Evansville Press from Evansville, Indiana • Page 2

"THIS DAY I HIST0 RY" By Condb THE EVANSVILLE PRESS EVANSVILLE, INDIANA. PROTEST MEETING AT BURGLARS' REST PEEVED YEGGS SCORE LADY COPS Entered at the Evansrille Postoffice as Second Class Mall Matter. TEN BILLION YEARS AGO TODAY FRANK STONE HAMMER SAID and Circulation Setephones: Editorial Rooms 120; Business Departments 1 22. SUBSCRIPTION BATES "You boobs gimme he ti-ook-worm," eaid disgustedly admit looks bad, but th'en you should try and pipe the silver braiding on every cloud. Suppose III IWVllvoiViR Delivered by Man Two Dollars a Year.

DeUrsred by Carrier Elx Cents Per Week. "le comes toddlln' along with a look an' don't wake up he feel the cold bars against his back In the hoose sow." "Yen-bj and another peelerette uses the joo jitsoo system," added Gaspipe Hogan. "She pinches a thlie fni Vl wrist. .1 tha CLGVeft THING THIS MORNING AT BRGAKPJT. -sj; TV! HI I minute hfe's dtoin' a flip-flop in the ozone." "I'd 'ivate to fergit to tip ir lJat to any of 'em." said Phinnty the Eeel.

"Two of 'em's expert shots and can hit a freckle on a chfcch-bug at eighteen pwces. And there's another ladiy what's going to walk beet Jn the bankin' house district what hoists a 240-pound dumb bell every mornin' just to get up an appetite fer grape-fruit and cocoa." "I am evolving a scheme whereby members of our professio-n may circumvent the anger of those official snM' Bertie fio Nut. "I sL'all inaugurate a course In etiquette and cultured politeness. Thusi shall we combat worrn-anly belligerency by suave elegance, and appeal to that element of vanity which every feminine heart." fj -fee "FetAi-e- by gene; morgan. It was a sad ml hit at ithe Burglars' Rest.

Gloom ctascendied heavily over the usually cheerful reading' room of the yeggmen's seleet social club. Elias Jimmy "Valentine, star cracksman, and Young BUI Slkes were playing, tfcfeir (nJghtly game of checkers. They wept, until the checker board was as slippery as a skating rink. Phinney -Urns Eel was reading t'hie poems of Longfellow aloud to Pete the Gunman, but the litter was so depressed he allowed his hoi chocolate to get coldl Dynamite Louie, Gaspipe Hogan and Bertie the Nut were exchanging desperate glances and even chewing gum with reckless "I fear our course of unbridled lawlessness has been run, boys," said Bertie Nut with 13, sigh. "We cannot aspfire to cope with the newly appointed feminine minions of conatitu'tioinal Justice." "Was you referring to (sem women cops?" growled Dynamite Louie, "'Say, it's gettin' harder every day for a.

gink to earn a Svonest livin'." "You're the w.iee-crackin' kid, Louje," cammended Gaspipa Hogan. "'After we've spent muny weary months readin' the amateur cracksman stories irv the magazines, and finally learn hiow to fool the sleuths comes the mayor of Chicago and a lot of other ma.yors arou.n'3 the country and puts Janes in copper harness." Eliasi J. Valentine swept away a dishful of checkers with an impatient air. 'Take 'im out an' lay the boott the women. Instead1 of rushing into brassi blue and crowair.2-th.e coppers out of their jobs de hurt YcxJft I Bill, THE THAW MILLIONS AND ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF MAKING THE LAW LOOK LIRE 30 CENTS What 7s all this excitement about Harry Thaw es-capiug, Just as if there was a soul in the United States who hadn't expected it long ago.

Just as is the Thaw family did not have millions to make the law of the laud look like 30 cents! The only thing oamoze about the mase is that this degenerate profligate and red-handed murderer had been ecu fin ed so long. Five whole What were those eighty Thaw" millions doing, anyway? Just the same, they'll be doing something now. Harry "11 make "em waltz a few! As "for the rest of us Americans, we have more proof that millions can do anything that almost any scoundrel, thief or murderer with multimillions at his back can spike down justice and law and mock a nation of people who nurse the illusion that justice and law stand supreme and are for all. It will not always be thus, good folk. The span of public tolerance will not stand the load much longer.

The illusion of today will be the fact of tomorrow. The Biscuit That Surpassed Cinderella's Sjipper Majl there's a moral in tle experience of Mrs. Mattie Hannun, ho iii Y.van.,ille, as the story runs, recently collected a i-eward for having, 24 years ago, given to a man who ap-I taieu to be a traiup, a cold biscuit and a cup of coffee. A iul the how of it was thus: One day, an eccentric wanderer called ai a house in Vincennes, in which Mattie worked as a maid, mid afked for a bite to eat. The man of the house drove him way; but Mattie, tender hearted, watched her chance and gave him the nialvikts of a tsieal.

ller ki so impressed the wanderer that he went to a house neaiby. borrowed a piece of brown paper and on it wrote his Bill, naming Mattie as his heir. The years Sew. In a hovel on the edge of Evansville a demented nmei lived alone. Finally be had to be taken to an asylum, where be died.

the hovel's floor curious neighbors found oer hoarded. Then Mattie remembered her will and after a long lawsuit she obtained possession of the bulk of the re-cluse's fortune, tor it was he to whom she had given that lucky hand-out. We say maybe there's a moral in this tale, but somehow we don't find it easy to locate. Yet we're glad Mattie realized on her adventure in philanthropy. Virtue, of course, is its own best reward; but if there had been no other in this case, where would we have found so interest ing a story? cided to be boiglers.

Say. they'd starve us out o' ur profession In six weeks." "By what manner of competition woultdf they secure our industrial elimination?" inquiredl Bertie tho Nut. "Easy" declared E. J. Valentine.

"While we was toiling allnight trying to crack a safe with nitroglycerine and a Hot. drill a dame would be insid-e the bin and have her claws on the dough: insid'e ten minutes. I tell yuse them wimman are wonders wit their hatpins." Bill Sikes shuddered' involuntarily at the mention of hatpins. As if with painful recollection he rubbed a sore spot on his left stii'oulder. "You don't mean to say 'them lady bulls is goin' to have lid spikes?" he cried.

"Nah, not even a 'handbag withi a brick in it" asserted Phinney the Eel. "One of these Chicago copper-ines goiii to land her prisoners by hVpnotism. S.ve says all she has to Oo is to look a guy the lamps. PRESSDGRAPHS put Tf Bno8 th.e pump," camnwwleii Young Bill Sikesi, as he looked flown at 'the limp form of Bert'e the Xut and removed1 his brass knuckles. AMOUNT OF DEPOSITS wear, or perhaps dance, the Polonaise? 'Ernie.

Jude Must Belong to the National Guard. Jude Johnson is denouncing the administration for saying that armed intervention in Mexico is not a probability. However, a man who is whipped by his wife at least three times a week should keep still about Intervention in Mexico. Atchison (Kas. Globe.

Some statistician has figured out an apple pie shortage for 1914, his arithmetic showing only 2 0 apple pies for each man, woman and child. But, like most sta 3 rv in 11 eiiuiioi tisticians, he has overlooked! the I have been saving my husband's cigar ashes for several years and) now have two salt barrels full of them. Can you iug-rest any use for them? Mrs. N. B.

You might keep them till cold weather and sprinkle them on the walk whenever it becomes slippery. Grandfather, now 67 years old, always spills eggs on his whiskers at 'breakfast. We have begged him time and again to have his whiskers cut off but he refuses to do this. It makes a great deal of work for mother and us girls as every morning we have to launder his beard. Can't you suggest some way we can dodlge this wck and at the same time keep grandfather's whiskers sweet and wholesome? Genevieve, Alberta, Gwendolyn and Bhyl.

Yes, girls, it is a simple problem. What your grandfather needs is a whisker-sack or beard bag, into which he can tuck his whiskers while he is eating his egg. Make two ear hooks of soA wire and sew the bag to them. It would (be nice to work in red or blue silk some pleasant little sentiment, as "Good morning, grandfather," which will show the old gentleman the friendly Tirit in wilich the gift is bestowed. You should make a bag of cravenet for iuse at dinner, when 'he eats souip What Has Become Of Gradually going higher Showing dates of Comptroller's calls: Feb.

14, 1908, $619,945.18 June 23, 1939, $837,839,92 March 29, 1910, $942,321.09 March 7, 1911, 51,006,909.32 May 31, 1912, $1,101,234.66 August 9, 1 9 13f SI ,310,886.42 "Merchants on th' sunny side Main st. in Beeleysport have solved th' problem o' at tract in' traffic to that side. They have placed copies of September Morn' in th' winders. thousands of men, women and children who haven't eaten enough aTple in several years to make a whole one. And thus, for those who have the price, there will he an apple ipie for each meal including breakfast in New England.

Answered by Ezra Simpkins. Please tell me how I can get rid of red and black ants? E. E. M. We are sorry we cannot answer your question.

We never have seen a red and black ant. What kind of a cage should I buy for my canary? G. R. D. A bird cage, of course.

Can a custard pie be baked upside down? Mrs. C. H. S. Certainly.

But instead of doing that why jion't you make the custard ipie without a foundation, that is, a dough bottom, ibut provide it with a cover and bake it in the ordinary way? The result will be the same. Which should I do, skin or peel a watermelon before eating it? J. D. Neither. Husk it.

Mil dura, Australia, now pointe.i out as an example of irrigation possibilities was practically ruined! by the rabbit pest-, and' 50,000 acres, were In 1886 granted to the Cilaf-fey Brothers on condition that they should; free it from vermin and introduce irrigation. By diverting the Murray River thie area was converted into fruit land thajt now produces annual crop chiefly ralsln. A town of inhabitants! has been built up on the American plan, wit'hi electric lights, Carnegie libraTy, and other advantages. TSje possibilities of Japanese Industry are brought out in a manner at the Convmercial Museum at Tokio, a large array of iiome prodiucts beiang exhibited side by sMe with foreign goods for which, it is believed! they may be BubetitutedL Medical authorities estimate 'that 50,000 poundis of opium annually should supply all legitimate needs izt the TJ'ndted States. The actual consumption is 400,000 pounds, more thaji 23 times that of Germany.

The settling of St. Paul's Cathe-dral Is attributed! by a British architect to new ground-water conditions created by the surrounding buildings and pavir.g, which, over an area- of 9,000 square yards, prevent less 64,800,000 cubic, feefc of water a year from entering the soil. It 5 sug-gestedl that the area te surrounded' with sunken water-filled! pipes having numerous apertures. A novel French theater visits towns along canals, its home being on two One of the boats, 120 feet long, 'having a stage 15 by 21 feet, with a goodr supply -of special scenery, serves as the playhouse, while 'tlie other furnishes officesi, stores and lodging accommodations. The noise cabinet of Samuel Lapin, desigmed! for more than a hundred different sounds to moving pictures, Isi operated by cninks and pedals.

It imitates birds and ether animals, has many of whistles ar.d gives the roar of thund'r, rattlo of musketry, clang of a.nvil, clasih of breaking china, and other mechanical sounds, andi produces brass bjind, organ, violin and' other music. The seaweed1 paper of a British: chfemist is described as fireproof, waterproof and odorlessi, a.A especially adapted for wrapping perishable goods for transport. A Zeiss special ieldl-slass for viewing railroad tracks his a "field of .345 feet at a. distance of 3,000 feet, magnifying 8 times. Defects are best seen when a ccnsidterable length, like thds is- in sight and Inspection Is most effective whea facing the sun, the rails being brigJitly illumitnated.

The new phonograph of a Buffalo has mechanism for using dese records and cylinder records in the same machine. Keeling lamps and reflectors clean' may be a considerable economy in large factories. C. E. Clewell 5taies that a loss uf light equivr-ient- to $7,500 a year results from dus in one system of tungsten lamps.

With a democratic congress on his hands and a swarm of yellow-jackets in the White House, Woodrow Wilson eeems to be in. the mid-die of the heated term. They're making fun of Bryans beeaiuse San Salvador agrees to his peace plan. But, really, every little bit helps. Many ball teams make a hot finish in cold weather.

Editor Most Anything: Will you kindly inform me: Is Auto Polo any kin or descendant of Marco Polo? Was Polonius called fchusly for having been champion of the game? Do the contestants in the game L.j SUBSCRIBERS The Smartness of Tony Brady Ever hear of Tony Brady? Chances are you didn't, unless you chanced to read of his death the other day. Yet Tony, it appears, left an estate of 100,000,000. And Tony's first work was as a bootblack in an Albany hotel. Mighty smart Lid he must have been, yon say, to pile up, from that humble beginning, in one life-time, a fortune equal to a year's average income oi all fhe people in a city of a million inhabitants. Yes, mighty smart.

For he saw quicker than most the easiest way to do it. lie had a hound's scent for privilege. The nickels of the people made the start of his fortune- i nickels spent for street car rides which, if they had been running their own cars, they might have had for three cents or less. This recipe for enrichment is simple. Get your franchise as a gift, borrow on bonds to pay for your road, repeat the process till you've spread over a large and growing area, take options on adjoining land, and, short of floods, famines or great fires, you cannot escape from becoming rich the nickels grow in volume every time a new baby is born.

Tony found another pay streak in American Tobacco. That's the trust that Taft busted. Here again the recipe was simple, though not quite so simple as the other one. It consists of adding enough plants together until there is practical monopoly, then forcing down the prices of what yon buy and forcing up the prices Df what you sell. The crimes of this trust were incidental; kind of fits of get-rich-qnick enthusiasm.

The system would have worked out unerringly in any event. Toward the last of his romantic life, Tony saw a still surer field of privilege in gas and electricity. Folks had begun to get on to the street car game and they were yelling for somebody to bust; the trusts. But get a community by the throat through need of light Leat and power and it will stand a lot of squeezing before it arrives at the state of impatience impelling it to take over these works of public necessity; and then it usually pays what the private exploiter asks, inflation and all. Yes, indeed; he was a smart boy, to rise in a lifetime from a bootblack to a hundred-fold millionaire.

Rather smarter, don't you think, than the public which paid so large a toll for the service he rendered? A STRONG BANK WITH THE EQUIPMENT, THE EXPERIENCE AND THE STRENGTH TO GIVE TH 13 BEST SERVICE. The only Bank in the Middle VTest which issues Coupon Bond Certificates of Deposit upon which interest is paid quarterly. DEPOSITOHY for I'MTED STATES, State of Indiana, Vanderburs County nnd Citv of Evanwvllle. SAVINGS DEPARTMENT nnde-r direct aaprrrixion of the l-'nited States srovernment. FOUR PER.

CET (4 per cent) PAID OFFICERS SAM T. nESTON. Pres. O. TV.

M'GINNIS, V-Pres. would necessarily be followed by the construction of a network of railways in Alaska extending to every part of the coast that is worth protecting. The very sight of these railways on the map would suffice to scare away the would-be invader, for he would know that Canada, in order to safeguard her own vital interests, would instantly place her lines at the disposal of the United States for the transportation of troops and supplies." Now, wouldn't it be cunning in Uncle Sam to break up that Anglo-Jap alliance by becoming' son-in-law to John Bull? The. Old Fashioned tdttor set doily 4: columns but of his Kaad" tber rvent acfott street and ot saturated? JOHN O. DAVIS, Cashier.

DIRECTORS Somebody Stop Moran. The Pacific northwest has been warned of counterfeit $1(X national bank notes that are being circulated by W. H. Moran, acting chief of the United States secret service. New York (N.

Globe. 'Tis a crool, crool world! Bandits have their eyes on Hearst's ranch in Mexico, and Uncle Sam refuses to declare war. 0. M'GINNIS, Kx-Referee in Bankruptcy, lawyer J. W.

LUNKENHEIMER, Blacktnan Lunkenheimer Queeniswiire CLAUDE MALEY, Maley Wertz Lumber Company P. B. ROSS, Cashier Kentucky Bank Trust C- Madisonville Ky. SAM T. HESTON, President A.

P. LAHR, Pres. end Treas. Lahr-Bacon Dry Goods Co. OSCAR BOETJICHER, Boetticher Kellogg- Hardware Company W.

F. HUTHSTEINER, CasMer Tell City National Bank. Tell City, Ind. J. L.

KNAUSS, Pres. and Treas. Pdioenlx Flour Mills JOHN O. DAVIS, Cashier Bankers' National Bank The Trust Up-Lift Hurrah for the Steel Trust! It is true that 50,000 of its 200,000 employes are working 12 hours a day for wages which experts declare will not support a family. It is true that, because of this, the trust has paid dividends of $25,400,000 on common stock originally "water" the past year.

But, hurrah for the Steel Trust! It is decidedly for the uplift! The Trust's finance committee has investigated conditions "and reports that, while the 12-hour day cannot be reduced, prizes of $5 and $10 will be given for the best gardens maintained by workmen in their back yards. 7 Let joy be confined! We begin to taste the fruits of investigation under the Sherman law. "Wages? Bah! What the workman needs is a nice backyard garden full of long blue grass, or alfalfa. They'll get him to that, too, if he doesn't object too hard. Correspondence invited from those who contemplate opening initial or additional accounts in Evansville Diary of Father Time 11 If iJMUWUCP Sparking Her Over Again My word! It looks as if Uncle Sam would go to sparking Miss Canada again! The lady is much perturbed over the idea that when Japan pitches into Fncle, Alaska will be first taken and permanently settled by the little brown folks.

Listen to the Vancouver News: "This is a matter which Canada cannot regard with indifference. The United States is by far the pleasantest, safest neighbor we could possibly wish. At the mere thought: of another power in possession of Alaska every Canadian feels his flesh creep, his hair stand on end. We simply could not tolerate it, and should be cora- teLled by the most obvious requirements of our own safety to join; our forces to those of the United States in an attempt to drive out the invaders." And Miss Canada sees Uncle's weak side, too, and she doesn't intend that any brown heathen shall sneak np and swipe him, perhaps when he's down on his knees in the very act of proposing. So, she says: "Canada has- in contemplation the early construction of a railway through Northern British Columbia to Dawson, and thence to the Alaska boundary.

Branch lines would be built to connect the toain line of the Grand Trunk Railway with the harbors of Alaska Xhia would he an immense commercial advantage to Canada. It Nothing done in a hurry, nothing done under a strain, is really well donew II. G. Wells. Let Modem Dentists Do Your Work A reliable firm that has been in your midst for years, with a record for good, honest work to back Kiem that is the envy of all other dentists.

Why experiment? CALL TODAY. i Crescent Dental Co. Open Nighta. Plate and Bridgework. 518 Main St.

It is not so very many years since the Mediterranean was infested with Algerian pirates, who preyed upon the commerce of the civilized nations. These nations in order to purchase exemption fiom such ravages, adopted the ruinous policy of paying the Dey of" Algiers an annual tribute. In consideration of the tribute, the Dey agreed that his pirate ships should confine themselves to the Mediterranean, and should not attack the vessels of such nations as made the payment. Great Britain, horrever, with the purpose of injuring France, induced the pirates to extend their depredations to the Atlantic; by which American commerce suffered greatly, and" the government, of the United States was obliged to purchase safety by paying the shameful tribute. Woman will never make man recognize her as an equal until she refuses to let him patronize her under the pretext of chivalrous attention.

Edwin Bjorknian. Each time desire is fulfilled our happiness is at stake. -Ed- win Bjorkman..