The Courier-Journal from Louisville, Kentucky • Page 34

BY RUTHE STEIN, COLUMNIST Serious side of dating takes the fun out of romance I read in the paper that the most common sexual problem among couples is lack of desire. They are going into therapy to try to figure out why the prospect of STEIN sex doesn excite them fortunately, such as silk and cashmere are so sensual against your skin, they're contagious. A miniskirt makes some women feel sexy. (It makes others feel silly, so don't put one on unless you're comfortable in it.) I've observed that the people who are quickest to meet someone are those who have a sense of themselves as sexual beings at all times. It is almost as if they give off a scent not so farfetched a notion when you consider that it's the essence of animal attraction.

At least singles have the possibility of meeting someone to keep their desire level up, which isn't the case for married people. If they're at a sexual standstill, unless they are willing to have an affair and put the marriage- at about all they can do is tell their problem to their shrinks. This may help, but it certainly isn't as much fun as a new romance. Chronicle Features 1991 This column examines issues and trends of interest to single people. If you have a question or a comment, or an activity or meeting notice, write to "The Singles Scene," SCENE Magazine, 525 W.

Broadway, Louisville, Ky. 40202. Dating has become serious business. The fun part, at the heart of which is sexual desire, has diminished. Of course, health fears have changed the cavalier attitude singles used to have about sex, and rightly so.

But desire is not a license for promiscuity. Desire is the wanting, not necessarily the having. Conversely, it isn't that married couples with a desire deficiency never have sex, but that they don't really want to. They acquiesce to it, even initiate it, because they think they should. After a few weeks or months, depending on the extent of the problem, they figure it's about time.

But on a first date with someone you're attracted to, there's no need to feign desire. It's right there, even though men have learned it isn't smart to bring up sexual feelings too soon and most women wouldn't dream of doing so. The best part of a budding romance is the stuff that goes on under the table. You know what I mean: You feel a foot brushing against yours, and you're not sure whether it's intentional or not, let alone what would happen if you brushed back; so you sit there perfectly still, afraid that any motion on your part might send the foot scurrying back to where it came from. Playing footsie is fun.

Enjoy it instead of already thinking about the next step. That rush of feeling that comes over you the first time you hold hands or kiss or make love is what couples wish they could put back into their marriages. Familiarity doesn't have to breed contempt, but it does tend to breed a kind of lethargy. Be grateful for the freshness of a new affair instead of hurrying it along by pushing the other person for a commitment. It isn't fun to be single when you haven't had a date in six months and are starting to feel like the married people I've described: asexual.

You have to make yourself feel desirable. Men, I hear, go to bars and affect a bravado. I'm familiar with the things women do: the bubble baths and talc, the romance novels and romance albums. Clothes can have the same effect. Certain fabrics the expensive ones, un anymore.

What these couples tell their shrinks should arouse the interest of single people. They talk about missing the intensity and passion they felt when they were out there dating. They look upon that time as the good old days. Maybe this is one of those things that become clear only in retrospect, or maybe it's that being single has changed so much in just a few years. But whatever the reason, today's singles don't seem to be taking full advantage of their situation; they are not having fun yet.

I sense that they are inhibiting themselves. Because so many of them would rather be married 92 percent of single adults, according to a new Roper Poll every date is judged as a potential mate. pETTE MIDLER WOODY ALLEN I The NeverEnding StoryII THE NEXT CHAPTER Begin an all new adventure MM To lease a Saab, see us today. Lease a Saab 900 for only $299! PER MONTH for 36 months. STROM A MAIL tjp toucstow oc'cbes riciures 00 10 SHOWCASE CINEMAS 34M MRDST0WN ROAD 12:30 2:20 4:10 6:00 Lease a Saab 9000 for only (QQQper 03 MONTH for 36 months.

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