The Los Angeles Times from Los Angeles, California • Page 77

E10 WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3, 1998 LOS ANGELES TIMES 1 Uli LinU I IP I tJJ Lat What kind of nuts don't have shells? Doughnuts. (Albert Eberts, 5, Los Angeles, Mayberry Street School) i to be "Godzilla." "Do you think before a scene, Godzilla ever says to the director: 'Do I have any people in my (Leno) And: "Do you think atheists just call it 'Zilla'?" (Leno). And Again: "Godzilla" is No. 1 at the box office but is considered a dud with a take of only about $18 million for the weekend. "Critics are starting to call it "Deep Impact," with about $10 million, continues to do well.

"New York and Washington are destroyed in this one, which is why they're calling it 'the feel-good movie of the (Albert Perrotta) Spice Up Your Life The sudden departure of the Spice Girls' Ginger Spice has everyone playing the replacement game. David Fryden and Diane Williams offer these suggestions: Mickey and Minnie as Mice Spice Andrew Dice Clay as Dice Spice The Three Musketeers as Thrice Spice Bob Hope as Old Spice Kindergartners with hair problems: Lice Spice SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. Hazardous Duty: President Clinton ordered the Justice Department to provide funding for 700 more police in high-crime areas. "Already his plan has had unintended consequences. Janet Reno assigned five officers to the Oval Office." (Argus Hamilton) News Alert: Two men robbed a pharmacy of two years' worth of Viagra.

"Be on the lookout for these hardened criminals." (Nicole Campbell) Shaggy Tequila: A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila from the bartender, who lines them up in front of the patron. The man drinks down all 10 shots in less than a minute. The bartender exclaims: "I've never seen anyone drink 10 shots of tequila that fast." The man answers: "Well, if you had what I have, you could do it." The bartender asks, with concern in his voice: "Why, what do you have?" The man answers: "Seventy-five cents." (Paul Ecker) Getting Their Zs: Heavyweight boxers George Foreman and Larry Holmes will duke it out in Las Vegas. "I'm not saying these guys are old, but they're planning to nap between rounds." (Buzz Report) The Bomb: "Rand-McNally's World Atlas came out today. To give you an idea of how current it is, India and Pakistan are not even on it." (Jay Leno) Leapln' Lizard: The No.

1 movie continues Why did the man sit in front of the TV with a washcloth? He was going to watch a soap opera. (Gina Murry, 12, North Hills, Holmes Middle School Why did the jelly roll? It saw the apple turn over. (Tommy Warton, 9, San Pedro, South Shores Elementary) Why did the little girl take her clock to the vet? Because it had ticks. (Ashley Anne Fritzler, 4, Santa Barbara, San Marcos Preschool) What do you get when you cross a Hawaiian dancer and a hoop? A hula hoop. (Shannon O'Quinn, 10, Whitehouse, Texas, H.L.

Higgins Intermediate School) Do you know how poor I am? I can't even pay attention. (Alyssa Fonseca, 7, Madison, N.J., St. Vincent Martyr School) KIDS, GOT A JOKE? Send it to Pint-Sized Punch Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. Print (or type) your full name, age, hometown and school. Please note that we try to avoid jokes we've published before.

And please be patient. I DOONESBURY By GARRY TRUDEAU ITS ABOUT A PLACE (WAN ERA. ANP THE FACT REMAINS, tUETRE STANDING NEAR ASPOT 8UTINAS5NSE.it P0ESN7 REALM MATTER, JIM. AT THE ENP OFTHEW SI6HL. TMBIPPING AGAINST OTHER CELEBRITIES, AREN'T BIG-TIME.

TOMMY LEE fMEPIN AH OFFER FWMPRISOH soumr VMREXACT-HOUSe BURN pom, MR. PUK5? WHERE SOME OFTHE MOST I'PHAVE A HIPEOUS MUSIC OFTHE ABOUT A II I i '70S WAS BORN! x. I joMiy, if -w" 1 r-w rv i -4 jr 'I i 'J I I I VI Custom 'Ifr it Tipper's Tips for Saving the Lives of Infants MM mattress or other surface that is free of pillows and fluffy blankets or coverings. Receiving proper prenatal care, having your children immunized, breast-feeding your babies, staying away from alcohol and tobacco, and making sure you don't over-bundle or overheat a Dear Tipper: I very much appreciate your sharing this information with my readers. When one considers that the simple act of placing babies on their backs rather than on their tummies can save lives, it is amazing that this has not been more widely publi- Placing babies on their backs to sleep is the single most important step they can take to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Parents should also make sure their baby sleeps on a firm mattress or other surface that is free of pillows and fluffy blankets or coverings. 1 1 l' A do. He also resents that we did a little traveling between 1984 and 1992, and bought a new car. Apparently, he would like us to just sit around and save our money so he will collect a sizable inheritance when we die. We do not own the house we live in.

I would like to sell our ranch property and buy something smaller or live in a retirement community and be comfortable in the years we have left. Our son has refused to go with us to see a financial planner. He doesn't call, doesn't stop by and is just plain angry. I am sick about this. Please tell me what to do.

-TORN UP IN CALIFORNIA Dear California: You don't say whether you have other children or nieces and nephews who might reason with your son. Meanwhile, you do not need his permission to sell your property and move into a retirement home, which makes a great deal of sense. Go forward with your plan, and if your son is upset about it, that's too darned bad. To reach Ann Landers, write to Ann Landers, 435 N. Michigan Chicago, IL 60611.

Dear Ann: Please help us spread the word to every parent, grandparent, doctor, day-care worker, baby-sitter and every other person who cares for children. Placing babies on their backs to sleep is the single most important step they can take to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Each year, SIDS claims the lives of nearly 3,000 babies in the United States alone. Despite ongoing research, SIDS cannot be predicted or prevented. Since 1992, however, the American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended placing babies to sleep on their backs.

This has resulted in a 38 decline in SIDS deaths. Last year, I joined the Back to Sleep campaign to help spread this message. For many Americans, placing children on their backs flies in the face of conventional wisdom. I remember putting my own children to sleep on their tummies, as many parents of my generation did. Sleep position is just one important way to safeguard your baby's health.

Parents should also make sure their baby sleeps on a firm cized. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Dear Ann: My husband and I own 10 acres of orange grove with a house on the property 45 miles away from where we live.

My husband is 79, and I am 75. He has what neurologists call dementia. I'm told he won't get any better and may develop Alzheimer's. He can no longer drive and is unable to take care of our property. Our son, 34, is adamant that we not sell this piece of land.

He says he will no longer speak to us if we child's environment are also important. Please help us remind parents to place their children to sleep on their backs. For those parents whose infants have medical conditions, urge them to talk to their health -care providers about the best sleep position for their babies. If any of your readers would like more information, they can write to Back to Sleep, 31 Center Drive, Building 31, Room 2A32, Bethesda, MD 20892-2425, or call (800) 505-CRIB. Thanks, Ann.

-TIPPER GORE Washington, D.C. Wishing You Only the Best, Mr. Millionaire, Sir why I felt you would like to hear from somebody like me who has no ulterior motive in writing to you. My lottery ticket was off by only three numbers, but there is no bitterness in my heart. I was glad that if I couldn't win, that someone like you could.

I hope I hear from you. Leave an e-mail message if I'm not here. I will probably be playing tennis with Bill Gates. The moment I saw your picture in the newspapers, I said that you were my kind of guy. I can just see us on your yacht off Key West, catching tuna and playing gin rummy.

We'd make a great pair water-skiing in Capri or gambling with the big guys in Monte Carlo. Frank, I'm not promoting myself. I know this is a tough time for you, with so many people besieging you for money and favors. That's want to be included among those few who ask nothing from you but your goodwill and love. I want to be one of those who respects you for yourself rather than because you are loaded.

I read in the paper that you had no idea how you would spend your money, and this is where I could make a difference. I have a friend who works at Rolls-Royce, and I am sure he would give us a deal on a couple of brand-new cars. Donald Trump told me he would like to have breakfast with you and show you a penthouse apartment in Trump Towers. And best of all, I can get you into any good restaurant in New York. People like you need someone to front for them, and I am your man.

I know you're going to say, "I don't even know this person." Don't let it bother you. Trust me. You're invited to stop by your nearest Starbucks and discover our new Power Frappuccina" blended beverage, the low-fat indulgent treat with protein and 12 essential vitamins. To Frank Capaci, winner of the Power Ball lottery: Let me be the first to congratulate you and tell you how proud I am that you won the largest lottery prize in history ($195 million). Your one-in-a-mil-lion choice of numbers was magnificent and confirmed my steadfast opinion that you are the best lottery player in the business.

Winning this kind of money is easy. Spending it is another matter, and that is where I think I can be of help. Once you hold a winning ticket, people will take advantage of you. You have to just stick with your friends. I want you to know, Frank, that I am your friend.

I He Is Reacting Accordingly To avoid National Accordion Week, Off-Kilter columnist Roy Rivenburg has temporarily gone into hiding. The column returns June 10..