The Cincinnati Enquirer from Cincinnati, Ohio • Page 49

The Cincinnati enquirer SUNDAY, APRIL 3, 1994 SECTION EDITOR: SARA PEARCE, 768-8495 i iUj (Si IJanelle rV Gelfand Classical 1 music ratings Excellent Eosil Fair Poor Ratings are based on viewing by Enquirer movie critic Joe DeChicft. For information on where movies are playing see the movie clock in today's Enquirer. (i fo) ft KPAAraSnsskey General audiences. All ages admitted. PG: Parental guidance, some material unsuitable for children.

PG-13: Parents strongly cautioned. Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13. Restricted. Under 17 requires parent or guardian. NC-17: No children under 17 admitted.

'it FOR ENQUIRER PARENTS 1 "I saw (PG-rated) Shadowlands three times, and took friends." Adds Gerversman: "If people pay to see junk, they'll keep making junk." While quality control starts at home, this quarterly movie guide also tries to help parents and all moviegoers read between the lines of ratings. The guide includes Motion Picture Association of America ratings, Enquirer movie critic Joe DeChick's star-rankings, and tips on issues of concern such as sex, violence and language. (DeChick's weekly movie guide appears in Friday's Weekend section.) Parents can send comments and suggestions for this feature, co Joe DeChick, The Cincinnati Enquirer, 312 Elm Cincinnati 45202. Really big beefs can be mailed to the Classification and Ratings Administration, MPAA 15503 Ventura Encino, Calif. 91436; phoned to 818-995-6600; or faxed to 818-382-1798.

Welcome to the Myth vs. Reality edition of the Movie Guide. Myth: Parents can't control movies and videos their kids see. Reality: They can, too. If parents can't pre-screen a movie, it shouldn't get shown.

Period. The moral buck must stop somewhere. Rose Gerversman of North College Hill even uses two adult children as references. What's appropriate for them may be inappropriate for their sister, age 1 0. "You never know what's in something until you see it," she says.

Films that look harmless in ads often shock her. Myth: Parents can't control the content of movies their kids see. Reality: They can, too. Linda Prince, a Deerfield Township mother of three, speaks to Hollywood in the tongue it understands: money. "I like, and will pay for, quality but not garbage," she says.

"i 1 1 VI. i. I Centennial CSO plans falling flat Has anyone noticed the Cincin- nati Symphony Orchestra is celebrating its centennial next year? When its 100th anniversary son was announced last Sunday, one wasn't surprised with what was there but what was missing. The orchestra seems to have put all its planning efforts into its Euro-; pean tour in January, 1995 the first since 1969 rather than the entire season. Touring is important to the orchestra's prestige abroad, but what about prestige at home? Why is there no opening gala? Where are the superstars? Where are the giants of the conducting -world? Where is the marketing, and how is it going to involve the whole Icity? (The CSO centennial logo is "tabout as exciting as dry toast) The most pressing question: How does the symphony plan to make its season the biggest birth-Itday party Cincinnati has ever seen? IGala letdown 2 Opening night, which should be a festive, elegant affair, is a mere six months away.

So far, there are no plans for a season-opening gala with national and international luminar-; ies, and all the press attention that goes with it I A gala is planned for April, but those plans have not been finalized, says CSO management Word is, it's to be a affair, to boost the orchestra's endowment Opening night instead is to be a re-creation of the first CSO concert 100 years ago, an interesting but not novel idea. Former CSO maestro Rudolf had the same idea when he did it in 1970 to celebrate "the orchestra's 75th. Centennial programming 'emphasizes the orchestra's "Ger-f roots" and history. Detailed programming may be fascinating to history buffs and ardent CSO sup-V porters, but will it bring in the crowds and new subscribers the orchestra desperately needs? Where are the women? As long as we're talking history, where are the women on this pro-gram? Nowhere does this season honor the nucleus of five female pio- neers, who not only founded the orchestra 100 years ago, but perpet- uated it with their own sweat tears and money. I The "Basically Beethoven Festi-I val" is an excellent idea with several problems.

First placed in middle of the season, it doesn't anchor the beginning, the end, or a specific centennial event such as the gala. And, if one is marketing a Beethoven Festival in November, why place Symphony No.5 at the end of the year? And why program a Schubert symphony in a Beethoven Festival? I Most importantly, the CSO is i not offering the Beethoven Festival (Please see CSO, Page F6) I Other centennials, F6 TV Week change We've added Channel 25 (W25AI-TV) to TV WEEK magazine. When the low-power Golf Manor station boosted Its Inner-city signal last fall to reach homes within Interstate 275, we added it to our daily TV page. Since then readers have asked us to include it in our Sunday TV magazine. Channel 25 offers a variety of programming: movies, old sitcoms, sports (including Cleveland Cavaliers games) and some original shows, such as Greater Cincinnati Business Week (7:30 p.m.

Tuesdays) and MDTV, a local music video show (7:30 p.m. Thursdays). Note: You won't find Channel 25 on cable yet No local cable system carries it. My Father, The Hero A PARENT GUIDE: A vacationing 14-year-old girl pretends her father is her lover. This stagnant comedy contains profanity and mild sexual themes, and treats compulsive lying lightly.

For 12 and up. My Girl 2 tsammxsBM i PARENT GUIDE: Sweet, low-key poignant tale of irresistible Vada turning 13 and dealing with her past, present and future. Only two mild profanities mar this overlooked comedy-drama. For 8 and up. Naked Gun The Final Insult PG-13 A I PARENT GUIDE: Lt.

Frank Drebin pratfalls through this peppy third round of the detective-spoof series. Profanity, comical gunplay and sexual innuendo the usual Naked nonsense. For 13 and up. Philadelphia PG-13 A PARENT GUIDE: A lawyer represents an AIDS-stricken attorney suing for wrongful termination. Hollywood's too-cautious first major AIDS film is OK for 13 and up.

Some profanity, bare buttocks. Reality Bites PG-13 1 PARENT GUIDE: Post-college baby busters seek love, work and self-respect in this Generation comedy. Some profanity and drug use. Uninteresting to, and inappropriate for, those under 13. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective PG43 a PARENT GUIDE: Sans profanity and sexual innuendo, this unfortunate hit a silly, sophomoric spoof about the goofy title private eye would be fine for all ages.

As it is, for ages 11 and up. Clifford rai 1 PARENT GUIDE: While visiting, a shrewd 10-year-old drives his uncle batty. The problem child's occasionally funny actions are portrayed as being wrong. Three mild profanities. For 7 and up.

D2: The Mighty Ducks PG 1 PARENT GUIDE: Hokey and slick, this clean, family-comedy sequel more yuks with a youth hockey team does slap-shot positive messages about teamwork and valuing fun, not competition. For 5 and up. 8 Seconds PG-13 PARENT GUIDE: Obvious, sentimental but heartfelt biopic about the late world-champion bull-rider Lane Frost. Some profanity, sexual language and adultery restrict this to the 1 3-and-up crowd. Grumpy Old Men PG-13 A I PARENT GUIDE: 0ver-60 rivals (Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau) fight over shapely neighbor.

The plot plus cussing, sexual innuendo, put-down humor) is enough to keep away under 13s. Anna Chlumsky and Austin O'Brien Guarding Tess PG-13 A PARENT GUIDE: The cranky former first lady (Shirley MacLaine) and her Secret Service agent (Nicolas Cage) tangle in this comedic drama. Several profanities. For 12 and over but likely will bore teens. Hans Christian Andersen's Thumbelina 1 I PARENT GUIDE: No objectionable elements in this musical animated feature retelling the fairy tale about the thumb-sized girl, Thumbelina, and her adventures.

A bit long for the under-5 set. The Hudsucker Proxy PARENT GUIDE: Romantic fantasy about a seeming rube promoted from mail room to boardroom in a scam. Suicide themes and fisticuffs. Fpr 13 and over but even some adults won't "get it." in My Girl 2. Iron Will PG A PARENT GUIDE: Nothing objectionable in this Disney adventure about a teen competing in a sled-dog race.

Family fare for all ages. lightning Jack PG-13 A PARENT GUIDE: Lame Paul Hogan comedy-Western about inept Wild West outlaws. Seventh-grade humor, profanity, comical violence, tame brothel scenes. For 12 and up. Major League II a PARENT GUIDE: Cleveland Indians bumble again in this needless sequel to 1989's hit baseball comedy.

Profanities and jockish sexual references make it PG-13. 13 and up. Monkey Trouble PG A PARENT GUIDE: 9-year-old girl adopts a con artist's pickpocket monkey. This laugh-scarce family comedy is inoffensive and packs positive lessons about not lying and thieving. For 6 and up.

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