The Palm Beach Post from West Palm Beach, Florida on December 12, 1976 · Page 186
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The Palm Beach Post from West Palm Beach, Florida · Page 186

West Palm Beach, Florida
Issue Date:
Sunday, December 12, 1976
Page 186
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Page 186 article text (OCR)

My IFatoirote jokES by bEN pERni What do you say to a four-ton elephant? You say "Abracadabra!" and it disappears if you happen to be Doug Henning. His second Mobil Showcase presentation will be telecast live on NBC December 23. In addition to disposing of his ponderous friend, the magical Mr. Henning will mystify one and all with his "organic" illusions (involving fire, water or air). As a climax (after he's really warmed up) Henning will escape from a flaming box. "Doug Henning's World of Magic" starts at 8 p.m. on the East Coast. For other areas, check your local TV listings. Watch closely! v, ... . .w. ' A Peaceful coexistence. How do sport fish and offshore oil wells get along? Swimmingly, according to the National Marine Fisheries Service. Citing experience in the Gulf of Mexico, the Service points out that platforms act as artificial reefs, providing shelter for the small organisms little fish feed on. The little fish, in turn, attract such species as grouper, red snapper, and king mackerel, much to the delight of Gulf anglers. So next time someone hassles you about those offshore platforms, just ask him if he's checked with a fish lately. EDITOR'S NOTE: Smiling puckishly, Ben Petri says: "I have a knack for getting into embarrassing situations. Late one night I was just getting home from a show when I noticed my yard gate open and my dog missing. Immediately, I started running all over the neighborhood shouting for my dog, Laff-Laff. "Laff-Laff!" I yelled down the street. Suddenly the door of a house opened and a man in pajamas stared at me and said, "Ha, ha! Now, will you be quiet?" Ben, a New Yorker, has acted with the Cafe La Mama Players and the-Roundabout Theater and performed his comedy at many top resort hotels. Here are some of Ben Perri's jokes: Today everybody is worried about the economy. I have the greatest gimmick in the world for saving: it's called a budget. Every night I work on it and by the time I get it balanced, it's too late to go any place. Saving isn't anything new; there are people who save everything. How many of you have key chains with at least two keys that you can't identify? And you're afraid to throw them away because you think they might be keys to something valuable like Howard Hughes' safe deposit box? I think women are the best savers. They save because they're sentimental. My wife still has the swizzle stick from our first drink together. Buying a house is probably the biggest purchase the average man makes and especially if it's your first house a bit of a scary experience. The starting point, of course, is the real estate office. I went in and was honest with the broker. I told him the most I could afford was $30,000. He looked at me blankly and said, "Fine, now that you've got the land, how much do you want to spend on the house?" The next step is when the broker takes you around to see the houses. The first one was something he called "Early American." It was a tepee. The second was a dilapidated mess. I started to walk away. The broker said. "Wait a minute. This happens to be a very historic house." I said, "Oh. Washington slept here?" He said, "No, he refused to." Then, he asked if my wife and I like to eat out. We said "yes," and he showed us a house with no kitchen. Have you noticed that no house ever comes complete? It either has a bath-and-a-half, or half a basement, or 2V2 bedrooms. I figured out why. The government took a survey and found that the' average family has only 27a kids. Why build a whole room for half a kid? I have found that mothers come in two categories: good housekeepers or good cooks. In my house you could eat off the floor. Most of the time, that's where the food would end up. We would sneak it off our plates and give it to the dog. I wouldn't say Mom was a bad cook, but one year we went through 12 dogs. Getting old is when you have a pinup calendar and find yourself looking at the dates. Everyone seems to have met up with a particular kind of neighbor the one who constantly visits you. Whenever he's at your house, he says insistently: "When are you coming to my house to visit?" And you think, "Well, stay home one night and I'll come." The more things change .... A magazine editorial headlined "Government Acts Make Oil Crisis Worse Than Ever" described a "growing emergency," and "new threats to the oil supply in the Middle East." It made the point that the government ought to help, not obstruct, efforts to drill for domestic oil offshore. Where did the editorial appear? In the Saturday Evening Post. When? On May 26, 1951 , when the U.S. imported 844,000 barrels of oil a day, about one-eighth of today's 6.7-million-barrel-a-day import level. Enough said. Squeeze play. That's what the oil industry was caught in last year. A recent Chase Manhattan Bank analysis shows that, while worldwide net income for the 29 companies selected for the study fell 30 percent in 1975 (to $11.5 billion), capital and exploration outlays grew 9.5 percent (to a record $26.6 billion). Like so many people, these oil companies were earning less and spending more. So far in 1976, an analysis of selected major oil companies indicates that earnings have improved, but expenditures are also up. Mbil . FARRI5 I ! "Bringing up children is too important to be left to parents!" Observations, Box A. Mobil Oil Corporation. 150 East 42 Street. New York, N Y. 10017 61976 Moo Ot Coroorahcn

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