The Sydney Morning Herald from Sydney, New South Wales, Australia • Page 19

Page 19 How to a 3s cni The Sydney Morning Herald, Wednesday, June 4, 1986 Id is nng up 4 I If ss0s 's' '''I'' tf 'f A' As, "''i, s' -5 'Mi with til right stuff Wi'W'i. ''S ''it ''-Vs 4, 'A. At STEPHEN JUAN on the best strategies for avoiding failure fMS' A A AAWAM mAAAMAi iy-A tt'f'As 'A'A'J'' A Xy- A-A J5 I A- "-AAA i 4 I A I I I i 4 6 -'iMsiSA-r -t's, t. AlA -f0: A'tAAiA 'f A 11111:: I I 'i'" I I I I rrN I I sMs ssAAmA 'AAAAA'-AA'A 'AAAAAAA, 'A'- A -t 7 J', ''ft 4 vf -J- ZAAAA ''0'X-h(rrv- 4''S'A As maaaWaaWa A's ssf 'J A A4sx': A-ifAAMA. T-AA 4 aaa aa 'fAA'AA "A 'A AA AA AAA, ii-sMm 'V i AmAAAi AAAA i s'SS 'tAA4y-'4 A m.

i 's'sa 'Si' s' A AsAAA wAAA. WmAM -VA''iAA 'Ss AsAfr 'Am sSy A's -5 ''s. aaaaa 'AAA VZS sy 7s, '4'AAt AAA Picture by PHILLIP LOCK therapies are now more closely tailored to the needs of individuals. Professor Brent Waters i. WOODY Allen says that the greatest sin in his family was to buy retail.

As our society becomes more and more competitive, perhaps the greatest sin in most families is, or may very soon become, failure. For children, that means school failure. For parents, a child's school failure is their failure. Certainly the fear of a child's academic defeat is a major source of parental anxiety. Parents may take heart in knowing that "children who become high achievers often do not get along in This is one of the conclusions of the books by Drs Theordore, Mildred and Victor Goertzel, Cradles of Eminence and Three Hundred Eminent Personalities: A Psychosocial Analysis of the Famous.

The list of famous school failures or "late bloomers" is impressive indeed: George Bernard Shaw, Thomas Edison, Pablo Picasso, Sir William Osier, Doris Lessing, Orville and Wilbur Wright and many others. Woodrow Wilson, president of Princeton University and 28th President of the US, did not learn the alphabet until he was nine and could not read until he was 1 1. Albert Einstein did not talk until he was three, was generally a poor student, and even once failed physics. The lesson in this is that a person's life is so unpredictable, the future so unknowable, that parents should never write off their child. Today's failure may be tomorrow's success.

Instead, what parents can do is build up their child's supply of the ingredients of success: motivation, persistence and self-confidence, for example. This starts from birth. The late Dr Leon Yarrow, a developmental psychologist, made profound observations as to the origins of these success ingredients. First, there seems to be a direct correlation between a mother's active response to her infant's distress signals and the baby's goal-directed behaviour. When an adult responds consistently to a baby's cries of hunger or discomfort, the child feels more secure and freer to explore the environment.

Second, kinesthetic stimulation of the infant (such as touching, talking to, singing to, or bouncing the baby on the knee) also seems to be related to motivation "toward The more varied the stimulation, the higher the level of subsequent goal-directedness. Finally, an infant's success in manipulating various objects in the environment (such as toys that squeak, move or provide some other response when handled) encourages persistence, competence and self-confidence. Another development psychologist, Dr Jerome Kagan, has found that as children grow, youngsters continue "to gain confidence from the feeling that they can influence at least most of the events affecting their lives. "Resilient" children manage to succeed even in the face of" extreme stress by possessing an "internal locus of This is the conviction that their fate depends on internal factors, namely their own abilities and efforts, and not on such external factors as caprice, luck or "the Such a belief allows them to generate a sense of power rather than impotence, of self-regard rather than self-deprecation. Thus they can rise above even the harshest environment and succeed.

Some children start by succeeding and continue from there. However, far more need help, and parents are in the best position to provide it. Dr Juliu Segal, psychologist and author of Winning Life's Toughest Battles, to be published in America in July, offers "seven ways for parents to help children build up that 'world-beater First, accentuate and reinforce the positive. Beginning in infancy, children are strengthened by learning that their accomplishments are likely to bring one of life's most gratifying prizes: the approval and love of parents. For example, parents should notice and praise the baby's emerging skills sitting up, co-ordinating hand and eye movements, speaking words and so on.

Second, help your child set realistic goals. Children are likely to succeed only if they taste the fruits of small triumphs now and again. Unrealistic goals may invite constant failure and wilt budding self-confidence. Third, offer rewards for brave attempts even if they end in failure. Dr Bruno Bettelheim, the famed psychologist, recently pointed out that our traditional approach to child-rearing errs in too often rewarding success while censuring failure.

Positive reinforcements for good efforts, even if unsuccessful, are important. Defeats are transient, not fatal. As the Hebrew proverb goes: "Failures are the pillars of success." Fourth, avoid stigmatising your child with labels. Children are quick to sense even subtle signs of adult disparagement or ridicule. If disapproval is too pronounced, a negative image of themselves may become part of their permanent self-concept.

Such children too often give up on every endeavour, sometimes even before starting Fifth, accept and appreciate the uniqueness of your child. Many parents try to force their children into a mould for which they are unsuited. Parents unwittingly place tremendous stress upon children in doing so and can inadvertently diminish self-esteem and invite failure. A child's strengths and weaknesses may be quite different from those of parents, siblings or "those perfect children next Nevertheless, strengths and weaknesses are part of a child's personhood and should be valued by all as such. In this sense, children are no different from adults.

Sixth, don't treat your child like a fragile doll. A hermetically sealed child insulated from all of life's rough patches is hardly in the best position to handle failure. Over-protection may be just as bad as over-exposure. Every crisis in a child's life will not necessarily result in psychological disaster. Most youngsters show a remarkable capacity to bounce back from setbacks.

If they didn't, no-one would learn to walk. Seventh, offer this simple message: "You're the greatest." If children grow up believing that the important people in their lives think of them as beautiful, accomplishing and masterful, they will view themselves in the same light. Sadly, the opposite is also true. Therefore, a consistent stream of positive, constructive and encouraging messages must emanate from the parent. Dr Segal recommends parents saying over and over: "You're the greatest." Speaking of greatest, even if the greatest sin in most families is something other than failure (maybe like Woody Allen's buying retail), there is a strategy for giving children "the right stuff for success.

No matter what degree of failure has occurred at whatever stage, parents should never give up or let their child do the same. That late bloomer in the next room may eventually surprise everyone. Oh yes, Woody Allen was a late bloomer too. There will be some times when, despite all well-conceived strategies, a child fails in school. Dr Francis Roberts, psychologist at the National Endowment for the Humanities in Washington, DC, suggests the following six steps should a child fail to be promoted: Parents should immediately visit the teacher and review the entire year, noting especially whether the child's progress lagged throughout or whether it took an abrupt nosedive.

Parents should ask for a careful assessment of end-of-year achievement in' ail subjects, especially reading. Parents should have the school give them an overall appraisal of the child's physical and emotional development compared with age mates. Parents should find out if there is any specific learning disability involved that may require professional attention. Parents should try to determine whether the school genuinely believes that retention will help the child. At the conclusion of the teacher visit, parents should summarise their views as to the merits or shortcomings of any proposed school action affecting their child.

Dr Juan heads the Unit in Paediatrics and Society. Sydney, and is lecturer and director of early childhood programs. Faculty of Education. University of Sydney. RICHARD GLOVER and MARGARET HARRIS on getting the best help IENTAL illness still carries a stigma.

Quietly suggest to a friend that he or she goes to a counsellor and your words will often be taken as an insult: he or she is and so on. Most agree that there is no one right way for everybody, and most psychiatrists will tailor their methods to what they see as your needs. Although psychiatry and psychiatrists have received what Professor Waters described as "bad press" recently, he said he felt that people were more accepting of the need for psychiatric therapies when psychiatry problems arose. It remains, important to gain trained whether from a psychiatrist, a mental health nurse, a clinical psychologist or a social worker with mental health qualifications. You should also check qualifications.

With psychiatrists this can done by ensuring that they are entitled to be registered as a specialist. Mental health nurses are also registered. Clinical psychologists should have experience in clinical psychology, said Professor Waters, not just a degree in psychology. Usually, one or other of these professionals should be able to determine what kind of treatment is appropriate, and will either provide it himself or herself or refer a patient on to someone who can. However, should a patient not be completely satisfied that the treatment offered is useful, effective or safe, he or she should refuse it.

"You shouldn't embark on a treatment unless you are fully aware of what that treatment is," said Professor Waters. "In psychiatry it is particularly important that you embark on a treatment willingly, because if you don't it is not going to work." Professor Waters emphasised the value of a second opinion. "It is everyone's right as a consumer to get a second opinion." This could be done either by consulting a general practitioner for a referral to a different psychiatrist or by contacting the Mental Health Association or the Association of Relatives and Friends of the Mentally III (ARAFMI), both of which could give advice about other professionals like clinical psychologists and mental health nurses. Groups offering self-awareness techniques should not be confused with those offering psychiatric care, said Professor Waters. "Stress management techniques have wide application because we all suffer stress at one time or another," he said.

"But by and large they are not a great deal of use for people with psychiatric problems." One of the more important steps someone seeking help should take is the very simple one of consulting their friends, according to Professor Laurence Brown, Professor of Psychology at the University of NSW. "It has two advantages," he said. "You are committing yourself to the notion that you need help and, second, you are not sneaking off to find help secretly." According to Professor Waters, the different therapies are now more closely tailored to the needs of individuals. For instance, a problem surfacing in a famjly would be best treated with famify therapy, while someone suffering from specific anxieties or phobia's (such as claustrophobia) would benefit from behavioural therapy. Analysis that "tries to understand the quality of a person's current relationships in terms of what happened in the past" is most useful for people with personality problems "people not in acute psychogenic pain but who have unfulfilling personal relationships and that lack of fulfilment has a lot to do with the way they are," says Professor Waters.

The first stage in finding help is usually through a local doctor, a counsellor or a clergyman, who will give immediate help as well as perhaps a referral to more specialised help a support group, a particular brand of psychiatry, a personal growth course, or a counsellor specialising in areas such as marriage, drugs or sexual problems. You can find a counsellor through an information service run by the NSW Association for Mental Health. Information is available from 9 am to 5 pm on 816 5688. The association may suggest a private counsellor, a social worker from a local health centre or a community group (such as the Jewish Welfare League) or a regional group (such as the North Shore Counselling Service). Private counsellors tend to have a schedule of fees and training in social work or psychology.

Those with community organisations tend to charge according to ability to pay, or not at all. There may also be a specific support group that can help. There are active self-help and support groups in Sydney for people suffering from agoraphobia, Alzheimer's disease, bulimia and anorexia nervosa, manic depression, schizophrenia and more general emotional problems. There are also groups for over-eaters, gamblers, relinquishing mothers and the families of the mentally ill. Most have a small joining fee of between $10 and S20 and hold regular meetings and discussion groups.

They are places where people with problems can have questions answered and talk to others and share experiences. If nothing else, they can help them to say "Km not the only Your counsellor or support group may recommend that you commence long-term sessions with a psychiatrist, psychologist or specialist counsellor. You may have to try several before you find one whose methods and manner suit what you want to achieve. Some psychiatrists specialise in a particular school of therapy brands of therapy like Freudian, Jungian, gestalt, transactional analysts Mod imEiMt sick in the mind, the worst sickness of all. The Chelmsford Hospital deep-sleep therapy court case has not helped.

Treatment for mental health not only carries overtones of personal inadequacy, but for some people outright danger. But counselling is a part of life, according to Robyn Whitewood, executive officer of the NSW Mental Health Association. i ''Everybody's done it a bit whenever you talk to. a friend about what's happening in your life you are doing it at some level," she says. is important to choose wisely from the wide range of services available, getting competent advice along the way.

There are lots of groups and organisations to help. Not all counselling services are designed for people in crisis, people whose problems have stopped them coping with life in obvious ways. "The time to go to a marriage counsellor, for instance, is not when your marriage is on the rocks, but when you feel things could be better, when you want to improve the quality of your life," says Robyn Whitewood. The same goes for more general problems. "No-one has perfect understanding of themselves if we all did we'd be happier," she says.

"If you Took at the people on the street, we're not a terribly happy lot." A new guide to mental health services, published this week by the NSW Association for Mental Health, demonstrates how wide the options are for people seeking help. They range from traditional psychiatry, to support groups, therapeutic communities and alternative therapy. Much of the increase in choice is due to an increased recognition of the need for specific therapies for specific conditions. Where people once may have been referred for psychoanalysis, shorter, more specific therapies are coming into favour. And where people may have needed long periods in hospital with little hope of improvement, better drug treatments are making it possible for psychiatrists to deal with major mental illnesses more effectively.

Professor Brent Waters, a spokesman for the NSW branch of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists, said: "Analysis was at one time the main form of interpersonal dynamic therapy, but the emphasis now is on shorter-term therapy." PANASONIC AT TKS CFFICF7 The UF400AD compact fax from Panasonic is a CCm Group 3- Group 2 facsimile that not only saves yon space, it's actually packed with more advanced features than its competitors. And when you consider that a message sent on Panafax is around 80 per coit cheaper than Telex, it becomes an invaluable piece of office equipment. SAVE TI.VJ The Panafax UF400AD transmits at a speedy 9600 bits per second (less than 20 seconds perA4 paye). And with the Auto Dialling mode, you can save on operator time as well. Up to 100 fax address numbers can be programmed into the Panafax memory.

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My ambition is to own a vegetarian restaurant, and I'm very happy with my chosen occupation. I didn't really have this pleasure in food before I became a devotee, but now I really love cooking and I can learn a lot from the devotees who are cooks here. It's very satisfying to cook something up and offer it to Krishna. First of all you cook it with love and devotion. You don't lust over it.

You don't taste it while you're going, because that would be lusting over it before it has been offered, you know. After a while when you're using spices you get used to the smell you don't have to taste it. Everything should be offered to Krishna because he is the provider of all this, so you offer your thanks to him. After Krishna has accepted it you're able to eat it because he leaves the remnants for you. Then it's spiritualised and you can really taste it.

It's really far out. There's nothing like it. My parents were initially a bit freaked out when I became a devotee. They thought it was some brainwashing cult. They didn't understand the philosophy.

They're more favourable now, but I don't think they'll ever really change their minds because they are pretty conditioned to their own lives. My twin brother goes to pubs, drinks and does the whole scene. He's quite different from me, but 'my parents think it's quite all right for him to do that because it's normal, but for me to do this is quite strange. How do you relate that? rnY FATHER is a milkman and my mother llV I I wor'cs 'n a supermarket. Really, they are JlJ I just ordinary Australian people.

My LJ fatner js atheistic and my mother had a strong Catholic upbringing, but religion wasn't part of my life as I grew up. I came to Sydney from Queensland a couple of years ago to start an apprenticeship as a baker. I work in a bakery in Chatswood. 1 was already becoming vegetarian and after I was given a book in the street I went to the Hare Krishna restaurant to try the food. I sort of became addicted to the food i- it's really nice.

I'm not a full-time devotee. I don't attend all the programs at the temple in Darlinghurst because I "work outside. A devotee is anyone who practises Krishna consciousness. I come around every day or jvery second day and do some service. Because I'm a baker I work in the kitchen a lot making food for the restaurant or the Kings Cross kids who are iven food at the back of the temple.

i There's no real procedure for becoming accepted here. It's just a matter of associating with the devotees and attending the program. Sometimes I Attend the program on weekends. They rise about 3.30 am and to greet the deities sing prayers to the spiritual master and chant things like that. I'm really attracted to the whole philosophy.

It's just such a nice thing. It's a thing you experience personally. There are four regulative principles to live by. One is no meat eating. Another is no intoxication of any sort, including tea, coffee and igarettes.

The third and fourth are no illicit sex and no gambling. I've become more clear-minded since stopped eating meat and taking intoxication, and I'm more peaceful. The devotees are very friendly and peaceful people. Krishna consciousness gives me satisfac- The PanafaxUF-400AD. SAVE MONEY The cost efficient Auto Timer means you can take advantage of off-peak telephone rates by setting the machine to request or send at any time during the day or night, without an operator.

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You're more self-controlled. You can see behind certain things and see what's really going on. You see people who are suffering anxiety and, you recognise that they are a spirit soul and they, are servants of Krishna. I might feel anxiety because I'm independent independent of God, that is, which nobody can be. I share my house with a group of friends from school, including my twin brother, who is also a baker.

We have our differences but we get along. I don't necessarily associate only with people who live by the same principles. It's hard sometimes though, you know, like having legs of Iamb in the fridge. It's not a very nice thing, animal flesh. Office Automation as sans.

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