The Daily Herald from Arlington Heights, Illinois on March 9, 2008 · Page 147
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The Daily Herald from Arlington Heights, Illinois · Page 147

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Arlington Heights, Illinois
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Sunday, March 9, 2008
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Page 147
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SUNDAY, MARCH 9, 2008 IUII.YHKRAI.il SKCTION I PAGES Let your daughter make her own choices, even if they're bad Q. My daughter, "Felicia," is extremely bright, beautiful and has a wonderful heart. However, I am concerned about her choice in boyfriends. Felicia tends to take on the characteristics of whomever she is dating. She was engaged to "Bob" for five years. Bob never finished high school, had no intention of getting a GED and moved from one job to another. He had no driver's license or car, so my daughter ferried him everywhere. Eventually she discovered Bob had been lying about a job and had stolen $1,000 from her bank account. When she confronted him, he became angry, took her car and managed to wreck it to the tune of $3,000. He then called on his way out of state and said he would not be back. Felicia worked very hard getting herself together. But now she has a new boyfriend Annie's mailbox whom she Kathy Mitchell met about a and Many Sugar month ago ====== and the nightmare is beginning all over again. "Sam" has no education, has lost his job and will not communicate with my husband or me. He is uncouth and low class, and Felicia is beginning to behave just like him. Her best girlfriend has noticed it, too. My husband and I always reassure Felicia that she's beautiful and smart and deserves a wonderful mate. I am at a loss as to why she prefers these kinds of friends and have, no idea how to get through to her. Any suggestions? Worried to Death A. Either Felicia doesn't believe your reassurances, or she is rebelling by deliberately choosing men who will displease her parents. It's time to step back and let her make her own decisions, no matter how misguided. Some people only learn the hard way. Plaster a smile on your face and be friendly to the boyfriend. If she's rebelling, your acceptance will squash the need, and if she's lacking in self- esteem, your support will bolster her. Don't push her away by rejecting the man who could become her husband. She's going to need you. Q. My husband and I enjoy having friends and family visit, since we've been blessed with a nicer home than we've ever had. We are not rolling in dough, but we've worked hard to achieve our goals and I'm very frugal in my shopping habits. The problem is, many of our houseguests, who obviously enjoy staying at what may seem like a vacation home, think we have a money tree growing out back. They often invite themselves for a weekend stay, show up empty-handed and expect three full meals a day. Once I offered some relatives cereal and fruit for breakfast, and they ignored me. But when 1 broke out the last of my eggs, they went gaga and asked, "Where's the sausage?" We enjoy having our loved ones over and don't want to say anything that would stop them from feeling welcome. How can I politely tell them it would be nice if they could contribute to meals when they visit? Feeling Taken for Granted A. You are being so hospitable, they are using you as a welcome mat. Frequent overnight guests should always bring something, buy groceries or take their hosts out for a meal. You are not obligated to offer everything in the cupboard. Meals should be whatever you want to provide, even if that means leftovers for lunch and "you're on your own" for dinner. You don't owe them an apology or an explanation. Finally, a note from a reader: You've printed several letters about rude remarks to balding men. An old acquaintance of my mother, whom she hadn't seen in over 20 years, remarked, "My goodness! Your hair has really turned gray!" My mother, pointedly staring at his receding hairline, answered, "Yes, but at least it hasn't turned loose." End of conversation. Proud of My Quick- Thinking Mom • Please e-inailyour questions to anniesntailboxiiPcomcasI.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, II 60611. CO 20(111, (Iri'iilnrs Syiiilii.-nk' liu. Mystic stars PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20): Financial conditions are apt to be a mixed bag. There will be plenty of opportunities to bring your hopes and expectations into existence, but not before you pay a price ARIES (March 21-April 19): A good friend might be willing to go to bat for you, but don't expect him or her to hit the ball out of the park. You should be satisfied and thankful if your pal hits a single. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Making a judgment call out of anger will nut you in hot water. Hold your temper at least until you've had a chance to get the entire picture and, even then, take a long, hard second look. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If you have something good on the back burner, don't run your mouth off about what's cooking. Someone who is jealous of you might find a way to turn off the heat and spoil what you've concocted. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Find a creditable person to go to for advice if you feel the need for counseling on something that involves your work ; or career. You might get only what you want to hear if you turn to a friend. l£0 (July 23-Aug. 22): Even if this is your day off, don't turn your back on your duties or responsibilities, hoping that somehow they will take care of themselves. The earlier you can get your chores done, the earlier you can play. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept 22): Left to your own devices, you will eventually work tilings out to your satisfaction. However, if you turn to others to help get things done sooner, chances are they'll botch tilings up, LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): Being an amicable person, you're easy to get along with and tend to do what others want. This is commendable, but don't go so far as to make compromises or concessions that you'll be unable to honor. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22): Cohorts upon whom you can usually rely won't be around to help you get something done that can't be accomplished on your own. Don't hesitate to reschedule your plans for another day. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): Be kind and considerate to those you love, but be careful not to overindulge iheir every whim or you could create trouble for them. Your excesses will actually hurt more than help them. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't be single-minded because there is more than one type of opportunity from which you can benefit. Remember: The greater the variety of seeds you plant, the larger the crop of benefits you'll get. AQUARIUS (Jin. ZO-Ftfc. 19) Be realistic and logical, but utilize those traits with a large dose of optimism as well. In order to make your hopes and expectations a reality, you are going to need a combination of all three to make things happen. ©2008, Newspaper l-nleipiise Association 1 1 \ Let time determine when your relationship should end Q. I am in my early 20s. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and have a wonderful relationship. We've survived three periods of long distance, one breakup (soon reversed) and a host of other issues. We are absolutely supportive of one another in all matters. I have just been offered a dream job in Europe. There is no question of rny turning it down. My boyfriend is entirely behind me. However, this means I will be gone for at least six months, perhaps a year or even two. As I've mentioned, we've gotten through long distance before, but it was a horrible strain, and I don't think it's a good idea to go through it again. I am sure he agrees, although we haven't yet discussed it (this is all very new and sudden). I am not sure how to proceed. Open rela- Dear Margo tionship? Hiatus, with the intention of giving things another shot later? Classic breakup? And in any of these scenarios, how do I get over a relationship that is ending entirely for external reasons? I don't know how I'm going to be able to grieve when nothing went wrong in the relationship and I'll be living in a new city with no friends. Off to Europe but in a Funk A. If nothing went wrong, you don't have to grieve, honey. Live your adventure and let time do its work. You say it's your dream job and you've decided you're going. That is where you start. You are not exactly "breaking up," so it's not "classic." In actuality, it is both a hiatus and an open relationship. Time apart will determine what happens. Eidier of you may meet someone, or you may pick up where you left off when you return. As for the new city with no friends, I am guessing your future associates will help you feel setded. Q. I am newly married to a man whom I seem to be making quite miserable. We fight every day about the same things, and I cannot seem to do the things he expects. He is very organized, thoughtful, driven and structured. I, on the other hand, am ditzy, procrastinate and struggle to maintain the correct priorities. I've always been a free spirit. My 2'^-year- old daughter has been the center of my life, and I've raised her on my own since she was born. I try to remember things, make lists and have joined FlyLxidy.net, but I continually fall short. I am subjected to long litanies about how awful I am, diough he says he still loves me and I'm a good wife and mother. I've always worked from home, but he had me put my daughter in day care and start working a regular job as I get ready to return to college. I feel scared, trapped and don't know what to do. He won't do counseling. Exponentially FAasperated A. You sound quite wonderful to me, perhaps because I identify with some of your qualities (though I admit I have a husband who finds them charming). The two of you just sound mismatched, and your spouse sounds as though he'd like to mold you into another kind of woman. When you say you "fall short," I am guessing that would be by his lights, not yours. I don't know how he can fault you for so many things and still declare you a good wife and mother. I intuit that putting your daughter in day care was not your decision, though it may become necessary if you do return to college. Because this is a new marriage in which you feel trapped and scared (and clearly unappreciated for who you are), I suggest couples counseling before you consider liberating yourself from Professor Higgins. • Dear Margo, written by Ann Landers'daughter, Margo Howard, appears Sunday in Home & Garden. E-mail her at dearmargo@crealors.com. WiiOOB. Mar|}<> Howard Sound of champagne's pop is for home, not for a restaurant Q. At a veiy lovely restaurant near our home, my husband and I ordered a bottle of champagne to enjoy with our meal. When the champagne was brought to the table to be opened, my husband smiled at me in anticipation, as we always love to hear the sound of a cork popping from a bottle of champagne — one of the most celebratory sounds one can imagine, at least in our minds. After watching the waitress uncork the bottle soundlessly, we joked that it must've been a "dud" and we were disappointed that it didn't pop, and explained our feelings about die joyfulness associated with die sound. She smiled and agreed with us, but then told us that management of the restaurant was Miss Manners very specific in their instruction to the servers that champagne corks must exit the bottle utterly soundlessly, seemingly with the implication that the noise may disturb others. While I realize that there may be some small extra emission of effervescence if one allows the cork to pop, it seems stoic to me that one would have to do so for reasons of etiquette. Could you clarify? A. First please allow Miss Manners to ease the cork out of her eye from your last celebration. Your waitress' theory notwidistanding, it is not the noise that is disturbing to others in the vicinity so much as a fast blow from a flying cork. And then there is the overflowing bottle, a look best saved for christening ships. Your waitress opened the champagne bottle correctly, even if she didn't understand why. Popping the cork, however exciting you may find it, is considered a sign of ineptitude. Miss Manners suggests that you celebrate at home in the future, rather man among innocent strangers. Q. I am writing to suggest something quite practical and extraordinary with regard to seating on public transporta- tion: If someone is unable to, or merely uncomfortable, standing, but the seats are all taken, perhaps that person could gendy ask someone sitting, "Pardon me, but I am in need of a seat." I find this a better alternative to fuming about the rudeness of others, or to standing when one doesn't feel able. I did this one time when I was under the weather and my polite request was met with alacrity. In fact, three people jumped up to help me, without even requiring me to show a positive pregnancy test or proof of age. (I was neither in the family way nor elderly; just in need.) Is this proper etiquette? A. Yes, but Miss Manners doesn't know whether to be grateful or distraught about your suggestion. Absolutely, it is proper to state a need gently and politely, rather than to fume or rail about other people's rudeness. Or, what is more usual, to think up ways to be rude back to those targeted as rude. But is it really extraordinary? Miss Manners is afraid that it might be. Giving others the benefit of the doubt — assuming diat diose sitting were not paying attention or had no way of knowing that you needed a seat — is unfortunately rarely anyone's first reaction. • Write to Judith Martin in care of the Daily Herald, P.O. Box 280, Arlington Heights, IL 60006. &) 200(1, Uniled l-'i-alurfSyiidicali- Answers to puzzle on Page 2 FORWARD BY PATRICK BLINDAUER AND TONY THINKING ORBACH / EDITED BY WILL SHORTZ ACROSS 1 Offer for an R.J. Reynolds brand? 8 Rules, for short 12 1970 Simon & Garfunkel hit 19 Away from a teaching post 20 Forster's" With a View" 22 Joining 23 Cube holder 24 IUD part 25 Realm of Otto von Bismarck 26 1802 acquisition of 25-Across 27 Settles on, in a way 28 Top of a platter 29 Papa pad? 32 Composes 34 Org. that oversees quadrennial games 37 Sporty Mazda 38 Canola and sunflower oil? 41 Best fraternity pledge tormentor? 45 Jack who said "Just the facts, ma'am" 47 Rugged coastline feature 48 "My!" 49 Casual attire 52 Not the most exciting school athletes? 56 Social gathering with the Rockettes? 59 "Like a Hock" singer Bob 61 Cosmetician Lauder and others 62 Get decked out 63 Waste maker 65 Puts up again, as bowling pins 67 Squiggly letter 68 Got sober? 70 Flutter 73 Shows past the doorstep 75 Student of Bartbk 76 The lion in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" 78 Clap hands on 81 Pan-fry 83 C.I.A. noggins? 85 Hit boxer John with a haymaker? 87 " Galloways" (Disney tilm) 89 "Damien" subtitle 90 Mount Rigi, e.g. 91 Headset 93 Fog in Zurich? 96 How-to films for a dairy farm? 100 nerve 102 First song on "More of the Monkees" 103 , meenie, miney, mo 104 Side view of salmon? 109 "Soon It's..... Rain" ("The Fantasticks" song) 111 Reliquary 112 Temple of Isis locale 116 Facial growths 118 Phrase of agreement 119 Words heard after opening a gift, maybe 121 Hazel, e.g. 122 Ice Cube ne Jackson 123 It started around 1100 B.C. 124 Do a mailroom task 125 Professional org. 126 Transcribe some Dickens? DOWN 1 Colorful carp 2 Enough, for some 3 Plaudits, of a sort 4 "Sure, I'm game" 5 Exposed 6 One of Donald's exes 7 Susan of "Looker" 8 Train storage area 9 Tubb, the Texas Troubadour 10 Nabber's cry 11 Rather, informally 12 Silver prizes 13 Physicist Fermi 14 Real, Spain 15 The "se" in per se 16 The King's "princess" 17 Common pasta suffix 18 Eastern title 21 Like some Sp. nouns 27 "The Sopranos" Emmy winner Falco 30 No man's land, in brief 31 Vladimir Putin's onetime org. 33 Michael of R.E.M. 34 Wagner heroine 35 Extras 36 Mooches 39 It commonly follows a verb: Abbr. 40 Disrespect 42 Salespeople, informally 43 Lukas of "Witness" 44 Sheet music abbr. 45 Locks on a dome 46 Chef Lagasse 50 Cornerstone abbr. 51 Must 53 Winners' signs 54 August hrs. 55 Some football blockers: Abbr. 57 "See ?" 58 Plane part 60 Signs a lease 64 "Julius Caesar" setting 66 Deejay's bane 68 Classic sort drink with orange, grape and peach flavors 69 Shad delicacies 70 "So-Called Chaos" singer Monssette 71 Like Niels Bohr 72 Kind of inspection 73 Orch. section 74 Old French coin 76 Means of defense: Abbr. 77 Come across as 78 Canned meat brand 79 "Andthat's...." ("Believe you me") 80 Christina in the 2005 revival of "Sweet Charity" 82 Speech stumbles 84 Informal greetings 86 Zoo feature, in England 88 Finnic language 92 Fashion imts. 94 Hing bearer 95 Here, on the Riviera 97 File player 98 Bread for tacos? 99 Plywood layer 100 Book Club 101 7,11 and 13 105 Bologna bone 106 Mandela's native tongue 107 Hijacked cruise ship Achille 108 Bar at the bar 110 "I'd hate to break up 113 Having a taste of the grape No. 0302 114 Run up...... 115 NASA cancellation 116 Econ. measure 117 Your and my 119 Snap 120 Cyrano's nose

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