Oakland Tribune from Oakland, California • Page 51

St BRIDGE OF YEARS MAKES WIDOW HESITATE Male Conceit In Amours Receives Jolt It Tries to Persuade With High Pressure, The Maverick Writes GERALDIKE FEATURES OAKLAND TRIBUNE, SUNDAY, JANUARY 7, 194b 1A JV a mm AND mental conflict makes him act at you say. I don't know. Perhaps out BE YOUR AGE WITH FORMER SUITOR, GERALDINE COUNSELS WIDOW OF 45'. But She Is Cautioned Not to Expect Thrill She Experienced in His Presence at 18 Old Traveler (Now Wedded) Writes Acid Comment on Matrimony eral times In the paper, and Time makes tro many changes in the human character as well a the human body. But is there any reason against two persons meeting on a new footing, a woman frankly 45 and the man honestly 48, with no attempt to recapture the thrill of 18? If so, I'd like to know it.

And so would A Troubled Widow, ill '11 i pals can lend a hand. Effect of Economic Status On Marriage Women do. I know, go in for mat rimony more than most men. ProVt ably that's -why there is a humaj, race at all, but under our preseta economic system some of the men who might desire marriage cant it-afford it. I thought that was th answer in Mary's case where; the young man paid her marked a tention, wished to pet (lm getunf so I dislike tnat word), DUt wna didn't mention marriage.

He was not through with his schooling, and! his course was a long one witV- time out for a job occasionally tq tide him over the next lap. 1 I don't know whether I was righ or not in my judgment that the bof) could not restrain his natural imp pulses, nor could he afford marriage However, The Maverick has differ' ent ideas on the subject and, while) they may not apply to Mary boj friend, they undoubtedly will t4 others. 1 Dear Jerry: Now about the lettet signed "Mary" appearing about Noej vember 10, asking what's the mattes) with the boy friend whom she me rather casually several months as and who makes passes at her when ever the opportunity presents' itselt and that mamma hasn't been able) -(nor has Mary) to make out wha said boy friend hasn't mentioned) marriage. Holy mackerel! This girl Marjl belongs back in the 18th centurjj drawing room we're hearing eur rently. 1 ARCHAIC NOTIONS I've a notion that my education, and my experiences are woefull deficient, since I haven't learnod that every man who attempts tcj employ the Braille System is maw riage- minded despite age, unecoj nomic dependence, half completed! schooling or whatever and must -therefore produce evidence of hie "honorable intentions" (somehow that letter gets me thinking of three Inch celluloid collars, Well, we have bustles, wasp waists, a felf hoop skirts and the coiffures wiflj slow leaks, so probably we need) archaic notions to go with them.

It would be nice if Mary would! tell us where she came by the theof tutu a mun iiua me reiUKwauiv tention or desire to marry every kind of woman whom he's invariably willing and impatient to heck. Oh, would that turn into a harem that would raise an Eastern potentate's eyebrows. And Mary says that "boy friend" comes back to take her places. Yep, you bet, for, according to Mary, she has continued to say: "Nay, nay, neighbor" but the 'male conceit is such that it dexterously fosters! the fond belief that, with enough) iima arA Viftfh.nrosQlirA 1 the, "nay; will become hey," and then will Mary see the: pal with the active paddycakoS) crane his neck lor greener pasture to graze and better worlds to conW quer. It's an old mannish custom! 'J.

OLD COMIC RECALLED Somehow Mary's cry for helfl brought to mind nil eoisode froils the old comic strip wherein the anrrii came steaming into the house one) evening all excited and what-to-devi Pop put down his paper and asked! the cause of her agitation. he exM claimed: "I've been followed." -Pop said: "Huh, where, who, howy n.ViAn? TliH tVin Hirtv rnt env flnvai. thing to you? Did he accost yotdf Did he insult your" Whereupon Aunt Whoosls Balds, "Well, no-o-o-o, but he kept lookinfll around to see if I was coming!" THE MAVERICK. "I'm fat now. my hair hat patches of gray a middle-aged woman and look It," writes a Troubled Widow of 45, who is considering the marriage proposal of the man of 48 who was her suitor when she was 18.

"I haven't anything, and he knows it" she writes Geraldine, but "with the years of bitter experience behind us, there Is bound tp be a different setup; I'm afraid to take the chance." By QFRALDINE Can a piumpish woman of 45 fill the role of "dream girl?" I can easily imagine a wife of 45, plumpness and all, keeping herself enshrined in her husband's heart as a dream girl, but I can't imagine it in a new undertaking. The years between vivacious 18 and 45 are too long to bridge even with dreams. STYLE-SMILES by "This '11 give you a line on his who can't see, at the moment, beyond the limitations of 18. Dear Jerry: I have a very special problem and one which I don't think has ever appeared before in your column. I was a very beautiful and charming girl once, had friends galore and lived a life of ease and, of course, the inevitable happened.

I fell In love. I started going with a boy I'll call him Bill when1 1 was 18. We went together a year, during which time he was my devoted slave. In fact, so much so that he lost me. He simply idolized and worshiped me.

Of course when this sophisticated njan I'll speak of him as Ted came along and swept me off my feet I fell in love, or perhaps I should say became madly infatuated with him and agreed to marry him. BILL 13 DAZED Honestly Bill couldn't take it. His friends all came to me and begged me not to throw him down, said that I was ruining his life. His brother was afraid that he might attempt suicide. Anyway, I had a talk with him before my marriage, and he told me he would brace up for my sake.

He didn't do anything rash, but he did grieve over it a long time. Now to get on with the story. I went East with my husband. He was a good provider, but he wasn't true to me. He had countless affairs with different women and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

The infatuation that I had for him wore off in less than, a year's time, but I still had an affection for him. We had two children, a boy and a girl, and he was so good to these youngsters that I naturally had to have some regard for him. He gave them everything they wanted and saw to it that we Were all well dressed at all times, because he said he liked to see his family "dress." He was far from ideal, but I made myself content with him. During the years which followed I saw Bill about five or six timet, the last time when I was 30. He complimented me, and told me how well I looked, and said I was the same charming Louise that he had always known.

He had since married, of course, and had a little boy. He has made me wish secretly many times that I had not been quite so hasty in my marriage to Ted. Bill is a buyer for a big firm, and whenever he went on long trips he used to take his wife and son with him. He is truly a fine always knew this). He definitely does not "play around with other women." I have come across his picture sev- but at other times I am Just "an Gretchen character.

He wears a sport ends in a flaring peplum over the straight skirt. Chief claim to fame of the plaid suit is the clever use of bias material in the front, forming a waistcoat effect. The collarless jacket has two flap pockets. so I am taking this opportunity to say hello to you and to the contributors to your column. My work carried me to the Far East and to Africa, and lately to Central America, so I could elucidate upon my experiences, hut I feel they would have little interest for the much-traveled members of your fraternity of friends.

In The Tribune today I read with interest the comments upon married life. I am still married to the same young woman and as happily as possible, I presume, but frankly I dp not think I should enter marriage again, nor would I sincerely advise any and all young folks to attempt double harness. BENEFIT OR HANDICAP The benefits of marriage are so far outdistanced by the handicaps that the' addition of a wife to a man's household is more often a hindrance other person" in his life. Do you think I mean Just physical thrill to him? Jerry, what shall I do? I am all upset over the whole matter. Shall I discontinue going out with him or do you suppose it is Just his make-up, which he cannot help? I might add that he is very self-centered everything he has is wonderful, but he never comments on what I have or do.

Please advise me. Yours in a muddle. TROUBLED. My. dear, I wish 1 could be sure of myself.

I said It before, and I say it again; but, trying to look at your problem from a very personal angle; I ithink I'd avoid yaur friend like the plague." The man or woman who thinks in terms of makes a pretty poor rrmtq. Your friend (you say it yourself) thinks that every thing he has Is wonderful but never comments on what you have or do. TORRID AND FRIGID He is. moody hot one minute, cold the next If you like uncertainty, disappointment, continually adjusting your life to another's whims, well, it is up to you but it will not bring you happiness. I would judge that your marriage had been a 50-50' proposition, kindness and consideration on both sides.

You'll miss that understanding Jf this self-centered man should pro- nose (and vou accept), and' me thinks you'll wish for loneliness in place of the bewildered hurt you're suffering. And maybe I'm all wrong ana Vi tnm between Krlel over the loss of his wife and his great physical attraction to you, and the coat with three belts on the backl" Personally, Ve wouldn't be able to guess whether a man like that was a pessimist, just showing off. The lady speaking is wearing a lovely, striped woolen suit of the dressmaker type. Trie longer jacket BRIDGE couldn't help but think how I just missed becoming his wife. It almost makes me cry when I think of how dirty I treated him once and how I didn't appreciate his sterling quality at the time.

FATAL ACCIDENT Well, when I was 40 years old my husband was killed. He was driving nome from a prize fight alone. never cared for that sort of thing, and he was wild about it. He some times gambled, by the way. He went against the signal and a street car crashed Into him.

Bill was among the first to wire his sym pathy. After my bereavement I began to be conscious of the fact that I was helpless. It's an awful feeling to be all alone. I wanted to send my chil dren through college. We were able to survive for a couple of years on our bank account and his insurance policy, but now we haven't any' thing.

My boy is 23 and my girl 21. I forgot to mention that Bill got a divorce. Well, here is the real reason for my letter: Bill wrote me last week (I am now 45 years old) and asked me to marry him. What shall I do, Jerry? I've changed a lot since he last saw me. I'm fat now, no longer the sweet young thing that he once knew.

My hair has patches of grey, and all in all I'm a middleaged woman and look it. If we had mar ried when were younger things would have been so different He is 48, and I suppose he has dreams of spending the rest of his life with his girlhood sweetheart. But that girl is no more. AT HIS MERCY If we suddenly started living to gether I don't see how it could be romantic and blissful. It would be very awkward and hard for both of us to get adjusted.

In a way I'd rather remain his dream girl than to marry him and have it shattered. He was once at my mercy, and now I'm at his. I haven't anything, and he knows it His ex-wife has their child, and he says he'll be a father in every way to my children. has everything planned out says he'll either send me my ticket, or he'll come for me himself. He's ready to marry me at any time if I'll just say the word.

I haven't answered him yet, Jerry, because, frankly, I don't know what to say. It hadn't even occurred to me to get married again until I received his letter. I know I would be happy with him any woman would but have I the right to this happiness? I feel rather guilty. My daughter says go ahead, my son says to suit myself. We suited each other perfectly as young people.

Everyone said we were a well matched couple; but would our relationship be the same today? With the years of bitter experience behind both our lives, there la bound to be a different setup. Yes, I'll admit, Jerry, I'm afraid to take the chance. I don't just want a meal ticket, either; if I did I would say "yes" immediately. Please answer. Sincerely yours, A TROUBLED WIDOW.

CANDID COURSE I thoroughly agree with you that a woman suffering even slightly from "middle-aged Jpread," having hair gray, will lose out if she attempts to return to 18. Yoil would be cheating Bill, but even more, you would be cheating yourself. And you would be But is there any reason why you can't be yourself? The honest way would be to write Bill just as you have written us here. Tell him what the yean have Hone to you mentally as well as physically. Not to face these facts is cowardly.

Ask him if be wishes to meet you again, for old time's sake, but that It will have to be as two new friends. Neither of you really knows the other. You are almost strangers, yet this boy of long ago thinks he can reach out and touch his sweetheart of 18. Make him see and understand the change, then if he wishes to meet a woman who can be Interesting and lovely in her own mature right renew acquaintances. If time rekindles love, it wHl be different than either of you Imagine and better.

If it doesn't you've played fair and saved yourself much grief. Your children? Surely your boy of MATCH POINTS CALENDAR By MARY ELLEN HOLLY TODAY Community Bridge Club, 421 Staten Avenue, rubber bridge. Lake-View Bridge Club, 250 Ferry Street, rubber bridge, TOMOKSOW Lake-View Bridge Club, 259 Perry Street, women's pairs tournament, p.nv Berkeley Women's City Club, lee hire, beginners, 9:30 supervised piay, intermediate players, sjb. By Webster THE TRIBUNE PATTERNS 23 should be' branching out for himself soon, and your girl will marry and make her own home. They are $nen and women now, if they ever will be, without need of a father's protection.

The decision concerns Just two persons you and Bill. I am wishing you happiness and that the mature woman of 45 wins over the girl of 18. And may our pals answer you too. Perhaps I am too cautious, and dreams, beautiful dreams, come true without being tested. Let's see what the letters bring.

Friend Returns to Familiar Scenes An old timer has returned to these columns and the welcome sign is prominently displayed. But I'm still the skeptic, and he is still the cynic. Or is he somebody else entirely? For some reason there is something about G.G.C.'s letters that does not ring true. I can't decide whether he is rather a pompous young man or whether he is a young man with a twinkle in his eye looking for a rise. What think you? Dear Friend: After many months away from these parts I managed to return for a few days on business, THE TRIBUNE NEEDLEART DESIGN NO.

X-383 Crocheted, luncheon sets make Ideal This five Star set is composed of individual medallions which are' joined with small circles. Pattern No. 382 contains list of materials needed. illustration of stitches and complete Instructions. to ottttsf 'ffMatMrt iMiw Writ your Dim and DlahuVi Including oitjr and State, living number oi design desired, Enclo 10 cnta In coin or stamps (wrap coin cartfullr) (or acn assMm- asstrad.

A rnsoaaoia urns should ba allowed tor delivery. Address rout orders as fouowsi Neadleart Bureau. Tba Tribune. Oakland, Calibrate. Design Name ,.1......

Street, Address ctv Me miwiHwHiHilimmiMmiH OH MS than a help. That is true in the homes of almost all men I. know, and true regardless of the intelligence and worth of the women Jhey marry. What a man does when married and what he possibly could accomplish while still single is amazing when compared. I repeat that I am married to a very fine woman whom I deeply love, but were I to start over again, marriage would not be considered under any circumstances.

With very kindest regards, I remain, Sincerely yours, G.G.C. (To use my old pen name.) TRAVELING ALONE I quite agree with you that a man can go much farther alone, if that is the way he LIKES to travel. And such a man shouldn't think of getting married, even if some beauteous damsel pursues him. To get any kick out of matrimony you've got to be enthusiastic about the bonds. And the same goes for women.

There are women with no more taste for marriage than the gayest of bachelors. Then why go in for it? Guess we're on the same side of the fence after all, I'm boosting for wedding bells only when folks are anxious to hear 'em ring. How about it. Pals? Widow Skeptical About Attentions Wish I was sure of myself, sure that I could give the right sort of advice. But I'm Just a "guesser" in the dark and a "hoper" that folks will help me.

I need it right now In answering Troubled. Dear Jerry: I have a problem that I wish you would help me solve Briefly it i I have been a widow for six, years verv haDDily married and had a devoted husband. Naturally since his passing I have missed the affection and all the nice things he was accustomed to give me. i am airec tionate and crave love and affec tion. A few months ago someone entered my life one whom I respect and have learned to care a great deal for.

However, he is a person I cannot Understand. He lost his wife about 18 months 'ago. I know for a fact that I am the only one he has taken out Ha has kissed me bas sionately, calls me on the telephone every day and, when away, writes me ACCORDING TO MOOD He has told me thai he cares for me (have never mentioned loye). Have been out to dinner with him number of times, but outside of that the moyles we never to eny other place. Sometimes he is very affectionate and at times is cold end dlstantr-gives me the impression that when he feels in the mood he Is all that one would want, That reminds ftAMD HAL.

-P-PLWED PcTRT'l AMD PWt )fOH! CuTX 0H ') OOWMW PALM fY 66 SCARED MJl PEACH. I Opened I To WITH A CLUB vT To P-AV Kr-V See! ANDHAL- 1 WPEfbft HIS SAKE ----r. I Heooesfsr Tne DUFF6R who ouce PLAYEO A RUBBER WITH 1 ich xhe MAesT7o UQ i- Ti-m I J' 'iVKSi-''''''" 1 I i. STYLE NO. 1104 A smart ric rac trimmed cotton print dress for morning tasks.

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Style No. 2104 is designed for sizes 16, 18, 20 years, 84, 36, 38, 40, 42, 44, 46, 48 and 5.0 inches bust. Size 36 requires 3Vi yards of 39-inch material with 314 yards of ric rac braid. How to Obtain Clarice Patterns Write rour name and address plainly Including: city. living he number and size oi the patterns you desire.

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