The Los Angeles Times from Los Angeles, California • Page 215

LOS ANGELES TIMES mm TUESDAY, MAY 12, 1998 E3 Legal or Not, They Consider It Marriage If uti ii DEAR ABBY 3- 1 What do you give a cannibal who is late for dinner? The cold shoulder. (Krlsten Robinson, 13, Oak View, De Anza Middle School) making the list: free coffee with fill-up at Shell stations; folks no longer confuse you with Carrot Top; and you get to gossip cruelly about who was No. 51." (Premiere Radio) Hello, Dalai: The Dalai Lama is meeting with some of New York's top doctors to discuss how Eastern healing methods could revolutionize mainstream medicine. "He also took the opportunity to have the doctors refill his Rogaine and Viagra prescriptions." (Premiere Radio) LAUGH TRACK Craig Kllborn on the new Reagan building: "It's nice, Mommy. When do we move in?" Jay Leno on Hillary Rodham Clinton: "In a speech about America's historic sites, the first lady said we can't remember events in America that happened 150 years ago.

Us? The Clintons can't remember events that happened in Arkansas 10 years ago." Conan O'Brien on the first family: "Chelsea's boyfriend is a junior at Stanford. When the president found out, he said, 'That's a coincidence: I'm dating a junior, SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. Color Clash: Martha Stewart has filed a countersuit against the landscaper who's suing her for running him over. "He suffered minor injuries, but Stewart is suing because his blood splats clashed with her forest green Mercedes." (Premiere Radio) Key Chain Reaction: The Feds are warning airports about a new 3-inch-long key-chain pistol that can elude security. "What's great is, in case you lose it, you can leave the spare pistol under the mat." (Premiere Radio) Going Postal: "Unabomber Ted Kaczyn-ski, very upset over his life sentence, plans to complain strenuously with a mail-in campaign." (Jack Ellis) Marcia, Marcla, Marcia: A judge rejected the use of executive privilege by President Clinton's top aides.

"You know what this means? They have to take a lie detector test given by Marcia Clark on Fox TV or face persecution by Rupert Murdoch." (Bob Stone) Splish, Splash: Eye doctors are concerned that Viagra causes some men to see a blue-green haze, like ocean water. "In heavier doses, they see reruns of 'Titanic' (Stan Kaplan) Hello, Gorgeous: People magazine has announced it's "50 Most Beautiful People" list. "Here are some good things about response to "Upset in Tennessee," who refuses to recognize her son's "live-in" because the two are not married. I have a slightly different, twist to the story. I am a gay man in my 40s and have been in two relationships.

The first was for 12 wonderful years and ended in 1990 when my partner died. When he and I visited my parents at the same time my brother and his live-in girlfriend did, my mother showed my brother and his girlfriend to separate bedrooms, but showed my partner and me to the same bedroom. My brother was upset and asked, "Mother, why are you making us sleep in separate rooms and letting 'Jim' and 'Doug' share the same room?" Mother responded: "If. Jim and Doug could be they would be, so in my eyes, they are married. You, on the other choose not to be married and therefore, under my roof, you will abide by my rules." Abby, I wish the law and society were as wise and understanding as my parents.

I agree that people who love each other and have a committed relationship should be married, and I wish I could marry the person I love and have lived with for six years. But until society can accept our love, I guess we will have to be without benefit of the "cheap piece of paper." As it stands, if he becomes ill and hospitalized, I may not even be allowed to visit him. Thanks, Abby, for hearing me out. I wish I could "make it legal." -MARRIED IN MY HEART Dear Married: Your mother is a woman with great insight and compassion. And I hope that one day soon your wish is granted.

To reach Abigail Van Buren, write to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. What kind of diving do mosquitoes like? Skin diving. (Maral Samgachlon, 12, Hacienda Heights, Mesa Robles School) What did the librarian say to the noisy dogs? "Hush, puppies." (Norma Harrod, 9, Baldwin Park, Monterey, Park Meher Montes-sori School) Where do mice park their boats? At the hickory dickory dock. (Domenlc R.

Kelly, 8, Lake Forest, Lake Forest Elementary) Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed. (Anl Yessayan, 11, Hacienda Heights, Mesa Robles School) Why does a cow wear a bell? Because its horns don't work. (Kortnee Burton, 7, Brea, Country Hills School) KIDS, GOT A JOKE? Send it to Pint-Sized Punch Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. Print (or type) your full name, age, hometown and school. Please note that we try to avoid jokes we've published before.

And please be patient. ABIGAIL VAN BUREN Dear Abby: This is in response to the advice you gave to "Upset in Tennessee," whose son was unhappy that his live-in was not considered a part of the family. You are so right about this arrangement not being sanctioned by religions, and that the right to inherit property, the right to collect their Social Security benefits, share in lower cost on insurance and to make medical decisions are not allowed couples who are not legally married. The live-in may even be barred from the beloved's hospital room. Abby, I have lived with a man for 40 years.

We have paid our taxes; raised two fine children who are now responsible, loving, law-abiding adults; volunteered when our community needed us; attended church regularly; and yet we never married. I have read your column for years and was often amazed by the advice you have given your readers. I seldom disagreed with it. But this time I was astounded by your answer because it stated in print what gays have been fighting for so loudly over the past decades. Oh, did I forget to mention that my live-in and I are gay? -SANTA CLARITA READER Dear Santa Clarita Reader: I am in favor of committed relationships, regardless of the sexes of the individuals.

I think what makes religious conservatives uncomfortable at the notion of same-sex committed partnerships is the term "marriage." Call it what you will, legally recognized domestic partnerships carrying equal legal entitlements should be available to everyone. Read on: Dear Abby: I am writing in DOONESBURY By GARRY TRUDEAU SIR, ABOUT FROM NOW ON, I'M WICULOUSf NOW IF THE ACTIVIST RIGHT HAPPENS TO APPROVE OF WHAT BUTJ'M NOTFOim OVER. ANYMORE! REPORTS VOU'VEBEEN I 1 V4 TARING VIA6RA, THAT FOR ME! xim FORME! GOtNGTO BE BOOK-TOUR, eUYHlAZNTME? THIS IS ME i. Cm speaker wrong! ms ISN7THIS HAS NOTHING RETURNTO TO IPO WITH YOUROLP POLITICS! BELLICOSE Si S'jf I selfjust 15 politics? l-JjnM I ATTACKING The Kilter's Really Off Today Off-Kilter is taking the day off so writer Roy Rivenburg can slog through the pile of entries in the Mach3 razor contest" and pick a winner. Roll Oyer; Sit Up, Stay and Read This Column Mils warning in your column could save many an aspiring writer from learning a cruel and expensive lesson.

A.C.C. PRO WRITER IN MARYLAND Dear Pro: Thank you for an extremely valuable letter. You have saved heaven-knows-how-many dollars for countless would-be authors who are easy prey for the sharks you've described, not to mention the heartache and disappointment. Bless you. an intern at a hospital in New York.

After being on duty for 48 hours, I attended a production of "Faust" at the New York Metropolitan Opera. A staff nurse who had two tickets had invited me to accompany her. I could not stay awake and slept through the entire performance'. We have humane societies dogs and cats. Shouldn't we have one for young doctors in training? -MD IN SANTA BARBARA Dear MD: You bet.

The' new breed of medical students are rebelling against such brutal hours and it's about time. To reach Ann Landers, write to Ann Landers, 435 N. Michigan.Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. angled form with walls leaning outward, is still being debated on architectural panels. Eisenman acknowledged that "I do like to push the boundary" but said he didn't want to push too far in designing the new we were to be more outrageous in a little space like that, it would become a performance." Their idea, he said, was to create an experience that was not familiar but that showed the furniture in a different context.

"It's not a pie-in-the-face thing, it's very subtle," he said. "We wanted to transform it without taking over. I can't tell you if it works, because I haven't seen it yet." Both men agreed that Los Angeles was the city to stretch their wings. "You drive through L.A. and it's such a contemporary place," said Eisenman.

"I love New York, but it is a fusty, 19th century place. There's not even anything like the Pacific Design Center." Indeed, visitors last week agreed that the new showroom seems perfectly suited to the sleek lines of the Cesar Pelli-designed center in West Hollywood. Bret Parsons, Pacific Design Center director of business development and media relations, pronounces it a benchmark in show Dear Ann: I heard something on the radio this morning and jotted it down. I don't know who the author is, but I'm sure anyone who has ever owned a dog will relate to it. BERKELEY, READER Dear Berkeley: There's a good bit of wisdom in those lines, and I appreciate your sending it on.

I would like to give credit to the author, however. Who are you? Please let me know. Here it is: THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR DOG 1. When your loved one comes home, run to greet him. 2.

Eat with gusto. 3. When it's hot, drink lots of water. 4. Take naps.

5. Don't bite, just growl. G. Give unconditional love. 7.

Stay close to your loved one in times of distress. 8. When you want something badly, dig for it. Dear Ann: You asked for comments about overworked and weary residents and interns. You stirred up the memory of an incident many years ago, when I was I am an officer in a large professional writers organization, and lately, we have seen a proliferation of con artists.

Getting published is hard enough without these sharks cruising the waters. The facts are as follows: Any publisher who asks a writer to bear some or all of the cost of publishing and marketing a book cannot be considered a real publisher. Real publishers pay writers for their books, not the other way around. Any publisher that actively advertises for writers to submit manuscripts should be viewed with extreme wariness. Naive writers have been known to pay these fraudulent "publishers" thousands of dollars to see their work in print.

Sad to say, they receive a few copies of poorly made books, or nothing at all, for their money. The same thing goes for "literary agents" who advertise for clients, especially those who troll the Internet looking for new writers to scam. These "agents" charge "reading fees" anything they can dream up to bilk authors out of money. Would-be writers also should be aware that any "agent" who pushes an "editing service" or "book doctor" is probably receiving a nice kickback from those same editors or book doctors. Scam artists are ripping off inexperienced authors to the tune of millions of dollars every year.

A DESIGN Continued from E2 ture so that you begin to look at the pieces as designed objects." Eisenman's faceted canopy provides the kind of pressure and release he sought, Jackson said. "It is somewhat confrontational," Jackson said. "It almost goes to the ceiling, almost to the wall. It forces an odd relationship to the furniture." His new collection, Ocean, was designed in response to the architecture. "It's solid, hand-hewn mahogany with upswept tops and heavy legs at odd angles," said Jackson, who has fine-tuned his showroom down to the background music of Tom Waits, Laurie Anderson and Brian Eno.

"From the minute somebody walks in, it slows them down. "I've never pretended that furniture is fine art," he added. "My point is that the worlds of design and architecture have taken their departure from art. Peter is a real thinker, and we had this ability to talk easily." And, as an armchair historian, watching the 20th century jerk to an anxious close in the throes of a technological revolution, Jackson wanted "something unpredictable," he said. Eisenman thrives on just that.

"Everyone hears my name and thinks there's going to be a confrontation with the devil," the architect said, chuckling, by phone from his New York office. A provocative theorist of architectural deconstructivism, he is known for forcing architectural issues into public discussion. His 1996 Aronoff Center for Design and Art at the University of Cincinnati, a sharply Complete: yourDEGREE Without NTERRUPTING Career Dear Ann: After following your columns about assorted frauds and rip-offs, I would like to caution would-be writers about scam "agents" and "publishers." Earn a Bachelor of Science Degree in Applied Management through APU's Accelerated Degree Program. If you're serious about advancing your career, APU offers a number of important advantages, including: v5 room presentation. In a larger analysis, Parsons views the project symbolically.

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