The Hays Daily News from Hays, Kansas on June 13, 2006 · Page 5
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The Hays Daily News from Hays, Kansas · Page 5

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006
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TUESDAY, JUNE 13, 2006 COMMUNITY THE HAYS DAILY NEWS A5 Parental behavior influences sibling violence This is the third of six articles about sibling abuse and sibling violence. Q: What are the contributing factors and causes in sibling abuse and violence? A: The list of contributory factors for sibling abuse and violence is lengthy. An obvious factor is violence in the home, either domestic violence or child abuse. The presence of other types of abuse and violence sends messages to siblings that such behavior is acceptable. The absence of parents, either physically or emotionally, is one of the biggest causes of sibling abuse. Parents can be gone a lot and that produces a lack of supervision. Parents can be emotionally unavailable to their children because of their own problems, such as job stress, addiction and mental illness. Emotional unavailability also produces a lack of supervision. Negligent parents can mean that an older sibling has a lot of responsibility for the care of a younger sibling. Overburdening the older child can help precipitate sibling abuse. Another contributing factor is parental acceptance of sibling rivalry and the failure to set limits on rivalry that becomes abusive. Thus, parental failure to stop sibling abuse and violence reinforces and perpetuates that behavior. When parents do not teach children about physical safety and respect for others in the family, children might develop abusive behaviors. There is much emphasis in society about teach- Judy Caprez FAMiivQaA ing children to protect themselves from strangers. Ironically, the odds are greater that someone in their own families will abuse them, either parents or siblings. The dynamics of sibling perpetrators can vary greatly. The abusive sibling might be abusing drugs, might be mentally ill or might be abusive because of hate and revenge. Some siblings who assume responsibilities for younger siblings might have anger-management issues that are sparked by parental-delegated responsibilities. Even if parents do not condone violence and abuse in their homes, children are still exposed to violence in many other ways. They are exposed to violence in all the media. They might become involved with peers who practice violence. Children might also live in neighborhoods controlled by violence, common in inner-city neighborhoods characterized by poverty, gangs and drugs. If parents have made clear their values against violence, they might miss the development of abuse between siblings because they think they have taken care of these potential problems. Children can be very clever when indulging in behaviors they know are unacceptable to parents. John Caffaro, author of "Sibling Abuse Trauma," says that rarely is sibling abuse and violence caused solely by a very aggressive or psychotic child. Such a child might be violent, but there also has to be failure of the parents to maintain control and safety in supervision at home, allowing the abuse to become habitual. A commonly occurring parental response to sibling abuse is to minimize the abuse. Parents deny to themselves and to the sibling victims that the abusive siblings mean any harm. Parents would rather rationalize the abuse than face the implications of having a dangerous and violent child. Parents can escalate rivalry and competition among children by treating them in ways that intensify rather than decrease rivalry. Playing favorites is a sure way to cause ill feelings in the child who is not the favorite. Sometimes siblings can maintain positive relationships in spite of the favoritism by parents, if the "favored" sibling is sensitive to the situation created by the favoritism and reaches out to the rejected sibling. A second parental practice that contributes to sibling violence and abuse is comparing children. Comparison pits one child against another and is used to show one sibling how he or she needs to measure up to the parental expectations that are being met by the other sibling. Keeping Nays beautiful By MARILYN MARSHALL HAYS BEAUTIKICATION COMMITTEE Did you happen to notice how beautiful Hays looked this spring? The gorgeous display of roses ., and blue salvia seen all over I tow^/f he'3^o\y ribbons and;;' \ j & ^swags'Steve Barnes, Hays Parks ' Department, hung on the . . wrought iron' fence of Mount Allen cemetery before Memorial Day. The litterless Frontier Park and Dan Rupp Park after AARP members picked up trash. Speaking of Dan Rupp Park, put a note in the back of your mind to visit it next spring to see the spectacular iris in bloom. I can imagine what Golden Sparkler, Lemon Lyric and Isle of Capri look like, but it will be a challenge to identify Gentle Rain, Hot Fudge and Jungle Bird. Jo Ann Schroller, parks department horticulturist, and her staff have planted 42 varieties of iris there. In the large parks, playing fields, Hays Aquatic Park and small green spaces, Schroller and crew have planted 282 varieties of plants. People notice the flowers in the large parks, but the small gardens in unexpected places add to the beauty of Hays. The hibiscus in front of City Hall is always huge. The perennials in the small oasis at Canal and 32nd make a lovely show of color, as do the beds along Lincoln Draw. The ornamental grass display at Sunrise Park is an education in itself. I've got to check out the Obedient Plant in the Frontier Park Circle. In my experience, plants, by their perverse nature, are not obedient. My yard during the first three weeks in May was a Guest column gardener's dream — the wisteria solid with blooms, the roses putting forth a huge show, blooming columbine as tall as my shoulders, the clusters of white ^bloopis on the rgsd^ig^bgjvojjd, thejcarpet of white .woqflniff ^tinder the linden tr.ee, the.aggres; sive evening primrose a solid mass of pink. However, from now until the first frost, I will be fighting a jungle as the plants get out of hand. Perhaps I need to get more serious with the pruning shears. One of the neat things about serving on one of the city's committees or boards is getting to know how hard the city employees work. Jeff Boyle, director of parks, must have been a juggler in a previous life, because his many responsibilities have made the Hays Beautification Committee marvel at his energy. As with all committees, a certain number of terms are up each year, and our committee is losing a treasured member, Jo Ann Fleharty. Fleharty has served for 12 years and has been secretary for the last nine years, where she was pleased she could use her high-school shorthand. She has been invaluable because she provided a historical perspective on the projects that have been tackled. And she says the experience was gratifying for her. Some of the things accomplished during Fleharty's tenure are the landscaping of the railroad corridor down town, the Union Pacific Plaza, concrete containers planted with flowers along Main Street in the Chestnut Street District, the planting of trees, flowers and shrubs on Vine from 27th to Interstate 70. The tree rebate program has become increasingly popular, and the budget has been extended to $10,000 a year. What are future projects for the Beautification Committee? \yhilejjita / fi{i4ef s we're b^r necl on the sculpture at 13th arid Hall, , the committee still would like to see a suitable sculpture and some landscaping there. The strip of land between 27th east of Vine and the frontage road is an eyesore begging to be improved. Signage on the highways leading into Hays is woefully inadequate. Grass on either side of Vine would be attractive, but the cost for sprigging Bermuda was $37,000 a couple of years ago, which was not financially feasible. More organizations are needed to pick up trash. The downtown Christmas decorations (or whatever they are called now) could be upgraded. As with Jo Ann Fleharty, my term on the committee also ends this summer. It has been a satisfying and interesting, occasionally frustrating, six years during which I believe I made a small difference in a more beautiful Hays. Too much competition encourages the domination of the older or controlling sibling that can easily turn to abuse. Another scenario can exist in which the sibling who always is cast in the role of failure might become chronically angry, rather than depressed or withdrawn, and lash out and provoke the successful sibling. A final parental behavior that can lead to abuse or violence is typecasting children. Putting labels on children stereotypes their behavior and can result in their behaving in concert with their labels. Such developments really limit children's growth potential by causing them to think they cannot succeed outside their designated family roles. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to peer pressure and during early adolescence might be even more vulnerable because of puberty. They can be easily provoked, easily angered and easily led into fights in retaliation for abusive behavior from peers. Eventually teenagers gain control of aggression and anger, unless they use alcohol or other drugs regularly, in which case they may continue to have violent behavior. • Next week the discussion will focus on the effects of abuse and violence on siblings, both short term and long term. Judith Caprez is associate professor and director of social work at Fort Hays State University. Send your questions to her in care of the department of sociology and social work, Rar/ck Hall, FHSU. Ice cream social, band concert in Ellis ELLIS — The Ellis PEO Chapter will host its annual ice cream social and Hays City Band con- Mr, and Mrs, Richard Benoit Mr. and Mrs. Richard Benoit, Damar, will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary Saturday, June 17, 2006, with a 6 p.m. Mass at St. Joseph Catholic Church, Damar, followed by a reception, luncheon and dance at Township Hall. Their children extend an invitation for family and friends to celebrate the couple's anniversary. Their children are Tom and Donna Benoit, and Don and Sandy Benoit, all of Damar, and Nancy and Jerry Hageman, Plainville. Grandchildren are Jennifer and Jason Stallman; Abbyville, Matthew, Rebecca and Randall Benoit; Peggi, Kyle, Elizabeth and Jaclyn Benoit; Heather, Joey and Amber Hageman; and Kelly Waugh, Wichita. Their great-grandchild is Emmie Marie Stallman. Richard and Annette (Brin) Benoit were married May 21, 1956, at St. Joseph Catholic Church, Damar. The couple requests no gifts. Seal project starts on interstate SPECIAL TO THE HAYS DAILY NEWS A Kansas Department of Transportation bituminous overlay (Nova Chip) and conventional chip seal project has started on a 14-mile stretch of Interstate 70 beginning at the Trego/Ellis county line and continuing east to Exit 157 west of Hays. During daylight hours, 1-70 will be reduced to one-lane traffic within the work zone. The Nova Chip process, which is a combination of a seal and as- Brief cert June 20. Homemade ice cream and cookie sales start at 7 p.m. and the free band concert starts at 7:30 p.m. The event will take place on the front lawn of the Ellis Grade phalt overlay, will only be done on the driving lanes of the interstate. The shoulders will receive a conventional chip seal. In conjunction with the project on the interstate, Kansas Highway 247 into Ellis will receive a conventional chip seal project as well. APAC Kansas Inc. Shears Division, Hays, is the primary contractor in charge of this project. It is expected to take 45 business days to complete. School. In case of inclement weather, it will be moved to the Ellis High School. All proceeds from the ice cream sales support the local PEO scholarship program. Today is Tuesday, June 13, the 164th day of 2006. There are 201 days left in the year. Today in History lly The Associated Press Today's Highlight in History: On June 13, 1966, the Supreme Court issued its landmark "Miranda" decision, ruling that criminal suspects had to be informed of their constitutional rights prior to questioning by police. On this date: In 1886, King Ludwig II of Bavaria drowned in Lake Starnberg. In 1888, Congress created the Department of Labor. In 1927, aviation hero Charles Lindbergh was honored with a ticker-tape parade in New York City. In 1944, Germany began launching flying-bomb attacks against Britain during World War II. In 1967, President Johnson nominated Solicitor General Thurgood Marshall to become the first black justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. In 1971, The New York Times began publishing the Pentagon Papers, a secret study of America's involvement in Vietnam. Newspaper Activity June 13, 1966, marks the anniversary of the Supreme Court's "Miranda" decision, which decree^that persons arrested must be advised of their constitutional rights before being questioned. What section of the Constitution deals with these rights? Clip newspaper articles about arrests and discuss the pros and cons of "reading rights" to a suspect. In 1981, a scare occurred during a parade in London when a teenager fired six blank shots at Queen Elizabeth II. Ten years ago: The Supreme Court placed greater limits on congressional districts intentionally drawn to get more minorities elected to Congress. Five years ago: President Bush met behind closed doors with NATO leaders in Brussels, Belgium, where he pitched his missile defense plans. One year ago: A jury in Santa Maria, Calif., acquitted Michael Jackson of molesting a 13-year-old cancer survivor at his Neverland ranch. Today's Birthdays: Artist Christo is 71. Artist Jeanne-Claude is 71. Magician Siegfried (Siegfried & Roy) is 67. Actor Malcolm McDowell is 63. Comedian Tim Allen is 53. Actress Ally Sheedy is 44. Actor Ethan Embry is 28. Actress Ashley Olsen is 20. Actress Mary-Kate Olsen is 20. Thought for Today: "What intellectual snobs we have become! Virtue is now in the number of degrees you have - not in the kind of person you are or what you can accomplish in real- life situations." - Eda J. LeShan, American educator. Newspapers in Education Sponsored By: ? :URAL ELEPHONE ".I.Bh 877.625.7872 • www.nex-tech.com VISIT NETWORK Satellites and More 2522 Vine, Ste. 1 • Hays | Offer ends 6-30-06 All prices, packages and progrummings subject to change without notice. DisHFAMILY Get the lowest all-digital price in America every day with DishFAMILY. 40 channels • ^^ per mo . 785-628-9200 • 1 -877-293-0949 • www.satsatandmore.com TUESDAY - THURSDAY, JUNE 13-15,2006 X-Men Last Stand (PG13) 1:454:157:159:30 Over The Hedge (PG) 1,00 3.QQ 5:OQ7:009:$ Du Vine! Code (PQ13) 12:454:007:1510:15 The Break-Up (PG13) 2:054:407:009:30 Harold and Margaret Bettis in Ketchikan, Alaska's first city To join the fun and enter our contest, readers need to have a photograph taken of themselves holding a copy of The Hays Daily News in front of an Identifiable landmark while on vacation. Photos will be published in the newspaper. Each participant will be entered into a drawing to win a one-year subscription to The Hays Daily News. The winner will be announced in the August 28,2006 edition. To participate, mail your photo along with a description of the people pictured and your vacation destination, your name, address and phone number, and a self- addressed stamped envelope (for photo return) to: P.O. Box 857, Hays, KS 67601 Attn: Mary Karst Photos also may be e-mailed to adyertislng@dailynews.net

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