Democrat and Chronicle from Rochester, New York • Page 46

DEMOCRAT AND CHRONICLE, ROCHESTER. N. SUNDAY, MAY 23, 1993 REMARKABLE THE 0 TlNti.lil insider if) fZxh fl rA More for Les Motivational speaker Les Brown got a pleasant surprise Tuesday when he was toasted with a medley of Gladys Knight songs. Brown was the featured speaker at the Black Business Association of Great '4 "Hike slapping stupid people around, verbally. I'd probably prefer doing it physically, but you can get sued.

Yeah, Yd like to shove my whole fist down their throat. Roseanne Arnold Slap-happy comedian, in Redbook "I realize that when Tm in my late 40s and 50s I wont be able to walk. me it's worth it. I see my grandmother new house or visit my mother in her new house or ride in her new Lexus. Every time I think about how bad some part of my body hurts, I think about that.

Charles Barkley Weak-kneed, mom-loving hoops star, 30, in Playboy Tm taller than Bob Dylan and Paul Simon. Of course, they dont wear cowboy boots. I'm also taller than Ross Perot as long as I dont cut my hair. Willie Nelson Vertically challenged country singer, flaunting his Ma er Rochester annual luncheon at the Riverside Convention Center. "He was shocked," says luncheon host Wanda Miller, news anchor at WOKR-TV (Channel 13).

Seems that Brown practices what he preaches about self-improvement, even in matters of the heart. He saw legendary singer Knight on CNN. set Les Brown SLAP THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Aha! Proof that exercise really isn 't good for you at all. Just look what it did to this poor swimmer, turning him into a bloated, bug-eyed creature with stuff coming out his nose. Australian Olympic swimmer Matthew Dunn looked like the Human Bubble as a photographer caught him emerging from the water.

stature (5-foot-5) in Request magazine 1 Petrified Pat Pat Buchanan (left) has a new role: A playful peek at the past week art critic. He told a conservative group, I i Ajs Outside the East Wing of the National (T-nllprv nf Art are spvprnl crinnt cfnnoe a goal to meet her, and now they're engaged. Look for Brown to return to Rochester sometime next year to run a motivational for youths. Meanwhile, his nationally -syndicated talk show debuts Sept. 6 on JWROC-TV (Channel 8) at 9 a.m.

weekdays. Arf arf, duck duck Celebrated photographer William Wegman loves to dress up his Weimaraner dogs and snap their picture. And children's author Mary Jane Auch of Ontario, Wayne County, is about to publish a with a Weimaraner as the main a hunting dog who escapes south with a wounded Canada goose. The two compared notes at a recent recep-Jtion for Wegman at Light Impressions Spec--trum Gallery, 439 Monroe where his will be on view through June 6. Auch just won an award for The Easter Egg Farm (Holiday House, about a hen who lays decorated eggs.

(It was voted the Children's Choice Book in an International Reading AssociationChildren's Book Council competition.) Her next book, Bird Dogs Can't Fly, was inspired by Auch's 4-year-old Weimaraner, Obie. "The dog hangs around me so much," she says. "People get all upset with Wegman because it's 'cruelty to but they love attention." Wegman just published a version of Cinderella (Hyperion Books, $16.95) staged with dogs. And Auch isn't far behind on the fairy-tale trail. Her current book, Peeping Beauty (Holiday House, features a hen who dreams of becoming a ballerina.

nj iat, for me at least, call to mind letrified dinosaur feces." Maybe le'd prefer the artwork he recently commissioned: a bronze sculpture of himself. i Good clean fun Instead of the javelin, they threw sponges. Instead of the discus, they threw polishing pads. Now Wal-Mart, responding to Geffen Records' refusal to cover up the bovine bauble, has decided to sell the album with a strategically placed price sticker. Olympics at the University of Kansas, where 48 competitors tried to be the best at buffing, the fastest at floor sweeping.

The event Tuesday on the Lawrence, campus was a highlight of It was the first-ever Custodial KEEPING Custodial Appreciation Day. We can empty your wastebasket 3,000 times ure waning vm immMM And the bad played on The editors of Spin magazine correctly, but if we don't do it 7 may once or put it back in the wrong place, you think about the janitor," said Phil Endacott, spelled out the requirements succinctly: associate director of housekeeping Strange stuff from our wire services So you and some other losers got together and tried to start a band? None of you can Indispensable info from the "week 's tabloids "Bizarre tribe worships Ronald McDonald" "A batty bunch of natives have set up camp in the parking lot of a shiny new fast food restaurant where they i worship their god a seven-foot plastic Ronald McDonald," the Sun reports in its May 25 issue. "The nutty nomads from Queensland, Australia, have totally flipped for the red-headed burgermeister. Their chief carries a shaft topped with the unmistakable golden arches symbol and he and many other tribesmen wear the logo on their heads." "Their oral history includes a colorful figure with flaming red hair and weird-looking clothing who, ironically, goes by the name R'nad M'Dnad," translator Phillip Tezmentu is quoted as saying. After discovering the clown statue a month ago, the tribesmen refuse to leave.

Added anthropologist Leon Redley: "They send hunting parties into the wild for food, then cook it over an open fire in the parking lot." "Pool tournament held on top of services. The final event was assembling a dustmop device and navigating i through an obstacle course. I In other sports news The periodical China Sports has recorded some new milestones for the record books: Men's 60-meter backward dash, accomplished by Geng Wei in 12.65 seconds. Women's 60-meter backward dash, accomplished by Zhang Rongjuan in 12.62 seconds. Women, it seems, can run backward faster than men a phenomenon that seemed to confound two male U.S.

experts. Former Stanford and Olympic coach Brooks Johnson, who is coach at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, said the women's success is a function of the i newness of the event. Nightmare Alley Police investigating a report that a man had thrown a baby off a bridge discovered it was a ball dropped by a bowler. "He had a bad game," said Officer Reilly Perrett of the Harmar Township Police Department in Pennsylvania. Two fire trucks went to the scene Thursday night after a witness reported seeing a man throwing an infant off the Hulton Bridge into the Allegheny River.

There are bowling lanes in both Harmar Township and Oakmont, which are connected by the bridge. Perrett said he was trying to contact the man and would not release his name. Said Perrett: "This is the ultimate gutter ball." MaSking the controversy The cover of Aerosmith's Get A Grip album has raised eyebrows with its depiction of a cow sporting a nipple ring in a pierced udder. First there were the animal-cruelty folks (the picture is doctored; the cow wasn't really pierced). Then London's subway system refused to let the album ad be posted on its underground walls.

play your instruments, carry a tune or write a decent song even if your lives depend upon it? Well, congratulations, you win." Spin's search for the Worst Band in America netted six large trash bags of tapes, photos and bribes. Among the printable band names: Choking Victim, Headwound, Rectal Pizza, Sewer Juice, Flux, Monastat 7, Men WOut Underwear, High Steppin' Seafood and the Electric Sex Hens. A sample of the lyrics of one contender, Sherrifs (sic) of the Apocolypse (sic): "They say all men are created equal Then why do some men live in castles and others wait for free cheese?" The winner was a Miami band called Scraping Teeth. "The Teeth are bad," said the editors. "They're painfully boring.

They try to shock. They fail. They try to frighten. They fail. Tiresome, effects-ridden guitar and weak vocals.

Flat, plodding bass and weak vocals Out-of-sync, sloppy drums and weak screaming and, unlike many of the entrants, they're a real band, not a joke." It's new, and the learning curve for men and women is the same. I Whatever gender takes it more I seriously starts out with a certain advantage. There's no sexual bias." "I don't think there's any gender connection," said Scott Chisam, an assistant track and field coach at Stanford. "I think it's a freak statistic." man's head!" "Otto Blecker is such a billiards nut he had a pool table sculpted into his hair and let 12 buddies play an entire tournament on his head," the Weekly World News reports in its June 1 issue. "The Hanover, Germany, chemical company heir paid $3,000 to the winner of the bizarre tournament and says he'll offer a $10,000 top MSMiilMumwini.

I if 1H1 HHWI Cond-o-mania in Penfield. After passing out condoms outside Penfield High, three students got bounced and 250 more walked out in protest. School officials agreed to study the issue, amid concerns that condoms promote sexuality. But who needs a study? Anyone who thinks those rubbery things encourage sex has obviously never used one. TOP of the CHATS Breast-o-phobia in Henrietta.

While Penfield was trying to keep its kids unsheathed, Henrietta was fighting to keep its people clothed. But a state Supreme Court justice struck down the town's attempts to cover up topless dancers at the Klassy Cat Tavern. Henrietta officials were What Rochester talked about this week fuming. Tavern officials were singing a song of praise to the judge: Thanks for the Mammaries. IN 6-10 Kurt Shaw prize in the next tourney." "Before long the greatest players alive will be begging to play pool in my hair," Blecker, 28, is quoted as saying.

"Counter-jump saves world!" "Millions of loyal Americans across this great country have foiled a stupid Chinese communist plot to knock the Earth out of orbit a sneaky trick that would have destroyed mankind," reports Weekly World News in its June 1 issue. "The patriotic Americans quickly organized counter-stomps after Weekly World News reported that 1.3 billion Chinese planned to jump up and down on April 27 at 6:35 p.m. EDT and send the Earth sailing off into space." Not only did college students at Princeton Clarkson universities, firemen in Massachusetts and radio listeners in Wisconsin, Illinois and Florida jump to save the Earth, but revolutionary students in China also pitched in. "They stood on stepladders and pushed against the ceiling to counter the stomp," an unidentified source is quoted as saying. "We showed those commie jerks what we're made of," Chinese affairs expert Dr.

Hank de Vries is quoted as saying, "God bless America." Sayonara-o-rama in Boston. Meanwhile, at a much klassier bar, America said goodbye to Cheers and Sam bid a matter-of-fact farewell to Diane. It was just like the end of MASH but without all the MUSH. Co-anchor-a-go-go in New York. Will the new Sam and Diane be Dan and Connie? Chosen by CBS to co-anchor the evening news with Dan Rather, Connie Chung gushed about her new on-air "husband." Think of the opportunities here for news-desk happy talk.

Chung can update viewers on her continuing attempts to get pregnant. And Dan can follow up with hard-hitting questions like, "Connie, what is the frequency?" INSIDE Did you hear there's a new 12-step program for addictive talkers? It's called Anon-anon-anon-anon-anon. Ml "Wake up, Ted I hear something!" ft.