Clipped From The Hearne Democrat

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Clipped by ronscott60

 - LITTLE FUN Just a Matter of Strength There was...
LITTLE FUN Just a Matter of Strength There was a young lady from Siam, Who said to her young lover, Kiam: "If you kiss me, of course, You will have to use force— But I bet you are stronger than I am." Too Good to Give Up Divorce Judge—I understand your husband is willing to allow you tlie custody of the home, the automobile* the radio, the poodle and the bank account, while he will take the children, the sewing machine and the washing machine. Applicant—Stop the divorce! I shall never find another husband who is as generous as that! "Pa, matic "My stands drous logy, would What It Means what does it mean here by 'diplo- phraseology?'" son, if you tell a girl that time still while you gaze into her won- eyes, that's diplomatic phraseo- But, if you tell her that her face stop a clock, you'd better duck." Chip Off the Old Block The teacher was having her trials and finally wrote the mother: "Your son is the brightest boy in my class, but he is also the most mischievous. What shall I do?" The reply came back: "Do as you please. I am having my own troubles with his father." Oriental "Name?" queried the immigration official. "Ah Sneeze," replied the Chinese proudly. The official looked hard at him. "Is that your Chinese name?" he asked. "No, Melican name," said the Oriental blandly. "Then let's have your native name." "Ah Choo." Mathematical Problem A company of colored recruits had received an announcement they would be drilled on the morrow on how to attack a fortification. When the company had been dismissed, a big, awkward private approached the corporal in charge of his ^quad and asked: "What am a fortification?" The corporal seemed to swell with contempt at such ignorance. 'Don't yo know no 'rithmetic a tall nigger? A fortification ain't nuthin' more'n two twentifications." Great Asset "This lovely sheet of water must be a great asset for the town," said the visitor. "Do you people get much good out of it?" "We certainly do," replied the native. "Last winter we got-an appropriation to deepen it.- That came under the rivr. ers and harbors bill. This summer we will get another appropriation to drain it. That will come under the mosquito- control act. We now have hopes lo get a third appropriation to plant trees on it to keep down the dust." Big Difference "An' is you done laid aside all y*' sins?" asked a negro evangelist of a new convert. "Ah sho' has." "Den yo' done paid all yo' debts?" "Now jes' o' wait a minute, pahson. Yo' ain't talkin' 'Jigion now, yo' is takin* bisness." Cashing In On Fame Paderewski arrived in a small Connecticut town about noon one day and decided to take a walk in the afternoon. While strolling along he heard a piano, and, following the sound, came to a house on which was a sign reading: "Miss Jones. Piano lessons 25 cents an hour." Pausing to listen he heard the young woman trying to play one- of Chopin's nocturnes, and not succeeding very well. Paderewski walked up to the house and knocked. Miss Jones came to the door and recognized him at once. Delighted, she invited him in and he sat down, and played the nocturne as only he could, afterward spending an hour, in correcting her mistakes. Miss Jones thanked him and he departed. Some months later he returned to the town, and again he took the same walk. He soon came to the home of Miss Jones, and, looking at the sign he read: "Miss Jones (Pupil of Paderewski) Piano lessons $1.00 an hour." "Likee Speechee?" A guest at a banquet took pains to make himself agreeable to a Chinaman, who was sitting next to him. Somewhat at a loss for small talk, .the guest ventured; after the first '.course, to inquire : "Likee soupee?" There was no reply except a genial beam from the Chinaman. After the next course, he followed up his first opening with "Likee fiahetff<' ; "$his evoked a still ' ,-- — „..- ..evening the Chinese diplortiat responded to a toast \jxi. .'perfect English. On resu£iin'g his seat he asked the Iftofuisitive guest: "Likee speecnee?" Prenatal Influence Two ladies were married to musicians. The one, a bride of a year, was pushing a baby-carriage in which were three fine babies—triplets, all girls. The other lady had been in the bonds of matrimony a couple of weeks. "What beautiful children!" exclaimed the newly married one with Interest. "Yes," replied the proud mother, "let me tell you the funniest coincidence. At oiir wedding supper the boys who played with my husband, in the orchestra serenaded him and they played 'Three Little Maids,' from 'The Mikado.' Isn't that queer?" At this the other bride turned pale. "Mercy!" she gasped. "At our wedding supper Tom's friends serenaded him, also, and they played 'The Sex- tette' from 'Lucia'!" Sublets the Contract Mr. Williams hired . Sambo to paint his shed for $2.50. Reappearing on the scene he found Sambo lying in the shade enjoying himself while another negro was painting. "How is this, Sam?" asked Mr. Williams. "I thought I hired you for that job." "Yes, suh, Mistah .Williams, yp' sho did, but Ise done hired dis here udder man to do de work. Yo' see, he do de work for $1.25 and I do de bossin' for $1.25." Tactful Reply Young Taggert, calling on his best girl one night, was faced by a poser when she suddenly asked: "Jerry, which do you like better, an ugly woman with brains or a pretty pne without braiflra ?V But i, Jerry was wise : arid didn't intend to get caught with that one. "Mary, dear," he replied quick as a flash, "I prefer you to either one."

Clipped from
  1. The Hearne Democrat,
  2. 17 Jul 1936, Fri,
  3. Page 14

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