The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on May 24, 1998 · Page 13
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 13

Salina, Kansas
Issue Date:
Sunday, May 24, 1998
Page 13
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Life ENGAGEMENTS / B3 CROSSWORD / B6 MONEY/B8 T COMMENT BILL GOODYKOONTZ The Arizona Republic Reporter gets personal about fun ads Al'Hoff, Girl Reporter, answered the question before I could even ask it. "I'm married," Hoff said from her home in Pittsburgh, then quickly added: "I did NOT meet my husband in the personal ads." Yet the question seems natural enough. Hoff is, after all, the author of "If You Like Pina Coladas; Finding Humor, Weirdness and Exotic Cocktails in the Language of the Personal Ads." It's a self-published 'zine that pulls together some of the best of the 34,772 personal ads she's read (yes, she counted), and it is drop- dead funny. If you've ever felt a sliver of self-doubt when it comes to meeting the opposite sex, this thin Volume is the cure. No matter how pathetic you are, you're not as bad off as "Dashing Starfleet Captain — SBM, 36, seeks passionate, full-figured lady for first officer. Any race/species. 25-40. For serious love among the stars. Pointed ears optional. Engage and make it so." 'Live long, prosper, get life, etc. '(The 'zine is available by sending $1.50 to Al Hoff, Girl Reporter, at P;O. Box 90282, Pittsburgh, PA 15224.) Hoff doesn't make fun of the people who placed the ads. She just points out the better ones. And she knows how hard it is to write one. You're usually limited to 25 to 40 words, after all, and you have to sell yourself quickly. "It's an impossible thing to do," Hoff said. "I can write, but I can't write a personal ad." If the brevity weren't bane enough, you have hidden mean- ings'to deal with. "No one reads the personal ads straight," she said. "Everyone decodes them. Why do people say 'full figure' when everyone knows you're fat, right? But if you say 'fat,';they're going to go, 'Ugh.' It's si'strange phenomenon to me, this playing with language." She didn't set out to write about personal ads. She was just doing research, looking for ads that mentioned thrift stores for use in her other 'zine, "Thrift SCORE," when she realized how funny the personal ads were. "For every one in there that's completely funny to read, I had to read 20 to 50 that weren't," she said. "I just circled them as I saw them as they interested me." Then she decided to compile the best of them. "If one of them was funny, 20 of them on one page would be hilarious," was her theory, and it proved correct. The 'zine pulls together several categories, including: • "Special Requests" ("Seeking men who are in fact men"; "Looking for'a man who dreams of playing a theremin"; "Prefer women born in other states"). • "Please Be All These People" ("If you have the professionalism of Hillary Clinton, the sensuality of Marilyn Chambers and the heart of Mother Teresa ..."). • "Caveman Love" ("Me Good You Bad — Ugg, grunt, lone white male, grrr, seek, grunt ugg, mate, grrr ugh, ugh 2 evolve with"). Hoff also includes a section of words found in the ads that she had to look up, including "callipy- gous'," which means, "having beautifully proportioned buttocks." Handy to know when you're facing space limitations. Phoenix merits a mention or two. In her research, Hoff found that Phoenix had the most Promise Keepers mentioned in the ads and the most ads that said "new to area." Plus, there's this local item: "Tempe Jail, Sunday 10-20-96. We spoke briefly before doing 24 hours. You blonde female, me brown hair and beard. If you're not married and not in love, call!" Hoff includes a section of her favorites. All are gems, but this one made me laugh the loudest: "Sorry but they've only allotted me 40 words to convey to you the depths of my soul. Oh dear! Now it's only 23 words. I mean 17! No, 14! This is terrible! Now I have only eight left! What shall" Makes you hope he found someone. The Gusta Photos by TREVOR KAPRALOS / Hays Dally Nevff Marllys Gustafson-Yelton presents a tray of homemade desserts to a dinner party at The Gustafson House, a restaurant she runs out of her home near ^Palco. The restii- arant's menu Includes prime rib, pork ribs, smothered beef and fried chicken. 4J Restaurant offers elegant dining in turn-of-the century surrounding By DUANE DaPRON The Hays Daily News PALCO — Imagine enjoying an evening of elegance while dining in a stately turn-of-the-century Victorian home complete with silverware, china, table linens and antique items dotted throughout the home's three dining rooms. Featured on the menu is a choice of entrees, including smoked brisket, prime rib, baked pork chops, barbecue country ribs and pan- fried chicken with baked steak. One need travel only as far southern Graham County, to the Gustafson House, and spend only from $8 to $12 per person depending on the entree. The Gustafson House has been open to the public on Friday and Saturday evenings since the first weekend of February. Opening the house as a restaurant is the realization of a dream for proprietor Marllys (Gustafson) Yelton, who actually lives in the basement of the three-level Victorian house located on a farmstead The Victorian farmstead, west of Palco, has been home to four generations of the Gustafson family. between Hill City and Palco. "I wanted an elegant dining experience since this is an elegant house," Yelton said of the structure built in 1916 by her grandfather, Carl Gustafson. "We're in a world of fast foods," the 57-year-old Yelton said. "There are not a lot of places where people can just relax and enjoy dinner." To that end, Gustafson has designed the house's three dining rooms — located on the main floor — to provide for a comfortable, re- laxing atmosphere for patrons. One room is a converted library that includes seating for 14 and is decorated in white napkins and tablecloths. A second dining room is another converted area — formerly a parlor room — that seats 10 and is decorated in powder blue linens to match the light blue colors of the room. This room has an organ and a picturesque bay window. Both these dining rooms can be closed off for private parties or Linda Hackler puts the finishing touches on a prime rib dinner In the kitchen before the food is served. Hackler of Bogue is one of several family members who regularly work at the restaurant. gatherings by a set of sliding wood doors. The main dining room, decorated in pink linens, includes seating for up to 18 people and has an om \ gan and piano. t \' In all three rooms, tables arji placed close together, encouraging conversation among guests. "We have a lot of visiting between tables," Yelton said of the restaurant's intimate surroundings. Just off the main dining area is a sitting room where patrons can relax on a sofa or chairs and chat while sipping coffee after their delicious dinner. Heirlooms accent home With three generations of Gustafsons having lived in the house, the home is accented with family heirlooms. The main dining room includes a small grandfather clock, which was a wedding gift to Yelton's grandparents from her great- grandparents. Besides being the boyhood home of her father, George, Yelton's parents lived in the house for a short time after getting married. Another grandfather clock — this one full-size — is in the sitting room. Also in that room is a table filled with family pictures including that of her great-grandfather, who hailed from Sweden. See HOUSE, Page B5 Welcome To PALCO, KS Palco is approximately 110 miles from Salina \ If you make the trip to Palco, there's more to see in Rooks County and nearby Graham and Sheridan counties. PLACES TO STAY • Paul House Bed and Breakfast, 208 W. Main, Morland. For reservations, call (785) 627-3875. • Pheasant Run Bed and Breakfast, 609 N. Fourth, Hill City. 108-year-old Victorian house features many stained glass windows. Guests served a snack in the evening and a full breakfast. Five rooms; 3 shared baths, 2 private. Rates: $45-$65. Innkeepers: Don and Alice Goscha, (785) 421-2955. • Pomeroy Inn, 224 W. Main, Hill City. Yellow limestone hotel built in 1886. Coffee bar located in large lobby open to visitors from 7 a.m. to midnight. Overnight guests treated to continental breakfast featuring cinnamon rolls made with healthful ingredients. Eight ground-floor rooms; 6 with full bath, 2 with half bath. Rates: $24.95$45.95. Innkeepers: Don and Mary Worcester, (785) 421-2098. PLACES TO SHOP • Delightful Dreams Craft and Supply, 205 E. Cedar, Hill City. (Two blocks south of Highway 24) A house has been converted into a shop for crafters. Inventory includes wood items, florals, doll-making supplies, yarns, embroidery floss, beads. Craft decor items also for sale. Hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday-Friday; 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., Saturday. • Rustic Rose Antiques and Crafts, 321 W. McFarland, Hill City. (Four blocks north of the stop light) House converted to shop, featuring general line of antiques — glass, linens, primitives, dolls — and some craft items. Hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday-Friday; weekends by chance. PLACES TO TOUR • Cottonwood Ranch, Studley, (785) 627-5866. Built from 1885 to 1896 by an Englishman named John Fenton Pratt, the stone house and outbuildings that were part of Pratt's sheep ranch are listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Free guided and self-guided tours available. Hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday-Satur- j day; 1 to 5 p.m. Sunday. Visitors may also ; view a slide presentation featuring pho- ' tographs of the ranch taken by Pratt. Location: 18 miles west of Hill City, just north of Highway 24. • Hill City Oil Museum, 817 W. Main (Highway 24). Built between the legs of a \ steel oil derrick, the museum houses light- : ed displays, drilling equipment and core ; samples. Open daily. Museum visitors check out key to building at Western Hill Motel, across from the museum, or a] Mike's Taxidermy, next door. No charge"; Contact Hill City Chamber of Commerce forf group tours, (785) 421 -5621. • Nicodemus, east of Hill City on Highi. way 24. This tiny town is the last survivor q ; a dozen all- black Kansas settlements an{ ; was declared a National Historic Landmark in 1974. • St. Joseph's Catholic Church, 107 N. Oak, Damar. Built in 1902, this elegar||t building catches the eye of travelers. Op~ daily year-round. Sunday Mass: 9 a.m. S Verna Desbien, 105 S. Oak, for a guidec tour. SUGGESTIONS? CALL BECKY FITZGERALD, LIFE EDITOR, AT (785) 823-6363 OR 1-800-827-6363 OR E-MAIL AT ,

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