Omaha Daily Bee from Omaha, Nebraska • Page 29

"rmi fill. 4 1. ii -r i 9 7" Denies Charge That Lack of Opportunity Is Reason Why Marriage Is Decreasing and Declares Modern Mother Is Not a "Man Hunter" BY MISS JULIE MANJERRE, reply to Dorothy Dlx's article. ''Courtship Made Too Easy," published In TWP CmcAqo Sunday Tribune. I am tempted to make, a.

few comments In opposition to. her opinion. Miss Dlx la a clever writer and an excellent critic of social life, and I trust that my interpretation of her article has been correct, hut I am sure that the experience of most women of today would fall to verify her assertion that they do not marry because they lack the opportunity, nor would they think that In being; comrades and frank companions women make tt too easy for men, and, again, that the, modern mother If such a man hunter and matchmaker at Miss Pl'l article seems to Imply. That marriages are fewer Is an Indisputable fact, but there exist some conditions which are traceable to ona causa alone. Personally I believe this Increase of celibacy Is due to a comblna ion of causes.

There are reasons on both aides why marriage Is not entered Into so fearlessly as our grandmothers' day. Men and women have learned much from the experience of the past, and they no longer rush In where angels might fear to tread." Change in the Idea of Love. On might Justified In urging that the results of the higher education of women are responsible for the lack of marriages, as It gives her the spirit of Independence, ambition, hope of betterment, and a broader understanding of what life may mean to her. Marriage has ceased to be her goal at all costs, and she is no longer driven Into a mesalliance by the dread of being an old maid. In the past love may have been woman's whole existence, but today she has many fields open to her In which her interest may center.

To her marriage de convenance Is a desecration, and she has no desire to be loved in the old time way, when suitors sang of eyebrows for lack of anything better to Inspire their verse. Such sonnets dedicated to a fine woman have no vital satisfaction to her. Then the Idea of love itself has changed with a greater Intelligence of the times. A man no longer considers himself In love when a pretty face bewitches him. He looks deeper, and knows this is likely to be but a fleeting fancy, and that a nobler love may exist, and that, after all, "eyebrows" have little to do as Inspirations of real love.

The enlightened woman of today ought to be more capable of loving, It seems to me, than the woman of the past, because she has an understanding and Ideals far superior. The blind, unknowing love of our ancestors can hardly be compared to the Intelligent love that the modern woman Is capable of entertaining for her husband, who Is her comrade, not her lord, her guide, not her master; and one whom she can respect as well as lovs. Ambition Checks Bachelor Maids. Again, this higher education fits woman to be man's companion, and hence better able to Judge of character; she knows man as he Is and not as he appeared In the drawing room under mamma's watchful eye. Npw roan's life Is more exposed than in the good old days, when a girl went to the altar with a man Ignorant of what his life had teen among men.

Women are better Informed now on such, subjects and on the requirements and responsibilities of married life, and the realisation gives her pause." Now, when she takes the vows of marriage It Is with a faith more beautiful than blindness. Marriage has ceased for woman to be the most desirable condition under all circumstances, and she now enjoys the privilege of accepting her husband by free decision, for she Is no longer obliged to' marry for a home, and she does not marry for many reasons that depend upon the temperament and condition of the Individual. A 4 s-O v. Some bachelor maids, like men, prefer to live alone, because they can pursue the line of their ambition and provide for themselves and their Interests better than when married, while others remain single because they hava tailed to meet the man who could Inspire them with la grands and others still, who, having experienced this once, unfortunately relinquish all hope of another. Girls Freer than They Should Be.

Miss Dlx Is quite right In saying that some g'rls are freer today with men than they should be, and It is much to ba regretted, but the fault, lying In the transgression, not In the privilege, of freedom, should not be held as an argument against it, for surely comradeship may exist without lowering the value of love or friendship. A woman may become a source of great Influence among men, and It is greatly to ba deplored that any should risk her dignity and reserve, In which lies the strength of greatest Influence for good. On the other hand, man has quite as many reasons for not marrying as woman. In his case the spirit of commercialism has grown to be almost all absorbing, and he has not time to fall In love, nor can be afford to give time, money, or distraction. The ambitious man seldom considers marriage until he Is well established In business, and If he had been of the large class of nonfussers," he soon finds that he la out of the way of things, he does not understand or really know woman, and so he Is apt to make mistakes.

I am speaking now of the extreme cases of those who have not been our comrades. One Is won easily by the charms of a pretty face, and another looks farther, discovering a woman of mental and spiritual force of whom he la pleased to make a friend, but not so often a wife. This man feels an awkward uneasiness with these up to date young women, who are better Informed than he on the world topics. These women are conversant In literature, at home In science, acquainted with art, and the man falls to experience that soothing and gratifying sense of superiority, though he seldom reasons enough about It to be conscious from what the discomfiture arises. .3 Commercialism Absorbing the Youth.

This difference in culture Is often due to the fact that oommerclalism Is absorbing our youth. An average lad of today seldom feels that he can afford to give three or four of his early years to college that might be otherwise spent In establishing himself In some business. A man must begin young to get ahead In the mad race for the mighty dollar, and he does not feel Justified In asking a woman to share his life until he has an assured and generous Income upon which to depend. The stakes are too great and the demands of married life too unknown to admit of eny failure, and a man Is desirous to provide for his wife in the way to which she has been accustomed to live. Unfortunately this Is too often taken for granted and demanded by the young bride.

Don't Like the New Women, A Another grievance of man is his dislike for the woman who Is new," that she Is always expressing her opinions nnri nrnnlnlmlnir her rlchta. Tt would he fur hettpr fnr thpan women to make more pf an effort to cultivate poise, reserve, and consideration, especially In public. Character draws condition after It, and the woman need not talk about her opinions and always have them, evident to be an Influence. The greatest Influences work silently, and by holding h'gh attitudes she can oommand the respected and appreciated position for which she craves. Her greatest strength lies not In mastery but In her power of guidance, example, and tact-fulness.

A mannish woman la akin to the new," and alike falls to reap the harvest that otherwise might ba her due. Man craves the refining Influence after a day of hard knocks and Ioifd talk, and he desires, above all things, to have his home a haven of rest, peace, and cheerfulness, and It la one of woman's missions to create such, an atmosphere by her influence. Part the Modem Mother Plays, But I really suppose no man, and few women, would ba obliged to remain single If they really desired to marry, If tq be married were their only aim. But, fortunately, they do not care to venture often in such unions, and I doubt whether there are more worldly or unhappy marriages today than formerly we only hear more of them. On the whole, man's position Is much tba same a woman's in many ways, though attributable to different causes, and I hardly think (here are many more men or women who deliberately put marriage away from them than lr our grandmothers' day.

But, If all the truth were known, It might appear that there exist old maid bachelors as well as bachelor maids, and It is about six tf one and a half dozen of the other. With both it la a case of the one whom I'd have won't have me, ana the one who'd have me the devil wouldn't have." As for the part the modern mother plays, she Is performing a simple duty In inviting gentlemen to the home and knowing personally the young men who call upon her -i '-i tr 1 V. daughters. It has not appeared to me that she Is such a man chaser as Miss Dix might lead one to suppose. That such cases exist is doubtless true, for in this great world there are cases of every kind, and personal opinion depends upon the experience and observation of each.

On the whole, when all Is said, it Is the fault of neither sex that marriage seems on the wane, but the Inevitable result of many converging causes. 2 VERTBODT In Ogle county was glad when El Kitty Boyd got married. Everybody Is the I word, because everybody knew her. Kitty I stood In a different relation to people than any other woman In the county. She was clerk In the county clerk's office for over eighteen years.

By the scratch of. her pen she had made hundreds happy. When a young man shyly approached the otllee counter it was always Kitty that was first to know what he wanted. He would come in with a half hesitating step, look kind of foolish, until Kitty's gentle words helped him out. Without further ado she would talk to htm In low tones, ask him his name and her name, his age and her age, where he lived ana where she lived, all the time throwing every body else In the office off as to what was taking place.

Then she would fold up a sheet of paper, say One dollar, please," as she would hand out the document and give him a smile. No other kindly faced woman gave such assuring smiles as Kitty Boyd gave wtien she dealt out the papers calculated to make a young man happy. And how many of them do you suppose she made happy In the eighteen years of her official life? Hundreds of them, and all the time there were as many pretty girls who were no less Joyful over the same act: the girls that Kitty's document licensed Ogle county boys to marry. Helped Out the Old Folks. But It wasn't only the young folks that were glad when Kitty Boyd herself became a bride.

It la related that on occasions a mother or a father sought her service on a del-' cats mission. My boy will be coming home to get married In a few days, and he has written me asking would I get the marriage license, and so, Kitty, I have oome to you to get It" Many of the older folks In the course of eighteen years. In words like these, have taken Kitty Into their confidence on such occasions. And so of these people and others kept thinking of the little woman In the county clerk's office, and hoping that some duy Kitty would be writing out one of those precious dooumenls for herself. For many knew that she bad a romance of her own, and that Just as sure as the birds and flowers come in the spring the bells on some bright day would toll for her wedding.

But Kitty aald nothing. She went on writing up th probata record, figuring out tax lists, and occasionally issuing a warrant for wolf scalps, just as it she bad never been bothered by such a feeling as that of love. It waa her own business when she would get married. Hera waa a faithful lover, tried and true, and she chose to live on in the light of the love that she knew was hers. Flying years brought ne experiences to the faithful girl In the county Plfioe.

flam tq her notloe that many of her own friends, boys and girl, with Whom she had attended ohoal, were getting married- Now and then she would scan tha pages of th marriage rwd and think where she had seen some of those nam6 before. And then it oome to her, they bad been on a rail flf her own making, (hey be- TOT -JIS J-LSSL7fP 7 CARRIAGE LICENSES longed to the boys and girls who a few brief years ago had been her own pupils at the district school. Kitty ha4 taught school for a few years before she went Into the county clerk's IHee. Her position was the vantage ground from which she waa able to view the little army that Cupid was marching before her In solid phalanx, but It didn't worry her a bit, she was glad to know that they were all going the wify that she knew she would go when her own good time came. In the course of years politics made changes In the office.

A new clerk, who would know no more about running the office than a 15 year old schoolboy, would be Inaugurated. The new clerk would appoint a deputy who knew as much as he did, and the two would allow Kitty to stay and do the work, for the taxpayers wanted it done well. It mattered some, too, that custom makes It a rule to pay an efficient woman less money for doing two men's work. Kitty's Own Wedding. When the last September came Kitty wrote out one more license and then laid down her pen in the county clerk's office.

Did Bhe write the name of her own lover In that paper! Nobody but Kitty knows, and It la nobody else's business, but a few days later the little cot tape that the maple leaves, now In the yellow and red, almost hid from view, was the scene of some happy event. A guy company of people were laughing and chatting. Kitty waa there with the same smile she had worn for many others, and a silvery haired, gentle old lady was bustling about, her whole soul seemingly lntont on making a faithful daughter happy. It was Kitty's own wed, ng. When they were whirling out of the Oregon d.

pot on their bridal tour Kitty at.d her lover were given a "shower." It came In the voices of hundreds, who shouted, Oood luck to you, Kitty Boyd." And the Joy of Kitty's wedding Isn't over yet. Today, when they still come In from the length and breadth of Ogle county, from Polo and I'lne Creek, from away across ICugle's Nest Bluff, from up and down the valley that irguret Fuller word painted In all of nature's loveliness, even from the wild. Inner recedes of Lambs Tall, a sight of the happy pair Is enough for them to say their well wlahes to Kitty Boyd and Michael Farrull. I I A RMWtM.