The Cincinnati Enquirer from Cincinnati, Ohio • Page 183

onslaught of a new tornado. I hope I shall be disappointed. My oceanography teacher, to console me and shut me up, told me of an international group of scientists, oceanographers and meteorologists making an intensive study of the climate. She apparently knew little of the expedition. I know even less.

However, they may possibly find a scientific method of preventing seemingly inevitable disaster. In my own unscientific mind, several improbable possibilities arise. GlGANTIC MIRRORS at the equator could reflect the heat of the Sun onto similar mirrors in thousands of satellites. In turn, the smaller mirrors would heat the two poles by reflecting the Sun's glare onto the growing ice caps. If, for some reason, this plan were to prove impractical, I could suggest other alternatives.

A chain of nuclear devices could surround the North. and South poles. At a signal from some international dignitary, Kissinger perhaps, the devices would explode, thus permanently separating the ice from the rest of the Earth. As an additional advantage, we would have at least two new Moons. There would be several drawbacks.

Countries would fight over the appointment of the well-known dignitary, each country would crave the honor. As a final alternative, we could employ a vast fleet of trucks and dump tons of salt on any threatening glaciers. This plan would not only save the world, it would boost the economy. The truckers and salt companies could vastly increase their profits. 3eflsfl In March, both my geology professor and oceanography professor at the University of Cincinnati assured me of the imminent approach of an ice age.

For proof, they pointed to a drop in temperature at the equator, the drought in some areas of Asia, and the establishment of a new storm center in the region of Ohio. All these factors, they said, demonstrate the Earth's climatic change and a consequential tendency towards glaciation. I was impressed but still dubious. I imagined scenes from "The Skin of Our save the human race from the ice age; I bring the remnants of human culture from Calhoun Street into my apartment, where we huddle around the blaze of auditorium Chairs. The encroaching ice age remained a joke until the beginning of April.

I first began to credit the theory of climatic change when, from the comparative safety of my front window, I watched a tornado wipe out the Western Hills area of Cincinnati. Between trips to the basement seeking shelter, I telephoned my parents, My father informed me that the tornadoes were not an act of God, but the result of a change or shift in climate. This sounded somewhat familar, I thought as I grabbed my cat and headed back to the basement. ALL HONESTY, I doubt that any one would adopt any of my suggestions or even suggest other viable solutions. We cannot control floods or tornadoes; how then should we even attempt to control an ice age? We can only establish the Means to Protect Oneself in Case of Glacier Attack.

I have my plans. At the first sign of a glacier, snow in August or a new mountain range in the north, I shall pack up my family and cat and head south. Glaciers, I am told, move very slowly; whereas with a glacier behind me, would move very quickly. The last glacier stopped in Cincinnati so I shall not have to go far from home. My oceanography professor has told me that I am absurd.

Glaciers take a long time to develop, she said, and ice ages don't occur overnight. I was deeply I IS NOW 1:30 in the morning. My JLlATER I BEGAN to think seriously about the problem. How does one deal with a glacier? In case of tornadoes, one hides in the basement; in case of floods, on the roof; in case of atomic attack, back down into the basement. In case of all three at once, one stays in the living room, has a cigar and a drink and waits for the end.

Glaciers, though, are a different matter. No one has ever held a glacier drill. Some cavemen surely survived the glaciers 18,000 years ago, but they neglected to leave journals of their experience. Now, in June, I am increasingly worried about the changing weather. Cincinnati is notorious for its lack of spring.

The hot weather begins in mid-April and lasts through mid-October. May, this year, was suspiciously cool and pleasant. Several Sundays ago, it was even cold. Tonight, an extraordinarily warm night, I am awake, on the word of a TV meteorologist, and a waiting the LVi .1 If mother just called to tell me that a tornado is heading my way. I used to laugh at my mother's weather reports: several years ago, she told me to dress for snow in June.

Now, I think she may have known something I didn't know. In any case, I'm collecting my sister and my cat and hiding out in the basement. 8004 Blue Ash Road Cincinnati, Ohio 45236 7-14 74 New-Thermal Sash is the proven solution to all window problems. Send for color brochure and prices. Our obligation not yours.

About The Author Sandra Katz is a student at the University of Cincinnati. NAME STREET PHONE CITY STATE ZIP 16 THE ENQUIRER MAGAZINE. SUNDAY, JULY 14, 1974.