The Palm Beach Post from West Palm Beach, Florida on November 6, 1968 · Page 13
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The Palm Beach Post from West Palm Beach, Florida · Page 13

West Palm Beach, Florida
Issue Date:
Wednesday, November 6, 1968
Page 13
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Page 13 article text (OCR)

When Are You Ready To Get Married? marrying at all? Therefore, a girl's decision to marry will usually be based on many factors perhaps a desire for emotional support from her husband (which Is different from expecting him to solve her emotional problems), a desire to live a full sexual life, free from fears of pregnancy out of wedlock, perhaps also a desire to have luxuries which will be possible because her prospective husband has a good Income. Generally, however, such reasons should be merely secondary ones. The first reason ation they find disagreeable or disturbing. Marriages with this negative purpose (to get away from something) are usually less likely to succeed than those in which the man or woman have strong feelings of affection and are moving even more closely together. It stands to reason that every bride and bridegroom must expect married life to be an Improvement over their lives as single persons. If one did not think married life would be better than single life, what would be the point of Dating, Going Steady-End Editor's Note This report on teen-age boy-girl relationships is adapted from the book, "A Girl's Guide to Dating and Going Steady," cnildren, or none at all; whether he thinks he should be the sole breadwinner in the family, or whether he favors her working, and under what circumstances. She understands his attitudes toward the handling of money in the family, toward relations with their in-laws, and friends, and toward sex. At the same time, he understands where she stands on questions like these. Both are able to tell frankly what they believe about matters which concern their everyday lives. They do not necessarily agree on all of these questions, perhaps not even on most of them, and maybe on very few. Many people mistakenly believe that their marriage will be endangered if they do not agree on the basic questions of life. Of course, as I have mentioned, married life often runs more smoothly when a husband and wife agree on the basic issues. But what is more necessary is that they handle their inevitable disagreements in ways that do not seriously undermine their relationship. Therefore, if a husband and wife understand clearly how the other feels about such questions and respects the other's right to have those feelings, they are in a better position to live with whatever disagreements they may have. Just as many couples engage in premarital inter course, thinking they are in love, when other factors are really involved, some couples decide that they will marry "for love" when their reasons may be different. Some girls marry not so much because they love the particular man, but because (in part, at least) they want to escape some situ Unless your answers to both questions become more positive during the engagement. It seems doubtful that marriage at this time offers you the likelihood of successful living. How you will manage the differences of feeling and opinion that will crop up in your marriage is the most important factor, I believe, in determining whether you will achieve the happiness you long for. If both of you are highly skilled in handling attitudes which will often conflict with each other, you may be able to take in stride even great differences which often would seem to doom a marriage at its start. On the other hand, the inability to handle your differences in a constructive way may make a marital adjustment difficult, even if all other factors seem In its favor. It Is of crucial importance, therefore, for a prospective husband and bride to recognize what their differences are and how they feel about them, and to learn how to handle them in such a way that they do not undermine cither partner. A successful marriage is one in which husband and wife clearly understand each other's attitudes. The wife knows whether her husband is ambitious, hard-driving, anxious to succeed, or whether he prefers peace and quiet, and will be content never to rise far in the competitive world. She knows whether his attitude toward the common teachings of religion is one of intense acceptance, questioning, or outright disbelief. She knows whether he wants many children, a few should be your affection for the particular boy. If you have this feeling, other conditions could change he could become poor Instead of rich, he could need your emotional support more than .you need his, you could face markedly less comfortable living conditions In marriage than In single life and you could nevertheless love, honor, and cherish him and gain psychological and emotional satisfaction from your marriage. Stated another way, of all your reasons for marrying the desire to spend all your days with this particular boy is your best assurance of a lasting and happy relationship. As a general rule, marriage Is more satisfying than remaining single. It gives two persons the opportunity to engage In the most meaningful Interpersonal relationship which human beings can have. It can provide emotional well-being and physical pleasure not to be found In any other way of living. This is not to say, however, that any girl would be happier if she were married. This is the error some girls make when they regard marriage any marriage as a better condition than remaining single. If I seem to stress the "dark side" of marriage, It may be because young people often tend to overlook the needs of a wife or husband to make adjustments to each other and to their new conditions of living. I do not want you to think of marriage as an automatically blissful state In which never a dark cloud appears. But neither do I want you to consider It as a cheerless prospect you should face out of grim duty. It Is anything but that. We often read about the high divorce rate In modern times the probability that couples entering marriage for the first time will some day come to a legal end Is about one in six. While this Is a distressing figure, it also shows that five in every six marriages an overwhelming majority do not end that way. Instead they bring unequaled joy and satisfaction. The fact is that despite the adjustments and sacrifices It demands, for most people marriage Is the most fulfilling way of life. No other state can provide so much happiness for the average woman as that of wife and mother with a loving husband and children. No wealth or achievement In this world can give such supreme joy of living as that which comes from the mutual love of a woman and man In marriage. Married love can lift you to levels of ecstasy that you have perhaps never even thought possible. Because of this, I would discourage you .from settling for less. In the normal course of vents, you will feel more se-. ure whenever you successful-y meet the challenges of dating and going steady and move on to new levels of understanding with boys. Have faith In your ability to manage the realities of living as they develop, and strive to Improve your skill In handling problems and to resolve doubts as they arise. For just as you progress in easy stages from double-dating to single-dating to going steady to engagement to marriage, so too you can continue to find your competence and pleasure In relating well with boys growing stronger with each passing year. WW The author is a well-known New Jersey psychotherapist and professor at New York University. search is over. However, engagement is not necessarily the end of a search, but rather the beginning of one. Ideally, before an engagement Is announced, you should feel that you can answer yes to two key questions: 1. Are you ready to take on the duties and responsibilities of married life? 2. Is this boy you plan to m;rry truly the one with whom you have good prospects of a happy life? Bv DR. THOMAS C. McGIN-MS As we have seen, boy-girl relationships commonly move from double-dating to single-dating to going steady and to engagement. The engagement state is one in which the boy and girl have decided to investigate thoroughly whether they are meant for each othet and can spend their lives together in harmony and happiness. Many people consider engagement to be an announcement by the couple that theii It's N on Profit, N on-Sectariam The Towers: Tip Top In Everything But Story And Photos By Betty Linn PATTERN MAGIC Sewing is leasy for (left) Mrs. Viola Reed, Mrs. Reta Bright and Mrs. Louise Perry. f .k i r ' j ill X SV ' 1 ' " - - FOR I A great idea in luxury high rise apartments is the Lake Worth Towers and the residents, all senior citizens, love it. Unfortunately, most apartment house owners won't follow this trendsetter. It's non profit and the rent is low low low. Sponsored by the First Church of the Naza-rene it is completely non-sectarian. The maximum yearly income allowed per couple is $4500 and per person is $4000. Plunges in a pool aren't available to residents but everything else is: a recreation room with several pianos, a beauty shop, restaurant, darkroom for shutter-bugs, a woodworking shop, which often reverberates to the noise of the "Sawdust Club." Lest it be thought residents of the Towers indulge only in the frivolous, classes are offered in ceramics, oil and water color paintings and bead work, and each week a prayer meeting is held. This Lake Worth landmark also boasts its own library started by Mrs. Mimi Southwick whose personal collection of 200 books formed the nucleus. More books have been added and now the building bookworms borrow constantly. Activity is by no means exclusively indoor. On the landscaped grounds the putting green and shuffleboard courts are rarely vacant. And the extras in each apartment are, well, extraordinary like the intercom system which connects each room to the main desk in case of emergency. In the future closed circuit television is planned providing, a view of the lobby and the recreation room in case you want to know what's happening before you join the group. One happy Towerite came from Pontiac,, Mich, last February for only a visit. Mrs. Eva Leeper, a retired nurse liked it so well she moved in. With 800 on the waiting list and none of the residents planning to vacate, the Towers appears to be the spot for swinging seniors. A ) ) 7 . Jt i , I .'. I I ll " DESK DOINGS - At right John E. Glass (left), giving a message to E. Van Dyke and George Meyer at lobby desk of Lake Worth Towers, retirement apartment for senior citizens. FLOWER DESIGNING Having fun (below) making flowers are (from left) Mrs. Olga Sjoblom, Mrs. Dorothy Thompson, Mrs. Charles M. Heinze, Mrs. John Foley, Mrs. Laina Tirro-nen, Mrs. James Ferguson, Mrs. Charles Leonard and Mrs. Emma Beckert. W.IWWIWMIL 111! Illlll ll.).HWIiWPJi.lN, IWM.-.W.III.I, ,n ,,ii,,1 I. ' P I . , 1. .r - rltllir- i - - Rent OMEN "7" 1 Hughes, Roy 57th ANNIVERSARY - Mr. and Mrs. John Glass, on their wedding anniversary at Lake Worth Towers, Lake Worth. f I K j f i V V I' i ri - - I H v I i iv -1-1- ; r-i ifM W K 1 - . . .mi Tk. - - ,r f-., v-fcr: x-. v. Mi ' ,; 7 "T zell, Mrs. Elizabeth Brazell. SHUFFLEBOARD EXPERTS Discussing their game are (from left) John Siggins, Mrs. Roy Bra-

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