Democrat and Chronicle from Rochester, New York on October 21, 2015 · Page C2
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October 21, 2015

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Democrat and Chronicle from Rochester, New York · Page C2

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Rochester, New York
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Wednesday, October 21, 2015
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Page C2
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Page2C Wednesday,October21,2015 DemocratandChronicle. com On TV tonight LOCAL 7:007:308:008:309:009:3010:0010:3011:0011:3012:0012:30 CBS 8 WROCDT-8.1 Monroe County Ex ec u tiveDe bate (N) Sur vi vor Cam bo dia: Sec ondChance Snake in Grass (N) Crim i nalMinds Out lawTri ple ho mi cide case in Las Ve gas. (N) Code Black Some times Ze bra New sur geon. (N) News 8 at 11 (N) (:35) The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Amy Schumer. (:37) Late Late Show BOUNCE 1255 WROCDT 8.2 The Hughleys The Hughleys Bernie Mac Bernie Mac “Street Kings” (‘08, Crime) Keanu Reeves. Cop seeks ven geance. ‘R’ “For Da Love of Money” (‘02, Com edy) Pierre Ed wards. ‘R’ NBC 10 WHECDT-10.1 News10N BC @ Seven (N) Ac cess Hol ly wood (N) TheMys ter ies of Laura The Mys tery of A closed case. (N) Law & Or der: Spe cial Vic tims Unit Ma ter nal Womanis raped. (N) Chi cagoP.D. Debts Some one at tacks Voight for re venge. (N) News10N BC @ Eleven (N) (:35) The To night Show Star ring Jimmy Fallon Justin Bieber. Late Night with Seth Meyers METV 1245 WHECDT 10.2 M*A*S*HM*A*S*HAndy Grif fith Andy Grif fith Happy Days LaverneHo ganHo ganCarol Bur nett Perry Mason Gal lant Grafter “McMil lan” ABC 13 WHAMDT-13.1 En ter tain ment To night (N) The In sider Meryl Streep. (N) The Middle Land of Lost (N) The Goldbergs (N) Mod ern Fam ily (N) (:31) blackish Churched (N) Nash ville Stop the World Markus pushes Avery. (N) 13WHAM News at 11 (N) (:35) Jimmy Kimmel Live Mi chael J. Fox; Joy Behar. (N) (:37) Night line (N) CW 16 WHAMDT 13.2 Fam ily Feud Fam ily Feud Ar row Res to ra tion (N) Su per nat u ral The Bad Seed (N) Two & Half Two & Half Mike & Molly SeinfeldSimp sonsFam ily Guy PBS 11 WXXIDT-21.1 The PBS NewsHour (N) Na ture Pets: Wild Wildchar ac ter is tics of pets ex amined. (N) NOVA Sink holes Forces be hind sink holes are ex plored. The Brain with David Eagleman What Makes Me? (N) Char lie Rose (N) BBC World News Tavis Smiley (N) WXXIDT 21.2 Lcal, USALcal, USAFrontline Im mi gra tion NewsHour (N) Bus. RptDW NewsLcal, USALcal, USA WXXIDT 21.3 BerenstnCu ri ousWordGirlKrattsBBQSmokeAsk ThisEu ropeVoy agerKitchenCook’sPati’ FOX 7 WUHFDT-31.1 The Big Bang The ory The Big Bang The ory Rose wood Ne cro sis Rose wood,Villa avenge ex-con’s death. (N) Em pire Be True “Cookie Lyon’s Block Party” thrown. (N) 13WHAM News @ 10 on Fox Roch ester (N) Crazy Talk Re al- ity tele vision. 2 Broke Girls Hid den Stash Paid.2 Broke Girls Racetrack. MNT 18 WBGTDT-46.1 Right This Minute (N) Right This Minute (N) The Closer You Are Here Mur dered judge. The Closer Bat ter UpPo lit i cal pressure. Loves Ray mond King of the Hill Tosh.0 Face Bumper Cheat ers Cummings Cops Re loaded Paid. ION 65 WPXJDT 51.1 Law & Or der Red Ball Law & Or der Flaw Law & Or der Ghosts Law & Or der Age In no cence Law & Or der Life Line Law & Or der Birth right WGN3 Per son ofIn ter est Judg ment Per son ofIn ter est The Fix Per son ofIn ter est Wit ness Per son ofIn ter est Foe Manhattan Fa ther land How I Met How I Met FAM31 “The Addams Family” (‘91, Com edy) Anjelica Huston. ‘PG-13’ “Addams Fam ily Val ues” (‘93, Comedy) Anjelica Huston. ‘PG-13’ The 700 Club Superbook! (N) “I Know What You Did Last” ‘R’ USA32 NCIS Cres cent City New Or leans. NCIS Cres cent II Copy catkiller. NCIS Page Not Found NCIS Al leged Con- spir acy. Mod ernMod ernNCIS: Los An geles Leipei TNT33 Cas tle Last Call Cas tle’s quest. “Now You See Me” (‘13, Thriller) Jesse Eisenberg. Bank heists. ‘PG-13’ (:15) “Pre miumRush” (‘12, Thriller) Joseph Gordon-Levitt. ‘PG-13’ CSI: NY Greater Good AMC34 “The Last House on the Left” ‘R’ “The Amityville Hor ror” (‘79, Hor ror) James Brolin. A fam ily fights a ma levolent force. ‘R’ “Amityville II: The Pos session” (‘82, Hor ror) James Olson. Evil spirit in home. ‘R’ LIFE35 Little Women: LA Truth and Lies Little Women: LALittle Women: LA Big Vow Renewal (N) (:32) Little Women: LA Big Vow Re newal (:02) Lit tle Women: LA DISC36 Dual Sur vival Nau ti- cal Night Dual Survival: Untamed (N) Dual Sur vival Brav ing Bolivia (N) Naked and Afraid Dark est Hour Dual Sur vival Brav ing Bolivia Naked and Afraid Fear Un known A&E37 Duck Dynasty Duck Dynasty Duck Dynasty Lake Boss Duck Dynasty Duck Dynasty Duck Dynasty Duck Dy nasty Duck Dynasty Duck Dynasty (:01) Duck Dynasty Lake Boss HALL40 The Waltons The Kin folk The Waltons The Di ploma The Middle The Middle The Middle The Middle Golden Girls Golden Girls Golden Girls Golden Girls TBS49 SeinfeldPre- Game 2015 MLB Playoffs Na tional League Cham pionship Se ries Game 4 New York Mets at Chi cago Cubs from Wrigley Field (Live) Post- sea son Conan El vis Costello. (N) BRAVO54 Mil lionDol lar Listing Los An geles Mil lionDol lar Listing Los An geles Mil lionDol lar Listing Los An geles Mil lionDol lar Listing Los An geles Watch What Mil lionDol lar Listing Los An geles Be low Deck TCM60 “Richard and Cru sad ers” (TV G) “ThePro duc ers” (‘68, Comedy) Zero Mostel. (TV14) (:45) “All the Pres ident’s Men” (‘76, Drama) Robert Redford. A historic bur glary. ‘PG’ (:15) “Be ingThere” (‘79) ‘PG’ HIST63 Amer i can Pick ersAmer i can Pick ers Like Fa ther Amer i can Pick ers (N) (:03) Back to the Pres ent (:03) Amer i can Pickers Amer i can Pick ers Like Fa ther TVL64 Facts of Life Facts of Life Facts of Life Facts of Life Ray mondRay mondRay mondRay mondQueensQueensQueensQueens ANML68 Rail road AlaskaAlas kans:Re mote Ac cess (:01) Alas kan Bush Peo ple Ice Lake Re bels: Freeze Frame (:03) Alas kans:Re- mote Access (:04) Alas kan Bush Peo ple OXYGEN75 Snapped Nancy Gelber Snapped Rebecca Sears Snapped Kathleen Wise Snapped: She Made Me Do It (N) Snapped Michelle Knotek Snapped: She Made Me Do It Across 1Fancy wheels, familiarly 5Speed-of-sound ratio 9Commotion 14Cornfield menace 15Certain quatrain rhyme scheme 16Hot winter quaff 17Ladder climber 19Archaeologist’s workplace 20 “Welcome to the mall! Make sure you don’t ___” 22Letter that rhymes with 34-Across and 21-Down 24Rocky road ingredient, for short 25Some inkjets 26 “The food court offers much more than just your typical ___” 29Young salamanders 33Vagabond 34See 22-Across 36What’s a bit of a shock to a chemist? 37Style of New York’s Chrysler Building 40Sequel 42Souvenir shop purchase 43Bird in Genesis 45Home to Incan 19-Across 46E-tailer of homemade knickknacks 48 “Some people hate the next store, but I don’t ___” 51Before, poetically 53Silk Road desert 54Settings for “Grey’s Anatomy” and “House,” for short 55 “I don’t really know the employees in the tech store anymore because there’s been a lot of ___” 60Down Under dweller 61Major source of online revenue 64Declined, with “out” 65Woman’s name that sounds like its first two letters 66Farm feed 67Down-and-out 68Clarinetist’s need 69Risqué, say Down 1Email add-on 21970s political cause, for short 3“Psycho” character who is (spoiler alert!) actually a corpse 4Two, in German 5Like a bog 6Some 7Bygone game show filmed in a moving vehicle 8___-watch 9Quarrel 10Soup or dessert 11Tobaccoless smoke, informally 12What the fourth little piggy had 13Jet stream’s heading 18Got away 21See 22-Across 22A lot of rich people? 23Castle part 27Iraq war subj. 28Gym unit 30“Tales of the Jazz Age” writer 31Vehicle clearing a no- parking zone 32Pries 35Record holder 38One of Santa’s reindeer 39Egg: Prefix 41Calendar abbr. 44Etch 4 7 C ried 49One of the Wahlbergs 50Crashed into the side of 52“Shall we?” 55“I Wanna Love You” singer, 2006 56John or Paul, but not Ringo 57Savory spread 58Transportation competitor of Lyft 59Old World language 62Pursue 632015 Melissa McCarthy comedy Answer to yesterday’s puzzle EDITED BY WILL SHORTZ PUZZLEBY JOEL FAGLIANO AND FINN VIEGLAND NO. 0916 NEW YORK TIMESCROSSWORD whatsuproc.com stories and reviews see complete movie listings Before you start to craft your apology, remember t he goal is to make the other person feel better, not y ourself. “ We will only feel better, and less guilty, if they feel b etter and forgive us,” Winch said. Sincerity will be at the root of any good apology, said Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach based in McLean, Va. “Too often apologies are delivered with a ‘but’ in an attempt at justification or rationalization,” she said. But it was just one time. But I had a miserable day at work. But I didn’t think … The moment you ask for forgiveness isn’t the time to make excuses, said Jonathan Alpert, psychotherapist and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days . It’s when you should show true remorse, Coleman said, and are open to listening to your loved ones explain how you’ve hurt them. Blueprint for an apology “If apologies are an art form, most of us can barely finger-paint,” Winch said. Admitting fallibility might be the first hurdle for many on the path to a good apology, but even those willing to own up to their mistakes should know how to do it effectively. Winch said the ideal apology will include five spec ific ingredients: 1. An “I’m sorry” statement. 2 . Expression of regret for your mistake. 3. An acknowledgment that social norms or relationship expectations were violated. 4. A statement of empathy in which you acknowl- e dge that you understand how your actions my have hurt the other person. 5. A request for forgiveness. Winch said No. 3 — acknowledging why the act was wrong — “tends to sensitize the offender to the issue a nd reduce the likelihood of offending in this way a gain.” Make it clear to the person you harmed that you understand why your decision was a poor one. Did you violate their trust? Break a promise? Act selfishly? Say that. But don’t go overboard. Keep the apology concise, A lpert said, and avoid saying too much or straying f rom the point. This could “dilute your intended message,” he said. Even if your apology includes all the necessary parts, it needs to feel as if it has a heart too. “Don’t be afraid to show genuine emotion,” Alpert s aid. “This will go a long way in humanizing you and s howing sincerity, both of which are critical in winning back trust and respect.” Timing is everything The trickier aspect of apologizing is identifying the best time to do it. Good apologies require reflection and thought, so rushing one might make it less effective, Winch warned. “Apologies that come too quickly can feel insin- c ere,” Winch said, because they seem more like a knee-jerk reaction than deliberate recognition of your mistakes. Alpert said the timing all depends on the circum- s tances. Waiting a few hours or days (whatever feels appropriate based on the offense) to give the person you wronged time to calm down could play to your adv antage. “Initially after a wrongdoing, the person might be fuming with anger, hatred even, and they’ll be highly defensive,” Alpert said. “Waiting for them to cool down will help ensure that your apology is better accepted.” And even if you’ve left a wound open for a while, A lpert insists, “a late apology is better than no apol- o gy.” “Most of us consider the words ‘I’m sorry’ the essence of an apology, but far too often these two simple w ords are nowhere to be found” when we apologize, Winch said. While “sorry” might be implied in your admission of error or guilt, “that doesn’t mean the other p erson doesn’t need to hear it.” An empty “I’m sorry” is meaningless, Coleman said. A good apology “needs to be delivered with emo- t ion and body signals” and should recognize how your actions hurt the other person or people. If your apol- o gy feels forced, it is likely to leave the person who was wronged even angrier and less trusting than before, Coleman said. “ Clearly identify what it is you are apologizing for,” Alpert said. Even if you offer the most detailed, earnest apol- o gy you could think up, understand that the person you wronged may not be ready, now or ever, to for- g ive. If your apology is rejected, “go back to the drawing board” and try again, Winch said. Be even more sincere next time. Don’t be afraid to feel vulnerable. “When people feel understood, when they feel you truly ‘got’ how your actions impacted them, they are far more likely to offer true forgiveness,” Winch said. And if all else fails: “Ask the person what you can d o to try to make things better,” Alpert said. Making it last Make it heartfelt. If you don’t mean every word of your apology, don’t expect the person you’ve wronged to buy it. Did you learn something about yourself in the process? Explain that, Alpert said. No excuses. “Don’t try to explain away why you said or did something wrong,” Alpert said. Instead, be direct and tell the truth about what happened. Put yourself in the shoes of the person you hurt. C onsider how the person you hurt was affected by your behavior, Alpert said. Did it cause sadness, anxi- e ty, fear? Show empathy and, during the apology, say you understand why he or she may have felt those emotions. I f you vow to change, then … change. “Words with- o ut action are empty and meaningless and often just reinforce the belief … that you aren’t sorry at all,” C oleman said. STEVANOVICIGORGETTY IMAGES/ISTOCKPHOTO Sincerity is at the root of any good apology. Apology Continued from Page 1C

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