The Daily Herald from Chicago, Illinois • Page 104

Page 4 SUBURBAN LIVING Thursday, September 12,1996 RUBES by Leign KUDHI uaii it a nuhcn, out according to mis nere Treasure map, i suspeci we re getting mighty close!" Let gifted child set pace for development ChildLifeisafarumJarpar- ents to ask child-rearing questions and share tips with other parents. Call our answering machine with any advice or questions you have. Please check the end of the column for tiie toll-free number and today's question from a parent who needs your help. Q. Can someone please tell me how to recognize whether a 4- year-old is gifted? Should I have my child Allen, Lebanon, Tenn.

A. You've watched to amazement as your child grouped his plastic dinosaurs by types, immersed himself to imaginary play for hours on end and one day simply picked up a book and started reading. All before going 'Seeing' these sighs of giftedness, parents often wonder, "What now?" In last week's column, we talked about how to tell if your young child is gifted and whether a preschooler should take an I.Q. test. (Generally not, according to gifted education experts, unless an I.Q.

score is needed for placement to a specific program.) This week, parents of gifted children and the experts recommend how to foster the child's potential. Some of the most important things you can do are the simplest, like reading to your child. Follow the child's lead, and as hard as it may be, don't push. "What your child needs is to be stimulated," says Ellen Winner, Ph.D., author of the newly pub' lished "Gifted Children: Myths and Realities" (Basic learning, doing and are the best ways to enrich your gifted preschooler, says Salty Yahnke Walker, Ph.D., author of "The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids (Free Spirit Publishing, If your preschooler shows an interest to insects, get a net and go hunting. Then look up what you find to a full-color bug book from the library.

Visit a butterfly garden, or better yet, grow one to the backyard. "Concentrate on making it fun," says parent Barbara Super of Eastlake, Ohio, "You shouldn't be focused on making a genius." Avoid falling into the trap of signing your gifted preschooler up for every dance, dinosaur and art class that comes along. "I think it's bad to oversched- ule young children," Winner advises. "Free time is important. That's when children discover." Focus on being the enabler, Winner says.

There's no need to push the child, she says, because they're constantly doing that themselves. "I call it a rage to master," Winner says. "You beg them to stop to come to meals, and they don't want to," Kati O'Neal, a 15-year-old to gifted classes in Yehn, emailed Child Life with her firsthand advice to let your child set the pace. "Everyone pressured me to be so good when all I wanted to be was a normal kid," she says. Reading to your preschooler is another way to enrich, Walker and Winner agree.

Books by authors RoaldDahl and the Giant and Robert McCloskey Way for are among Winner's favorites. A Child's Garden of Verses is another. "Poetry really gives them a feeling for language," she adds. But Winner and Walker don't recommend teaching preschoolers to read. Many wiD "crack the code" themselves, Walker says, but others won't read until later.

That's fine. Here are more tips: Follow your child's lead as far as his interests, but introduce, him tonew.topics,,too..^; Even though gifted preschoolers may sometimes sound like miniature adults, consistent limits are still vital. All children derive security from the knowledge that their parents are to charge. "Don't assume your child is gifted to everything," Winner advises. In academics, children can be gifted verbally, mathematically or both, Read everything you can on gifted children and gifted education, recommends Rose Whittaker, a parent from Smyrna, Ga, Seek out other gifted children as playmates for your child to keep him from feeling isolated or alienated.

Try not to put all your emphasis on your child's giftedness. Make sure he knows you love him for who he is and not just his brain power. Join a support group of parents of gifted children to share ideas and information. (To find a group to your area, contact the coordinator of gifted programs to your school district or call the college of education at your local university.) Free Spirit Publishing specializes to this area. For a free catalog or to order books, call (800) 735-7323.

Another invaluable resource is the American Association for Gifted Children. Its newsletter, published three times yearly, contains resource guides to a myriad of publications and programs relating to gifted children. Request a free copy by writing the association at 1121W. Mam Suite 100, Durham, NC 27705. Yearly membership is $25.

Can you help? Here's a new question from a parent who needs your help. If you have tips, or if you have questions of your own, please call our toll-free hotline any time at (800) 827-1092. Or write to Child Life, 2212 The Circle, Raleigh, NC 27608, or send e-mail to Divorce Dilemma: When parents are about to split up, what practical considerations do the children need? "I wonder about the timing of this with the beginning of school," says B.H. of Sarasota, Fla. "We will not be able to stay to our house permanently, but I wonder if we should put on moving to an apartment as long as we can.

Or should we go ahead and get all the changes over with at once?" Child Life runs Thursdays in Suburban Living. It wasn't easy, keeping husband at home, but it was right for her Dr. Peter Gott The doctor says "Don't point me out as no angel," she said as our interview was winding down. The subject was caregiving in the home, and Anne Hurne, 76, of Ramsey, N.J., had been the sole caregiver to her husband, Don, "for a lot of years." Don, who died two years ago, had suffered with Alzheimer's disease. He was two weeks away from an 81st birthday.

Anne Hurne came to my attention because of a letter she wrote; a letter that is remarkable, in a number of ways. It begins: "My husband worked hard as a truck-laborer to' give us a nice home and some financial security. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I felt it was best to try and do the right thing. "I didn't think it was fair to sign away our assets so I could put him in a nursing home at taxpayers' expense." Candor is a hallmark of the letter, so Anne explains that friends, along with a relative of her late husband, counseled her "to put Don to a nursing home and get another boyfriend!" Calling her husband "a nice man, who didn't get wild until the last year" of his illness, Anne said she cared for Don as best she could. "Life was hard but it surely was not boring," she writes.

In a telephone interview, she ex- plained'what she had meant, telling one rollicking anecdote after another: "Until his final year, Don was happy. We used to bicycle to town, and Fridays I took him to his club the Ramsey Old Guard where he enjoyed playing shuffleboard. "He also had an imaginary billionaire friend, who lived to Buffalo, N.Y. Don kept talking about how the friend would send a plane any day my husband wanted to fly. "One time, he went next door and locked himself in a neighbor's truck.

He said he was going flying. The police came and they were great. They coaxed him out by saying how it was too windy to fly today. Tomorrow would be better." Another morning, Anne was in the shower, singing and relaxing, when she heard "bang, bang, bang on the door." It was the Ramsey police again; a neighbor had phoned to report Don Hurne was in her house, saying he had just shot his wife. "Truth is, we never even had a gun," said Anne.

"Don didn't like guns." He also didn't like it when his wife went into the bathroom and closed the door. "You learn things as you go along," said the longtime caregiver. Such as, how to handle agitation: "I found orange juice worked far better than medication; I also would take him for a walk, and that always calmed him down." It was at this juncture to our dialogue Anne wanted to be certain she would be presented as "no angel." "My regret is that I didn't do better as a caregiver," she states in her two-page letter. "In some cases it was ignorance; other times I was not as nice as I should have been." For example, on their last day together, Don was unruly, even wild. After he calmed down, he held out his hand to his wife.

It was, as best he could manage, a love-gesture. Still angry, Anne pushed the hand away. This isolated moment, however, does not compare with the days and nights of attentive caregiving. "One time when my husband was at his worst, I paused to think: 'Would you exchange him for millionaire Donald No way, I decided. I couldn't stand that pompous jerk for two seconds." Then, as we made ready to say good-bye, Anne supplied a summary line: funny, but after a time you forget all the bad stuff, and remember only the good stuff.

Like the night I fixed his bath and told him to climb in. Next thing I know, he had stepped into the toilet bowl and was howling, 'Oh, it "We both got a big laugh out of that. Fact is, we had a lot of laughs during that dark time. "Nature has a way of evening things out," she continued. "If my husband just dropped'dead of a heart attack, I'm not sure I could stand the loss.

This way, I am enjoying the luxury of being retired, and I can't wish for my husband back not with the concern I had for him every day of his terrible sickness." PRIME NOTES: Worth noting: Hospital care costs from a day. Hospice care, on average, costs just $91... At 83, Gordon Parks is still writing, composing, and shooting prize-winning photographs. Next year, he'll have a retrospective at Washington's Corcoran Gallery The American Heart Association has strengthened its exercise statement. It now reads, "There is a direct relation between physical activity and cardiovascular mortality." In other words, get off your hind quarters and It's hard to figure, but nearly 20 percent of all prescriptions written by doctors go unfilled.

One reason: Patients decide they don't truly need the medicine. Cost is a lesser factor Quotes we admire; from Richard Lamm, sometime presidential candidate, "When we extend life expectancy, we have to extend work expectancy." Lastly, it was President Harry S. Truman who said, "Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads." In Your Prime appears Mondays and Thursdays in Suburban Living. Bard Lindeman welcomes questions from readers. Although he cannot reply to all of them individually, he will answer those of general interest in this column.

Write to him in care of the Daily Herald, P.O. Box 280, Arlington Heights, IL 60006. 1996, Tribune Media Services Outdoor gas grills now more popular Consumer Reports tested outdoor gas grills, whose sales now exceed those charcoal ties looked' 'fast even heating, the ability to sear food quickly or roast it slowly, easy clean- tog, easy assembly, and handles and knobs that stay cool enough to touch. The features testers looked for are sturdy carts, stainless burners and lots of shelf space. The demanding griller with a generous budget can look to the Weber Genesis 1000, $480, or Weber Spirit 500 LX, $370.

Both excel at grilling, regular roasting and slow roasting; heat very evenly; and have wide grates, quick-connect gas fittings and stainless-steel burners that are installed at the factory. The Genesis has a larger cooking area than the Spirit, an extra burner and more shelf space. If those differences don't matter to you, buy the less- expensive Spirit. Other possibilities: The Ducane 1504SHLPE, also excellent but pricey at $560, and the Char-Broil 465-9590, $400, very good overall. The Char-Broil has been discontinued, but you may still find it in stores.

If you're willing to forgo some features and the sturdtoess of the top grills, consider the Thermos 13629 (now 13632A, $190), which cooked fine. Its main drawbacks: a flimsy side shelf and a less-than-sturdy CONSUMER REPORTS Testers unpacked" checked them for defects, then put them together. If you choose to do that yourself, be warned: It took trained engineers between 50 minutes and an hour and 50 minutes per grill. Especially easy were the Webers, which have few fasteners and come with burners already assembled, installed and tested at the factory. If you don't want to put the gnll together, you may be able to buy one that has been assembled at the factory or have the store do it.

Manufacturers' literature will list a grill's rating (a measure of heating power). You might think the higher the rating, the better, but that's not necessarily true. It's more helpful to know how quickly grills actually reach high temperatures, so that's what testers measured. The fastest took six minutes to reach 600 degrees the slowest, 13 minutes. All the grills could sear steak on the outside while leaving it rare inside, and almost all did well with burgers, chicken breasts and salmon steaks, searing and browning them but leaving them juicy within.

When cleaning up, what you can wipe.pff, you can burn ofjfbjr turning a'gas grill on rocks and ceramic briquettes require a bit more maintenance than metal plates or triangles: You'll need to turn them over occasionally and may eventually need to replace them with a new batch. To reduce risks with any gas grill, follow these precautions: Light it with the lid open. If the burners fail to light to five seconds, shut off the gas and wait five minutes before trying again. Don't grill to an enclosed area or under a flammable overhang. Don't grill while wearing clothes with loose sleeves.

Never store a gas tank indoors even if it has been emptied of gas. You can improve your cookout cuisine by heeding the following advice: Keep the grate clean, and coat it lightly with oil to keep food from sticking. Make sure the grate is hot before putting on steaks and burgers. Cook with the lid down as much as you can. Use a meat thermometer to assess doneness.

Consumer Reports appears Thursdays in Suburban Living. 01996, Consumers Union Melatonin a harmless sleep enducer, but it's not regulated Dear Dr. Gott: Can you please tell me if melatonin is helpful as a sleep inducer, or does it have harmful effects? Dear reader: Melatonin is a natural chemical, secreted by the brain, that aids sleep. Recently, synthetic melatonin has been marketed as a pill without prescription to health-food stores. Unfortunately, the product does not come under the jurisdiction of the Food and Drug Administration.

Consequently, there is no government-regulated quality control in its manufacture: You may be getting more (or less) than indicated on the label, or the pills may contain adulterants. Moreover, there have been no studies concerning the safety of long-term use of the chemical. As far as I know, it is harmless and, in some people, effective. However, I hesitate recommend tog it, for the reasons I mentioned. To give you more information on sleep disorders, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report readers who would like a copy should send $2 plus a long, self- addressed, stamped envelope to 0.

Box 2017, Murray Hill Sta- New York, NY 10156. Be sure mention the title. Dear Dr. Gott: My son was recently diagnosed with Bell's palsy. He has no insurance, and his doctor indicated the test would only be for diagnostic purposes, that there is no effective treatment.

My son leads an unhealthy lifestyle, smoking and drinking too much. Could this have led to the palsy, and is his doctor correct that we should wait it out? Dear reader: The cause of most cases of Bell's palsy (weakness on one side of the face) is unknown. However, herpes virus infection can cause it; so can Lyme disease. Therefore, at the least, your son should have a blood test for Lyme disease and, if that's negative, he should consider seeing a doctor for a possible prescription for an anti-viral drug (Famvir and others). If the Lyme test is positive, extended antibiotic therapy is mandatory.

Regardless of cause, many patients with Bell's palsy can be helped by using prednisone (cortisone) pills for a few days. I don't agree with your son's doctor. Complete recovery is, indeed, the rule with partial nerve paralysis. However, total paralysis (both upper and lower face) may be permanent, without treatment. Your son may have to take some responsibility for his affliction.

Hard living, drinking and smoking could have compromised his immunity, so that he was more prone to Bell's palsy. Also, if he passed out in an alcoholic haze and lay with his cheek on a hard surface for hours, the nerve could have been injured by compression. Thus, his palsy may well constitute a "wake-up This is probably a good time to change his life around before he suffers really disastrous consequences from his unhealthy habits. The Doctor Says appears Monday through Thursday in Suburban Living. Write to Dr.

Peter Gott in care of the Daily Herald, P.O. Box 280, Arlington Heights, IL 60006. 1990, Newspaper Enterprise Association Imaginary playmates are normal BY DR. PAUL GABRIEL Associated Press When you give your 4-year-old daughter a cookie does she ask you to give another one to her invisible friend? Imaginary playmates are a normal part of growing up and given time, something your child will grow out of. Children use play to cope with their anxieties, likes and dislikes.

This can take the shape of pretend- tog overtly by playing with and talk- tog to a toy on the floor. Another form of imaginative play emerges through so-called transitional objects such as soft blankets or toys. Transitional objects are toys or blankets that allow the child to hold on to a tangible symbol of warmth and comfort while they gradually give up the need to physically cling to them. These forerunners to imaginary objects are not a sign of emotional stress. As children mature they begin to understand they have the ability to maintain the warmth of the transitional object within their imaginations.

When they reach the ages of between 3 and 5 years old, youngsters gradually give up transitional ob- jects and instead create imaginary playmates. All children have the ability to create these beings. Those who do this most often are only children or children who are isolated. Children often name the playmates and assign them distinct personalities. They can be people or animals.

Imaginary playmates have a function. They are ways of putting people in children's worlds. They also allow children to bridge children need for interaction with people and their requirements for privacy. It's fine for children to have imaginary playmates but be sure this playmate does not take the place of real friends. Youngsters need to be with their peers to develop their social stalls.

When possible, arrange playdates and other activities for your child. Some children have other problems and their parents may be concerned that an imaguiary playmate is a sign of psychiatric symptoms. Most children are aware that their playmates aren't real. And unlike hallucinations, children have control over the actions of their playmates. Seek professional help if the child can't control the playmate, is unfriendly or your child is withdrawn from peers..