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by Pamela Swift (rW' iPl AM Walking Out on a Million Pop star Ian Mitchell, 17-year-old guitarist for the Bay City Rollers, has quit the rock group and the prospect of Si million or more in earnings. But Ian, who joined the Rollers last April, has no regrets. "What does money matter," he says, "when your sanity is at stake? The pressures I've undergone these last six months you can't believe it. At times I almost felt like committing suicide. I even took a dose of too many sleeping pills one time. But I just ended up with a sore stomach." Tarn Paton, manager of the Rollers, believes Ian made a too hasty decision: "If he'd stuck it out with the Rollers for another year, even if he wasn't too happy, he could have been talking in terms of being a millionaire." But Ian apparently has another sense of values. "A Roller's life," he explains, "is enough to drive one mad. I found myself wandering the streets at 3 in the morning from our hotel because I couldn't wind myself down." So a few weeks ago Ian returned home to his parents in Downpatrick, near Belfast. He told Tarn Paton that he missed his family and friends in Ireland and that the Bay City Roller life was not for him. Paton has already found a replacement in Pat McGlynn, 18, an unknown from Edinburgh, Scotland. From Ireland Ian says, "I'm happy to be away from it all. When you're a pop star, the pres- IRISH GUITARIST IAN MITCHELL My local off-track betting office is in a New York railroad station, and it's caused a lot of confusion. Yesterday I tried to buy a railroad ticket and they told me my train had been scratched. In the end I bet the 5:45 to my station, but it didn't come in. I asked for a timetable. They told me it was nine furlongs to my stop. The late Adlai Stevenson had finished a campaign speech when an enthusiastic woman yelled out, "You'll get the vote of every thinking American." He said, "That's not enough I need a majority!" I was in an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me "son." I said, "Why do you call me 'son'? You're not my father." He said, "I brought you up, didn't I?" Did you know that an elephant travels thousands of miles to die? In fact, it's the trip that kills him. Hear about the teen-age couple that got married? They had a double-ring ceremony. They exchanged Hula-Hoops! A friend of mine went to Alcoholics Anonymous and already he's cut down from Four Roses to Three Feathers. I entered a Mr. America contest. Not only did I lose, but I got 250 get well cards. A priest walks into a bar and says to the first man he sees, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man says, "Yes, Father, I do." The priest says, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asks a second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," the man replies. "Then stand over there near the wall," says the priest. The priest asks a third man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, Father," he answers, "I don't." The priest is incredulous. "You mean, when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" The man says, "Oh, when I die! I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!" Two men are talking in a nudist colony when a girl with a beautiful body walks by. One man says to the other: "Wow! Can you picture her in a sweater?" When the football season was in full swing, I heard my kid saying his prayers one night: "God bless Ma, Cod bless Pa, Cod bless me, rah, rah, rah." ivay FavorIte jokes by cIaU qRANd esq. EDITOR'S NOTE: "Many comics', says Dale Grand Esq., "want to be singers because singers are considered sexy. Girls do not take comics seriously. I say to a girl, 'I love you.' She says, 'What's the punch line?' So, one day I tried out for a Broadway musical and sang 'The Impossible Dream.' When I finished, the producer said, 'You chose the right song!' " He has performed in top clubs in New York, Boston and California. Here are some of his favorites: Did you hear about the elevator operator who put a clock in the elevator because everyone kept asking him the time? Now everyone asks him, "Is that the right time?" I was in a Chinese restaurant and I opened up a fortune cookie. It read: "For this advertising space call PB 7-9000." sures are immense. Some can put up with it. Frankly, I can't. When we weren't on stage, we were literally locked up together inside four walls. I got more and more depressed as each day went on, and I decided to come back and maybe rejoin my old group, the Young City Stars." Ian, whose father is a caterer' for the Royal Air Force, earned $50 a week as a guitarist with his old group before he signed with the Bay City Rollers. He was brought in as a replacement for Alan Longmuir, 27, who had left the group. Longmuir also complained of the pressures. PI' $P1 Child Discounts Under a new Amtrak plan, students in Grades 7 to 12 can travel on trains for 40 percent off. Students must travel in groups of 15 or more, and one adult escorting every 10 children will be eligible for the same discount. Campus Reporters Watergate has been to journalism what Sputnik was to the science boom of the late 1950's. A new breed of aggressive journalists is being educated on college campuses throughout the country. These' young reporters are investigating everything from the size of macaroni noodles in' the school cafeteria to the activities of the school president. They are so tireless and persevering that one Ivy League dean recently complained about "those damn kids who call during dinner demanding quotes." J. FAKKIS "When I grow up, I'm going to be head of the U.S. Weather Bureau and name hurricanes after men."