The Baltimore Sun from Baltimore, Maryland • Page 143

rinside: Ann Landers Liz Smith Comics Horoscope Movie Guide Television TODAY THEmSUN Section f1 i lj 7vi A Tl Tp 1 I 'a 1 May 10, 1996 Friday Marriage comes to Meldrick Lewis on Detective Lewis (Clark Johnson) shocks his colleagues by marrying Barbara Shivers (Karen Williams) a woman no one has ever met on "Homicide: Life on the Street." Page 6e On Vacation Sylvia Badger's column resumes Sunday. More Inside Ann Landers: Nine-inch nails draw stares. Page 3e Liz Smith: Christopher Reeve makes an interviewer feel at home. Page3s Index Comics 8e Crossword 9e Horoscope 7e Jumble 8e Movies 3e Television 6e That's all, she wrote Sunday night, May 19, "Murder, She Wrote" bows out af ter 12 seasons on the air (al- 1 JED IIR8CHBAUU BUN STAFF Theme golf: The Columbia hole at Art Links Baltimore has suburban streets and houses. Art Links lets players tee off on the city ta -rr like the wind to escape a powerful tornado in "Twister.

tnougn pernaps not jnaen- to watch nature's horror overwhelm man's horror and to show that nature, far fromN' being the benevolent system of nurture and reward that the more sentimental environmentalists portray it to be, is really a force of huge strength and even huger in- '-v difference. Melville was right, in other words! Either that, or Mother Nature doesn't like Stanley Kubrick! But other than that hint, Funnel vision: Weather geeks Bmew.DeividQfplot and brains, disaster jUni Twister' spins out of control. By Stephen Hunter SUN FILM CRITIC "Twister" is so depress-ingly infantile that after a bit you need to take shelter not from the winds but from all the twaddle flying through the air. Purportedly an account of teams of storm chasers competing to get an instrument pack up the kazoo of a butt-ugly whirling dervish on the Oklahoma plains, the movie is really about trucks and hubbub. Whenever the director, Jan De Bont (of doesn't know what to do, he'll throw In a six- or nitely; the door is being left open for some TV movies down the road).

We'd like to hear from the show's fans. What made the show so special? Was It murder-mystery writer Jessica Fletcher, who never seemed to meet a case she couldnt crack? All those guest stars? The comfort of seeing the dignified Angela Lansbury onscreen every week? Or was there some other reason? If you'd like to talk to us, call Sundial at (410) 783-1800 and enter the four-digit code 6186. For other local Sundial numbers, see the Sundial directory on Page 2A. i no trace of intellectual distinction can be found on 'scrten. The Crichtons, and Wen the anonymous Hollywood hacks that labored after them, have no real gift for character, and the film quickly becomes a thrill ride about people in trucks getting close to but ducking twisters.

The problem here is that the twisters, no matter how spectacular See Twister, 5e wacky guys send up a hopelessly dated, pathetic old sci-fi movie, like "The Brain that Wouldn't Die" or "Teen-agers From Outer Space." The concept originated among some media hipsters in Minnesota who rapidly proved too cool for a prairie state with all that snow and so many deer hunters, you betcha, and expanded their empire to New York. Reaching a national audience via Comedy Central, they've been building a fan base since 1989. This is their first foray into the features. The gag takes much too long to set up. It involves characters evidently familiar from the televised outings but somewhat exaggerated for the big screen: mad scientist Clayton Forrester (Trace Beaulieu), who wants to take over the Earth by subjecting it to bad movies.

Yeah, right. If that were possible, someone like See Mystery, 4e Will the boomers buy the new burgers and give McDonald's a break today? you go What Miniature golf at Art Links Baltimore Where: At the Power Plant, 1 Pier 4, Pratt Street, through September, when it moves indoors at the Bk kerage WheK 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily Admission: $5 Calk (410) 244-1200 1 Months ago, Maryland Art Place called upon artists in Maryland, Washington and Virginia to build a hole, show off Baltimore, and invite the viewer to walk putter in hand through a piece of art. "How do you get people to spend more than a couple seconds with a work of art?" says Jack Rasmussen, executive director of Maryland Art Place, the non-profit gallery on West Saratoga Street specializing in regional artists.

'This is kind of a sneaky way to do that." The city has rejected many proposals for miniature golf courses at the Inner Harbor. Art Links is different, says Rasmussen. "We were able to make the case that this is an exhibition," says Rasmussen. "It has educational value." While lining up the opening putt on the Edgar Allan Poe hole, for example, the player has time to consider the work of a Baltimore couple, Jann Rosen-Queralt and Phil Campbell. Set on a sheet of black Astroturf are can- dies made of springs with rhinestone flames, alumL: num rats and black cats.

A rhinestone eye glitters on a steel blade that swings from a 7-foot high pendulum. Atop the pendulum a steel raven spreads its 4-foot wingspan. "A lot of people feel art is for the elite," says Rosen-Queralt. "They don't understand it. This brings in a common denominator.

I really do believe in public art, and this is a good form." The form has been a hit in New York, Chicago, Boston and other cities. Rasmussen says he got the idea after Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt run seven-minute like-a-rock reverie to the joys of cross-country 4-by-4ing you know, roaring down country roads and through chicken coops and across cornfields, really makin' them shocks and struts earn their pay. Meanwhile, layers of goofy technobabble crank over the radio, and the whole thingjust seems silly. Originally written by Michael Crichton and his wife, Anne-Marie Martin, the movie might have had, at one time, a shred of an idea. A scene that had to be the Crichtons' remains: an F-5 (that's the big mother tornado, called the "finger of God" by groupies) whirls through an outdoor movie lot where Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" is playing.

Like, this is a really big hit on the '90s Oklahoma drive-in circuit! But the point seems to be have Djon (pronounced dee-jaum; say it with me: Jacques mange le Big Mao avec DJjon). My colleague said he, too, found that the Arch Deluxe tasted, for better or worse, very much like every other fast-food burger. "I couldn't taste the Dijon," he complained. He also said he couldnt taste the peppered bacon, the slivered onions and, at times, was having problems distinguishing the potato bread from the potato fries. Of course, maybe he couldn't taste the DJjon (dee-jaum) because, unlike, say, in many of your top French restaurants, McDonald's mixes the mustard with a "mayonnaise (may-o-nayze) blend." As for ambience, well, it's McDonald's we're talking about.

It was packed, meaning a diner faces the irre- sistible combina-1 tion of squealing i kids and long lines. 1 And they dont take reservations. 4 The fries, though, were terrific. -T. c'.

At A burger any other name Entertainment: Miniature gof course downtown features replicas of landmarks and makes pou tread lighllp, of course across William Donald Schaefer'sface. By Arthur Hirsch SUN STAFF This ain't the Jolly Roger amusement park in Ocean City. This is cultcha, hon. It's Art Links Baltimore, where local artists have transformed parts of the city into an 18-hole miniature golf course that opens at 10 a.m. tomorrow at the Power Plant.

Golfers can putt through a 20-foot-tall replica of the Shot Tower, stroke their ball across a tiny Railroad viaduct into a map of Ohio, and tread lightly across another Baltimore landmark, the face of former mayor and governor William Donald Schaefer. It's Baltimore as roadside attraction, the city on a layer of Astroturf in a form any O.C. vacationer could love. There are no drug peddlers, panhandlers or poverty in this Baltimore. There is no Daniel P.

Henson III hole, in which balls mysteriously vanish into little rundown rowhouses. One finds no Bawlamer State of Mind hole, upon which the player endlessly reminisces about the good times on the last two holes. Forget the sociopolitical commentary. Just pay your $5, grab a putter, and play. JED K1R8CHBAUM SUN STAFF Sculptor: Charlie Sleichter made the Shot Tower hole.

i -M I i I Mike Littwin Scene: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson and Crow T. Robot (silhouetted, from left) mock a film in "Mystery Science Theater. Cable comedy troupe tries the big screen McDonald's Location: Pretty much everywhere you look. Honrs Pretty much any time you need. Credit cards You're kidding, right? Trices: If you cant afford McDonald's, you shouldn't be reading restaurant reviews.

McDonald's new Arch Deluxe sandwich has a see-through package, a potato-bread roll and Dijon mustard. It also has a quarter-pound burger, slivered onions, iceberg lettuce, American cheese, tomato, peppered bacon and, of course, ketchup. It tastes remark- anm nira mirfTar int didn't have the t-- see-through pack-afire. Fm certain rd still know it was a (lf burger. With my eyes 1 closed, Td think 1 It was a Whop- per, except that a Whop-per, by Burger King, doesnt 41 -ws- -T rf CDONALD'S IS asking you to change everything you If II thought you I 11 knew about the A.

JLL restaurant and come home. McDonald's, which is losing market share among baby boomers, says that the restaurant you grew up on can be the restaurant you grow old on (if you don't keel over from a heart attack first) What I'm saying is, and it's sad news, McDonald's needs a break today. Which is why they're introducing the Arch Deluxe, advertised as a sandwich for grown-ups, because, and holdontoyourseatshere.it has Dijon mustard on the burger, although no mention of whether it's Grey Poupon. It also has apparently grown-up tomatoes, grown-up slivered onions, grown-up See Littwin, 2e Review: "Mmlerp Science Veatcr 3000: lite Movie is long on name, and pix'tlp long on laughs, loo, tfpougel past its slow set-up. By Stephen Hunter SUN FILM CRITIC "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie," which opens today at the Charles, is about a third as funny as it thinks it is.

Still, that's pretty funny and about twice as funny as most American comedies these days. In fact, it's four times funnier than "The American President" and nine times funnier than "Dunston Checks In." The gimmick, if you have an actual life and don't watch Comedy Central on cable, is that a bunch of hearing about an 18-hole course called "Putt Modernism" which opened at Artists Space in lower Manhattan in the summer See Links, 2e.