Star Tribune from Minneapolis, Minnesota • Page 19

HI ri Salmon gets 7 Marriage is like running the rspids2G Small plays take on big subjects4C Cringing music to the cold months6C Comlcs8-9C Crossword 11C TelevisionRadio 10C Ann Landers 5C I Get down to brass tacks to deal with these folks 1 PW Ujy. ft oMmfm 'A'J-' Sniff AY IIHPWIIP Certain steps can mellow tanks, clams, know-it-alls Bill Hudson says there are two steps to dealing with i. difficult people. First, get them to put aside their harmful behavior. Second, work together to solve problems.

In simplified form, these are some of the types of difficult people he describes in his workshops: TANKS Tanks are aggressive, direct, attacking. They're the bulls in the china shop. They have no idea when enough is enough. They may have won the argument 10 minutes ago but don't realize it. Tanks have a high need to be in control.

They fear being weak and need to prove themselves. When Tanks encounter resistance, their impatience turns to anger. They measure themselves and others by how much pressure can be withstood. Techniques: Stand your ground. Don't fight back; that tends to start wars.

You may have to walk away and decide what you want and don't want. Calm the situation by using a soft voice, a bit of humor. If they're hurting you, don't hide it. Let them see in your face the damage they're doing. Take a break and return on your own terms: maybe write a letter outlining your position (a letter can't be interrupted) or disengage from the fight and use the phone to call back in 15 minutes.

Sometimes it works to say, "Yes, I'll get right on it; I promise." SNIPERS These are hit-and-run specialists. As kids, they threw snowballs with rocks inside. They're skillful at getting in a cheap shot, then disappearing to avoid retaliation. They ask questions that aren't questions: "You don't care about me do you?" Knowing you're running late, they ask not so innocently, "What time did you get to the meeting?" They ask for a specific budget figure, knowing you don't know and hoping the boss will recognize your stupidity. Techniques: Let them save face.

Don't try to nail them; get them to cut out the behavior. If you come down too hard on Snipers, they'll just whisper behind your back or explode. Take them aside and explain why the behavior won't be accepted. Say, "How would that information be helpful to you?" Or, "I don't think you're asking questions. I think you're trying to say something to me." If that doesn't work and you're really tired of taking cheap shots, go ahead and confront, nice and hard, avoiding dirty fighting.

Deliberately and calmly, look the Sniper in the eye, pause and say, "I think it's time to set things straight." But consider the consequences carefully. Determine what the i Sniper is really trying to say. CLAMS Clams stiff you with silence and then withdraw. They use silence as a weapon. They may talk a lot about nothing or just plain be quiet.

Some walk out the door and go for a long drive; others change the subject; some giggle. They seldom discuss feelings. They'll never level. Alibis and excuses are their forte. By Peg Meier Staff Writer Bill Hudson, behavioral scientist, was supposed to be watching his calories.

Instead, he found himself at Bakers Square Restaurant wolfing down a huge piece of French silk pie. His teen-aged son took the opportunity to say, "So how's the diet coming, Dad?" Dad recognized that as a cheap shot. You would too. What you might not know, though, is to answer as Hudson did: "And just how would that information be useful to you?" Mumble, mumble, said the boy. Hudson had come up with a no-comeback line, a perfect squelch.

It shut the kid up immediately, and, even better, took note of his lack of sensitivity. That's the kind of thing Hudson teaches people to do. With masters' degrees in counseling and applied behavioral science, he could talk fancy if he wanted. He doesn't want. He describes difficult people in language that immediately brings examples to our minds: "Know-it-alls," "snakes-in-the-grass," "martyrs," "charmers" and a dozen other categories.

He doesn't talk of clinical research. Rather, he uses stories from everyday life usually his everyday life to illustrate that it's best to deal with anger instead of hiding it or exploding. He tells workshop participants about the argument he had with his wife, LaDonna, shortly after they were married three years ago. He was cutting up carrots for stew. On the surface, they were fighting about the proper size of carrot hunks.

Actually, they were battling over who rules the kitchen and who's the more pig-headed. (His nickname for her is "the Velvet Buzzsaw" she's kind, but you don't mess with her, he says. He doesn't reveal her nickname for 1 Hudson, 47, used to teach high school mathematics in Northfield and did a little moonlighting in what's known as conflict management training. About five years ago he began to call his workshops "Dealing with Difficult People" and "Keeping Your Cool Under Fire." What a difference a name makes. "It grabs 'em in the gut," he said.

Now his consulting is his full-time job. To illustrate that he believes in getting down to basics and cutting put the garbage, he named his company Brass Tacks Network. Hudson, who lives at 444 1 Woodgate Court in Eagan, works with businesses, schools, hospitals and professional associations across the nation, i One time he represented both sides in a dispute between two businesses. Each firm hired him to show how to keep the other from taking advantage of a situation. That wasn't a conflict of interest, he said.

It was teaching people to communicate and fight fair. Then they could get down to the brass tacks of problem solving. After they hear the titles, people sign up for Hudson's l-k-Hainan. Cardiac victims learn to change life styles -I I ii A A "II 0 I ill -'liU iV'j By Bea LewlsNewsday New York, N.Y. ight years ago John December was a Television walking time bomb, ticking dangerously close to a heart attack.

Nick Coleman PI 1 -t- I ITd fu (iLJm and can work on other possible factors, such as lack of exercise and an overabundance of stress. "There are no guarantees, and that's what sometimes makes it hard to ask people to make a change," said Dr. Tobia Palma, a Stony Brook, N.Y., cardiologist who heads CCU Cardiac Rehabilitation, a privately owned rehabilitation program for heart patients that includes a dietitian, psychologist and exercise physiologist. "We know that for every 1 percent reduction in serum cholesterol, you can reduce your coronary risk by 2 to 3 percent," said Dr. Marvin Mordkoff, a Manhattan cardiologist.

"Most people, with just minimal effort, can reduce their cholesterol levels by 10 percent. That means you're reducing your coronary risk by 25 percent." But patients need the tools and motivation to make the change, said Dr. S. Robert Levine, who heads the Cardiac Rehabilitation Program at Mt. Sinai Medical Center in Manhattan.

Currently, patients are finding an increasing num- ber of programs dedicated to giving them the tools and motivation from Levine's efforts to teach patients to eat lean and make exercise part of a daily routine to Mordkoff 'a innovative contract with patients who promise to follow the guidelines. Beyond seeking professional help, though, heart disease victims need support from people in the same boat, and ultimately they need to dig deep within themselves to find the strength to make the changes for the long haul. "We were very motivated to follow the diet right after Martin's heart attack. Fright is a great motivator," said Nan Haber. But after a year, that dedication wanes, said Martin Haber, and it's easy to slide back into old habits.

tv When backsliding strikes, Haber looks to his wife for encouragement. "When we go out to a restaurant, my wife orders what I can eat," said the 57-year-old Manhattan retailer. She won't tempt him His doctor checked him into the hospital, concerned about all the danger signals shortness of breath, pain in his left arm, frequent bouts of "indigestion." "I was tying in the cardiac unit, and one of the men there died during the night," recalled December, 46. "I bolted up and realized that this was serious business. That night I made a bargain with God and promised to do whatever the doctors told me." December did.

And the rest is a tale of success; he has headed" off a heart attack and feels healthier and happier than ever. That bargain has helped him make the changes in life style recommended by heart specialists to slow down the progression of heart disease, America's No. 1 killer. It's not easy, cardiac victims discover, uprooting a lifetime of eating hot dogs or cheesecake, tossing out cigarettes or turning off the televised sporting events and participating instead. One of the newest recommendations is sending "Type personalities for counseling to learn appropriate outlets for their frustration.

Are all those changes worth the effort? The American Heart Association thinks so. In its new pamphlet, "Coronary Risk Factor Statement for the American Public," the association says that modifying risk factors almost certainly has contributed to the declining death rate about 25 percent in the last decade from heart disease in the United States, While it is impossible to alter a genetic predisposition to heart disease, patients can attack the other factors high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol, smoking, diabetes and obesity WUSA may need new name Live by the flag, die by the flag. Channel 1 1 which wrapped itself up in the nation's initials when it changed its call letters to WUSA last 4th of July, is likely to lose its patriotic new name by the time Independence Day rolls around again this year. The problem is that Channel 1 1's owner, the Gannett Broadcasting Group, likes the name WUSA so much that it's thinking of filching it for a station the company just bought in Washington, D.C. The corporate thinking, insiders say, goes this way: Why should our little TV house on the prairie be allowed to squander the country's name when we could put it to better use at our flagship station in Our Nation's Capital? Gannett Broadcasting is a division of Gannett publisher (need we mention?) of USA Today, the nation's fast-news newspaper.

This is a company that takes the letters USA very, very seriously since they tend to add Newsday Stephen Ficano jogged up Park Avenue In New York City..