the benefit of the suffering. I ~ had been afflicted with catarrh of the head, throat and nose, and perhaps the bladder for fully twenty-five years. Having tried other remedies without success, I was Ted by an advertisement in the Sentinel-Demo- - crafto try Hall's Catarrh Cure. I have just- finished my fourth bottle, and I believe I am right when I say I am thoroughly restored, i-don't believe there is a trace of the.disease left. Respectfully, WM. BRIDGES, Merchant Tailor. SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. 75 cents. 1 Garfield BHI** HendMhn.Kcatoi C u res : Const {jpaTfon W. L. DOUGLAS S3 SHOE KoWp. Do you wear thorn? Whan next In need try a pair, they will give you more comfort and urvlco for t&o money ttan any other make. Best In the world. - " ,$3.00 ,#2.50 ,42.00 FOR LAD'E* 12.00 11.75 ran BOY» *l-.75 » _ M SHILOH'S CURE. Cores Coimnmptloji, ConffhD, Croup,Soro TJiront. SoM by all Dniesiitu on n Guarantee. Fora I^mo Side, Back or Chest Slilloh'it Poroun •"luster will givo cf«t tctisfactiw.—as ccatn, W, L Douglas Shoes are made In all the , Latest Styles, If you want a fine DRESS SHOE don't pay $6 to $8, try my $3,50, $4 or $5 Sho«. They will fit equal to custom rrurfo and look and wear at well. If you wish to economize In your footwear, you can'do so by purchasing W. L. Douglas Shoeij My namo and price U stamped on tho bottom, look for It when "you buy. Take no sub- ttltufo, I send shoes by mall upon receipt of prlco^ postage free, when Khan Dealer* cannot supply you,' W. L. DOUGLAS, Brockton, lla»«. EWiS f 98 % Powdered uutl Perl I 1 I Powdered ... ; •• (IUTBKTBD) Tho »trongc«t and pnrett Lie » Unlike tithor Lyo, It. being ».», powder nnJ pncked ID » 'c»D with removable I!U. .tho coatonu ' -M* always, read/ for u«o.- WJIJ- M*!M the belt pcr/umed Hnrd 8o*p imtt mliuiie* without bolllnr, .J* >• th* l)c»t for clcanilnsr w»ito - dlilnfuctlnff link*, cloitlt, botllca. palnU, tree*, eta. PEICXA. Q an. •:\| '• •• -7) 'W "}.S? 1 Syrnin lant, l!iu<iji]iliai|hi^clului : Cured IMtflTEST SENSATION § • Ikv-k " ^*(' r H ?" v ''," lr !l ln V 1n « CnnlH. roiiHlhllin: i,t Conln. in Hif jacf tjf ear/1 <Jnril ii 'liituiu'rtii>/iiit,in uvtiicnlor*. >_»'"/ llnmiHff f ,-etit Knlh,n,il. furtiiin. ami J>ltUf. lhil«tii>u*or llieWvrlil'* I-'alr. ni;ikl»« ilio most Iwnntifiii nnrt (iiihinn J),-rk of .I'liiyini/ i"n«ti ! tvur mil on tin- iniirfcct—HID licm-i-i'llliiK n.iv.-ll)- \, —..,. ,1 _.i , t . ... . . > • ,. . . V " •* • i3?~It will bo to your intorest'v \vi-itliiff to advertisers to say you saw udvcrtKfniunt In tills [japor. Siou.v CITY PniifTiNu Co! No. 450^ . i- Cjr.. UAH. Huli>U-il iit., ( . ij, ill,

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