Extracted Article Text (OCR)
ROCHESTER DEMOCRAT AOT) OnRONICLE- SDNDAT. AFRIT, 1, 1894. 'TIS APRIL FOOL'S DAY FINANCIAL AFFAIRS. Ir9 Noted Men Tell of Their First of LATEST MOXETAKY Jskw Tomc-March 31 Money on call easy at cent. Prima April Fancies.
mcrenntiiepior quoted at c't. Pterlinir exchange firm actual business for 60-day bills and for demand and posted rates 4.8TJ-a.8!). Commercial bills 4.8ta otherwise the day would be given up to a general hazing of everybody. The most successful of April Fool jokes would be to surprise one's friends by a change of character. What a rare joke it would be for the confirmed miser to bestow dowry upon that niece of his who needs orly a little money to marry the lad of her choice.
If all the cranks would put aside their hobbies for a day, what fun it would be for the rest of us. This kind of joke can be carried out ad finitum and would never fail to be successful. Let the tippler remain sober to-day just as a joke. The skinflint employer tan have a lark with his clerk by granf ng that increase of salary that has bea talked about so long. Let the clergyman 1 say FUN FOR THE FOOLISH 4.fc6fci for 60-day mid 4.87H -H for demand.
Government bonds eteudy. itailway bonds strong. To-iay" closing- prices compiled with those of yesterday show tbe following changes: Actors, Artists, Satirists, Lawyers and less objectionable than the jokes of our boyhood. We used to call the attention of grown folks to purses and handkerchiefs they had not dropped; also give away pounds of candy, which when bitten into, proved to be sweetened cotton batting. There was even a boy who sewed up his father in the bed clothes over night.
Grown ieople, however, cannot be concerned in such trifles. Indeed, it seems to me that the day is hardly worthy of serious consideration and that the practical people of to-day can spend their time far more profitably than in devising April Fool joke. Just the same there is no accounting for tastes. But it' will be hardly worth one's while to try fooling me this first of April. A.
Hummel, somtetimes rr gives pleasure to others. It doesn't seem right that the first day of a month so full of pretty things as April is should be inseparably connected in our minds with empty and dilipidated pocket books with string-and-small-boy attachments, disreputable hats with bricks lantern -through which I propose to put the slide bearing the impressions. It is now dark enough I fancy and yes the back of that large calendar yonder will serve excellently as a white surface. Oblige me, Mr. Williams by turning its face to the vail.
Thank you." While speaking my friend had busied himself preparing the lantern so that matters moved absorbingly and without delay. "To make, the test a little more interesting," he continued, I will first show you the thumb mark of a gentleman whom I have a great desire to rueet. We wili compare the others with this one." On the disk of light, thrown upon the wall appeared a peculiar arrangement of lines, jagged, running into each other, beginning nowhere and ending in the same place. Presently with my list before him Banks pushed the long slide in and stopped at No. 4.
For a few seconds he allowed it to ehow out beside the first. It exhibited a conformation entirely different. lie then superimposed them or placed the figure on the moving slide directly over that on the stationary one. The result was a most confused network of interwoven lines. Qunckly he hurried through my list, 'treat UUMJa Arvl STOCKS.
---CLOSlNO PRICES M'ch. M'ch Ad- Desist. With, vanoe.cline. Others of Prominence All Have Something to Say About This, the Fool Catcher's Day. IT.
S. 4s 113! i 8. 4s coupon li4J 2 (Copyn'gbt.) The stage is in some measure resnonsi- ble for All Fools' day. So the historians 3 Wi-4 i2 I2 l-rJ 151 24 V9 114 154 -4 I. S.
29 Central Pacific Ir.rle Seconds Northern Pacific Firsts Northern Pacific Northwestern Consols, do Debenture Pt. Paul Consols Cnion 1'acille lsts of S6 West Shore 4a Atchison Adams Kx press Alton Ttrre Alt. Ac Terre Haute pref tell us. They say it grew out of an old faster miracle play in which the sending of (Jhnst from Annas to Caiaphas and from Pilate to Herod wan the basis of the mediaeval dramatist's plot. But I don't 1 thing the stage has stuck to its offspring.
American Express 114 H4) Abu. 't obacco com. tsilvi -h ing each in the same manner and allowing actors are a serious lot of people, particularly the comedians among us, for paradoxical as It may seem, acting is all the dissimilarities to speak for themselves. Presently one of the thumbmarks fitted so nicely over the stationary one that not a underneath them, long streamers hanging from unsuspecting coat tails, door bells rung by invisible hands, and all the other dear old pleasantries that we know by heart. And we should probably have had a Society for the Prevention of April Fool jokes long ago if it were not for the pleasure that children get out of them.
94 -4 14U work and no play, and consequently Jack 3 a dull boy. A would like to Aoril single variation could be observed. There was no crossing of the lines and no blur. Fool our manager perhaps, but we don't So perfect was the matching of the impres 24 70 14 140 lot Kl 64 4o la April ool ourselves because that would sion that I turned my eyes toward the lantern to be sure that the two slides were be rather cruel. I have outgrown the froliesomeness of 1 'I really there.
As I did so I noticed a commotion in the back part of the room. Then April 1st of course; still I always look carefully after my coat tails on that day. came a yell from Banks. i.sy Seize him John Trasker the murderers And I greatly enjoy the motley of those who are careless of their garmental Cauda Is during the Feast of All Fools. The H4 Don't let him escape, men 18 Ilefore a hand could be raised to stay him sight makes me feel quite a boy again, John Trasker had plunged headforemost When I was quite a young man I counted among my close friends a private detective.
The two of us were enjoying a quiet smoke and chat in hi cosy little office one day when the door opened and his boy ushered in a lady client. She was apparently under 20, and was quite fashionably attired. Her form was tall and slender and her face exceedingly attractive, but bore traces of some sudden and overwhelming affliction, for her eyes were red with weeping. "Mr. Banks, the detective, I presume?" she queried, turning, after a quick glance at me to my more mature companion.
"At your service, madame. Fray be seated." "I am in sore trouble, sir," she said, in tremulous tones, applying her handkerchief to her eyes. "Death has suddenly robbed me of a father and the prison, if nothing worse, threatens to take a dear cousin from me." "That is very sad," my friend said, sympathetically. "But compose yourself, my dear young lady; we may yet avert the latter half of your trouble." "Oh, Girl God grant that you may, for my cousin, whom they suspect of the murder of my poor father, was to be my husband," it reverently preach a sermon only an hour long to-day instead of one of four nobis duration. I am convinced that the- iuea would meet with success.
Teople too old for jokes on April Fools day? Nonsense. Even the gray heads can have their joke. The reprobate roue can go to church this morning and explain that it is all a joke on his part. Many a man is ashamed to do a good thin because it is so unusal with him that it would give him unpleasant proininancf-. But he can do it to-day and escape 'Ah the admission that it is his April Fool joke.
I am glad the day comes on Sunday this year. B. ILL AM. TO FOOL TWO FOOLS WITH ONE LICK. I am asked to tell the joke I wouM play if I knew anyone who could be fooled on this first of April.
First, I would undertake to organize a conspiracy to play an April Fool joke on some member of the Lambs cbib. P.ut I would warn the Lambs' club men of what was coming and thus the joke would be on the conspirators. Now, I would suggest an amplification of this idea a'l who may wish to perpetrate April Fool jeke. (Jo to some friend or other and sav you want to play a joke on some third party. Then, when you have decided whit the joke is to be, warn that thirl pnrtv.
Thus you will fool two fools with me trick. This reminds me of a trick I played tn a first of April on the late William J. Florence. The comedian was in London at the time. He and a party were- dining ac a beautifully improvised taule, when I sent in to him a note in a disguMHl hand purporting to be from a woman who whs waiting outside to interview him.
L'he temptation to Florence was great and it picved the funniest thing to see how he grew and finally mad some lame excuse to go out. When he returned, I said: "Where have you been, Billy? I do not remember whit said, but I recall distinctly that simple as it may seem, it was the funniest April Fool joke I had for we youngsters used to do that sort of thing in Philadelphia thirty years ago. through the window and was nylng wltu terror at his heels down the road. Kre the doors could be opened and a hue and cry raised he had secured a long start. tiou bore rather barren results.
The only important fact brought cut beyond what we already knew, was that the suspected young man had been seen near the factory shortly before the discovery of the murder. Banks, I thought, began to look a little bit blue. "Has this desk of Stanton's been touched?" he inquired, presently, pulling out the upper drawer. "The contents have not been materially disturbed," responded the head clerk. "Detective Gregg simply noted the missing articles, and the bloody finger' marks on the paper where it had been lifted to get at some old letters Stanton used to leave lying around the bottom.
The whole matter seemed so clear to him that he was here scarcely ten minutes before he started off in hot pursuit." I'm said Banks in his peculiar way and then he proceeded to go through the drawer. Being slightly acquainted with one of the clerks, I stepped up to him for a moment's conversation. When I returned to my friend's side he was pocketing a sheet of paper which he had been examining with bis miscroscope. A quick glance at his face showed me that he had hit upon a promising clew. I think we have seen sufficient," he said immediately, and in a few minutes we were on our way back to town.
Found something. Banks A mere trifle," he responded, but mum's the word, my boy, even for you. A little spice of mystery, you know, will As It was only dusK outsuie nnu mere were few houses near the factory, lie was still in view, however, and the men tore after him yes, I did it, too. I believe that some of the livelier children of Philadelphia do it yet, and have vitality and energy enough left to laugh at the result, as a comic paragrapher would say. it 3, li." 1UJ 2u0 11 11 34 1 with cries of Stop tne inuruerer; crop him!" 111 104 -vX (4 36 lttffi 44 14 34 3 Canadian Pacific Canada Southern Central Pacific Ohio Chicago Alton Chicago Alton Chicago, Bur, tuincy Cliicaifo (las Consul idauni (Ins C.
C. C. St. Lou is C. C.
A St. Louis pref Cotton Oil Delaware Hudson Lack. Western. Denver it Kio no an pref Distillers Cat. General Electric Erie Erie pret Fort Wayne Great Northern Harlem Hockirur Valley Illinois Central Iowa Central Iowa Central pref ijise Erie Lake Erie West.
pref ljike Shore National Dead do preferred. Manhattan Michigan Central Jc St. Eouis Minn. test. Louis pref.
National Cordage ao preferred New Jersey Ctntral Northwestern Northwestern pref New York Central Y. C.Ac St. N. Y. St.
L. lt preT N. Y. St. L.
2d pref New York New Eugr. N. Susq. Ac Oregon do do pref Oregon Oregon S. Line Ac U.N.
Peoria, Dec. Ev Pittsburg- Pullman Heading Kich. Terminal do pref Rock Island The most foolhardy of all the tricks Presently a clatter of hoofs was heard and horse and rider dashed past them, and which I can recall in connection with this carnival of jeering and nonsense is one sraiued r.spidlv upon the rugttlve. Seeing he would be "shortly overtaken if he kept that I have never seen played since I was the road. Trat-ker climbed a stone wan ana dashed across a meadow.
With a leap the rider cleared his saddle; old enough to require two digits to ex with a single bound lie went over the wall. press my age. A bag and two boys were the ingredients of the trick and it never failed to score a great success on a quiet and almost before tne other pursuers reai-izr-1 what was hanneiiinsr. John Trasker was 4a 3 "96 struggling to free his pinioned arms from 1151 1W! lu-i the Iron grasp ol ins muscular capiur. side street.
One boy got into the bag and the other stood by it waiting for the vic 141 Sj 14 1 Whv, if it isu Sitauton: criea Air. wni-iauis in surprise, as he and the others ceme up. tim. The rest of the boys who were in on the ground floor" were hiding in hall Good; exclaimed uanks witn a gnnj this is a little bit of poetic Justice I hadn't 2 4 ways and doors and behind trucks across air; njred for." the street. An innocent citizen: came Arriving at the factory, Trasker broke sauntering alonrj.
The boy who had hold down and made a most aDjeet coniessiou. lie had planned to remain behind that even ing to ritle the open sate, ovcrnearing tne uuarrel between uncle and nephew, he saw 1(5 I'M 36 151 171 SSI'S t'jij 10 16Mi 70 3- 10 36 64 151 170 211 Pi 7:8 111 64L4 1-1" 8 5 sharpen your interest. "I was hoping it was of sufficient importance to lead to an immediate and favorable report to our charming client," said I. Comforting the distressed, when aforesaid distressed are feminine, young, pretty and rich, is right in my line." Banks laughed good huinoredly and then relapsed into ruminating silence. how it might be used to his advantage.
On his way through the general office he looked through Stanton's desk and secured his knife. Returning after the deed to complete the evidence against the young fellow, he had left the incriminating thumb-mark. 1 ii IT MADE HIM SMILE. Good Old. Fellow Ah, how it warms my heart to see them playing their innocent trick's on the first of April! I'sed to do it myself when I was a boy.
Hut tiiev can't fool nie though I'm too old a bird for that. When a certain boy of my acquaintance on April first, before breakfast, informs me that somebody is waiting to see me in the library, not for the world would I refuse to go downstairs and pretend extreme surprise at finding nobody there. Nor would anything induce me to decline the suspicious-looking, cotton-filled piece of candy which is shortly after offered to me by a small girl I know. I bite into it and splutter over it regularly every year, and Mr. Nat Goodwin or Mr.
Francis Wilson would tie glad if they could raise such a shout of laughter as easily and unfailingly. Apropos of this train of thought ther is a little picture of mine ir Puck, published some years since, wWch will perhaps bear transplanting here and which I subjoin. Frederick Bcrr Opprr. de razoo" is suggested. If yer want a good joke on some of yer enjoyed for a long time.
Merrily Marshall P. Wilder. Home, W. Ac Ofrd Ill As for Stanton, his story was very simple, lie had returned to the premises last even St. Paul W6 THE LISTLESS MAN.
It was about 4 o'clock in the afternoon rir. i-aui prer iii SU Paul Ac Duluth 23 St. Paul Sc Duluth pref fr9 ing with a view to apologizing to his uncle, but pride overcoming his good intention, he had gone away again without entering. Short when we again entered the factory office, Banks carrying a package about fifteen St. Paul Ac Omaha vs Paul He Omaha m-ef 115U He Roused Himself in Time to Stop Runaway Horse.
inches square. It was wrapped in plain 1U4 JIM ly afterward meeting a friend, who lived some twenty miles from town, he had been tempted with the prospect of. a day's shooting to accompany him home. Three o'clock that, afternoon, and just after they had got back from the woods, the first information Siler Certificates Sugar brown paper, bore no label, tag or address of any sort, and as far as I knew might be any one of the thousand things between a tin of biscuits and am infernal machine. ugar preferred eun.
C. I ii of what had occurred reached him. and bor Tenn. At I. preferred she said, the seriousness of the case quite overcoming her natural modesty.
"But he is innocent, I know it, I feel it, in spite of the evidence against him. Oh, believe me. sir, Harry is as innocent of this dreadful deed as I am!" "My dear young lady," said Banks, encouragingly, "before hearing the first detail of your case I am convinced that he is. My belief in feminine intuitions is based upon the solid foundation of experience. Be calm, therefore, and let me have the story from the beginning." The circumstances she related were as follows: Her father, Thomas Kempton, was the proprietor of a larsre furniture factory.
He was a man who paid strict attention to business, and was in the habit of remaining in his office after the factory had closed for the night and the men had departed, in order to finish up his large correspondence. One of the clerks in his employ was a nephew, a fine young fellow, strong of body and generous of heart, but not free from the follies of youth. Harry Stanton was a graduate of college and a thorough athlete, and, being yet scarce 20, he had not outgrown his youthful enthusiasm for sports, clubs and semi-incidentally late sup-peM with the boys. Now, the old are not always so tolerant of the ways of the young as recollection should make them, and it, so happened that the frequent transgressions of the uncle's office rules by the caused between thd two a considerable friction. On the evening of the tragedy there had been quite a serious quarrel, and the young fellow had left the presence of his employer in hot-headed haste and with angry words.
One hour later, and half an hour after the factory had been closed, Mr. Kemp-ton was found murdered in his private office. He was seated in his chair, his head falling forward on the desk before him. A pocket-knife had been used to accomplish rowing his friend's more he started post haste for the factory, with what result ha3 niou l'acinc P. lH-nver Neither Gregg nor his quarry had yet been heard from.
'nlted states Express. JUIuek fio nou 8LS ISB 7' 70 22 217(5 OK 644 51 51 140 140 754 733 18ii 87 tsa already been made known. Banks received a fifty dollar check and abundant thanks from his charming young A LIFT, "MISTER, FI.TCASR OTVF, ME abash New York Tribune. A young man who walked up Fifth avenue the other day wore a silk hat and an extremely long paddock coat. lie walked in a listless way, as if he had nothing in particular to do, and as if he would not do anything were there something to be done.
lie seemed to take little interest in anything, unless it were to avoid the little puddles at the street crossings and to keep his shoes from get You will oblige me by gathering all the employes of the factory together in fren's, give dem. de razoo, see? Dat's de uUitf Weil. Fargo Ac Co this office. Mr. Williams," said JJanks ad of the neck of the bag stopped him with a "Say, mister, please give me a lift will way dey do in New York on April Fool's day.
estcrn L. moti client, and some mteen months later an invitation to the wedding. CHIPMUNK HUNTING. 14 dressinz the head clerk. Let the outer yer?" The innocent citizen usually ac i oii9ln Central Am.
Tel. Ac Cable doors lie locked and when the men are all in here see that the office door is securely Yer work it dis way: Suppose a man owes yer ten dollars and quiesced and took hold of the bag to land it on the youngster's shoulder. Just as fastened also. I wish to try an invest The Reminiscences of His Boyhood by Special from F. Amsden.
Broker. SALES OF ACTIVE STOCKS. ting splashed. As the young man walked won pay yer. Uo see him and ask him for it.
lie ses he ain't got it. Wipe de he got it fairly in his hands the boy in the ing little experiment." I observe that you use a a Sioux Indian. Open, lllfrh. Low. CI09 floor wid him and take all de cash in his American Cotton Oil.
bag suddenly kicked and screamed. Innocent victim, thinking it a bagful of wildcats or hyenas, let go quickly and ran off he went on after Mr. Williams had given pockets and when he kicks, apologize and Am. Tobacco Co. along he heard a loud shouting up the avenue, and looking in that direction in a calm and deliberate way, he saw a tab horse was running away.
The horse was coming down the avenue at a lively rate St. Nicholas for April. Aicuison 16-'(i orders to have the men called. Will say yer didn't mean fer ter hurt him it's anada Southern Perhaps the most enjoyable of all was the fel4 1 5V( 41 314 16M lohi 41 41 64 you kindly remove the ribbon, or if you April Fool, see? Den yer needn't give ChieuKOo, Bur. chipmunk hunt.
We killed these animals have an unused one better still." C. C. Louis 41 at any time of the year, but the special ChicHKO Gas 84t This being brought Banks proceeded to and the driver, who was clinging desperately to the box, was yelling like a Comanche Indian. time to hunt them was in March. After ueiawareat tiuu.
canal iJUy Distillers untie his package. Removing the outer 'SI 27 the fiivst thaw, the chipmunks burrow Erie wrapper he laid bare a plain cardboard through the snowcrust, and make their first General Electric box. the cover of which he was on the uickiuu alley appearance for the season. Sometimes as Lake Shore Lead Certificates Louisville Ac many as fifty will come together, and chase one another all about the' scene. These point of lifting when he looked up to see the eyes of all present gazing upon it with eager curiosity.
Mine, he afterward Manhattan Missouri Pacific gatherings occur only early in the morn ing from daybreak to about o'clock. When a horse runs away in New York there is an earnest desire on the part of all the people in the street to take a hand in the proceedings. What happened in this case was just what usually happens. Two or three men would run out in the street, raine their arms, wave them violently and shout. The horse would move a little faster, the cabman would yell more lustily, and those who had run out into New Vork At New Eng.
Northern 1 nemo We boys learned this among other se-creatsi of nature, and got our blunt-headed Northern Pacific Northwestern arrows together in good season for the chip Omaha 42 42i 3 rij, i-T 14 l-1 1'" iH lof-h 'i ..71 "I i'--' 4-1 I J6'-a i- IT ff-i I 4 i'-4 i l'-4 l'JVs "'K. 2.t '9 16 -4 ti8 -f 4 "t.i 4 I munk expedition. We generally went in Pacific Mail Heading with palpitating heart and hair on end, while all the boys across the street pursued him with a villainous chorus of "April fool! April fool! Wash your face and go to school!" or something to the same effect. It always seemed to me that the joke was really on the boy in the bag; he was sometimes dropped hastily and heavily and was hurt, and occasionally the April fooled citizen gave him a thrashing Injsides for being too funny. But it was an effective trick, and often an old codger lingered in the shadow on the opposite pavement to witness and enjoy the sport.
You have seen a man try to kick a plug hat full of pig iron over into the next state well, his-discomfiture was no greater than that of the man whose blood was frozen in his heart by the unexpected scream emitted by the occupant of the bag. Laugh? It would make a tombstone roll over in a fit of hysterics. John Drew, a dinner that would be no joke. April Fool's day is a good thing. It shows the fool killer where to hunt for his game.
The fact that the fool killer is not a good shot is no reflection upon the dav. As for my own experience with the groups of six to a dozen to fifteen to see the street would add their cries to the gen Hichuiond West Point Kock Island which would get the most. On the evening before we selected several boys who could Sugar. A. S.
St. 1'aul eral hubbub. This happened at regular intervals. But the calm young man who strolled along in so leisurely a manner was evi imitate the chipmunk call with wild-oat T. C.
i I straws, and each of these provided himself I'nion 1'acille Wabash pref dently not goinc; to interfere with a run with a supply of straws. The crust will hold the boys nicely at this time of the year. Bright and early they all away horse. lie stood on the edge of the Western 11 ion Wheeling Ai Lake Wheeling Ac Lake Erie 1 sidewalk watching the galloping animal come tearing along. Of a sudden, how come together at a certain.
appointed place, from which each Speculate ever, a change came over him. When the horse had nearly reached him his form group starts out in a different direc tion, agreeing to meet somewhere at a cer straightened and he became alert. At the Specials to F. J. Amsdbn-.
nroker. Pone tain position of the sun. minute when the cab was opposite him he uu.l over 10 btate street. CHICAGO. March 31 Wheat, after onenin-c My first experience of this kind is still well remembered.
It was a fine crisp l-4i higher on crop damage reports and lira swung out into the muddy street, and, running like a deer, was almost instantly at the horse's head. They ran neck and "WIPE DE FLOOR WID HIM." him de money back 'cause he owes It, yer see? Course yer don't wan't ter try de razoo on anyone not under yer size, see? Den yer kin pay off all yer old grodses de same way. Or if yer hungry and ain't got no money walk inter de restrint, see, and eat all yer kin and say it's April Fool, see, and run out widout payin' Dats' de racket fer April Fool de razoo. Brodie. to lessen the devil' fools.
March morning, and the sun had not yet uaoies. Became weak on professional lous selling, influenced by the theory that, as tie continuation of serious crop injury failed ti deceptions practiced upon the innocent shown itself among the distant tree-tops upon April Fool day, I hardly thmk they neck for a few seconds. Then the young man's arm shot out swiftly, and he had the are of sufficient importance to warrant my as we hurried along through the woods until we arrived at a place where there were mt me price auove the point reached list Monday, later reports, contradicting to-day's advices, would weaken the market shalti nluneimr animal by the bit. As he ran he making them public. They differ in no manv signs of the animal.
Then each of they appear. Iu other words, it nitt a euther market, and some renorta nf mti ii respect from those of every other sub drew the horse's head until the animal had either to stop running or stumple and break Kansas helped, the decline. The prto del urban resident who has to "commute on the railways and buy tickets for fireman's its neck. It stopped running. I am asked for a sentiment concerning In the crowd which pushed into the street us selected a tree, and took up his position behind it.
The chipmunk caller sat upon a log as motionless as he could, and began to call. Soon we heard the patter of little feet on the hard snow; then we saw the April Fools' day and pause in the whirl fancy dress balls. You ask me to state was an impulsive old gentleman, who and rush of a righteous warfare to say what sort of an April fool joke I would '4 nervously threw open the door of the cab plav if I had to play one. I wish it under not rally on posted clearances of W4.U00 bushels, including Hour, bat closed vithia 1-Scof the bottom for the day" and l-2e lowei: than yesterday. Corn, oats and provisions were all alike influenced by estimate of increased receipts next week, and eclineil under pressure by shippers aud packe'S, wh.
ainietl to make lower prices for coune grain aid hogs (iu arrival. COUNSELMAN DAY. that in my opinion time is far too valuable and important a factor for a moment to be chipmunks approaching from all directions ITe assisted a man who was inside to stood that I would not play one unless "THE THUMB MARKS FITTED SO Some stopiied and ran up a tree or a log. alight, and then seizing him by the arm, led him up to the young man who had I were compelled to by law, in which event lost in foolish jesting or senseless joking. The world, especially in these days, is in as if uncertain of the direction of the call others chased one another about.
I should invite the man who framed the stopped the horse. He was scolding the far too critical and dangerous a position, law to dine and give him farcie olives In a few minutes the chipmunk caller wan besieged by them. Some ran all over driver in a mild voice tor Deing so careless as to allow his horse to get the bit between treated with Paris green, which I would have him wash down with a wineglassful socially and religiously, to allow of a man with average age-to say nothing of those who have consecrated brains to indulge his person, others under him, and still oth his teeth. of tobacco sauce under the impression that ers ran up the tree against which he was sit There," cried the excitable old gentle in any other than profitable and upright he was drinking Chianti. In this way 1 think I could convince the world that I man, in an admiring voice.
is the young man to whom you are indebted for saving ting. Fach boy remained immovable until their leader gave the signal, then a shout arose, and the chipmunks, in their all am in the truest sense of the -world a phil your life." But the voting life-saver said with anthropist, for as a poet of my acquaint ran up different trees. almost a drawl: Now the shooting-match began. The "No thanks are necessary. Its a very little creatures seemed to realize their hope easv matter to stop a runaway horse." less position; they would endeavor to come down the trees and llee away from the Then he stooped over and rolled up his trousers, bowed to the old man whom he deadlv aim of the youthful hunters.
But had saved," and regaining the sidewalk thev were shot down very fast; anil when ever several of them rushed toward the sauntered up the avenue. Cause for Anxiety. Tld-Bits. Fannie I am dreadfully nervous; Mr. Charlie Bondclipper is going to call on papa this afternoon to ask for my hand.
the dastardly deod, and this lay on the floor in a pool of blood at the murdered man's feet. On being cleans, and examined the fatal weapon was instantly recognized by the clerks as young Stanton's. There Mas no indication of a struggle, the blow had evidently been struck from behind and with unerring aim had pierced the heart. The safe had been rifled of its valuable contents, and there was evidence that the ascsassin in making his exit through the general office had stopped to open Stanton'w desk, and remove such things as the young Mlow in making a permanent departure would be likely to take. So much in substance had by interrogatory promptings been drawn from the girl, when Banks said: And now tell me wlat steps have been taken." Poor papa's head derk has employed a detective a Mr.
(Irfg who, after looking into the case, et a red off in hot pursuit of my cousin, wjom he firmly believes to be the assaMi." came from Links, as he gnzd musingly into the fire. "Then young Stanton has disappeared." "Yes, 'tis all a straige combination of ruccmstances, but 1 trist, sir, you still believe liim innocent." "My dear young lady a professional opinion based on the merit of the case would be rather premature. For tin present you must draw what corn'orl you may from my faith in your intuiions. If you desire It I shall proceed at oice to the factory jn order to scer.re sirne frther data." "Kindly do so in roybehnlf, Mr. Banks," responded the girl, anl then exhibiting to the fnll her perfect eonidence in her hunted lover.
she said, "I wis you to spare no expense in bringing the to Receiving my friends promise to call a lier home and report any inMorUint. clew was discovered. tapped into her car told me, were fairly popping out of my head. As there was no particular hurry the little devil which tempts us to tantalize entered into him, he stayed his hand and with a most quizzical expression of countenance lie lounged back in his chair and coolly puffed at his cigarette. In five minutes the men, looking somewhat mystified, were all assembled, and everything was ready for the next step.
With a quick glance Banks ran his eye over the forty faces lefore hira. Then turning to me he whisperef mysteriously: Stand close beside me and when it comes to names jot down those I give you the signal to. It will save time." Now, men," he said, addressing the gathering, as little more can be done in the matter, of the murder until we hear from Detective Oregg, Mr. Williams here has kindly consented to allow me this favorable opportunity to put to the test a little theory which has recently been brought to my notice." It is said that in China all holders of public offices and especially soldiers are known by their finger marks. The arrangement of the groves or furrows on the skin, it is claimed, is alike in no two individuals.
That I wiVh to prove or disprove conclusively. As ench man's name is culled he will please step forward, press his left thumb upon the typewriter ribbon and then make an impression on this strip of prepared glass. To distinguish one from another I desire each man to record his name on the label I have affixed under the space for each impression." Banks eyed each man keenly as he came up in answer to his name and did as requested. One, two, thi-ee, all innocent looking fellows enough went by, but the fourth individual had a sullen sort of look, and receiving the nudge of which I had been forewarned, I jotted down his name. So the registering procession moved along until at lust all bad left their thumb marks and I "sted just about a doren names.
Jennie Are you afraid your father will refuse. Fannie No; father is all right. By private wire to F. J. Cua pm ax, Xj.
SandSJi Exchange Place UuiitLng, NEW YORK, March 01 Then- was no diminution whatever of the good feellig existing in the street at the opeuitnr of the market this morning, and a coutiMiatA.u of firm prices from London angered wel, for another gala day for the bulls. Thi imrket opened steady 'although comparatively uuiet, and gained in strength aud vluue throughout session, closing at the best prices of the day. There was a good kicrise iu outside 1 business, and practically evef thiug on the list was traded in. This course Is one of the best features of the situation, indicating a revival of public Interest. A number of people seeru to thins th oue great aud erlous feature of the dtmrtiou is the low price of wheat, arguiuf tlut, as the country's resources being iuotiy agricultural, the value of Its prodirts of greater importance than that of my Zither distinct line of business, and that tu natural pulse is seriously affected by trts lpor price for fanu-ing products.
We wJuld, like to point out. however, to our frimds the vast increasa in the pension roll of thelast few years, and to ask them if a grsit firt of this increase has not gone to th lu agricultural pursuits, thereby efsetlng in a very great measure the low pitce wheat. It is very certain that the cnnt- has not been deluded with stories of tiiners' financial troubles and bail straits, wtlcli, had they existed, we would doubt lva Uve heard of. 1'rline, In his report says that the farmer are contented anl tugood shape; certainly, something lias akledio bring about this le 1 shies the low pilcepf their products. We can see nothing in the situation ty retard, future favorable deMopmciits iu mercantile and financial eente.
ami with the support of European and testors here, and with a big and persUten short Interest, we continue to look for fill higher prices. J. s. r.Acim co. Ilerr Krtipp, the great gunmker, presented jarks to the city of Fssen iu lienor of the Jt birthday vf the emperor.
The money is be used to found a fund" for the iK'nety of the Essen poor, to be V-w tf AYjULi-u li. iistv gave iK-riu to have his name cotpij! wit "a that oftLe ts-chauclor. Jennie iheu what are you nervou intercourse. It id a iiersonal relief to me to feel that in our ranks seventeen hundred officers and sixteen thousand unpaid local workers will be pushing with might and main of soul an enterprise which upholds sincerity and the necessity of lessening the devil's fools. Ballistqton Booth, a champion for the day.
Before stating what jokes s-em to me timely and enjoyable for this April Fool's day, I cannot resist the temptation to say that I think the spirit of the holiday itself has always been singularly c. The day is really to lie deemed a pause in time's serious flight, when folly could with propriety travesty wisdom and set the world smiling. As it is, the first of April has come to lie deemed a when its observance is not d.i.e away with entirely. April Fool's day is WWKSf Jr need of some one to champion it and restore it to its rightful place in the calendar. It is not simply the day on which the boys and girls may make fols of their elders with impunity.
I suspect that there was a time when it was regarded rightly, far away as that time seema to us now. Then the id pt.ople put aside their serious looks and grew younger instead of older. If it takes a wise man to be fool, surely April first is the feast lay of tLo sages, when they can act on Shakespeare's admonition "mingle a little folly with your wisdom." As for those jokes which seem to me good aud appropriate to the day it tdiouid alw 1m- that the el fcuiprise is the essential thin. is wit. Jokea must not be tnul ranks.
aliout. ance has said: Since first the serpent Eve cajoled So that the world was curst. Of all the fools that ever fooled The April fool's the worst. John Kendrick Bangs, a comedian's sat. If a joke could be taken seriously, and if a serious thing could be made a joke, ami bv the way, a certain class in New York do take the majority of stage jokes in the most serious and most cold blooded manner, the most astonishing of all April Fool's jokes ever perpetrated would be found, if on the morning of "All Fool's day," the public should stub its toe against a hat-concealed brick and find that under it lay prosperity, and that the general depression that has pervaded the country since last fall were but a myth, a fabric of air and a joker's delusion.
"This joke I think, would not only overshadow Joe Miller's historicisins, but would make a howling mockery and caricature of the clialk marked coat, the paper stuffed wallet, the dog with a can to his tail, but K-st of all it would put. to blush the croakers, the cuckoos and the mugwump frogs in the puddle who have been piping their "thin voices of disaster, disease and distress. James T. Powers. NO TIME FOR JOKES.
Iu the press of other important matters I have not been able to keep track of a Fannie I'm afraid Charlie will not show up. Important Information for Girls. American Woman. ground, the little redskin hugged the tree and yelled frantically so as to scare them up again! uh boy shoots always against the trunk of the tree, so that the arrow may bound back to him every time; otherwise when he had shot away all of them, he would be helpless, and another, who had cleared a tree, would come and take away his game. "So there was warm conuietition Sometimes a desperate chipmunk would jump from the top of the tree in order to escape, which was considered a joke on the boy from whose tree it had escaped, and a triumph for the brave little auimal.
At last all were killed or gone, anil then we went on to another place, keeping up the sport until the sun came out, and the chipmunk refused to answer the call. A Lucky Player. Kxchange. Two travelers In the express from Tarls to Nice got into conversation. "ioiiig to Nice'" "Vi." "Also to Monte Carlo?" "1, ye! I go there every year." "Vim play there occasionally, no doubt" "Certainly: once In the morning and once in the evening twice a day regularly." "And you lose now end then?" "Never "Ilof i i L- y.
u.tud tell ing n9 how yiu manure it; "Ttit Is vry Blniple; I play the violin." Fdue-eyed men are the most sentimenta of the species; at least; this is what an eminent physiognomist says. They are peculiarly susceptible to the influence of the opposite sex, melt under the warmth of one ardent glance. hae emotional, mercurial affections, and are found hy the coquettes to he easier game to bag than to hold. There never was found in any age of the world, either philosopher or er Lkh alt the public good us the Christian, faitn. nage an1 xvnr I wla-MT At his Now," said Hanks, lifting the myete- that tif we are to toh rate April Fool joku all) there has been invented anything eene of 0 -V four's invest rions pat-Inge, "I have ht-re a email magic.
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