The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on September 28, 1997 · Page 51
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 51

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Sunday, September 28, 1997
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FAMILY You don't have to be Ozzie and Harriet to have a healthy family. Here's how, according to the author of the new 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. R AISING AFAMILY is the toughest and potentially most rewarding job you'll ever have. I'm convinced it's much harder to have a successful family today, though, than it was 30 or 40 years ago. The "traditional" family of the past — a breadwinner father and a stay-at-home mother whose primary role is raising the children — is now the exception. Today, non-traditional families — single parents, blended families, baby boomers caring for aging parents — are the norm. And they face even greater challenges. A single mother may be trying to keep her family together and work two jobs at the same time. A couple trying to merge two different family cultures into a blended family may be facing resistance from some of the children. For dual-earner couples with children, there never seems to be enough time. If we strengthen families, we go a long way toward overcoming our problems. And anyone can become an agent of change in the family. Here are guidelines I believe will help you create a beautiful family culture, no matter what shape your family fits: How any family can be happy BY STEPHEN COVEY Stephen Covey, a best-selling author and leadership authority, Is at top right In this 1996 photo Including wife Sandra, standing to his right, his nine children and 10 of his 27 grandchildren. 1. BE PROACTIVE: Croat* your own goals don't fall victim to ttw past This is the bedrock upon which all the other habits are based. Ultimately, you have the power to choose what kind of family you will have. If you come from an abusive, dysfunctional family, you are not destined to pass that behavior on to the next generation. You can decide to act on the basis of your principles and values, not simply react on the basis of emotion or circumstances. How to go about doing this? The first step is to develop a capacity for self-awareness. Stand apart from your own life, your behavior, thoughts, feelings and moods, and observe them. Then step in and make improvements. You must also use your conscience and your independent will to guide your behavior and not be weighed down by your past. Fight against embedded tendencies and change your interactions with family members. One practical way to apply the idea of proactivity is to use what I call the "emotional bank account," which represents your relationship with another person. You make "deposits" by doing things that build trust (being kind, apologizing, keeping promises, forgiving). You make withdrawals when you do things that destroy trust (criticizing, nagging, blaming). The amount of trust in the account determines how well you can communicate and solve problems with that person. And remember that the way you treat any relationship in the family eventually affects every relationship in the family. 2. BEGIN WITH THE END: UnKa family mambars with a mission statement Without a clear vision of what your family is all about, it's easy to get off ] track. Create a "family mission statement," with input from all members, that spells out your vision and values. First, sit down with family members < over a period of time—many families hold weekly sessions that may stretch out over several months — and pose questions such as: "What kind of fam- "Adults who complain about being too busy spend 10 hours a week watching TV." ily do we want to be?" "What kind of home would you like to invite your friends to?" "What embarrasses you about our family?" "How do we want to solve problems? By yelling and slamming doors, or by communicating?" Condense everyone's input into a written statement. This process is even more important in a non-traditional family, because it becomes a source of values that can unify the group. For instance, in a blended family that has come about as a result of divorce, there may be children who are angry and frustrated and want nothing to do with writing a mission statement. Don't force it — just allow those who are willing to participate to do so, and the others may eventually come around. 3. PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST: SchMtulo) family tlma Many people protest that the demands of their jobs leave little time for family. But I truly believe even the busiest executives waste precious hours during the week that could be spent on their families. I find that adults who complain about being too busy spend 10 hours a week watching TV. Executives I talk to admit that about half the time they spend at meetings is wasted. I suggest two ways of scheduling family time. First, hold a weekly family meeting — an evening or even an hour a week dedicated to your family, in which you plan ahead for activities or vacations, teach values such as honesty or integrity, and reserve a little time for fun — playing a game or reading together, for instance. The second is one-on-one time with each member of your family. A single working mother with two children, for instance, might suggest taking each child out to breakfast one morning a week before dropping them off at school and heading to the office. With a teenager, you might offer to buy tickets to a concert for the two of you. 4. THINK WIN/WIN: Find ways for everyone to come out ahead Much of our thinking when it comes to dealing with others is win/lose. If I win, you lose, or vice versa. But there is another way: searching for ways to solve problems that involve a win for all concerned. Currently, there are many adults with responsibility for elderly parents who, when their parents become too ill to care for themselves, believe the only solution is to place them in a nursing home. Many elderly parents don't want this, however. If both parties listened to each others' concerns, another solution might present itself that would be a win for all. The adult children might, for instance, decide to move the parents into their home and have a nurse care for them — perhaps saving money and strengthening intergenerational ties at the same time. 5. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND: Listen first, then Judfe To truly influence someone, you must be able to put yourself in his or her shoes. And to do this, you must listen with empathy — not judging, not jumping in to solve the problem or give advice, but simply listening to what the other person has to say in an effort to understand better. Sometimes it's hard to get a child to open up. The solution is to go for the feelings first — to try to determine what the child is feeling, then mirror that back. You might say something like "You seem very upset" or "You're angry; you're frustrated." As long as you aren't A single working mom with two kids might try taking each one out for breakfast before school. using this as a technique to convince the child of your position, he or she will feel understood and eventually will open up. 6. SYNERQIZE: Tackle problems together To synergize is to come up with a solution that is more than the sum of its parts — better than anything any individual could have created. I use the example of a father who was deeply disappointed that his teenage son no longer wanted to play on his high school's basketball team. At first the father was angry, but later he apologized. The son admitted he still liked playing basketball and wouldn't mind being on the church team. The two simultaneously hit on the idea of the son's joining the church team and the father's volunteering to coach. Ultimately, that basketball season transformed the relationship between father and son. 7. SHARPEN THE SAW: Continually renew your family spirit To keep your family thriving, you must continually nurture it by "sharpening the saw" in four areas of life: physically, socially, mentally and spiritually. Independently, each person can exercise, eat healthful foods, build friendships, develop talents and partake in a spiritual life. But any of these activities done together strengthens the family as well: exercising, vacationing, worshipping, reading, and being of service to others. One of the best parts of being a family is that you can encourage and believe in one another. When my mother was alive, we talked daily on the phone and saw each other every week or so. She would often write letters to me, expressing appreciation and love. When she died, we put on her tombstone a line from one of Shakespeare's sonnets: "For thy sweet love remembered, such wealth brings." All of us have a chance to be our children's and grandchildren's "sweet love remembered." Can anything be more important than that? CJ Stephen Covey, co-chairman of the Franklin Covey Co. and The 7 Habits stores, Is a USA WEEKEND contributing editor. His latest article was about how to mate yourself Indispensable at work. ma IIMMMY of rKtowiiw WFOMUTMN FM w wrarr rKMrnU BfMf If CWNMM HnMMnMvTtlMflHMflN MMMI MM lliis summary describes when and how to use Btrogm/progestin drugs and the benefits lid risks ot treatment EirraCEM MCKAU THE Itltt Of CMCH Of THt UIBNn 11 WOMEN WHO WWI HAD TUB* •HOMUtt rOUME OF . Progeslln drugs token with estrogen-containing drugs significantly reduce but do not eliminate Ms risk. II you use any estrogerranlamirig drug. Rb Important to visit your doctor regularly and upon any unusual vaginal Needing right any. Vaginal bleeding aw menopause my be a warning signol uterine cancer. Your doctor should evaluate any unusual vaginal bleedtagto Grid iiut the cause. . Estrogens do nil prevent miscarriage (spontaneous abortion) and are not needed In Ire days tallowing childbirth. It you lake estrogens during pregnancy your ijntomcfyldhasajr^(ltunu5ualctm»o(li!virigr>rttio>!Kts. These birth detects may affect the baby's urinary system and sex organs. Pft£MPflOisaciimtiinalKxiolt«)ri«mone!, anBl/ogenaralaptogeslin. This tome™ combination has bean shown to provide he benefits of estrogen replacement ira lining. This therapy is not intended to Mran who haw had a hysterectomy (surgical removal ol the uterus). Estrcgenshave several Important uses but also some risks. You must deck*, with your doctor, whether Ihe risks d estrogens aie acceptable when neighed against their Mis. Week w* your doctor to mike sura you are using thetowest possible eftc- With PflEVPflOtr«rapys«v«alrr«^uil-liketil«eoiiiOf*nis ray ocoii These may range Iromatance of bleeding to Irregular bleeding. 8 bleeding occurs, it is Ire- quwlly light spotting or moderate menstrual* Needing, but it may be heavy. Please your physician. UMJOfKTMSa rowtamwopauH/s^cmi. Estrogens are hormones produced by the ovaries <t normalwomen. The decrease in me amount ol estrogen M occurs in all women, usually between the ages ol « and 55. ousts menopause. Sometimes the ovaries are removed during an operation causing 'surgical menopause.' When the amount ol estrogen begins to decrease, some women develop very uncomfortable symptoms, such as Mugs ol warmth In the face, neck, and chest, or sudden intense episodes ol heal and sweating ('hot Hashes' or 'hot Hushes'). Using estrogen drugs can help me body adjust to lower estrogen levels and reduce these symptom]. Some women have none or only mild menopausal symptoms; in otas, symptoms can be severe. These symptoms may last only a le* months or longer. Taking PR£MPRO can alleviate these symptoms. £ you are not taking hormones lor other reasons, such as the prevention ol osteoporosis, you should take PREMPRO only as long as you need it to relief Iron your menopausal symptoms. lap/Mill all teaei Alter age 40. and especially alter menopause, some women develop osteoporosis. Thisisathinnlngcflhebaiesrarniliesthemwealieraiidmore likely to bieat. often leading to Indues ol spine, hip, and wrist bones. Taking estrogens alter the menopause stows down bone to and may prevent bones from breaking. Mr^ loo<^raar«hK)h in calcium (sucf as dairy UKtxU) or akirgcataum sup- plernerts (1000 to 1500 milligrams per day) and certain types ol exercise may also help prevent osteoporosis. Sinceestrogen use is associated with some risks, its use In lie prevention ol osteoporosis should tie Med to women who appear susceptible to this condilion. The tallowing characteristics are often present in women who are likely to develop osteoporosis: wile or Asian race, thinness, cigarette smoking, family history, 6 tint w/atwl BfWiropn/Cthlng, burning, dryness in or around toe vagina, (Kictilly or burning on urination) associated with menopause. WHEN OTMKW IMOUU NT K UKO ftwywwi^fswtasdHeMgl II you lltt you m»te pregnant, do not use ariy form olttorjeivcorilaWng drug. Using estrogens wh* you are pregnant may (see Kmt may). Unusual vaginal Weeding can be a taming sign olcanosr ol Ihe ulsus, especially if it happera ate mencpmse. Hour doctor roust find out the caused! Die Needing so hi he or she can recommend the proper treatment Hong estrogens without visiting your doctor can cause you serious harm II your vaginal bleeding Is caused by cancer ol the uterus. tmibauhtfaim Since estrogens increase Ine risk ol certain types ol cancer, you should not use estrogens U you hive ever had cawr ol the breast or uterus. Jjwftiwari/nrnfeprrtiijms. Estrogen drugs should not be used except in unusually special situations In nhich your doctor decides W you need estrogen Jier- apy so much that tie risks are acceptable. WornenwftatxmalbtaiclMiiH ant- lions should avoid estrogen use (see NUI OF EiraMfM MO/MI , toms or depression. Wogerorjo not relievt these syrnptans. Youmayhaveheardthal taking estrogens lor years alter menopause win keep your skin sett and supple and keep you teeBng young. there is rwevKtora to tfesectora and s^longfci estrogen use ray have serious risks. ' slop he breast Iran Ufa «h milk after a baby is bora Such matron! may Increase he risk ol dnetopliig Wood clot! (see MWI OF EITWEM NHMW Ij wg are breast-feeding, you should avoid using any drug) because many drugs passfaoutflolhibibyiilhernjlk. Wtille nunlngi baby, you should lake drugs only on the advice ol your health can provider. alone, thetofigetthey are used, and when larger rJosss are taken There Is a higher risk ol cancer ol tie uterus 8 you are ovwwiijitaaWc. « rave high Hood pressure. Tto hormone corrtintoyw will to la^ contains e»c^ 'his combination has been show to provide Ihe beosBs ol estrogen replacernw therapy Hiili reducing the risk ol I preancerous condilion of Ihe ukrlna link menl The pissiUen&incluoe unfavorable ehcb on b^ Usually. World Leadership in Women's Heart/) Ca/*?» the smaller the dose and the shorter Ihe duration ol treatment, the mon> these effects are minimized. Check with your doctor to n*e sure you arc using the towel effective dose and only for as long as you need It Cnxr cfAt fast Most studies have not shown a higher risk ol breast cancer in women who have ever used estrogens. However, some studies have reported mat bteast cancer developed more often (up to twice the usual rale) in women who used estrogens lor long periods of time (especially more than 10 years), or who used high doses tor shorter time periods. The effects of added progestin on the risk of breast cancer are unknown. Some studies have reported a somewhat increased risk, even highenhanthe possible risk associated with estrogens alone. Others have not Regular breaslenmi- nations by a health professkinal arid monthly setl-oaminaflon are recommended lor all women. GaHotferttee. Women who use estrogens ate menopause are more likely to develop gallbladder disease needing surgery than women who do not use estrogens. MrmBftoo/ ft tongs. Women with high triglyttride levels may have an Increased risk ol developing Inflammation of tie pancreas. Ktimil blmd clowy. Taking estrogens may increase the risk ol blood clots. , may cause death or serious long-term disability. toss atoi/m to In tm. Taking estrogens may lead to severe hypercalcemia in women with breast and/or bone cancer. Outing pty&cy There is an Increased risk of birth detects In children whose mothers take this drug during the lira four months ol pregnancy. Several reports suggest an association between mothers who lake these drugs In the first trimester ol pug- nancy and genital abnormalities in male and female babies. The risk to the mile baby is the possibility of being bom with a condilion in which the opening ol the penis Is on the underside rather than the tip ol the penis (hypospaoTas). Hypospadlas occurs In . There is not enough Intonation to quantify the risk to enposed female Uuses However, enlargement of the clitoris and fusion ol the labla may occur, although ra^y. Therefore, since drugs of this type may incuce mild inasculinolion ol the atonal geniy la ol Ihe temafc fetus, as well as hypospadias in w male fetus, it Is wise to avoid using the drug durirg the first trimester of pregnancy. These drugs have been used as a lestlor pregnancy, but such use is no longer considered sale because d possible damage to a developing baby. Also, more rapid methods tor testing lor pregnancy are now available. It you taksPKMPflO and later find you «(epi9grinl»ti<i you toe* it. oe sure to discuss this with your doctor as soon as possible. HOE EFFECTI WITH EITMMEU! Utt/M FHOBE»TI« In addition to the risks listed above, tie following side effects have been reported with estrogen and/or progestin use: • Najsea. vomiting: pain, cramps, smiling, or Tenderness In the abdomer . • Vellowing of the skin and/or whiles of the eyes. • Breast tenderness or enlargement. • Enlargement ol benign tumors ol the uterus. • Irregular bleeding or spotting. • Change in amount of cervical secretion. • Vaginal yeast infections. • Retention of ercess fluid. This may make some conditions worsen, such as asthma. epilepsy, migraine, heart disease, or kidney disease. • A spotty darkening ol the skin, particularly on Ihe lace: redden'ng ol the skin; skin rashes. t Worsening of porphyria. • Headache, migraines, dizziness, falnlneu, or changes in vision (including intolerarce to contact lenses). • Mental depression. • Involuntary muscle spasms. • Hair loss or abnormal hairiness. • Increase or decrease In weight • Changes In sex drive. • Possible changes in blood sugar. MOUCHN THE NUS OF UTMNEWrMMBni UK II you decide to take an eslrogen/progeslin combination, you can reduce your risks by carefully monitoring your treatment. S&iw'toM'WW)' M you an tattngFWMUb important to visit your doctor at least once a (ear tor a checkup. II you develop vaginal Weeding while taking estrogens, you m» need further evaluation. H members of your tamlly have had ' X ray), you may need to have more teouent breast examinations. msaaiaaaiilvMnttL ivt and your doctor should reevahoe your need lor estrogens at least every six months. Sejkty*«a/toW« Report these « any other unusual symptoms to you doctor immediateV. • Abnormal bleeding Irom Ihe vagina. • Pains in the calves or chest, a sudden shortness ol biealh, or coughing blood • Severe headache or wrilinc, dizziness, taintness, or changes In vision or speech. weakness or numbness of arm or leg. • Breast lumps. • Yellowing oj the sft and/or iihites of the ey«. • Pain, swilling, or lendemess in Ihe abdomen, Estrogens Increase the risk of developing a condilion (eri*iratrialhyperplasia) that may lead 6 cancer of the lining of ft utas. Taking progestins. anolher hormonal drug. •* estrogens lowers the risk ol developing this condition. You should know, however, thai taking estrogens wttorogestins may have uihealthy effects on Mood sugar, wtticn might make a diabetic condj to worse. Some research has shown that estrogens taken nilfuuf progeslins may protect women against developing heart disease. However, Ks Is not certain. The protection 'tally active, and WOT less llely to haw diatetei lhan the untreated WCTOI. These characterisiics are know to protect against heart disease. i W (MUM ib * toN* * IWHm NkKM Hi MIMtt ITIIellMl M HkM lIM VW NdHlllj, tW Summary provides the most Important Information about PREMW Uytu This Uriel Summary for OiretHc-Cwsumer Advertising is based on Ihe current PffiMPRO TatWs Insert (PI 4665-3) revised May 2t. 1997, w* the Incorporation, in lay language, of pertinent lex torn the Physician Insert. (Ci 4664-3) revised May 21, WYETH-AYER8T LABORATORIES Phll»d«lphla, PA 19101 WAPR-0512 01997, Wyttii-Ayerst Laboratories 71318-02 10 USA WEEKEND • Sept. 28-28,1»»7 USA WEEKEND • Sept. 28-28.18(7 11

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