The Palm Beach Post from West Palm Beach, Florida • Page 13

THE PALM BEACH POST MONDAY, AUGUST 10, 1992 9A 10 years or two, Milken's sentence pointless tap Putting Michael Milken in prison was ridiculous in the first place, and sending him up for 10 years was outrageous. He was just another finagler, after all. The financial world abounds in finaglers and always will. Of course, Milken's killing had been just too, too big. To put it another way, he was not as brilliant as Wall Street fans made him out to be, because raking in dollars by the billion was bound to start envy's poisonous juices bubbling and boiling.

A brilliant finagler would have known when to stop. Not Milken. He came to trial in the worst of times: Ronald Reagan's good-time grin gone, the big hog roast over, the whole country working on the worst national hangover since 1930, everybody enraged by the excesses that had been so delightful during the delicious squandering of the nation's wealth. But somebody had to pay for that hangover. And there was Milken at the bar of justice, or at least the bar of envy, charged to Yale Divinity School to study morality.

His case dramatizes the silliness of the American theory of prison. Except for prison bureaucrats on the public payroll, nobody believes anymore that prison gives the public its money's worth in rehabilitation. A year at a good tough divinity school would probably do more for rehabilitation than 10 years in the typical iron cage. Be a lot cheaper, too. But what about the deterrent effect? People say we've got to make an example of Milken.

"All right, you Wall Street wise guys, see what Milken got? Ten years listening to doors clang. You want a dose of that, just try some of your filthy finagling!" Anybody believe this will stop another Milken, another Boesky, a thousand little bush-league Milkens and Boeskys from having a crack at the big bucks? Come on, optimists: We are talking the get-rich-quick gland, which is the answer to the question, "Why, in spite of all the embezzlers already in jail, does humanity keep on robbing the till?" There's also the practical side. The big-market jailbirds often come out, even after paying big fines, with the wealth of the Indies squirreled away. Boesky is said to be living a princely existence on the fortune left after he paid his multimillion-dollar debt to society, and there are varying guesses about how many billions remain at Milken's disposal. If the law's goal were punishment, it wouldn't bother with prison but simply seize every last cent our Milkens and Boeskys had and leave them to use their wits to survive.

Yes, they'd probably have to go on welfare for a while, but welfare is cheaper than a year at Yale. Russell Baker is a columnist for The New York Times. Russell Baker with finaglings so ingenious, so complicated you couldn't begin to understand them. Government lawyers said they were monstrous. Maybe they were.

As monstrous as the savings and loan debacle? Hey, don't change the subject. The judge gave Milken 10 years. That was in 1990. Wednesday the sentencing judge cut the 10 years to two. Something about Milken cooperating with prosecutors to nail other finaglers, as he had been nailed by fellow finagler Ivan Boesky.

The question, of course, is: What's the point of canning people like them in sealed rooms at immense cost to the public? Somebody with a computer has discovered that the cost of federal prisons per jailbird exceeds the cost of a Yale education. Economically, it would make more sense to sentence Milken list of GOP taboos a long one ARE BETTER oFFWf THAN WJ WERE lYEABSO? When the Republican National Convention begins one week from today, we know there are certain things we can expect to see. Just like at the Democrats' big show last month, the GOP convention hall in Houston will be festooned ir-r THE FBNT 0F THE LINE. v. with flags, balloons and banners.

Speakers will drone on and on, extolling the merits of people they really don't like all that much, and a band, slightly off-key, will boom out inspiring airs. The difference between the two major political parties at these conventions is not what you get, but what you don't see and hear. Just as in The Hound of the Baskervilles, it's what the dog did not do that's important. And so, I offer this guide to what will not be presented at the 'f George McEvoy speech for the vice president. There are other things you will not find at this convention, of course, such as (11) a union label, (12) a poor person, (13) loud demands for a national health care program, and (14) a new idea on anything.

In addition, you will never, throughout the GOP convention, hear any of the speakers refer to the "Democratic Party." Instead, they will call it the "Democrat Despite the fact that the official title is the "Democratic Party," and that it's incorrect to use a noun to modify another, the Republicans will constantly attack something they call the "Democrat That all started back in the early 1960s with the right-wing extremists of the John Birch Society. The Birchers decided that the term democratic sounded too complimentary, as in, "He's a democratic fellow," or, "She has a nice democratic attitude." And so they urged, in their publications, that the opposition should be referred to thenceforth as the "Democrat Party." It sounds dumb, but conservatives think it's oh so clever. Another thing you can be sure of not seeing at the GOP confab is the sight of keynote speaker Phil Gramm smiling. The U.S. senator from Texas has never been known to smile, nor even to crinkle his eyes.

And don't expect to see a lot of GOP congressmen in the hall. The Republicans have accused the Democrats of "hiding" their congressmen at the convention in New York, because Gov. Bill Clinton wanted to keep Jus distance from unpopular House mmbeis. But at least a third of all Republican congressmen have decided to stay home rather than attend the Houston convention. In their case, they want to keep their distance from what they perceive as a losing Bush-Quayle ticket." George McEvoy is a columnist for The Palm Beach Post.

Don't waste your vote on Bush Republican National Conven- mmmmmmm tion: 1) There will be no illustrated lecture on the achievements of President Herbert Hoover. 2) Don't expect to see a retrospective film titled Watergate Revisited. 3) The concession stand will not feature a George Bush Sushi Bar. 4) The opening-night festivities will not include a 100-voice choir singing, Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? 5) The speech by Dan Quayle's fifth-grade spelling teacher has been canceled. 6) For that matter, speeches by all of Dan Quayle's former teachers have been scrapped.

7) Nor will there be any silent drill exhibition by the Indiana National Guard. 8) There will be no salute by "Gays and Lesbians for Bush and Quayle." 9) The band will be under strict orders to refuse any requests that they play The Arkansas Traveler. 10) Candice Bergen will not make a seconding WASHINGTON A few days ago, George Will made news by a suggesting in nis column mat George Bush withdraw from the presidential race. This, he said, Those he betrayed should support a real conservative -Howard Phillips. I tion into a "deliberative body." You know, like Congress.

Yeah, sure. Mr. Bush's retire-t ment at this point would throw the convention into a mad scramble. I Notable Quotes Joseph Sobran Where was Mr. Will in January, when there was still time to replace the president with a plausible Republican? The 'proposal now comes as a midsummer's al community to bring an end to that kind of struggle." Deputy Secretary of State Lawrence Eagleburger, about Yugoslavia.

"I had chills the whole time. For two weeks I was watching other athletes up there who won gold medals and thinking, 'I bet that would be so cool to be up there. "If we had found any death camps, we would have been obliged to shout. For the moment, this isn't the case." Pierre Gauthier, spokesman for the International Committee of the Red Cross, on visits to detention camps in Bosnia-Herzegovina. "If these people can't live together without killing each other, it is very difficult for the internation Jennifer Capriati, tbe 16-year-old tennis phenom from Florida, after winning a gold medal, at the Summer Olympics.

"It's a really black day for bay area sports." San Francisco Giants fan Tim Sheehe, after learning that the baseball team's owner signed a letter of intent to sell to a group pf Tampa Bay investors. daydream. matter what the winner then does to you. Such conservatives have an amusing phrase: They don't want to "waste their votes" on a third-party candidate. But a vote for George Bush is already wasted, and would be essentially wasted even if it made any difference.

Mr. Phillips knows he has no chance of winning in 1992. He just wants to get on the map. But he will be doing well to get on the ballot in 25 states, thanks to the two-party lock on ballot access a combination in restraint of democracy. He also needs to get on television, the only way to become a "serious" candidate nowadays.

The vacuous Ross Perot was thought a "serious" candidate simply because he could offer (or threaten) to spend $100 million buying his own TV time. This meant the networks couldn't freeze him out. As soon as they realized this, they gave him all the air time he wanted, free. Poorer candidates have to pay. (Who says the media are liberal?) Maybe Mr.

Phillips should declare himself a billionaire. Conservatives now probably have less clout than organized homosexuals. They had far more influence in the days when they were more interested in leading than in winning (or seeming to win) in the short run. The Perot frenzy showed how hungry the country is for a real choice. This should be the year for genuine political change to begin.

It can happen, too, if conservatives forget about "serious" candidates and support a serious conservative. Joseph Sobran is a columnist for Universal Press Syndicate. Mr. Bush has conducted his w. 5 ft presidency on I UXT i the assumption that conserva difference, by throwing their support to Howard Phillips, who is running for president on the U.S.

Taxpayers Party ticket. Mr. Phillips has an agenda that ought to attract conservatives. He opposes legal abortion and gun control. He wants to do away with the personal income tax, racial quotas, foreign aid and Great Society programs.

He proposes to slash the federal deficit by the unheard-of stratagem of slashing federal spending by a half-trillion dollars, twice. This would set the federal budget back to the level of the mid-1970s, eliminating the need for a personal income tax. Mr. Phillips thinks conservatives could reclaim the Republican Party but shouldn't. Instead, he says, they should break with the party, let it die, and start a new one.

Which is just what he is trying to do. Most conservatives won't follow him this year, because, having tasted they are afraid of losing. It hasn't sunk in with them yet that they lost when George Bush won in 1988, and that they will lose again by backing him again. If he is defeated, as seems likely, their association with him will itself help discredit conservatism. But such thoughts don't occur to people who think you become a winner by voting for a winner, no tives would have "nowhere TW ALL CUSTOM MADE DRAPERIES VERTICAL BLINDS Mr.

Phillips else to go" in 1992, and that is exactly what some conservatives are saying now. Their habit of backing the ever-so-slightly lesser evil every leap year has allowed the president to cut deal after deal with the Democrats whose philosophical antipode he intermittently pretends to be. As another columnist, Michael Kinsley, observed the other day, Bill Clinton is a liberal but so is George Bush, who has never tried to chip the pillars of liberalism, the trillion-dollar entitlement programs. Conservatives could make a point, and maybe even make a Now is the time to take advantage of our low prices during this SALE. One Week Only! Oldies will pass with the gallstones David Grimes mil m-- tt free i i tt 1 SHOP-AT-HOME fe fc I 1 SERVICE i i i I A SHOP FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR HOME.

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much like that slippery, fanged creature took root in that unfortunate crewman's stomach in that unforgettable rock classic, Alien. Now you dare not call a doctor's office for fear that you will be put on musical hold and have to listen to Young Girl by Gary Puckett and The Union Gap, or, worse, Sherry by The Four Seasons. You've read about people who perform abdominal surgery on themselves at home? It's not because they're afraid of doctors; it's because they're afraid of being put on hold and hearing Paul Anka croon (You're) Having My Baby. But, like kidney stones, the oldies fad will eventually pass. Or, at least, the oldies of today will gradually be replaced by a new generation of oldies.

If you find it difficult to summon up a lot of nostalgia for such unforgettable '80s tunes as Drug Me by the Dead Kennedys, take heart: The current crop of oldies won't die; they'll just be recategorized. Twenty years from now, radio stations will still be playing Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations, In the Ghetto by Elvis Presley and Mandy by Barry Manilow. Only then, they'll be calling the music "classical." Furniture Sale: Save 3050 LIVING ROOMS DINING ROOMS BEDROOMS ACCESSORIES BEDDING Come by and visit our furniture centers today Each room is fully coordinated with draperies, top treatments, wallpaper and accessories. Oldies, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, are those songs that were played so often 20 or so years ago that you vowed if you ever heard them again, you would drive a wooden stake through your transistor radio. Today, radio station managers are trying to bring back those golden memories by playing the same repulsive songs twice as often as they were played before.

And so it is that you can tune 10 radios to 10 different radio stations any time of day, and five of them will be playing Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond, three will be playing Lightning Striking Again by Lou Christie and two will be playing I Love the Flower Girl by the Cow-sills. To be fair, oldies, like most objectionable fads, started out as a good thing. Many listeners over the age of 30 had trouble relating to modern rock music, most of which was produced by groups with names like Hot Metal Bat Innards or Ear Wax. These listeners began longing for the music of their youth, forgetting, in the fuzzy haze of their nostalgia, that 80 percent of that music was as dreadful, if not more dreadful, than the swill being produced today. And so, the phenomenon of "oldies" took root, sultan sons FREE SHOP-AT-HOME SERVICE ill JUPITER Berry's World I I 1 68 YEARS EXPERIENCE SINCE 1924 'Showroom Hours: Monday-Saturday WEST PALM SHOWROOM Riverbridge Shopping Center 6752 Forrest Hills Blvd.

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