St. Louis Post-Dispatch from St. Louis, Missouri • Page 81

STLDUIS POST-DISPATCH 3F Aug. 1,1986 Titanic's Ill-fated Voyage If 7 Route of Titanic 'HOWARD THE DUCK' UNITED R.M.S. Titanic STATES Titanic Found! Jo Atlantic Ocean 1.000 Lost: April 15,1912 Found: Sept 1,1985 Depth: 12,500 ft. Lives Lost 1,513 mi.es Titanic his father, whose career as a garment salesman is plummeting as quickly as David's is rising. The problem is tha the film never really breaks into a confident stride.

The shift In moods at times is too abrupt. Some of the dialogue, especially in a scene between the parents, seems contrived and unconvincing. What helps give the movie more depth and at the same time fit Into the relationship theme are David Basner's associations with his boss, Charlie Gargas (wonderfully played by Hector Elizondo), and old high school flame Donna Martin (Bess Armstrong). They are tremendously supportive of David as he tries to figure out his priorities, although Donna nearly comes to blows with him when he barges into her bedroom late at night while she is entertaining a boyfriend and glibly demands her help with his parents. Largely unbelievable stuff like that detracts from the better moments in the film, and there are some really good ones.

Gleason, in his inimitable way, manages to charm and win you over, even though your better sense tells you Max Basner wasn't exactly a model husband and father. Hanks, too, is enormously likable as the younger Basner, bright and self-assured on the one hand, vulnerable and trying hard to please on the other. (Running time: 1 hour, 55 minutes. Rating: PG. At the Clarkson, Creve Coeur, Halls Ferry, Kenrick, Mark Twain.) Ellen Futterman i iol From page one 11 stories high.

Because there is no light at the bottom of the sea, it is impossible to get a perspective of the vessel from a distance, he said. And up close, "it's like standing up against a Sequoia with a flashlight, and you say, 'That's great bark' while you're trying to map the forest." On one dive, the crew of explorers placed a memorial plaque on the deck of the liner, commemorating the dead and affirming the name of the vessel that was lost on Its maiden voyage. "Nowhere could we find the name," Ballard said. "Time had wiped it away." A series of pictures resulting in a complete mosaic of the shipwreck is scheduled for completion within six weeks. There is no way, contrary to published fictional suggestions, to raise the broken ship, Ballard added.

Howard T. Duck being arrested in "Howard the The bow apparently hit the bottom at high velocity at an angle of about 45 degrees, digging a deep crater and burying the nose in the sediment. Cracks in the ship's side indicate that as the remainder of the bow section gradually settled on the bottom, the weight buckled the hull under the bridge. Ballard believes the bow section may be broken into several pieces, further complicating any salvage effort. "The Titanic will protect itself" from treasure hunters, he said.

Nevertheless, Texas oilman Jack Grimm, who led unsuccessful searches for Noah's Ark and the Loch Ness monster, says he plans to dive in a French navy submarine to 1 the wreck. He hopes to gather artifacts and sell them. A bill pending in Congress would declare the Titanic wreck a histori-; cal monument and make any salvaging illegal. THE real question about "Howard the Duck" is who its audience is supposed to be. It is not a movie for younger children.

Beyond the fact that some of the gory monster scenes toward the end might be the fabric of nightmares, there are a fair amount of sexual double entendres and a few smutty scenes. Some parents might think such scenes would be harmful to their kids; it seems more likely that children would just be confused and bored by, say, a scene in which the duck hero becomes, in effect, a towel boy in a brothel. And a charmless scene in which Howard and Lea Thompson are discovered half naked In bed, lips to beak and intent on more serious matters? The only way to make this scene work would be to make it so obscene that it would make you gasp and laugh at the same time, but obviously George Lucas and company could not do that with a film that is going to attract a lot of parents with kids in tow, maybe thinking Howard is Donald's nerdy kid brother. And what age group was supposed to be amused by a duck variation on a very old joke about a prophylactic hidden in a wallet? Eleven years, three months and nine days? "Howard the Duck" is not particularly a movie for adults, either, since the pervading silliness of the first half is generally unnourished by the dry, mordant wit and satire of Steve Gerber's cartoon character, a talking duck "trapped in a world he never made." Settings that were ripe for the kind of satire that gave so much texture to "Back to the Future" are abandoned here. For example, one long scene takes place in a "Cajun sushi" cafe.

Great spot for some slapstick commentary on California cooking and eating habits, right, maybe with knife-wielding sushi chefs chasing swarms of crayfish around the counters? Wrong. The name of the restautrant is as far as the joke goes. And what about Howard himself? His picture has been withheld, as was E.T.'s. But, as it turns out, Howard the Duck is about as cute and lovable as Earl the Dead Cat. He Is a symbol of the general lack of charm of this picture.

What we end up with, after a rambling first half, is a fairly interesting adventure story about monsters from outer space, with a really intriguing performance by Jeffrey Jones (the principal in "Ferriss Bueller's Day as a sleazy, fire-breathing "overlord." The last 20 minutes or so, when Lucas and director Willard Huyck 'HAUNTED HONEYMOON' Animal Doctor everything. After 34 years of marriage, David's mother (Eva Marie Saint) has left his father, whom David sees only on family occasions and holidays. The last thing David wants is to take care of his parents. But in the midst of his climb up the corporate ladder, he tries to help them both. What he discovers are two people he hadn't realized he never really knew.

The film is billed as a "comedy-drama." Both Hanks and Gleason deliver a lot of funny lines throughout, although many of Hanks' are one-liners that capitalize on a quick chuckle. The freshest and funniest stuff, however, surrounds a lucrative airline account that David Basner and his firm desperately want to land. For David's team of advertising creatives, director Garry Marshall Flamingo Kid," "Young Doctors in hired 10 members of the Second City acting troupe in Chicago. We watch (and laugh) as the "team" grapples with the creative process to concoct a winning promotional campaign. Some of the interchanges between David and his parents are also quite funny as David assumes the role of parent while his parents act more like children, individually summoning their son for assistance In getting their acts together.

There is a serious edge to these relationships as David struggles to understand his parents, especially pull out all the stops with bizarre special effects, are OK, but not good or orginal enough to save a movie that, on the whole, is mediocre and lacking in the one thing we thought Lucas had imagination. (Running time: 1 hour, 45 minutes. Rating: PG. At the Cinema IV, Clarkson, Des Peres, Halls Ferry, Kenrick, Northwest, Ronnie's.) Harper Barnes 'NOTHING IN COMMON' THERE IS A BIT too much selfconsciously glib dialogue in "Nothing in Common," not to mention a plot that pulls out all stops to tug at the heart strings. Still, the movie is entertaining, mostly because of the strength of its stars, Tom Hanks and Jackie Gleason, and its commendable attempt to examine life in terms of relationships.

Hanks portrays David Basner, well on his way to yupdom, who has just been named creative director of a Chicago-based advertising agency. David is a guy on a roll. He makes lots of money. He has a terrific job and a boss who thinks he's great. He goes out (sleeps) with lots of good-looking, smart women.

Then comes the phone call from his father, Max Basner (played by Gleason), which changes HAUNTED HONEYMOON" Is not going to knock your socks off if you are wearing any in this beat but it is a fairly amusing piece of lightweight summer entertainment. Gene Wilder directs and stars with Gilda Radner as the hero and heroine of a radio horror show of the late 1930s. They decide to get married, and go for the wedding weekend to Wilder's old family manse, a castle that looks as if the Addams family might have once lived there. The plot gets complex, bringing in a drunken butler, a weird aunt (Dom Demise), a young male By Michael Fox, D.V.M. Dear Dr.

Fox: I have been having a very disturbing problem with my 6-year-old cat. Some time ago, she developed cystitis, was extremely constipated and would not use her cat box. After the cystitis cleared, she would urinate in her box but' would not use it for bowel movements. The vet cannot find anything wrong. We are giving her Laxatone daily to ease the constipation, but she continues to "go" wherever she pleases.

This is a difficult problem for me, as I have a month-old baby In the house and my hands are full. We've tried changing the cat's diet, but nothing works. Keep using the Laxatone, and add a teaspoon of Metamucil and a little water to your cat's food as a bulk laxative. A tablespoon of raw chopped liver will also help loosen her stools. Do have the vet check her anal glands, since they could be blocked and painfully enlarged.

Also, try changing the location of the litter box and use a different litter, or spray it with some cheap perfume. This will help overcome her aversion to the litter box, which is linked with her experiencing pain when squatting there. Dear Dr. Fox: When I bought my big Jack Dempsey fish, he ate all of my other fish. Now this "meat eater" won't eat fish food! (Doesn't matter what kind.) I feed him old lunch meat.

He is now the only fish in my tank. I want new and different fish. What can I do to stop this fish from eating other fish and get it to eat fish food? i You can't train your fish not to eat other fish. Get him a mate of the same size for company one too big to eat. Don't feed your fish old lunch meat.

Processed meats are good for nothing and no one. Bone up on how to care for tropical fish and for the big fish you have you owe it to any species you own to know something about it. Your pet store and your library will help. relative who likes to dress up in the aunt's clothes, a werewolf or two, a knife murderer, a movable corpse, two farcical policemen and assorted other elements from either Abbott and Costello or Agatha Christie or both. The whole thing moves along fairly briskly and, even if the material is not so good as "The Woman in Red," Wilder and Radner are fun to watch together, and you get the idea they are having fun, too.

(Running time: 1 hour, 25 minutes. Rating: PG. At the Alton, Cinema IV, Clarkson, Creve Coeur, Halls Ferry, Kenrick.) Harper Barnes Bill McClellan is on jury duty. His column will resume Monday. Mmmm iMMWmmm It Is The Scariest Movie In "It Doesn't Get Any Better MM- Than This." The History Of Movies! -Paul AlUnasio, WASHINGTON KCT Ha lindstnm, WNBC TV 'This is the one we've been watting for.

"The Best Action Film Of The Year!" Swel. ABC-TV it's another Terms of Endearment'." -Susan Granger, WMCA-RADIO, New York "The Most Terrifying Movie I Have Ever Seen!" Susan Granjipr. TO RADIO "One Of The Best Science Fiction Movies Ever!" Midad Heal) DENNIS POST "The Most Tension-Filled Movie Of The Decade!" Jim Whale)', CINEMA SHOWCASE "The Greatest Horror Movie Since 'Frankenstein'!" Sam Can. ATUmjOlTWALCOJBrmTlON "The Most Satisfying Science Fiction Shocker Ever." Malcolm Johnson. HARTRIRO COIKANT yv Go see 'Nothing In Common'.

It's a terrific movie. Laughter dissolves into tears, tears disappear thanks to the laughter. Tom Hanks does it all in one of the best performances of the year. Jackie Gleason's nickname 'The Great One' is still deserved. Don't miss it.

Tell your friends. And take your Stephen M. Silverman, NEW YORK POST Hilarious and heartbreaking and surely one of the best movies of the year. Tom Hanks is absolutely wonderful. -This is his richest and hinniest work Joanna Langfield, ABC-RADIO 1 loved it.

One of the best movies of the year. Tom Hanks is not only one of the funniest men in America but also an actor of uncommon depth and sensitivity. Jackie Gleason is sure to be a solid contender for an -Michael Medved, SNEAK PREVIEWS i' buperbly acted, funny, sad, moving, wry and enormously Jeffrey Lyons, SNEAK PREVIEWS INN At a screening of Director Garry Marshall's new movie, I listened to something I hadn't heard in years the sound of people enjoying wonderfully written lines. It's very bright, consistently entertaining, and both shrewd and decent about the ways people actually live. This touching; and funny movie is worth caring I 'r -Uavid Denby, Ntw YUK5.

MALiAz-llNt Tom Hanks Jackie Gleason 3RD WEEK! Sorry, No Passes rj 'KTOMMII DAILY 1 100 4:00 7iOOiSS Its A Comedy. And A Drama. Just Like Life. Nothing in Common DAILY 145 4:30 7iOS 9i50 DAILY 1O0 4i00 7KX) 9:55 DAILY liOO 400 7tOO 9i5S DAILY ItMAilS 7.13 IQiOO TSI-STAR PICTIHES PRESENTS ARtfTARPRODl'CTKtt A CARRY MARSHALL FILM TOM HANKS JACKIE GLEASON SA? 4 KM 7:00 9:53 SUN O0 4O0 9:45 IT DAILY 145 4:10 7K5 :45 mm IN COMMON" EVA MARIE SAINT HECTOR EUZONDOI BARRY CORBLN awl BESS ARMSTRONG teROGER M. ROTHSTEIN SHOW SAT iriui iimm i sr "Plrt; Pimfir 1 Mirmn PRFVInFR BOSK MARSHALL Ml 1 ilLPHl IMUti.HMnuYtlllVHU.UUm I sir; That's what you'll get from Bloom County.

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